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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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Collete
Member
A big milestone happened for me a few minutes ago...
I just achieved 100,000 words in my novel (and it's still going...the hell...?) but damn, I'm tired of writing this. I'm just tempted to kill off my character and get on with editing, but alas it doesn't work like that...50,000 more words....50,000...more words...
I just achieved 100,000 words in my novel (and it's still going...the hell...?) but damn, I'm tired of writing this. I'm just tempted to kill off my character and get on with editing, but alas it doesn't work like that...50,000 more words....50,000...more words...
Agent Cooper
Member
spent the morning thinking of ways to end it. i'm too much a baby to do it though.
I've been writing notes for individual people the past few days. Being that I've been here 15+ years, gaf may get one.
Collete
Member
EverythingShiny
Member
Wow, 100k words! That's awesome, congrats! You can get 50,000 more.
Just keep at it every day.You could always try writing something else if you're getting tired of the subject. Maybe a short story or two?
In any case, congrats Collete!
I chose a good person to vicariously live last year's NaNoWriMo through!A Human Becoming
More than a Member
If you ever need someone to talk to, Depression_GAF on IRC is a good resource. I've been feeling better since I started hanging out in it. Cool peeps!
I recommend everyone here check it out.
50,000 sounds quite a lot to me but you've already written 100,000 so at least we know for a fact that it's well within your capabilities. Well done on your achievement. But don't get too cocky. You might be better at painting than me and you might have more discipline that enables you to write than me but you don't get to indulge in this double chocolate gateau laced with sweet raspberry sauce that I'm having right now.
I'm going to try to make some changes and do some things to help me sleep and see what that does for some of my.....issues. I've always had kind of serious concentration problems, issues with retaining information, general spaciness, etc. I've also had sleeping problems for as long as I can remember, which have been worse for a while now. For one I think I drink too much damn coffee and I'm going to try to keep it down to one a day and no later than noon, and no caffeine poweder in my workout drinks anymore. I'm going to start taking melatonin (more than I have before), ZMA and Valerian root, the latter two I've taken in the past and I think has helped with my sleep. I also gotta stop going to bed so damn late. Plus I got a new bed (memory foam) less than a week ago to replace my old shitty mattress. Hopefully I start sleeping a lot better and my...cognitive function..improves.
Just feel so angry and frustrated and generally fed-up with everything today. I want to crawl into a hole and just never come out...
Ho-lee crap. I wish I had the drive you have to write, to do anything. You can do this!
Ho-lee crap. I wish I had the drive you have to write, to do anything. You can do this!
Captain_Spanky
Member
So I'm drinking a lot again. I stopped self harming a long time ago but I can't help feeling I replaced that by pummeling my body with alcocol. If I'm alone I'm probably drunk. I tried to go a month without drinking. I made it a week. I don't really care. It's the only way I sleep. I had a massive episode on Tuesday. I'm part of a drama/writing group and we're working on a show called Confessions. We were asked to come up with the something really shocking and...well my mind only goes to one place when I'm asked to confess. It's not her fault but the instructor really pushed me to share it and I couldn't. I stormed out actually. First time I've ever done that in a creative workshop. I just sat down and raged for an hour. I've worked really hard to put all that shit in a box and to be asked to pull it out for a show felt so fucking hollow. But it pulled it out. And I have no way to put it back but drinking. I realised that yesterday when I couldn't get to sleep until 5am when sober. When it's that close to the surface all I see is regret and lost lives. No one can live with that.
It's been almost a year since I broke up with my ex of six years. I regret it everyone day. Through my life I find a girl that I fall for and get attached and I always end up in the friend zone. This has happened four times in my life.
The last girl I did this with I spent over 1,600 dollars on. I bought her things she needed and wanted. She never asked for any of it but I just bought it for her. I hang out with her a lot and she cooks for me and I take care of her kid( who is three) while she take's a nap. Two weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to be my friend or my girlfriend, she of course said nope.
I'm a pretty decent looking guy and I know I can do better but I just don't have the will to do so. I can't afford insurance right now so I can't get any of kind anti depressants and I need to go to dermatologist for my face has broken out so bad that I took my two weeks vacation to stay inside my house because I was so afraid of people being disgusted of my face.
The funny thing is every time I start to feel good about myself something happens to me.
I burned my face on both sides trying to get rid of my pimples and only thing I had going to for me was final fantasy 14 but I lost my authenticator for my account and I can't get back into the game without doing a bunch of crazy stuff.
I"m so pathetic that a video game ran away from me. Anyway I know what I need to do but I won't. I thought I'd share my sad story with everyone and hopefully you can say, well at least I'm not as bad as that dude.
