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[cryptic]

I finished writing a second book.
Work seems so impossible, and I have no choice; I just want to die.
I am not capable of living out my youth alone, and no one can love me.
I feel like I'm not human.
There's nothing to look forward to.
Even enjoyment is something for someone I hope to meet someday.
Crying can't ease my pain.
Not even I care about my death.
I don't want to exist.
Why do I keep trying?
Every second, every thing is pain.
I try not to think my hardest.

 

[NinJaSQUARE]

I realised recently that I get too attached to people that I trust very well and share my feelings with, since there's nobody else I can talk about them with. It's such a huge problem if they're not around and I start feeling incredibly depressed. I just don't know what to do...because I really don't want to lose these friends and it scares the hell out of me even thinking about it... ._.

 

[A Human Becoming]

I really dislike it when people think that being depressed is a choice...

People don't realize there's a chemical reasoning behind it.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

I've succeeded in writing the first 5 lines of the first college assignment I've done all year, and I can already feel my motivation slipping.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Keep it up! Find anything that makes you laugh or motivated. A podcast,an album, a TV show.

 

[AngryMoth]

Things are going quite well for me, slowly getting control over my sleep, keeping up with hobbies and started applying of some jobs which is a big step. But lack of social contact is really starting to weigh on me. Went to London about a month ago and had a nice time with friends but not seen anyone since then and I'm starting to feeling very lonely.

Problem is I live in a small village where everyone I knew has moved away. Been trying arrange to visit a couple of people further afield but they're too busy and tried reconnecting with an old friend via facebook but she ignored my message . Hopefully if I can get one of these jobs it will help.

 

[ampere]

Things are going quite well for me, slowly getting control over my sleep, keeping up with hobbies and started applying of some jobs which is a big step. But lack of social contact is really starting to weigh on me. Went to London about a month ago and had a nice time with friends but not seen anyone since then and I'm starting to feeling very lonely.

Getting sleep under control is huge. It really feels like you take back power over your life to have a stable sleep schedule. My body just works so much better when there is less variance in my sleep cycle.

I could still improve too... just much better at it now that I have been in the past. Fuck that college cramming lifestyle...

 

[freshVeggie]

The last days have been horrible.
I am constantly being reminded that I can't work or go out the house.
Feel like shit. I am scared that I will fall into heavy depression like two years ago again.

What the shit. Life sucks.

 

[ZoltanXerxes]

I have a friend who's self confidence and self esteem are low. I used to be that way myself until I found something that helped me more than anything else. It's a youtube video called the unbreakable laws of self confidence and this helped me so much. It is really inspiring. I have more self esteem and confidence than I ever had. Because of this I have set goals for myself (which the video goes into). I personally believe that this can help anyone.

Video below: (It's over an hour, but I highly recommend it when you have time).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fT7EFOQpxs

Edit: I forgot to add something else. One of the other things that helped was Vitamin D. Since I can't get outside all that much during the winter, my doctor recommended 1000 units of Vitamin D per day (you can take 2000 if you would like). After taking Vitamin D for a couple days my mood improved. I did some research and Vitamin D does indeed affect your mood. I recommend trying Vitamin D for a week. I take one every day along with my multivitamin pill.

 

[Condom]

Been feeling like shit (aka suicidal everyday, seeing no fun in life) again for 2 weeks now, it was going alright before this. Maybe it's because I've started school again and other stuff in my life got a bit more busy.

At least I'm FINALLY getting my first real psycho-therapy appointment tomorrow. Fucking hell I knew it would took such a long time (that's why I postponed it) but come on, I needed to tell my 'story' to like 6 people.
Especially the conversation with a psychiatrist was the worst, she didn't think I showed 'signs' of depression. Even though I explained that I might not be down that period but that I can get very depressed in other periods. Like wtf, what if people have a bipolar disorder? You're just going to dismiss what they tell because they feel good at that moment?

