pixelation
Member
I think i'm thread poison, whenever i post in a thread it suddenly dies... T_T
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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I talked to a social worker today and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got referred to a Psychologist, Psychiatrist and another Social Worker (she was temporarily working there I guess). I tried to be as honest as possible and she seemed hopeful I could get out of this. I recommend going to a SW or a Psychologist to those afraid to do so (if you are able, I know some aren't so lucky) , they just ask a lot of questions the first time.
How hard is it go get into boxing as an adult? I'm out of shape but I always wanted to get into it.
Thanks!
That's about what I was expecting. Yesterday wasn't as bad as I anticipated at all, but the tiredness/fatigue side effect was definitely noticeable.
Mostly I just can't wait until the positive effects from the dosage increase kick in. If all goes well, it should be smooth sailing from there on out.
When I talked with my mother about the problems I had during childhood and adolescence she told me teachers and therapists never knew what the reason behind my problems was and how much I suffered.
But to me it seems like nobody really cared. Nobody gave a shit how I felt. They always focused on how the effects of my suffering just made their own shitty little lives a bit more shitty.
It wasn't until I got myself an adult psychologist at 16 that somebody wanted to help my own wellbeing.
Hell, I didn't even have a proper concept of wellbeing.
Until then I somehow felt like you could only be happy if you satisfied the expectations of authority figures.
Did nobody in the 90's give a shit about the psyche of children or was that just in my environment?
But to me it seems like nobody really cared. Nobody gave a shit how I felt. They always focused on how the effects of my suffering just made their own shitty little lives a bit more shitty.
It wasn't until I got myself an adult psychologist at 16 that somebody wanted to help my own wellbeing.
Hell, I didn't even have a proper concept of wellbeing.
Until then I somehow felt like you could only be happy if you satisfied the expectations of authority figures.
Did nobody in the 90's give a shit about the psyche of children or was that just in my environment?
Are you in the US? At least in the US it seems like mental health awareness is still a budding thing. Sure there have been mental health services in the past but it seems like the stigma to admitting to having a mental health issue isn't as bad as it was. And it seems like there are more options available to individuals seeking help.
My mom is worried about my brother's anxiety and says she wishes she had really understood it better when he was younger and she would have taken him to the doctor for it. I think the general population is just not well educated regarding mental health.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Other than misidentifying ADHD? Not much and we still don't. It seems to only exist in the paradigm of autism and mental disability, not on things like depression or anxiety.
I guess you're both right.
Heh, all those test I had to undergo just to prove that I'm ADHD or autistic or even mentally disabled never went anywhere. Often the results even pointed in the other direction.
Many of my mental problems are solved now too but it simply boggles my mind how blind everyone was. Balancing on a Pogoball for 15 minutes during therapy wouldn't fix my fear of going outside during recess or being apathetic in class or having to cry almost every hour.
Perhaps. Misidentifying ADHD... thinking back my parents were told to put me on something for that when I was young, but I'm not sure that I have attention deficit beyond the norm. Hard to know what the norm is when you are stuck in one body! heh
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
This might be an interesting book on he topic:
The ADHD explosion: A new book explores factors that have fueled it
The ADHD explosion: A new book explores factors that have fueled it
(Still) taking the tablets
mugurumakensei
Member
had to cut back on my latuda dose. the restlessness and anxiety at 40 mg is too much.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Okay just an update.
I went in for my intake exam at Behavioral, they are sending me to a psychologist/psychiatrist lady who is probably going to put me on a cocktail of meds since my symptoms are so severe. I had to also call the Pharmacy that they had their and leave a message to make arrangements for medication or something it's really confusing.
I broke down during the intake interview and started crying, I just want to be normal. Happy.
Not crazy.
I jumped around a lot and didn't focus so my history they typed up was only partially filled and the therapist said it was fine but I felt like I should've tried to concentrate more and get things more organized but I don't know. She said I did better than most, and the Psychologist will ask me about the finer details. I basically just said what I said in my post here on GAF.
Well, we're on the road to hopefully, recovery. I don't really feel confident in it at all.
They told me I needed to move out of my parents house because the environment is not conducive to my development but I have nowhere to go and my insurance won't pay for any of that shit and I am in no state to work.
