Spoke to my GP about counselling, and it's not available on the NHS, so instead I've been told I should go to an introductory workshop called "Ready To Change". I am dubious to say the least. Talking about my problems has always been hard, and now they want me to do it in a room full of people.
I don't know whether I made a good decision or the worst decision. My university has a clinic, and I went to there to check out my lump I have behind my right ear and at the left side of my forehead today. The doctor is done and told me that I have to take antibiotics. So I went to the pharmacy they have there, and antibiotics cost $9. So basically my tuition covers the clinic but not the medicine. I would say that the price isn't bad if I had a job. But now I feel like regretting going there because my mom has my card I think relates to Obama Care. And I don't know if the card covers the medicine for free.
Seriously, whenever I go to clinics or doctors, I always feel stupid whenever my mouth opens. Or as a whole, I was stupid there. It's like I don't know what I'm talking about or asking. Sigh. I need to get with the program, I haven't been to the doctors in a while. Especially understanding about insurance and what they do for me, but instead I ignore it.
Spoke to my GP about counselling, and it's not available on the NHS, so instead I've been told I should go to an introductory workshop called "Ready To Change". I am dubious to say the least. Talking about my problems has always been hard, and now they want me to do it in a room full of people.
Providing you live in, or are near a decent sized town, there should be some sort of mental health centre in your area. Have a search, and see if one shows up. If one does, it will usually list what services they offer, and inform you of the process in order to be seen there (typically just a GP referral is needed) My own GP didn't bother telling me at the time either, so you're not alone there. I'd recommend it, as seeing a therapist frequently can improve your well-being overall. I'd only recommend you go through this process if your issues are long term, as the wait to be seen is also pretty lengthy, in true NHS fashion. It was a 5 month wait for me, but it varies.
I've felt a bit better these last... Few days... Feels weird. I'm constantly scared. I've actually been able to get SOME work done though, which is nice for a change. Still in a really bad spot, but it's been worse. We'll see if it holds.
All hail Effexor. Seems like I'm finally arriving at a dosage that might do something. Still always on the brink of the next anxiety attack though.
I graduated yesterday with Cum Laude honors.
I was really happy yesterday with my family around me congratulating me but like...
Depression just hit me this morning and robs that all away...
I graduated yesterday with Cum Laude honors.
I was really happy yesterday with my family around me congratulating me but like...
Depression just hit me this morning and robs that all away...
Wow, this is amazing! Maybe I should take this up as a hobby, although it'll take a while to get to this level, ahaha.
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I used to post on this thread pretty frequently a while back, but after a (sometimes literal) rollercoaster of emotions, I managed to get my depression down to a manageable level. It's not completely gone, but it's minor enough that I can at least PRETEND to function normally.
But I came back here to post about a different problem: I think I forgot how to make friends. This has been a problem for a while. I talk to a lot of people but most never get out of the acquaintance level with me, and I'm slowly losing touch with what I like to do for fun outside of video games, so it's hard to connect through shared interests. The only tool I have for socializing is my wit, but I can't keep coasting off of that forever. Does anyone have any advice?
I've felt a bit better these last... Few days... Feels weird. I'm constantly scared. I've actually been able to get SOME work done though, which is nice for a change. Still in a really bad spot, but it's been worse. We'll see if it holds.
All hail Effexor. Seems like I'm finally arriving at a dosage that might do something. Still always on the brink of the next anxiety attack though.
Ooh, I'm on Effexor. Just remember to be really careful and consult your doc if before going off of it, if you end up doing so. Also, make sure to still eat enough! That stuff's a real appetite decreased. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better!
I'm not doing that well, currently weaning off a medication which is really not helping. Starting at the end of the month I'm going to have the house to myself for a few weeks, which might just be the best shot at pulling off a successful suicide I will get for a good while. Not sure how I'm going to handle that if I can't get my shit together.
I'm not doing that well, currently weaning off a medication which is really not helping. Starting at the end of the month I'm going to have the house to myself for a few weeks, which might just be the best shot at pulling off a successful suicide I will get for a good while. Not sure how I'm going to handle that if I can't get my shit together.