Anyway, I'm kind of happy that it doesn't seem to be influenced by drug usage. I'd argue that I felt even better when I used recreational drugs because then I'd at least 'fix' the rough patches of my life. Now I have no choice but to go through hell.

I've succeeded in writing the first 5 lines of the first college assignment I've done all year, and I can already feel my motivation slipping.

A start is better than nothing. I'd begin with writing down (freely) what you want it to look like.

 

[pixelation]

People don't realize there's a chemical reasoning behind it.

Tell me about it.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

Another bad kinda thing I don't how to describe it.

 

[mugurumakensei]

Does anybody else have really bad racing thoughts? The thoughts range from seemingly innocuous things like "what time should I leave for work tomorrow" to stressful things like "how the hell am I going to get this done before X" to past trauma then to "If I was to never wake up again, would that be better than living?". My mind constantly races with these thoughts. I never act on thoughts like the last but they are nevertheless frequently there.

Up until recently, I was able to control it relatively well. However, over the past four years or so, the racing thoughts have started to consume more of my time. When the thoughts finally do subside, I feel invulnerable and start doing reckless things. When it gets really bad, it feels like my mind starts slipping away, and I'm just a husk moving through the daily grind.

 

[ampere]

Does anybody else have really bad racing thoughts? The thoughts range from seemingly innocuous things like "what time should I leave for work tomorrow" to stressful things like "how the hell am I going to get this done before X" to past trauma then to "If I was to never wake up again, would that be better than living?". My mind constantly races with these thoughts. I never act on thoughts like the last but they are nevertheless frequently there.

Up until recently, I was able to control it relatively well. However, over the past four years or so, the racing thoughts have started to consume more of my time. When the thoughts finally do subside, I feel invulnerable and start doing reckless things. When it gets really bad, it feels like my mind starts slipping away, and I'm just a husk moving through the daily grind.

Yup I've had that before. Sounds like anxiety and/or depression.

I recommend talking to a doctor about it if you can. Getting someone external to look at your situation and try to help you is sometimes the best thing you can do.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Whatever reason you think is why you can't have a partner must be false.

Couple years ago i could have sworn i was able to figure out how to have these lucid dreams where i was in relationships and shit and was hopeful that would work out for me but then they vanished fairly quickly. Have no idea how that happened. Would have been great to supplement my shit life.

Nope, nope, nope. Not interested in any more false hopes or fantasies. My poor heart can't take any more.

It doesn't work like that unfortunately. I think I said before, being asexual isn't what its cracked up to be.

I'm already asexual though, I just need to stop thinking about women. One Redditor is contemplating chemical castration and while I think that's extreme... it's not out of the question. Women are the bane of my existence.

 

[maxxpower]

How many people here suffer from chronic anxiety, like not just panic attacks but 24/7 anxiety symptoms? This shit is driving me fucking insane and I don't know how much longer I can live with the fast heart rate, tightness in my chest, lightheadedness and nausea.

 

[Nosgotham]

How many people here suffer from chronic anxiety, like not just panic attacks but 24/7 anxiety symptoms? This shit is driving me fucking insane and I don't know how much longer I can live with the fast heart rate, tightness in my chest, lightheadedness and nausea.

I can go years without a bad case of anxiety and then something triggers it and it can last for months. its miserable. I am going through a very stressfull academic program and I have felt the anxiety building up over the weeks and it came to a head last week.

I had all last week constant anxiety and it is still lingering but I don't have the pervasive thoughts about my health anymore. My symptoms include muscle twitching, prickly sensations and an inability to think clearly. I always passes eventually for me and I hope it passes for you as well.

I have found that eating healthy and exsrcising really helps as well as talking to someone who understands.

 

[ampere]

How many people here suffer from chronic anxiety, like not just panic attacks but 24/7 anxiety symptoms? This shit is driving me fucking insane and I don't know how much longer I can live with the fast heart rate, tightness in my chest, lightheadedness and nausea.

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but have you talked to a doctor about this?

