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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Correct.
You're lucky
I pay close to 19$ for entry every saturday and I get there around 11:15pm or midnight for two hours of fun. Each big drink (6cl) is about 19$ too. A small glass beer is around 10$. I think you should go 
Well, next time I guess.
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
GAF, I got girl trouble too, and need some help.
There is this girl in my office who has become good friend and all. I felt there were signs. We both teasing each other over random things, talking for hours, she being interested in whatever I was talking about with others (tell me too, tell me too...) etc. This weekend we decided to go for a two movies, but couldnt as we didnt get tickets, and decided that we would go on weekdays. Nonetheless, on Saturday I thought I would call her and ask if she wanted to spend some times as I was getting bored and she lives in an apartment across the road anyway. But she didnt pick up the phone and didnt call/reply back either. Its been more than 24 hours so I am sure its deliberate.
So I am pretty sure that I read the signals wrong and that she is not really interested. Thats fine, I guess. But the problem is that now I don't know how I should behave around her. It's kinda rude of her to not even reply on my call, which has pissed me off a little. I also don't wanna put her on a pedestal and do nothing about her not replying and be all giddy when she talks to me. And what to do about the movies that we are supposed to be seeing this week?
So I have decided that I won't go to the movies with her, unless she asks. I will also not pick her phone from now on, but otherwise will keep everything normal. Is that a good strategy?
Basically I am confused between me liking her (the desire of 'being with her' all the time and doing whatever she says) and me trying to not put her on a pedestal (letting her know that I am fine on my own and I will be rude to her if she is to me). What to do?
There is this girl in my office who has become good friend and all. I felt there were signs. We both teasing each other over random things, talking for hours, she being interested in whatever I was talking about with others (tell me too, tell me too...) etc. This weekend we decided to go for a two movies, but couldnt as we didnt get tickets, and decided that we would go on weekdays. Nonetheless, on Saturday I thought I would call her and ask if she wanted to spend some times as I was getting bored and she lives in an apartment across the road anyway. But she didnt pick up the phone and didnt call/reply back either. Its been more than 24 hours so I am sure its deliberate.
So I am pretty sure that I read the signals wrong and that she is not really interested. Thats fine, I guess. But the problem is that now I don't know how I should behave around her. It's kinda rude of her to not even reply on my call, which has pissed me off a little. I also don't wanna put her on a pedestal and do nothing about her not replying and be all giddy when she talks to me. And what to do about the movies that we are supposed to be seeing this week?
So I have decided that I won't go to the movies with her, unless she asks. I will also not pick her phone from now on, but otherwise will keep everything normal. Is that a good strategy?
Basically I am confused between me liking her (the desire of 'being with her' all the time and doing whatever she says) and me trying to not put her on a pedestal (letting her know that I am fine on my own and I will be rude to her if she is to me). What to do?
Hey man.
Look, seems to be that there is some obvious testing going on here. First, lets turn the spot light away from here and to yourself. It's your responsibility as the man to get the date organised and happening, which it simply didn't. Trying to make something else happen on the fly like you did, simply makes you look at little worse off on the attraction scale.
Now to her, generally, what she did might have been rude, or there are all sorts of way she could of handled it better. But the dynamic changes the second you guys are on an intimate wave length to that of a worker/friend vibe. So this is a sign she is considering you romantically. She's out trying to live life to the fullest on her Saturday night, in her own way, and so should you, you don't want to rock up next time around all but-hurt, that never gets a woman going.
Do you want a 1, 2 3? Then I'd say first, just don't reach out to her (call, text, e-mail ect) until she gives you some sort of sign, generally, being really receptive in person, or a text/phone call. Second, re-set the date, a different one, and make sure it damn happens. Finally, have fun and hook up.
Finally, don't be ashamed of wanting her, it will hold you back from the intensity of what you have to offer, sort of like a lame bass trying to swim up stream half assed.
Goodluck bro
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Sure, once she was getting out. If you did it while you were driving and she was captive and strapped into your car seat, it'd be pretty bad. But once she had the option of closing the door and leaving the situation if she wanted, it would've been all good.