Have an appointment next Friday with a psychiatrist. I might see a therapist if I believe that talking may help about it. I think I need something since I seem to be imbalanced in some way. I was previously diagnosed with depression as a teenager (31 now).
My problems boil down to:
Disinterest in former hobbies I found enjoyable. This includes reading for fun and most video games.
Lethargic about exercise, even though I know it will make me feel good after. I simply cannot get motivated to lose weight and be active.
A feeling of drifting/being on cruise control. Really the only thing I get enjoyment out of is my job, sleep, and my collection of video games and movies. The latter only gives me a moment of joy each time I add something to it.
I sleep a lot, when I let myself.
I also experience a general feeling of malaise.
I have had a lot of things happen in my life. I am very fortunate with the job security I have and the money it brings, along with the pretty great insurance. My job challenges me. But even going out of my way to broaden my skills for work is not interesting to me. I could be doing many things in my spare time to make myself more indispensable and learn more about policy, laws, and other regulations. I just don't really care though. Just the job function I perform at work brings me pleasure.
The only other thing that really brings me joy is cooking.
I have a lot of things weighing on me. They don't really seem to bother me so much, but maybe they are. I don't know. My dad was sick from 1988 until he died in 1999. He spent at least a third of that period in the hospital and nursing homes
multiple kidney transplants, completely blind, long term dialysis, both legs amputated at the calf after first having a big toe amputated, four fingers amputated (all amputations due to gangrene from poor circulation), heart issues, liver issues. Most stem from diabetes.
. I was in a car accident when I was sixteen with a nineteen year old girl running across the street at night. It took paramedics around 13-15 minutes to arrive. She died the following morning. I used a lot of drugs in my teens to mid-twenties
never addicted to anything, most serious was cocaine or opium
. I was molested by my best friend for years beginning in elementary school up until he moved away in eight grade
not that it has any bearing, but I'm a guy
. I was in and out of legal trouble in my teens and early twenties. A lot of shoplifting.
Sorry for dumping all of that. I don't really want to dump all of that on my family. They all lead relatively carefree lives and I'm not comfortable talking with them about it. I don't really have a lot of close friends. Don't want to scare any of them away.
Have you talked to her recently? If not she might just be doing some friends list spring cleaning. I tend to do that sometimes for people who haven't kept in touch, but I usually don't make that big of a deal of it, although I have some people on there who like to announce it to the world with status updates like "If you're reading this then congratulations, you made the cut!"
Have you talked to her recently? If not she might just be doing some friends list spring cleaning. I tend to do that sometimes for people who haven't kept in touch, but I usually don't make that big of a deal of it, although I have some people on there who like to announce it to the world with status updates like "If you're reading this then congratulations, you made the cut!"
Well, I've only been officially diagnosed with GAD, major depression, and OCD. I'm trying ADHD medications because I am convinced that I might have it or at least the medications would be beneficial to me. I've had mental health problems since I was a child. I had my breaking point a few years ago and since then I have had my ups and my downs.
As far as the income thing goes, were you recently laid off?
Went out last night, was with a girl I'm really into. I think I made my intentions clear and she didn't respond.
Couple of hours later I find out she's been banging this dude I somewhat know, this really odd and lacklustre dude. When I found out about this, things just went dark. I barely remember anything after that until the moment when I'm crashing face first on the floor at my friend's.
I then got home, took two sleeping pills and listened to music as I drifted into nothingness.
It just stings so much to feel so inadequate to everyone you hold dear.
You should get into it!
It's really not that hard at all, it takes little to no experience to do perlers. You just gotta do your research a little and you're solid.
Maybe some day I'll do commissions for perler art...
Well, I've only been officially diagnosed with GAD, major depression, and OCD. I'm trying ADHD medications because I am convinced that I might have it or at least the medications would be beneficial to me. I've had mental health problems since I was a child. I had my breaking point a few years ago and since then I have had my ups and my downs.
Yeah when I was going through a major depressive episode at first I thought I had ADHD because the concentration issues were very severe, but it turned out that was a part of major depression. You probably should get off that ADHD medication until the symptoms of the other illnesses start to clear up.
Have you recently graduated from college and are having a tough time finding one? Also, you have to remember that suffering from a mental illness is a valid reason for you not to be able to perform at the level you dream of.