Gotta look at it like a broken arm... you wouldn't just leave a broken arm to try to heal on its own right? Anxiety is real and treatable. I def know how you feel, hard to breath, racing heart... etc. Treating anxiety will give you big health improvements! I know it can be scary to tell a doctor about it, but trust me it will be beneficial if you do.

 

[Cameron122]

my heart is broken

i need someone to talk to

 

[maxxpower]

I can go years without a bad case of anxiety and then something triggers it and it can last for months. its miserable. I am going through a very stressfull academic program and I have felt the anxiety building up over the weeks and it came to a head last week.

I had all last week constant anxiety and it is still lingering but I don't have the pervasive thoughts about my health anymore. My symptoms include muscle twitching, prickly sensations and an inability to think clearly. I always passes eventually for me and I hope it passes for you as well.

I have found that eating healthy and exsrcising really helps as well as talking to someone who understands.

My problem is that I don't know the root cause of my anxiety. I'm actually going through a "happy" time in my life but I can't enjoy it because of this fucking anxiety.

Hope if goes away for you man.

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but have you talked to a doctor about this?

Gotta look at it like a broken arm... you wouldn't just leave a broken arm to try to heal on its own right? Anxiety is real and treatable. I def know how you feel, hard to breath, racing heart... etc. Treating anxiety will give you big health improvements! I know it can be scary to tell a doctor about it, but trust me it will be beneficial if you do.

I've been on SSRI's but they made me gain weight, I've talked to therapists and it helps a bit and I don't freak out as much. But I just want to be happy and normal again without the need of meds. It feels like I'm in a nightmare and I just want to wake up and be able to enjoy life.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

I can't hack talking. It makes things worse for me.

I think I'm gonna knock exercising on the head, it just makes me feel worse and tired, not better. Might as well get fat now.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I am a piece of shit.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

I am a piece of shit.

How do you figure that?

 

[Iph]

I think my landlord may try to coerce or force me to move what room I'm in because of my gender and potential other roommates having issue with my gender. I may be mistaken. Is best response to this to ignore and carry on, or? Thoughts?

 

[Colin.]

Being socially useless is a fucking drag that ruins everything. Completing an entire conversation without feeling like, or appearing to be an utter freak is basically unheard of for me. It wouldn't even be a problem if I were one of the stereotypical socially inept types, were they have other skills, and can just throw themselves into their work without bothering about any personal connections, or how they're perceived. But it has always been a very painful struggle for me, and I have no outstanding skills that can be applied anywhere. And it has been this way my entire life, with no signs of ending. I'll need to start making proper preparations shortly. I know that the day will come when I'll be unable to take it any more, and I have to be ready for that.

How many people here suffer from chronic anxiety, like not just panic attacks but 24/7 anxiety symptoms? This shit is driving me fucking insane and I don't know how much longer I can live with the fast heart rate, tightness in my chest, lightheadedness and nausea.

Every single time I do something as simple as walking out my front door. Especially the two points I bolded.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

I just endlessly smoke cigarettes. I don't even like it that much, but its the only thing that helps with the nerves and anxiety.

 

[jb1234]

I am a piece of shit.

You are much loved.

 

[Fuchs]

Got rejected again. I won't ever find anyone who can reciprocate my feelings and that I'll stay alone forever. I'm pathetic and I feel like crying.

 

[Iph]

Got rejected again. I won't ever find anyone who can reciprocate my feelings and that I'll stay alone forever. I'm pathetic and I feel like crying.

That is not true. Maybe you're looking for something with someone at a non-optimal time for yourself, which makes it more difficult to attract a healthy, steady relationship with someone. Being lonely can be hard sometimes, but working on things that better yourself, your circle of friends and school/work life should take precedence over looking for a relationship. When those other things in your life are in order, the thing you want most now will likely happen naturally. Love and such happens when you least expect it and are not looking for it. Take care of you and the rest will come up along with that. <3

 

[isuzu]

Aaaaand the doctor changed my medication again.

efexor 150mg -> cymbalta 60mg 2x/day. no lower dosage to help the transtion either. the brain zaps are gonna be awesome!

mirtazapine 30mg -> wellbutrin 300mg

I'll still be taking ambien 10mg and klonopin 2mg because I can't sleep without them.