The last girl I did this with I spent over 1,600 dollars on. I bought her things she needed and wanted. She never asked for any of it but I just bought it for her. I hang out with her a lot and she cooks for me and I take care of her kid( who is three) while she take's a nap. Two weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to be my friend or my girlfriend, she of course said nope.
I'm a pretty decent looking guy and I know I can do better but I just don't have the will to do so. I can't afford insurance right now so I can't get any of kind anti depressants and I need to go to dermatologist for my face has broken out so bad that I took my two weeks vacation to stay inside my house because I was so afraid of people being disgusted of my face.
The funny thing is every time I start to feel good about myself something happens to me.
I burned my face on both sides trying to get rid of my pimples and only thing I had going to for me was final fantasy 14 but I lost my authenticator for my account and I can't get back into the game without doing a bunch of crazy stuff.
I"m so pathetic that a video game ran away from me. Anyway I know what I need to do but I won't. I thought I'd share my sad story with everyone and hopefully you can say, well at least I'm not as bad as that dude.
me two years ago ranting about how awful my life is
i have come so fucking far since then
all of you can become the person you want, it's not impossible
i have come so fucking far since then
all of you can become the person you want, it's not impossible
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Please, stop drinking. Throw it all away. If you need support through that you can contact me, people listed in the OP, or talk in the IRC group. It sounds like you need a lot of support right now.
Are you in the US? Obamacare might help with that.
What do you need to do?
Congratulations! That's totally kick ass.
Nah. These are just shit.
Just feel so angry and frustrated and generally fed-up with everything today. I want to crawl into a hole and just never come out...
Ho-lee crap. I wish I had the drive you have to write, to do anything. You can do this!
Hey, remember you've got me and BB to talk to when you're feeling down.
LittleBoots
Member
I really don't know what to do right now. I can't feel like this forever. I just can't stand it.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II a few years ago when I was in college. I've been on medication since then and have seen a really good therapist off and on. But every few years it seems, something goes wrong and I go completely crazy and depressed. There's always something that will trigger it, of course. The first time I landed in the hospital was because of a very bad break up. The second time, a few years later, I just couldn't stand living with my father. We've always had a very rocky relationship, and it just wasn't a healthy situation for me. I couldn't do it anymore.
I really don't want to have to go to the hospital for a few days a third time, but I feel like that's where I'm headed. I'm sleeping all the time, crying all the time, afraid to go out, afraid to be left alone, and I have this enormous weight on my chest that keeps dragging me down. I normally like to craft and write, but I don't care about doing those things anymore. I feel so alone all the time. What's triggering it this time is just going through normal things that everyone has to go through in life: the uncertainty of relationships, careers, and your surroundings.
I don't know what would make me happy, and that's all I want. I just want to be normal for once. I feel like it just needs to end already. It hurts so much, I can't fucking stand it. And I can't stand this part of myself.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II a few years ago when I was in college. I've been on medication since then and have seen a really good therapist off and on. But every few years it seems, something goes wrong and I go completely crazy and depressed. There's always something that will trigger it, of course. The first time I landed in the hospital was because of a very bad break up. The second time, a few years later, I just couldn't stand living with my father. We've always had a very rocky relationship, and it just wasn't a healthy situation for me. I couldn't do it anymore.
I really don't want to have to go to the hospital for a few days a third time, but I feel like that's where I'm headed. I'm sleeping all the time, crying all the time, afraid to go out, afraid to be left alone, and I have this enormous weight on my chest that keeps dragging me down. I normally like to craft and write, but I don't care about doing those things anymore. I feel so alone all the time. What's triggering it this time is just going through normal things that everyone has to go through in life: the uncertainty of relationships, careers, and your surroundings.
I don't know what would make me happy, and that's all I want. I just want to be normal for once. I feel like it just needs to end already. It hurts so much, I can't fucking stand it. And I can't stand this part of myself.
How'd your interview go?
How'd your interview go?
I had two Tuesday and both went well. The bank job I interviewed for said I'd hear back from them next week, and the volunteer place said they'd love to have me.
So depending on what the bank says, I have a choice to make. Either stick with the online job with all the moneys, or go for the bank and volunteer combo that gets me less money but is more fulfilling. My family says they're behind me no matter what I do, so I think I'm gonna go with the latter.
I really hope you can see that you ARE normal and that many people suffer these exact same feelings. Doing whatever you can to help yourself is a good thing and is not something to look down at. If you feel you need to go to the hospital then you should.
Take some time to focus on yourself and figure everything out. If you need to vent, you always have this thread and the people in it to listen. But remember that you're not the only one going through this and that you're not weird for feeling the way you do. You're human.