I've been a lurker for some time, but I've finally gotten up the courage to post here.
I was diagnosed two years ago with GAD, and, after a breakdown last year, depression. I've also dealt with hypochondria for years, even before I was formally diagnosed with GAD. It's not surprising to me, because my mom has struggled with depression and mental illness for years, but I'm also the only child in the family (of four) to really struggle with the same issues that my mom deals with.
I've had different "stages" of mental illness, it seems like, over the last year or so. Right now, I find it really difficult just to get out of bed sometimes. Even then, I rarely go out into the real world. I find that I'm less interested in the future than I once was, in the sense that I almost feel like it's too late for me to really get my life on track. I've also been contemplating what life would be like for those around me if I wasn't around, and I can't help but feel as if some of the people in my life would be better off. The funny thing is that I don't think I'd ever be able to attempt suicide, because, as much as life sometimes doesn't feel like it's worth living, I don't want to die, either...even if I know that everyone dies at some point, anyway.
I think it just hit me how much I'm still really struggling with my demons.
Ulcerative colitis really sucks. My doctor told me that Imuran is not working anymore and I should go on Remicade. She sent me the forms for Trillium Drug Plan since Remicade costs a lot and I have not filled the form yet. It has been three months. I just can't do anything anymore. My rectal bleedings have started again and I am pretty sure my anemia has gone really bad since I can barely do anything. It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends or any real families
As much as I love not having to work, weekends sure make me realize how lonely I am. Can't even remember the last time I did anything social on a weekend outside of stuff with family. So depressing...
You should get into it!
It's really not that hard at all, it takes little to no experience to do perlers. You just gotta do your research a little and you're solid.
Maybe some day I'll do commissions for perler art...
I feel for you, man. Autoimmune diseases tend to really blow in general. I almost considered going into debt for Remicade after hearing great things—but, yeah, my own particular condition is under-researched and health insurance doesn't accept the stuff as a proven treatment yet, so probably best that I didn't. If you can get it covered by insurance though, I hope it does the trick for you. The only downside I remember hearing was that you get extra sensitive to foreign viruses, but who wants to deal with significant foreign travel with conditions like this in the first place?
Even if I do nothing, it feels like I can never catch a break since I'll just torment myself to the point of suicidal thoughts over being a useless/lazy/stupid person. So much school work to do, so little time, so little motivation. No motivation to do anything at all. It's killing me.
Ulcerative colitis really sucks. My doctor told me that Imuran is not working anymore and I should go on Remicade. She sent me the forms for Trillium Drug Plan since Remicade costs a lot and I have not filled the form yet. It has been three months. I just can't do anything anymore. My rectal bleedings have started again and I am pretty sure my anemia has gone really bad since I can barely do anything. It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends or any real families
Crohns disease, on Trillium, was anemic at one point, currently on Remicade (for 13 years come November). Why aren't you filling out the forms? I was on Imuran for a time and it never worked. Now, Im on Remicade and I'm pretty much 100% healthy.
You can fill out the forms, and get on Remicade for (relatively) cheap. I would listen to your doctor that if this is what he recommends, this is something you need to do if yo. IMO, you will not be able to tackle your mental health if you don't get physically better.
So I guess the question is why aren't you filling out the forms? What is the downside you're experiencing?
Yeah when I was going through a major depressive episode at first I thought I had ADHD because the concentration issues were very severe, but it turned out that was a part of major depression. You probably should get off that ADHD medication until the symptoms of the other illnesses start to clear up.
I've been on anti-depressants for years. If my ADHD symptoms are linked to depression, they are not going away any time soon.
Have you recently graduated from college and are having a tough time finding one? Also, you have to remember that suffering from a mental illness is a valid reason for you not to be able to perform at the level you dream of.
I wish I had a degree. I'm still in college, taking the long route.
Edit: Had my first appointment with the new therapist. Not sure if her style is going to be what I need, but I'm going to see her at least one more time. On the plus side, she is a member of the LGBT community too.
Even if I do nothing, it feels like I can never catch a break since I'll just torment myself to the point of suicidal thoughts over being a useless/lazy/stupid person. So much school work to do, so little time, so little motivation. No motivation to do anything at all. It's killing me.
