My sexdrive is lower now that I'm depressed, but everything still functions. I'm on Brintellix 10 mg in the morning and half a Trazodon 100mg in the evening. Supposedely there aren't any sexual side-effects with the fairly new Brintellix.
I want to talk about myself for a minute here, because it helps. I've been depressed since december, but it was lingering for a few years I suppose. Had an on-and-off-relationship for over 4 years and that really did me in, combined with fun, but high-stress work. Me and my ex split up around 10 times, but in 2014 we started living together, this didn't fix anything. We broke off in november. I cannot diagnose anyone but a lot of her behavior in the past four years resemble behaviour found in people with BPD. Regardless of if she suffers from it or not, her personality obviously did not make me happy. It was always fireworks with us, either great fireworks or crippling fire.
So, after the final break up, my body just couldn't go on. I tried to keep working for a month or two but the high stress of it combined with the feeling of losing my complete identity (it felt like it was sucked out of me by my ex, but I have to blame myself because I've let it happen), made it impossible for me to really go on. Somewhere in february I started to stay at home. Fortunately, in this country things are taken care off if you have a mental illness and my manager at work is very understanding.
I've been a month at home now and I've seen some great progression thanks to therapy and the anti depressives I mentioned above. A month ago I was pretty much suicidal and I couldn't do anything, just stare at what was in front of me. I also couldn't play any games, go for a walk, do the household, watch tv, sleep, read, nothing.
Now it's a month later and I watch a lot of series, go outside almost every day (to play some football with friends, go out in weekends, go for a walk, go shopping), play a game every now and then. I even picked up driving again which I haven't done for 12 years (12 years ago I got my license but did nothing with it). It gives me more confidence. I've also been on a few dates and while nothing has come out of it, I'm starting to feel more confident in myself and starting to feel like my old self... a little bit!
So, all in all very positive progression and I'm very happy with that. I still have a lot of bad moments, especially when I wake up, but they become smaller each week it seems. I might even start working for a few half days (at home) starting next week, but I'm not sure yet.
I'd love to talk more about it but this is already a long post. I just wanted to share it with you all. If you have any questions (about the progression I've made, about the meds I take, about the therapy, about my last relationship that has driven me almost over the edge, or whatever), I'd be glad to answer.
Lastly, I would like to say to ALL of you suffering from depression: keep holding on. I know I've only been depressed for a month or 3, 4, which is nothing compared to the periods some of you go through, but I've been there before in my life and I know that during this period I often felt completely hopeless, miss understood and transparant, like I didn't exist. I know it is hard to feel this way, I know almost no one seems to understand you, and I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But keep holding on, because the only other way out is death, and then you will NEVER know if you would've been able to reach that light. If you can't talk about it with anyone in real life, get a T or talk about it here. I'd be glad to read and reply, which is what I'm going to try and do from now on.
Thanks for reading and I hope I can contribute often here!
