Koji, you aren't being unreasonable with your points. I'm not trying to paint anyone in this thread as being bigoted or unreasonable (and trust me, if you saw the thread about Anita's death threats, you'd know exactly what it looks like when I am talking to people I think are bigots).
However the whole 'notallmen' thing, or 'notallgamers' I think just makes us look bad too.
No, we aren't all bigots, but why do gamers appear to have more bigots in this community than I see in the other communities online I spend a good deal of time in?
I can see two valid answers to that, maybe there are others. The answers to that that I can see are these:
1. We genuinely have more bigots.
2. We have a normal number of bigots, but the bigots we have feel more comfortable in being openly bigoted than bigots elsewhere do.
Either way I think it means that gaming is overall a more comfortable place for a bigot. That isn't to say we are 'accepting' of them or anything like that, but that due to the 'boys own' appearance that big budget games have, and due to the largely male environment of places like NeoGAF, bigots feel like this is a mans place for men where they can talk openly about their negative feelings towards women.
It's a gentlemens club. It's a no women golf club. Sexists feel free to be openly sexist as a result.
We can all do something about that. Ignoring it, is harmful. Circling the wagons when we get outside criticism, is harmful (remember when the Catholic church was doing more to remind us that not all their priests were pedophiles than they were trying to track down the pedophiles and how that looked?). If you see a gamer being a shitbag online. Criticise them. Report them.
Let them know it's not okay. Let other people who share their feelings understand that they should keep them to themselves... and things will start getting better.
All this anger from 'my side' of this issue is a good thing. You shouldn't want to be seen as a bigot. You shouldn't feel comfortable being openly bigoted.
Way too many bigots don't seem to care in this community and they have given us all a bad name.
If you want to get upset that a minority of hugely unsavory people within a group can give it a bad name... I guess you can be... but I don't see what you can actively do about that, because telling the people who have been given that wrong impression that they are wrong isn't going to do squat.
*Showing them* that they are wrong, by actively trying to address the issue though? That's not only going to work better in convincing people that gamers aren't all bigots, but it's going to make things better for female members of this community too.