Let me start with saying that this post started out as a PM wherein I intended to call one of my friends out over their recent behaviour. Half-way through I realized it was actually kinda good general advice and thus adapted it to the post below. The more creative expletives were removed and obviously I'm not going to point fingers. I'm sure that the person in question knows. He isn't a dumbshit. Most of the time.
Also ever so slightly ranty so be warned.
---
Do not, under any circumstance whatsoever, put all your eggs in one basket. Especially when that basket is already unstable as balls. I know you've been doing it. Don't you fucking try to deny it. You've been dumping all your shit on one person. Want to chat? You go to that person. Want to bitch about something? You go to that person. Want attention? You go to that person. Stubbed your fucking toe? You go to that person again and again and again.
That person can't be there for you all the time. That person might have other responsibilities that he or she needs to attend to. Other friendships to take care of. That person might simply be sick and tired and can't handle your stuff too. Or wants to talk about his or hers problems with other people.
What I'm getting at is that that person is not your bitch.
...
...
What's that? You have no one else who understands?
Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. And you know it.
You know it.
Because you are not alone. You've got us. The community.
We aren't just here to joke around with on Mumble. We aren't just here to talk about romantic bus rides. Teasing and poking. That isn't all there is. So don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread them out among your friends.
We're here for you and we've got your back.
But you will have to let us in.
Also ever so slightly ranty so be warned.
---
Do not, under any circumstance whatsoever, put all your eggs in one basket. Especially when that basket is already unstable as balls. I know you've been doing it. Don't you fucking try to deny it. You've been dumping all your shit on one person. Want to chat? You go to that person. Want to bitch about something? You go to that person. Want attention? You go to that person. Stubbed your fucking toe? You go to that person again and again and again.
That person can't be there for you all the time. That person might have other responsibilities that he or she needs to attend to. Other friendships to take care of. That person might simply be sick and tired and can't handle your stuff too. Or wants to talk about his or hers problems with other people.
What I'm getting at is that that person is not your bitch.
...
...
What's that? You have no one else who understands?
Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. And you know it.
You know it.
Because you are not alone. You've got us. The community.
We aren't just here to joke around with on Mumble. We aren't just here to talk about romantic bus rides. Teasing and poking. That isn't all there is. So don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread them out among your friends.
We're here for you and we've got your back.
But you will have to let us in.
Femmeworth
Banned
I'm taking today a lot better than I thought I would, even though I have to walk around on a college campus surrounded by couples. I contemplated leaving a gag gift outside my ex's apartment, but I decided that wouldn't end well. >_>
Got a valentine's card today. Pretty sure I know who it's from but I just tell myself she did it to be nice and probably sent them to loads of people because I can't begin to comprehend that she might actually be interested in me. Obviously not the best way to think about it but I can't help it. I actually feel worse now because it's made me think if someone ever does like me I'll never have the confidence to realise and put myself out there so I'm just doomed to be alone.
Im pretty sure nobody sends a million valentine cards out there just to be nice to people.
Your mind is playing tricks on you.
Collete
Member
Wow, 100k words! That's awesome, congrats! You can get 50,000 more.
You could always try writing something else if you're getting tired of the subject. Maybe a short story or two?
In any case, congrats Collete!
Just feel so angry and frustrated and generally fed-up with everything today. I want to crawl into a hole and just never come out...
Ho-lee crap. I wish I had the drive you have to write, to do anything. You can do this!
Thank you for the kind words.
I really could use this to lift myself on this shitty day.
Valentine's day sucks sometimes...It's nice in theory at least.
Ironically I'm having trouble writing today...Maybe I'll work better at night, I dunno.
But today's just been rough...
I dunno what else to say but that.
Just remember it could be a lot worse if you're single; read the reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/Microwave-One-Sonia-Allison/dp/1852250437/ref=sr_1_1?tag=ohmy0c-20
Good luck! And good to hear that the volunteer place is willing to be flexible about your schedule.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
STOP. You idiot. You stupid idiot.
If you get a card, that's wonderful. That's an honor. A lot of us (or at least me) have never gotten anything from a girl out of the blue.I've never heard of anyone sending cards out to all sorts of people anonymously, lol. There is a real good shot she might actually like you. First thing on monday, you leave a card just saying something like "thanks a lot for the card. it was cute" and if she sends you something back after that you know either way, if it was an attempt to reach out or just a kind gesture.
But for the love of christ dude. Don't just leave it hanging. don't do it for all those of us who are just dating pornhub today and nothing else.