Darren870
Member
So because she missed a call and didnt reply back you are going to be rude and give her the cold shoulder?
You aren't dating, so she doesn't have to respond right away. Plus at the same time people have their own lives.
I wouldn't go about canceling all your plans because of one non returned call....
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
Hey bro. First of all, thanks for the reply.
I get the point of the date (though I am not sure if I would classify as such) was my responsibility. Fair point.
Coming to as to what to do next. Since we are co-workers and go office together, I am sure she would reach out to me tomorrow morning, when we need to go to office. Of course, thats no sign of anything. What I have decided is to treat her completely normally, like any other co-worker, and not like before where we were spending a lot of time together. At least I wont initiate that. If she does initiate that, I would go along (not to mention that would be a sign too). Lets see what happens. I will update.
The bigger problem though, is the movies. I am not wanting to initiate that because I want to make sure that she too is interested in going out with me. Granted, if she wasnt interested, she wouldnt have agreed in the first place, but her behavior this weekend has left me a little perplexed (actually, the movie cancelling wasnt my fault entirely. She didnt wanna go cause the discount seats that are usually available, were sold out! And since the tickets are cheaper on weekdays, she decided that we would go on weekdays!). So my decision of waiting to see if she initiates the 'date' again is not because of anger, but to see if she is interested.
Fair point. I was being immature. Luckily no harm done yet. But bro I am still confused as to just how to find out if she is actually interested. The only way I see is to tone down the interaction a little bit and not initiate anything, and see how she reacts. Not right? How to find it out then?
Thanks for replying.
Soooo.....I'm exploring things with the poly girl I dated earlier this year again. For some reason, this is totally sending alarm bells careening through my head, but she's been trying desperately for my attention, even taking me to church (I'm Jewish) just to spend some time with me after I expressed curiosity about what church must be like. She had been dropping subtle hints like "Y'know, if you ever wanna go to church again, I go to the 11 am when I'm home every weekday" and when asked about my plans for my break I mention visiting a town about 45 minutes away and she immediately responds with "I'm gonna be there a lot over break, you know." So, I called her out on it and she fessed up to just wanting to hang out with me. So, I guess it couldn't hurt to see where and how things go. This time, I have multiple people that I'm not getting serious with but have been seeing casually, so I have options, and there's another poly girl that's expressing a lot of interest in me lately as well now that she's back from studying abroad. Maybe poly people have a radar that leads them to me or something, I dunno.
That's going to cause problems if you become serious with one of them and you're not poly because they'll expect you to accept the fact that they're with more than one person.
I'm kind of exploring the notion of being poly. I know I don't believe in marriage or the idea of long-term monogamy over the course of many years, but I don't know how I feel about sharing and being shared. I'm a very emotional person with a lot of love to give, but I don't know how free-spirited I am just yet. But, I've made these feelings clear. I don't know what it is to be poly the way that I want to do it. I'm kind of acting on a mixture of instinct, intuition, and rationality based on prior knowledge about myself. There's a lot that I'm still coping with too, because one day, maybe 10 years down the line or something, I might crave that white picket fence and the kids running in the yard, even though now all I've got is total wanderlust and a wish to go everywhere and do everything.
Sounds like you've got a lot on your mind. Best to sort this out before you decide to take any more steps.
I think you might be right, but I also fear I'm overthinking things and going way too long-term with what could just be a casual college relationship that doesn't really go anywhere but doesn't really have to. I don't think I'm going to change anyone, and I don't think I feel as though I should try. I love that she's a free spirit, and honestly, why become involved with anyone that you feel as though you have to change? It's just...I've never contemplated a relationship that wasn't totally normative and it's scary to think about. You know?
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
So I've just popped in here a bit frazzled. A woman messaged my cupid account that I'd pretty much given up on . Outside of a long, loveless, toxic marriage and a brief dalliance with what turned out to be a married woman (not something I'm proud of) I've really no experience with dating! I'm really stressed,though excited, about it.
I'm really not even sure where to start and it's all happening rather quickly with a breakfast date this week so I haven't even really had a chance to dig into the wisdom here.
Just excited and nervous!