This will be the last time I try to change medication. I'm tired of going through a list of antidepressants and none working for me. Both TMS and ECT didn't work either. My brain is all fucked up and all I can "feel" is apathy or wish I was dead.

 

[Cameron122]

my heart is broken

i need someone to talk to

Alright whatever

 

[Andrew Korenchkin]

Nope.

 

[Iph]

Alright whatever

Hey, what's wrong? Sometimes people aren't available to respond immediately. I know it can be frustrating. Mind if I ask why?

 

[Canon]

I'm gonna have to spend 5 days a week from now on with some guy I don't like. He smells of Tobacco and I can't stand that shit, and I don't want it brought into my home.

I'm the type of person if something is wrong in my life, I cannot enjoy anything. Everything has to be fine or at least I need to remain ignorant of any problems to feel okay. One thing that sucks ruins everything.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Tonight I learned that only two people are running for the three seats on my town budget committee. Thinking it would be a good experience for myself, I put a status on Facebook asking people to write me in tomorrow and tagged two local people. Within five minutes one of the people decided to run while the other endorsed him.

I don't know how to feel about this. I don't really care about the position, but for two people to just oppose me like that was hurtful.

 

[Unknown One]

It's about time I posted in here.

I have been feeling lonely for years now. I feel like most of my friendships are shallow. I feel empty most of the time. I feel like I don't belong at all.

I know a lot of you guys feel this way as well. I got people who love me, but I just can't help feel this way. The loneliness is eating away at me day by day. It's the worst feeling ever.

 

[Omega Ultimus]

Tonight I learned that only two people are running for the three seats on my town budget committee. Thinking it would be a good experience for myself, I put a status on Facebook asking people to write me in tomorrow and tagged two local people. Within five minutes one of the people decided to run while the other endorsed him.

I don't know how to feel about this. I don't really care about the position, but for two people to just oppose me like that was hurtful.

It's hard to say whether or not it's just a case of callous favoritism or absent-minded true belief in the other person's abilities to help run a budgetary committee. Either way, that's low of them; however, whenever competition is involved, you have to learn to numb yourself to people acting without regard for other's feelings. It's an unfortunate reality, but one we have to deal with, nonetheless.

It's about time I posted in here.

I have been feeling lonely for years now. I feel like most of my friendships are shallow. I feel empty most of the time. I feel like I don't belong at all.

I know a lot of you guys feel this way as well. I got people who love me, but I just can't help feel this way. The loneliness is eating away at me day by day. It's the worst feeling ever.

Why do you feel like most of your friendships are shallow? Does it have more to do with depression or just the state that these friendships are in? The reason I ask is because having meaningful relationships can help one's esteem greatly, and you keyed in on the "loneliness" aspect.

 

[Unknown One]

It's more like I feel like I don't fit in. There is always the thought that they only hang out with me if they are bored, not because they want to spend time with me. I usually get left out of events.

 

[ampere]

I am a piece of shit.

post more or pm me if you need to talk about it

 

[Omega Ultimus]

It's more like I feel like I don't fit in. There is always the thought that they only hang out with me if they are bored, not because they want to spend time with me. I usually get left out of events.

Yeah, I know the feeling. I would say that if they were just "putting up with you", then they would likely just flake and ignore you. Otherwise, it's likely that you're just manifesting these perceived problems because of low self-esteem. I've been there and learned to be more vocal about hanging out and whatnot. It paid off quite well. If they still don't want to, after multiple attempts of you asking to hang out, I would start to invest in new friends (it's not easy, but flaky friends are just unreliable, and it becomes too one-sided to call it a friendship at that point).