... a great follow up read to "Drinking for One," "Sex for one," and "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven."
"The recipes are so easy that I bought 3 more copies for my wife and kids so we can all enjoy these wonderful meals together."
Thanks for the giggle Collete.
I'm stoked for you ReiGun! Glad you're getting some great sounding opportunities.
Obviously, I don't have a lot of background on your situation. But if you do have the strong family support there, I would go for the fulfilment route. There are some people who do land themselves some high paying positions, at the cost of being miserable. As long as this bank job will pay enough to have you financially secure, you have the chance of having a good balance of both. I've no clue what I should be doing myself right now, but after being involved in a field I didn't enjoy, I know too well the feeling of being unfulfilled.
LittleBoots
Member
That's always such a hard thing to remember. I always feel like everyone else in the world is happy, but me. That's of course, not true. But I often feel that way. I guess I'll have to ask my shrink if he thinks I should go to the hospital again. He recommended it to me the second time I ended up going, but I took a really long time to take his advice, and things ended up getting a lot worse until I finally gave in.
I just don't want to always have to go to the hospital when I'm in such a depressed state. My shrink had advised me to try to combat some negative, depressed feelings. Oftentimes, I just kind of accept the depression and let it go until I run out of steam.
One big problem I have is feeling alone. None of my friends go through this kind of thing like I do. They can't relate as much as they want to. So I'm glad I found this thread. And thanks for the advice.
Out of Working Order
Member
Yeah, I get that. Most days I am just drifting through passively, with no real care about the outcome. Might have one odd day were I am productive and feel good about a project, say - but then the next day struggle to muster the enthusiasm for that same project.
Regarding lucid dreaming, well, it's only happened to me twice. Both times lasted mere seconds, and were brought on with a severe lack of sleep. I'd probably been awake close to 27 hours or so. I wouldn't recommend trying to bring it on that same way, though.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I understand you're trying to help but it came off as frustrating in a way for me. We aren't normal, or don't want to be considered normal in our current state.. People go through similar situations but they don't go through them in the same manner some of us do. It's painful, the thoughts, the feelings, you know they're wrong but you still can't make them go away, it's overwhelming. If that's what's normal is then there's no point anymore and I should finally give up instead of trying to push through it. It's not normal what we go through and we want to become normal. It's comforting to know we're not alone and other people have the same problems we do. It makes you feel less alone and you're not completely crazy but by saying we're normal then it feels like it will never get better, that we'll never feel differently than we do now. Other people in this thread might disagree with me but the words you used just kind of bothered me.
LittleBoots
Member
I can definitely see both sides to it. On the one hand, no we're not going to be like others who do not have the conditions that we have. Yes, we are going to experience every day situations a lot differently than other people who do not suffer from the illnesses that we have. But on the other hand, we're normal to each other. Unfortunately and fortunately, these illnesses are common. So it's comforting to know that you're not alone, and what we end up going through is something that is not unheard of.
Sorry to bump my own post, but anyone?
Femmeworth
Banned
Supplements are very unreliable. St. Johns Wort is risky if you are on other medications.
MentalGAF, how should I help someone who has "mild" depression? I say mild in the least patronizing way possible. I just got back from her flat and she was crying and saying she feels sad at night and it happens everyday and her circumstances are very similar to mine when I was diagnosed with depression. I told her she needs to talk to someone, a like a doctor or her mother. I just feel helpless in what I can do for her, because I know how she feels in that you feel like no-one can help you. It really sucks.
Something I suffer from as well. I can't take advantage of breaks to get rest or anything since I always feel anxious.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Come on IRC more often dawg. Dgenx can give you one of his fool proof recipes to fix that.
You did. I appreciate you, Hop, Bagels, and Mike for helping me last night. Was panicking, and pacing a ton and I was able to figure it out and get my head back to normal and not be so ridiculous stressed. All of you were awesome.
It's so heartwarming (and kinda funny) that the newcomers have taken over the IRC and are now giving the oldies advice.
Makes me kinda proud for some reason.
spacehippo
Neo Member
Hi Everybody,
This thread is actually the reason I joined GAF. I've had depression on and off for the last 5 years,,along with social anxiety and at one point had severe OCD. So, if anybody has any OCD issues and would like to talk about them, or just wants some advice hopefully I can help a little.
Hang in there, no matter where you are, and I hope things are going good.
This thread is actually the reason I joined GAF. I've had depression on and off for the last 5 years,,along with social anxiety and at one point had severe OCD. So, if anybody has any OCD issues and would like to talk about them, or just wants some advice hopefully I can help a little
.Hang in there, no matter where you are, and I hope things are going good.
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