I'm really not even sure where to start and it's all happening rather quickly with a breakfast date this week so I haven't even really had a chance to dig into the wisdom here.
Just excited and nervous!
Flying Toaster
Member
You should be excited and nervous. Given what has happened to you dating is a brave new world. All I can suggest is the same stupid crap that always gets suggested but tends to work. Be yourself, give it a chance, and if you don't feel anything don't force it as it just was not meant to be.
It's great that you're excited, and normal that you're nervous - however my personal recommendation is to relax and to not get too invested into this date/woman. There are a lot of reasons why, but the two big ones are
1. You don't want to set yourself up for disappointment. A lot of things can happen that make this whole thing not work out, and that's just a part of the process. However I find that some people when they get too invested too quickly, get hurt that much more by a fizzle.
2. You get better results. Some people when they get too... excited(?) I guess is the word, have it come out in ways that aren't ideal for a first date environment. It's good to be positive and excited, but when you're expectations are in check, I find that you are more likely to project the "regular" you, and not a version of yourself that may not best represent you. And more importantly, you'll enjoy yourself more when you don't wreck yourself with anxiety. Take it easy and enjoy the fact that you're meeting someone new and broadening your horizons, and everything will be that much better for it.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
Wow, guys, some real gold here to work with so far! Thanks a ton.
I'm at work right now about to head home, then I'm gonna warm up the ol' feedbag and really dig into the thread so I don't seem like such a huge fucking weirdo.
I'm at work right now about to head home, then I'm gonna warm up the ol' feedbag and really dig into the thread so I don't seem like such a huge fucking weirdo.
Yeah I get what you mean. You could always go into it with a casual mindset, and if it seems like it's the kind of relationship that is turning serious, you can proceed from there. If not, you can choose to keep it casual or just leave and it shouldn't leave too much of a negative impression on either party. Just try not to think too hard about the long term before you find out how this kind of relationship operates.
You're lucky
Ouch. When you put it that way, I did get a deal I suppose. I didn't wind up going, sadly. By the time I finished getting ready it was already 11:30 and I wouldn't get there til 12 and then it started getting cold. Maybe next week.
Okay, so I have kind of a lame question. How do you talk to a girl who's using head phones? I see this chick on the bus today who was one of the hottest babes I've ever seen, pretty damn close to a ten. I was dying to strike up a conversation with her, which normally wouldn't be a problem, but like I said, she had headphones on and I didn't see anything on her that I could use as an ice breaker.
Also, do you guys ask girls for their Facebook? I have yet to do that but I've been hearing that can be better than asking someone for their number.
When people wear headphones they generally don't want to be bothered, so you'll need to find a visual way to get her attention without coming on too strong. Maybe type up a hello message on your phone and show it to her.
I don't usually ask people for their Facebook because I rarely use mine. It does work though.
I don't usually ask people for their Facebook because I rarely use mine. It does work though.
Ugh this week is gonna suck. Won't be able to see this girl face-to-face until Thursday at the earliest, and I don't want to be rude and ignore her texts...and I don't know how to be conspicuously neutral with my replies. So I guess basically on Thursday I'll just ambush her and be like, "jk lol. we're done."
I can see how that might be cute but if the idea isn't to disturb her, wouldn't doing that have the same result as tapping her on the shoulder to start a condo?
Well it seems like interaction is inevitable, just roll with the vibe and escalate accordingly, don't bring up the past, rather, just have fun and be flirtatious in the moment if it's appropriate. Obviously, reading the signs is key here.
*buzzer* Steady there. It's not so much what you do that you need to be concerned with, its mostly if shes interested in spending more time with you outside of the office in a romantic way. So, I'd say gauge her attraction, see how keen she is, by reading her body language, monitoring her interest in you, and spring the idea of getting together on a day that suits you in the evening. If she says yes, it's obvious she's interested, if she says no or maybe and doesn't give you a counter offer, pull back for a week and try again later. You don't have to offer the idea of a movie straight up, just ask her out, set a definite date and time, don't follow her up on it, if she's keen she will say yes and then start to inquire more and more into it. The movies is certainly one thing, but I'm sure you can think of a million other simple, easy and cheap date ideas that allow you to spend time, get to know each other, laugh, have fun and lead her to a safe place where you can seduce her and sex can happen. Just remember, she won't flat out ask you on a date unless she's super interested, in which point, the power dynamic has totally changed. Morerather, she's going to subtly inform you of her openness to spend more time with you, at which point, you've got to pick up on that and make the date.