Unless you're hanging out with the often, and vocal about doing so, I would hazard a guess to them forgetting about you for events being a result of you not being (to their perception) an outgoing person. It's likely not that they don't care about you, but rather that they don't see you as an extroverted person, and hence why it would never cross their mind to invite you.

However, in the case you do inquire about spending more time and the possibility of you attending events, and they show no signs of interest of honoring your requests, then I'd say dump them. As their friend, you would deserve better.

 

[A Human Becoming]

It's hard to say whether or not it's just a case of callous favoritism or absent-minded true belief in the other person's abilities to help run a budgetary committee. Either way, that's low of them; however, whenever competition is involved, you have to learn to numb yourself to people acting without regard for other's feelings. It's an unfortunate reality, but one we have to deal with, nonetheless.

The other guy didn't care about running for the position until I asked people to write me in. Why someone would be so against me filling a position nobody wanted just boggles me.

 

[JeTmAn81]

The other guy didn't care about running for the position until I asked people to write me in. Why someone would be so against me filling a position nobody wanted just boggles me.

That sucks, though it's not necessarily a personal thing against you. Your message may have lead that person to come to the same realization that you did; there's an opportunity to win that position without much competition. It always helps hurt feelings if you can err on the side of not taking things as a personal attack whenever possible.

 

[Omega Ultimus]

The other guy didn't care about running for the position until I asked people to write me in. Why someone would be so against me filling a position nobody wanted just boggles me.

Unless the person you noted has any previous examples of maliciously targeting you, I'm not sure it's healthy to rush to that conclusion. It could be he is just a narcissist that wants to show-off.

The reason I bring these alternatives up isn't to downplay how you've been hurt, but rather to make sure you aren't perceiving these as direct antagonisms, if they are indeed not. It can be destructive to one's self-esteem to believe that you are irrationally hated. I've been there, and it took away years of my life.

A few questions:

That said, was this someone you personally knew?

Is there a possibility you can still win the seat?

 

[A Human Becoming]

That sucks, though it's not necessarily a personal thing against you. Your message may have lead that person to come to the same realization that you did; there's an opportunity to win that position without much competition. It always helps hurt feelings if you can err on the side of not taking things as a personal attack whenever possible.

That's true. I often take things too personal.

Unless the person you noted has any previous examples of maliciously targeting you, I'm not sure it's healthy to rush to that conclusion. It could be he is just a narcissist that wants to show-off.

The reason I bring these alternatives up isn't to downplay how you've been hurt, but rather to make sure you aren't perceiving these as direct antagonisms, if they are indeed not. It can be destructive to one's self-esteem to believe that you are irrationally hated. I've been there, and it took away years of my life.

A few questions:

That said, was this someone you personally knew?

Is there a possibility you can still win the seat?

I know the person who's running personally. We both went to the elementary school here and the high school in another town. The person who endorsed him is the wife of our 8th grade teacher.

No, it is not. The wife holds weight in the community and is already on the committee. The person running is more known here than me too.

 

[Saiyan-Rox]

Suppose I should post in here too although not sure what'll come from it.

Been suffering with just loneliness and zero self worth and max self hate for awhile now. Never had a GF or even a date every time I try I get either laughed at or "zoned" and ignored at online dating, dont know what to say or never bother cause I'm not good enough. I'm also usually alone 99% of the time I never really see my fiends they've all moved on with thier lives while I'm still stuck. I've got a bad case of anxiety too and for that I don't drink because it tends to make it worse so people at my job wouldn't ask me to go out either and because I mostly spend time at home I don't have much to talk about either so come across as boring.

I constantly feel like I get ignored because of how useless and pointless I am >< nothing happy or lucky ever seems to happen to me and I just get shit on like someone is watching over me just causing everything to go wrong!

 

[Unknown One]

Yeah, I know the feeling. I would say that if they were just "putting up with you", then they would likely just flake and ignore you. Otherwise, it's likely that you're just manifesting these perceived problems because of low self-esteem. I've been there and learned to be more vocal about hanging out and whatnot. It paid off quite well. If they still don't want to, after multiple attempts of you asking to hang out, I would start to invest in new friends (it's not easy, but flaky friends are just unreliable, and it becomes too one-sided to call it a friendship at that point).