I feel somewhere between terrible and slightly okay, my mother had a huge fit in the office when she saw me mark who I thought was supportive I.E not my parents.
Fuck. I just feel so awful.
I went in for my intake exam at Behavioral, they are sending me to a psychologist/psychiatrist lady who is probably going to put me on a cocktail of meds since my symptoms are so severe. I had to also call the Pharmacy that they had their and leave a message to make arrangements for medication or something it's really confusing.
I broke down during the intake interview and started crying, I just want to be normal. Happy.
Not crazy.
I jumped around a lot and didn't focus so my history they typed up was only partially filled and the therapist said it was fine but I felt like I should've tried to concentrate more and get things more organized but I don't know. She said I did better than most, and the Psychologist will ask me about the finer details. I basically just said what I said in my post here on GAF.
Well, we're on the road to hopefully, recovery. I don't really feel confident in it at all.
They told me I needed to move out of my parents house because the environment is not conducive to my development but I have nowhere to go and my insurance won't pay for any of that shit and I am in no state to work.
I feel somewhere between terrible and slightly okay, my mother had a huge fit in the office when she saw me mark who I thought was supportive I.E not my parents.
Fuck. I just feel so awful.
So update on day two of my Escitalopram/Lexapro dosage increase: I... feel pretty much no side effects whatsoever. Not even the minor ones I was feeling yesterday. It's kind of weirding me out. Haha. Maybe I'm slightly more tired than normal, but tiredness is pretty standard for me anyways.
So yeah. That's pretty cool.
Good luck, RoyaleDuke! You've taken the first steps to getting better, so you're on your way. You got this.
So yeah. That's pretty cool.
Good luck, RoyaleDuke! You've taken the first steps to getting better, so you're on your way. You got this.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Are you schizoaffective?
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
The jumps might not be as bad when you are past the introductory phase towards more therapeutic doses.
Yeah, I wasn't expecting it to be as bad as the introductory phase, but I'd read some other people's experiences about making the jump from 10mg to 20mg and I expected something. Oh well. I'm not complaining. Haha
Could have been a generational thing. It took several years and letters from my school to finally convince my parents I needed glasses. They thought I was lying or something weird because I had already been put into a speech therapy class. I never got mental help for the obvious abuse I was receiving from my brother along with my sisters. That all came on my own after school and hitting rock bottom. I guess that was the baby boomer generation? Maybe they were more of a passive hands off generation or selfish generation, i'm not sure. It's a progressive thing, I mean imagine how things were dealt with in the 60's.
pixelation
Member
Well, you can get into boxing even if it's solely for fitness benefits, it's just a matter of getting accustomed to the strain, getting good stamina (not getting tired from throwing punches, keeping your guard up, staying on your feet, head/body movement) and learning the basics (jab, straight right, hook, uppercut etc), if you go to a boxing gym they might ask you to spar, it's up to you if you wanna do it or not, you could tell them that you're doing it just as exercise... unless you actually want to compete. I am an amateur boxer so i do it for actual training reasons myself.
CarbonatedFalcon
Member
It'll probably take a little longer than that to notice a difference after already being on the medicine. Definitely more subtle than going from nothing to something.
Yeah, definitely. I was referring to side effects when I said "I expected something" rather than the primary positive effects in that post (reading back, that was probably unclear). I'm not expecting to feel the positive effects of the dosage increase for a couple weeks or so.
Thanks for the reply though! Good to know.
mugurumakensei
Member
Nah. Bipolar II disorder.
First of all, I'm so happy to hear that you took the first step and it sounds as though they've got some real ideas for treatment. I'm excited to hear more as you go through further steps in the process. It won't be easy but sometimes, even in breaking down talking about the toughest topics, there is some solace to be found in opening up to someone who is supportive.
Nobody gives a perfect overview of everything in their intake interview. It takes time to fill in the gaps.
And while moving out of your parents house is a good goal to work towards, one step at a time. Step one is make things a bit more tolerable and stable. You're already working on step one. One step at a time.
<3
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Bluekaveli
Member
When do these withdrawal side effects of zoloft go away? I've been without it for 3 weeks but I've been getting stress induced migraines.