Fair point. I was being immature. Luckily no harm done yet. But bro I am still confused as to just how to find out if she is actually interested. The only way I see is to tone down the interaction a little bit and not initiate anything, and see how she reacts. Not right? How to find it out then?
Thanks for replying.
Right I see, you're confused on reading her interest. One way you can do it, is by letting her come to you. So pull back, focus on doing your job and having a kick ass day. If she's interested in you, she will want to be a part of your vibe and start a conversation or send you a random text or something like that. When she contacts you, outside of work or even starts talking to you about something random and fun to her, take that as a sign she'd be interested in doing something similar with you outside of the office.
Other ques would be if she's laughing at your jokes, teasing you, touching you, taking the time to spend time with you when she should be working, bugging you via electronic means, putting herself in your physical space. Body language wise she's going to be open, she's going to be making sure she's looking good when you look at her she'll be inquisitive and asking questions of you, thus investing in you. Also, she's going to be assessing "is he going to be a good for me". Ultimately, trust your gut, use your manly intuition.
When you do, not if you do, but when you get the next date set up, (You don't have to make it obvious it's a date, she knows what's going on here and don't rely on labels), make sure it's at night, and that you are able to socialize and connect emotionally and that you can easily read her body language so you can move from talking to touching to kissing, to petting to foreplay to sex.
If she accepts an invitation to the movies, my most recent successful movie date went like this. We walked to the theater together, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek to start, we talked a bit, she wanted to eat, so I took her to have sushi, we vibed for an hour, talking about our lives in general, nothing to do with work, only our passions. Then we went to a bar and had a cider each and got to talk a bit more, we sat together in these cool couches, then we went to the movies. I paid for Sushi, she paid for drinks, she got the movie tickets, I got the pop corn and soda. After spending like 2 hours with me and feeling comfortable, she layed all over me all movie. I didn't kiss her in the theater, only on the head, simple affection, we saw robocop (Fuck yea) and obviously there's not killer romantic scenes to capitalize in that film. But obviously a lot of casual, non overtly sexual contact. I walked her home and we went to a park, I took her to a romantic place, just walking and talking, we crossed a bridge with water running under it and kissed her under moonlight. She said to me the next day "I died when you kissed me"
Warning highschool relationship problems incoming:
So I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 months on Friday. I really like this girl but she had been acting distant and wasn't putting in any effort into the relationship what so ever for 3 weeks or so. Our conversations turned dry as she hardly made attempts to conversate much and overall I was the one doing all the work. I got really frustrated that despite me telling to try more she never did so I ended it. She said she was sorry and that it was all her fault and that she still cared, but could not be in a relationship because she had too much work/stress so she didn't think she could have a boyfriend. We're top of the class, and are taking the hardest classes so it's understandable. She's a really worrying person that's always stressed about something.
So come today, Monday, and we just completely ignored each other. I know we're not together, but it really hurts not to talk with her and she looks noticeably sad as well. I know we still like each other, but the relationship turned to shit because of her and I'm really confused. So afterschool I run up to her tell her that the whole not talking thing wasn't working out because it makes me feel even worse. She agreed so we agreed to talk/be friends and left.
Should I keep trying GAF? I really really like this girl, and I know, bring realistic, our chances of lasting are practically impossible. But, right now, I really care about her and I know she feels the same. What do GAF if the first go around failed?
Edit: For reference, we're both 11th graders
So I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 months on Friday. I really like this girl but she had been acting distant and wasn't putting in any effort into the relationship what so ever for 3 weeks or so. Our conversations turned dry as she hardly made attempts to conversate much and overall I was the one doing all the work. I got really frustrated that despite me telling to try more she never did so I ended it. She said she was sorry and that it was all her fault and that she still cared, but could not be in a relationship because she had too much work/stress so she didn't think she could have a boyfriend. We're top of the class, and are taking the hardest classes so it's understandable. She's a really worrying person that's always stressed about something.