I can definitely relate to feeling tormented over not doing anything and suicidal as thought of being useless and stupid. I can't give you any advice except push forward.
I feel so depressed and tense right now it feels like I'm dying. It's like my body is wasting away.
I can definitely relate to feeling tormented over not doing anything and suicidal as thought of being useless and stupid. I can't give you any advice except push forward.
I feel so depressed and tense right now it feels like I'm dying. It's like my body is wasting away.
I can't do the problems for my homework for C, I didn't read the chapter but I don't have time for that because I have other homework I need to do. It's due next Sunday but I want to finish it so I can have more time to study for my exams next week.
I can definitely relate to feeling tormented over not doing anything and suicidal as thought of being useless and stupid. I can't give you any advice except push forward.
I feel so depressed and tense right now it feels like I'm dying. It's like my body is wasting away.
I don't know how to push forward. I just pretty much just retreat to my bed until it gets really bad and then I do something stupid, which gives me more anxiety, but then the attention shifts from me being useless to me doing stupid things.
Welp, a little update with me; seems I am unsure if the hospice thing will work out, due to things I find petty. For starters, as I said before, a background check is to be done on me, and I for one am anxious because I really have no history. I wonder if the fact literally nothing will come up will make me too enigmatic to really be taken as sincere and not as a fraud, in our culture of constantly looking at props and external things to define an individual, that would be a red flag.
This expands a little bit further, as what is also asked of me is three references, and this is actually very hard for me. I have no work experience at all to my name, so I can't rely on that, and this is because the last few years I have not given a shit about trying to find any work at all, but trying to find a vocation, something I can do. I hold the two as vastly different; the former is entirely for money, and thus a never-gonna-be for me, and the latter is just what I want to do for what it is, with money not really playing a role at all. I suppose I can rely on a few of my professors, for I have very few friends, and especially few people who get what I think and value in the world. I am usually left to myself so being told to get others to verify me seems a bit off. A bill is also asked of me, but I am a ghost there, too; I literally have no expenses to my name. Maybe I can run off of that by clarifying that I am a dependant.
The one thing I think I can do (but don't want to do) is get clearance from a doctor. The reason I don't wish to do this is because the doctor I see is in New York (I'm in PA), so it would be a two hour ride to get there, at least an hour to wait there, and then a two hour ride home, which is really a whole day wasted. I think these guidelines, while simplistic, aren't really fully applicable to me, and I'm curious and a little bit concerned that because I don't fully play ball to what one assumes of someone my age that I am vastly lacking, despite the sincere intent and a far more defined focus on what's important in life than most people living on this earth, clouded by illusions and ghosts they follow. I guess I should be content whatever the outcome is, but I figure if even this fails, that I put my intent above all else like I want to, maybe how I want to live simply isn't going to cut it. And I surely am not going to assimilate to some of the dangerous nonsense we condition others to follow, so...I guess I'd be left with nothing. Oh well, I guess; I figure that will happen eventually anyway.
I've got opinions from two students in my C class about choosing a major that I should be passionate about. And one said that if I go deeper with my major that I'm not passionate about, it would be too late to change. I don't know what I want to do and I'm lazy to even research on majors. The only thing that's on my mind is quitting college, but I can't because of my family. I'm just wasting time in college just like I'm wasting my life on doing nothing.
I've got opinions from two students in my C class about choosing a major that I should be passionate about. And one said that if I go deeper with my major that I'm not passionate about, it would be too late to change. I don't know what I want to do and I'm lazy to even research on majors. The only thing that's on my mind is quitting college, but I can't because of my family. I'm just wasting time in college just like I'm wasting my life on doing nothing.
I'm just stuck in this void. If I leave college, then the only option I have is getting a job. But I don't feel like getting one though jobs are important to have. Also, if I pass my classes this semester, I get to continue college. My gpa is 1.66, if I fail one of my classes, then I'm going to get the message telling me that I can't register for 3 semesters.
There is literally nothing going for me that gives me any sense of purpose in life, not even a hint. Just stuck in the same old numb, auto-pilot drone everyday. Because what else can I do, when I'm good for nothing else. Which seems to be proven regularly. Not sure why I even keep myself alive any more.