Unless you're hanging out with the often, and vocal about doing so, I would hazard a guess to them forgetting about you for events being a result of you not being (to their perception) an outgoing person. It's likely not that they don't care about you, but rather that they don't see you as an extroverted person, and hence why it would never cross their mind to invite you.

However, in the case you do inquire about spending more time and the possibility of you attending events, and they show no signs of interest of honoring your requests, then I'd say dump them. As their friend, you would deserve better.

I am contemplating that. Hanging out with them just makes me feel like crap. You are right on the money about the issue. I can't keep on being strung along. I think I only did so because it is better to interact with somebody instead of nobody.

Loneliness is terrible.

 

[Megalosaro]

I was planning a trip to Boston for myself and my parents to see the pats. I'm going to have to cancel.

My roommates/best friend company is about to strike, which means I have to cover his part of the rent and living expenses for him and his mother, who has been staying with us since she got evicted. Unfortunately he hadn't saved up up much money. This also ruins my plans to get a certification since I'm gonna have to dip into that fund as well.

 

[Kwixotik]

This week sucks. I have had tests every day. Yesterday I thought I did well on a test, but did not. Today I got hit hard by a big fucking truck while walking to a test and for some reason decided to go ahead and take the test anyway not 10 minutes later despite being shaken up and bleeding. Didn't even tell my professor, probably didn't do too well on that one either. E-mailed him later to let him know why I walked in late and he's just like "glad youre okay, you could have mentioned it".

Most people I'm close to don't even seem to care. Feeling pretty low, but oh well gotta start studying for the next one...

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

That's true. I often take things too personal.

I know the person who's running personally. We both went to the elementary school here and the high school in another town. The person who endorsed him is the wife of our 8th grade teacher.

No, it is not. The wife holds weight in the community and is already on the committee. The person running is more known here than me too.

You missed one step though: you used Facebook. You really cannot trust Facebook as a good measure of whether you are reaching people because the system itself filters out messages that it would 'think' might be important.

For example: you have 5 people from that school on your friends list and listed no previous interest in the field of the position. He has 10 people from that school on his friends list (and probably never talks them either), but has, once, listed interest in that field. His message will get shared as an 'important' story, whereas yours will not. People's preference filter in only the 'important' stories, and therefore she simply never saw your original message.

This gets way worse the more friends you have and the more diverse they are, since facebook then starts to select more aggressively. Considering the second person is female, her list is twice as large as the same person as male by default (yes really, this isn't a stereotype, that just happens on every medium, ever), so she would be a prime target for this scenario.

So you would assume many things when Facebook might have simply crapped your party from the first move by being ****ing Facebook. It does that a lot, so it's not like this would be the first time.

Use a mail listing and / or newsletter instead. You know it gets to people when you send them (e-)mail, but unless you're a company and you're providing money to facebook, you would never be certain of it.

Second option scenario: they are opportunistic cunts, and now it's your job to ruin their ****ing day by calling or mailing EVERYONE. Guy wants to compete? Crush the fool.
(he would do it to you, if this scenario applies. Besides: if it's a game, you play to win)
Is this likely? A cynic would say 'yes', but I doubt it's what happened. Either way: just crush the guy. It's a game, crush him.

Good luck with the run.

 

[Aeonin]

Does anyone have any experience visiting a psychiatrist while on medicaid?

Well to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm on medicaid or not. I show as "Approved for Benefits" on the Colorado PEAK site. They sent me a medical card, but it shows as "Department of Health Care Policy and Financing" - not sure what that means. I'm a little scared to see a doctor because I have very little money.

NOTE: I don't have a regular doctor. I honestly haven't seen a doctor for myself in about 12 years, back when I was on my mother's plan.

Any response would be much appreciated.
Thanks.