So come today, Monday, and we just completely ignored each other. I know we're not together, but it really hurts not to talk with her and she looks noticeably sad as well. I know we still like each other, but the relationship turned to shit because of her and I'm really confused. So afterschool I run up to her tell her that the whole not talking thing wasn't working out because it makes me feel even worse. She agreed so we agreed to talk/be friends and left.
Should I keep trying GAF? I really really like this girl, and I know, bring realistic, our chances of lasting are practically impossible. But, right now, I really care about her and I know she feels the same. What do GAF if the first go around failed?
Edit: For reference, we're both 11th graders
Hey man,
On the topic of getting her back..
Bad move on the friends part to a degree. The way I see it, you've got two options, take this moment of her being open to communicating with you to restart what you did to make her fall for you in the first place. Focus on that only, don't focus on being a "Friend", a coping mechanism for all her pain and sorrows, do not bring up or focus on the relationship, give her time and space in between the fun times you share with her. Do not under any circumstance continue to be her friend as a deceptive way to get her back. Don't smother her or overwhelm her with anything that will bring about a negative emotion.
Futhermore, as your pains are both so recent, tone down on the love vibe and tune into the fun times vibe you had together in the first place, without compromising on your desire for her sexually, let her know the only role you can play in her life is that of a lover, not a male girlfriend or a study buddy. Stand up for yourself and start kicking ass and taking advantage of your "time off the leash" and play around and build up your skills with women as a whole. Remember, she won't come back unless you are being your best self, and she certainly won't come back if your all whiny, needy and lame, be the guy she found attractive in the first place, but who has taken care of the underlying issues at heart.
The second option is, getting on your horse and riding off into the sunset and never looking back. Once she see's that unless she does something you are gone and never coming back she will reach out to you if you are important to her. If she doesn't then what does that tell you? That you're trying to keep someone in your life that doesn't want to keep you..
Goodluck.
There's all sorts of tips, techniques and fundamentals you can apply if you are really keen.
TL;DR
1) Focus on being the guy she fell for and making her feel positive emotions without smothering her or being needy, whilst practicing your skills with other women
2) Hit the road and continue on your journey as a young man racking up scars and hearts and that seductive 1000 yard stare.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
Hey guys, I was wondering if I could get some feedback and some advice. So I have a match and tinder account. I notice a girl who was on my dance team during high school. During high school football season, the band and dance team would practice litterly all summer, We prob never talked much back then but "know" each other. I know who she is and was wondering if I should message her on Facebook? Would that be creepy? I think so but meh I am terrible at these things can't really tell.
Not at all. It could be creepy if you sent a message like "Hey, I've been thinking about you for the last five years nonstop. Wanna come over to my place and watch a movie I made?" - but it's definitely not creepy if you send a message like "Hey, I came across you here on Facebook and I was thinking how it's been forever since last time! What's new with you since last?" So it's definitely nothing inherently creepy about such a thing, and she'll appreciate it if it's simply a laid back message that you figured you'd just send.
Darren870
Member
Hey bro. First of all, thanks for the reply.
I get the point of the date (though I am not sure if I would classify as such) was my responsibility. Fair point.
Coming to as to what to do next. Since we are co-workers and go office together, I am sure she would reach out to me tomorrow morning, when we need to go to office. Of course, thats no sign of anything. What I have decided is to treat her completely normally, like any other co-worker, and not like before where we were spending a lot of time together. At least I wont initiate that. If she does initiate that, I would go along (not to mention that would be a sign too). Lets see what happens. I will update.
The bigger problem though, is the movies. I am not wanting to initiate that because I want to make sure that she too is interested in going out with me. Granted, if she wasnt interested, she wouldnt have agreed in the first place, but her behavior this weekend has left me a little perplexed (actually, the movie cancelling wasnt my fault entirely. She didnt wanna go cause the discount seats that are usually available, were sold out! And since the tickets are cheaper on weekdays, she decided that we would go on weekdays!). So my decision of waiting to see if she initiates the 'date' again is not because of anger, but to see if she is interested.