There is literally nothing going for me that gives me any sense of purpose in life, not even a hint. Just stuck in the same old numb, auto-pilot drone everyday. Because what else can I do, when I'm good for nothing else. Which seems to be proven regularly. Not sure why I even keep myself alive any more.
So yeah, my mother recently came over to my house for the first time with my youngest sister and my 3yr old niece. Didn't start off very well since I was noticeably drunk and coked up and don't have a good relationship with anyone in my family. Anyway, the little conversation quickly deteriorated and me and my mom ended up in a yelling and screaming match along with my sister making smart remarks at me. When my wife said something my mom called her a "crazy ass bitch"...not a good idea. I basically back handed her to the floor, lifted her up as my sister was yelling and my niece crying pushed her up against the wall and lifted her off her feet and told her never to say anything to my wife again and never to come back and get the fuck out of my house.
At this point my sister had already dialed 911 and was speaking to the police as they left, and I just slammed the door and locked it behind me. Needless to say with my criminal and psych history and my mom telling them I have tons of weapons and will go down fighting if I have to the SWAT team was called out and they tried to get me to come outside, as me and my wife are trying to hide all the drugs. So, after that I just went outside cigarette lit in mouth, got the usual "put hands up, turn around, walk toward my voice, down on knees, hands behind your head" safety charade. And got put in the back of the police car and spent the night in jail and was ordered to a TRO psych unit visit...#20 of adult life. I bullshitted the docs and the judge and was out in three days. Back on benzo's as usual, just keep on paddling I guess. Lessoned to be learned on my part is to stay away from my family for a reason...
Little bit of a boost in my mood today when I found out that I'm moving onto the next round of interviews for a job out in California. It's the same one I posted about before, and this is technically going to be my fifth interview with them (first three were for the same position in a different department).
Then a dip in mood came later on when I checked my bank account and saw how low down it's gotten. Regretting not getting at least a part-time job after my unemployment balance was exhausted, but that happened around the time that I was contacted by this company and I had no idea that the process would take almost 6 months.
Still no excuse though. I should've looked for something to earn enough money to prevent my balance from dwindling down so low. I'm trying to learn to forgive my past self for mistakes it may have made, however, so I'm not going to dwell on this for more than a day or two.
I'm just stuck in this void. If I leave college, then the only option I have is getting a job. But I don't feel like getting one though jobs are important to have. Also, if I pass my classes this semester, I get to continue college. My gpa is 1.66, if I fail one of my classes, then I'm going to get the message telling me that I can't register for 3 semesters.
I was in that same exact position last semester. I was sort of depressed, and often got lost in things like video games (GTA V came out at a horrible time for me haha) to distract myself from the almost meaningless existence I thought I was in. If I failed just one class, I'd be put on academic probation (which at my school was a 2.5). I'd have to drop out of college and get a job, which I didn't want at the time, even though, like you, I know they are important to have. I just felt like if I dropped out then I would be even more dead end then I was before. I'd work at some bad job making fake promises to myself that next week or next month or next year I would start working towards doing something with my life. I would have even fewer options when it comes to doing something more fulfilling in my life. That was the fear anyway.
That was sort of a wakeup call, because I realized that I did indeed want to stay in school because I was worried about being put on probation. School, while itself not being important to me, was something that I saw as being my best path to finding something that is important to me. So pushed myself and skidded by with passable grades last semester. However, I learned from that, and have done much better in the spring. I may not know exactly what I wanted to do, but I was willing to work hard to try to figure that out. I didn't have many positive role models in my life (dad never around, rest of family is sort of dead end), so i decided I needed to understand more about how successful people made it to where they are now and started reading a lot of biographies and things of that nature. I connected with my professors, laying out all of my troubles and concerns, and became really close with two of them, who have provided me with some great opportunities to discover more about myself and what I want this summer and next semester.
I still have no idea what I want to do in the future, and have no idea of where I'll be after this summer, but I feel like I'm now on track to figure it out, and that is what important at this point in my life, I think.
Of course, this is just my experience that I'm telling you. I don't expect it to automatically apply to you, but just know that I identify with where you are right now, and I think your situation has the possibility of turning out for the better. Thanks for reading.