Fair point. I was being immature. Luckily no harm done yet. But bro I am still confused as to just how to find out if she is actually interested. The only way I see is to tone down the interaction a little bit and not initiate anything, and see how she reacts. Not right? How to find it out then?
Thanks for replying.
See how she acts when you see her next and report back. Also, why didn't you offer to pick up the movie ticket? Who cares about discount seats and saving a few dollars.
I wouldn't change your habits, but see if she changes hers first. Then you can adjust yours based on how she is acting.
For all you know she might not have even seen the missed call. Did you text her?
Been while since I was here last.
Update: I met a girl in the tram/public transport. We met twice on the same route and the same tram by change. First time was 16th of december and the second time 7th of january. The second time we really had a spark and I got her phone number. After that we talked a lot on whatsapp but we din't meet again untill the 27th of january. That was our first sort of date. And it went perfect. Normally I am a talker but I listened to her for 90% of the time and even swallowed stuff I wanted to say so she can continue talking.
At the saying goodbye part we kissed and I asked her officially and to put it on facebook (which she doesn't have and still doesnt have) and she said sure.
Then we did some other whatsapp texting and she is really quite busy , so we met again on Valentine's Day were I met her siter, mother, father and her sisters boyfriend and I stayed for dinner. Week after that I went to a football match with her dad and siter and I stayed for a little while after the match. Day after that her sister turned 20 and I was there for the whole evening. Week after that on Thursday she met my brother, cousin, mom and dad. And they are all very praising and full of compliments of her.
Week after that I didnt see her but last week I went to her place on Wednesday. We went a bit further then just kissing. We stayed in the sun for hours and it felt like 30 degrees celcius in there front garden, was reallly nice. And I read some of my earlier work as an aspirant writer to her which I wrote years ago and she really liked it.
Now I am seeing her again tomorrow and I am staying for dinner again at her place. We might going to have sex tomorrow. I am bit nervous since its my first time and hers as well. She is really busy with her internship and study as you can notice in the time frame of which we meet each other. But she's having a spring holiday soon and summer holiday as well. So I hope to some things then like a picknick , walk on the beach and go out for dinner together
I am really in love with her and she is with me. We said the L word maybe even a bit too much,but who chares. It feels right
Update: I met a girl in the tram/public transport. We met twice on the same route and the same tram by change. First time was 16th of december and the second time 7th of january. The second time we really had a spark and I got her phone number. After that we talked a lot on whatsapp but we din't meet again untill the 27th of january. That was our first sort of date. And it went perfect. Normally I am a talker but I listened to her for 90% of the time and even swallowed stuff I wanted to say so she can continue talking.
At the saying goodbye part we kissed and I asked her officially and to put it on facebook (which she doesn't have and still doesnt have) and she said sure.
Then we did some other whatsapp texting and she is really quite busy , so we met again on Valentine's Day were I met her siter, mother, father and her sisters boyfriend and I stayed for dinner. Week after that I went to a football match with her dad and siter and I stayed for a little while after the match. Day after that her sister turned 20 and I was there for the whole evening. Week after that on Thursday she met my brother, cousin, mom and dad. And they are all very praising and full of compliments of her.
Week after that I didnt see her but last week I went to her place on Wednesday. We went a bit further then just kissing. We stayed in the sun for hours and it felt like 30 degrees celcius in there front garden, was reallly nice. And I read some of my earlier work as an aspirant writer to her which I wrote years ago and she really liked it.
Now I am seeing her again tomorrow and I am staying for dinner again at her place. We might going to have sex tomorrow. I am bit nervous since its my first time and hers as well. She is really busy with her internship and study as you can notice in the time frame of which we meet each other. But she's having a spring holiday soon and summer holiday as well. So I hope to some things then like a picknick , walk on the beach and go out for dinner together
I am really in love with her and she is with me. We said the L word maybe even a bit too much,but who chares. It feels right
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
I was thinking of messaging her something like this "Hey, completely random message, but to order to make a long story short, I was browsing match.com and Tinder. I saw someone that looked familiar. I eventually remember you since you were on the Kickline team and I was in the Marching Band. So would you like to grab a coffee sometime? "
stn
Member
@iRAWR
Keep it even simpler. "Hey, saw you on Tinder and you looked REALLY familiar. What's up?" I wouldn't ask her for coffee straight up. If she's interested then she'll give you something to work with during the conversation, you'll have your moment. Asking her immediately makes it look like you're way too interested and move very fast. Start some banter and work your way up. If you see that her replies are boring then you already know she's probably not interested.
Keep it even simpler. "Hey, saw you on Tinder and you looked REALLY familiar. What's up?" I wouldn't ask her for coffee straight up. If she's interested then she'll give you something to work with during the conversation, you'll have your moment. Asking her immediately makes it look like you're way too interested and move very fast. Start some banter and work your way up. If you see that her replies are boring then you already know she's probably not interested.
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
Thanks for such a great and detailed reply bro. Also, congratulations on the date
On my front, though, I am sorry to report that she cancelled the movie idea by herself. I didnt even ask anything. She just said that she doesnt want to spend money as she is strapped and hence wont go for movie. I would have offered to get the tickets for both of us but then it was a clear signal that she is not interested and I didnt want to look desperate. So I just said 'its alright' and let the matter slide.
As far as signs go, she does laugh at my jokes and teases me, but this movie denial has given me clear no-no signals. So I am going to cool it off a little bit now and focus on my work and life and see if it forces any change in her. As in, will see if she does the effort of spending time with me. If not, well, what can I do? Shit happens lol.
When she saw me today, she smiled and did small chat with me, with some teasing thrown in. I don't mind picking up the tickets, I don't give two shits about the discount. Its she who does. She said she doesn't wanna go and she is strapped for money. I would have offered to do so but that would've seemed desperate, especially after she flat out saying no to go to movies because of the price.
I called her. No text.
What do you mean by not changing my habits? I didnt understand. Since this movie cancelling thing shows how she is not at all interested in spending time in going out with me (I was so sure that there were signs. Laughing at my jokes hysterically, teasing me and what not), I was planning to just relegate this whole thing to the side, giving her as little time as possible to be with me. It was to see if she reacts, if she spends any energy or effort to be with me. What else can I do?
Man, I feel like such a fucking awful person. I'm happy I didn't break it off with the Korean girl because I'm noticing that I'm feeling stronger about the relationship each day but I still catch myself being a bad person. Was talking to her on Skype today and she was talking about her sister, she mentioned her before and she sounds like someone pretty close to my character type. So I look her up on Facebook and she turns about to be really, really cute too. So while I'm talking to her I'm fawning over her sister and wondering what would've happened if I'd met her first.
It's the most shallow and awful thing to do but this whole grass is greener on the other side thing when it comes to girls is really starting to mess me up. I want to say that I could never do something like that but I feel like the main thing stopping me is just the improbability of it all working out without every party being hurt.
I mainly feel dissapointed in myself because I always thought I was above this shit but instead I'm incredibly susceptible to it.
It's the most shallow and awful thing to do but this whole grass is greener on the other side thing when it comes to girls is really starting to mess me up. I want to say that I could never do something like that but I feel like the main thing stopping me is just the improbability of it all working out without every party being hurt.
I mainly feel dissapointed in myself because I always thought I was above this shit but instead I'm incredibly susceptible to it.
Being attracted to someone is just a part of being human, dude. Don't beat yourself up over such a natural thing. Now, the actions that you take after this is what needs to be thought about carefully. It's only something you can figure out.
I wish I knew man, that's my problem. I'm not completely sure if it's a character flaw I'll actively have to work on or if it means this girl is not the right one. We're supposed to roadtrip along the coast this summer and I'm more excited for that than ever so I'm confused. I don't particularly feel like blowing this up because we're having a good time but there's still someone else involved and I don't think either of us feel ready to talk about expectations yet.
Thanks for this, I just feel sometimes like people act as if other girls don't exist and they're completely content with their current girl, even in a setting where they don't have to lie. I've never come close to genuinely feeling like that.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
Definitely know how you feel man, I feel like I have had a similar thing, wanting something that I definitely can't have and such
We all want what we can't necessarily have. I don't really think there is a truly "content" person out there. And you know what? That's perfectly fine, as long as you hold yourself accountable for your actions. Acting on something is a hell of a lot different than simply asking yourself "what if".
I would say this is incredibly common, I feel this way a fair amount of the time. People always wonder about "what if" in all aspects of life (well, not everyone, but a lot of us). Especially if you have a lot of prospects.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
I got an answer back "Hey. Yup I don't use tinder anymore but I have been using match. Not too impressed with it." what do I do D: I honestly didnt except an answer
Start some smalltalk. If she keeps giving short anwers you can leave it alone. Not everybody is that ongoing via text/chat. She had the option to just ignore you but she didnt so try to see where the smalltalk goes.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
haha yeah thats pretty much what I did, if noting happens then noting happens.
Hey man,
Well the thing with the movies is that it's so obvious it's a date. I don't blame her for not being comfortable with the idea of sitting with someone you don't know that well for 2 hours or so in darkness with the whole stereotype of he's going to kiss or grope me. I have with out a doubt that if you just ease up and let her keep coming to you at her own pace, you'll be able to get her out to do something she is comfortable with, even if it is extremely simple activity. Just remember it's gotta be just the two of you in the beginning so you can get to know each other really well. Give it time, no rush IMO, till she's ready, mack on everyone else and keep the iron hot.
Been while since I was here last.
Update: I met a girl in the tram/public transport. We met twice on the same route and the same tram by change. First time was 16th of december and the second time 7th of january. The second time we really had a spark and I got her phone number. After that we talked a lot on whatsapp but we din't meet again untill the 27th of january. That was our first sort of date. And it went perfect. Normally I am a talker but I listened to her for 90% of the time and even swallowed stuff I wanted to say so she can continue talking.
At the saying goodbye part we kissed and I asked her officially and to put it on facebook (which she doesn't have and still doesnt have) and she said sure.
Then we did some other whatsapp texting and she is really quite busy , so we met again on Valentine's Day were I met her siter, mother, father and her sisters boyfriend and I stayed for dinner. Week after that I went to a football match with her dad and siter and I stayed for a little while after the match. Day after that her sister turned 20 and I was there for the whole evening. Week after that on Thursday she met my brother, cousin, mom and dad. And they are all very praising and full of compliments of her.
Week after that I didnt see her but last week I went to her place on Wednesday. We went a bit further then just kissing. We stayed in the sun for hours and it felt like 30 degrees celcius in there front garden, was reallly nice. And I read some of my earlier work as an aspirant writer to her which I wrote years ago and she really liked it.
Now I am seeing her again tomorrow and I am staying for dinner again at her place. We might going to have sex tomorrow. I am bit nervous since its my first time and hers as well. She is really busy with her internship and study as you can notice in the time frame of which we meet each other. But she's having a spring holiday soon and summer holiday as well. So I hope to some things then like a picknick , walk on the beach and go out for dinner together
I am really in love with her and she is with me. We said the L word maybe even a bit too much,but who chares. It feels right
The force is strong in this one. Hangout, have fun, hook up.
Getting the first indications from the GF that things may be moving too fast. She's stressed and feels like she's not getting much done because we're hanging out too often. Understandable in a way since I see her pretty much every day and usually sleep over, but she's jobless right now (with some personal projects to take care of) so I'm really questioning just what she's doing during the day. A little worrying since I don't know how she's going to respond to all of this when she is actually working.
Anyways, I'm going to give her some space for the time being, but I'll admit it does seem like a bit of a regression as far as the relationship goes. I suggested we try to work our way to a more sustainable solution that doesn't necessarily resort to seeing each other sparingly.
Anyways, I'm going to give her some space for the time being, but I'll admit it does seem like a bit of a regression as far as the relationship goes. I suggested we try to work our way to a more sustainable solution that doesn't necessarily resort to seeing each other sparingly.
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