Yeah. I also noticed how my mom was always like "Psychology is a scam and nobody can heal mental disorders." and I wondered why she was like that. But reading about psychiatric history I found out that during the 70's, when many baby boomers were young adults or coming of age, the disbelief or mistrust in Psychiatry was heavily en vouge.
I figured she was influenced by this a lot.
It depends on whether or not I pass or fail this current woman studies class that I am in. If I pass then I only have three credits which should be a cakewalk for anyone. Problem lies in the fact that the last class is the internship. My GPA is piss poor and quite frankly I'm scared of the internship. I don't want to mess it up and in my current state I'm afraid that's just what I'll do. There are tons of public health internships out there but I particularly want one in which I am shadowing a health inspector. I've pretty much forgotten most of the food safety knowledge that I had from previous classes But food safety is the only aspect of public health for which I actually cared about.
If I fail this class then I will have to both take the internship and another writing intensive course. Taking another writing intensive course should actually be a walk in the park for me because there's actually a writing intensive course on graphic novels which I'm pretty sure I could pass.
If everything goes right then I could be in the field by May of next year because you have to go for state or city specific certification in order to become a health inspector.
You're young, too young actually to be thinking like this is the end.
Did you talk to your professors about the difficulties you have with writing? They can really help you, you just got to open up to them! They may even redirect you to awesome services your college has that you didn't even know existed. Like a Writing Center or something like that.
Everyine procratinates. I do too, a LOT. It just happens, so don't feel like it's your fault. We're all human beings and we all do stuff we acknowledge that could bite us in the ass later but we do them anyways.
What's up with your Vita?
I've had difficulty writing assignment since grade school. I've been to the writing center before but my problem really lies in spelling and grammar . I can't spell a lot of words to save my life. In addition to that my writings tend to all over the place and very disorganized. To combat this I use Dragon voice recognition software. The main problem is that voice recognition software does not work well in noisy environments. Back when my laptop is working I would just plug my mic in and dictate a paper in no time flat. Now I've got a go into the break room which is always loud dictate there.
The break room is quite literally the worst place to write a paper. There are so many distractions and people asking you stupid questions that getting anything of note done is impossible. I used to be able to tune this out without getting angry but as of late I kind of have a short fuse. The smallest things just annoy the hell out of me.
I never really found a workaround to the whole procrastination issue. It's like I have to wait till the 11th hour in order to get anything done . And oftentimes I don't get anything done. It's not as if I forget the project it's just I choose not to do it and then it is due .
My vita screen is cracked and I am waiting for a sale to buy a new one. I may get a 3DS if I can get one on sale.
I'm conflicted about whether I actually want to graduate or not. I got into my current program because I love food and I wanted a job in which I can actually help the public. I slog through class after class of public health theory and marketing to finally get to my food safety course and to barely pass it. My current attitude is that now I just want to be over . My internship is literally the key discovering whether or not I've wasted all this time for nothing. I feel that right now my head is isn't on straight and slowly but surely it has been affecting all aspects of my life. If I go to the internship now I run the risk of failing it.
No worries, man. It sounds as though things have improved at least marginally; I hope they continue to look up, and know we here in the Mental Health thread will do everything we reasonably can to support you
You're right, that is quite a tough situation with a lot of uncomfortable / unpleasant factors contributing to one another.
It sounds as though, ultimately, you're going to need to hold your nose and force yourself through changing one of those factors so that the rest can naturally change as a result. Practically, one could suggest forcing yourself to finish school as that would help with career / living situation prospects, but I, personally, think you should force yourself to have that uncomfortable discussion with your mother and see a therapist. The way you speak about going to campus and being on campus makes it sounds as though you are suffering an unreasonable amount in your pursuit of academic studies, which means forcing yourself to finish your degree just may not work.
I know you said you hate the idea of the conversation with your mother and the stigma it may place on you but ultimately it seems like what can best start the gears moving for a large number of changes in your life.
Perhaps a psychiatrist could be helpful as well, but I'm not the one to decide that. Just important to get help in general!
Hope that makes sense.
<3
I kind of think that is the logical course of action. My mom works in a mental hospital as an orderly and she herself has been visiting a grief counselor for about two years now. When I look at it like that she should be the ideal choice but on the other side of the coin she can be very opportunistic and exploitative in order to get her way. I have trust issues with her. I should've just opted in to the healthcare that my job provides and then I wouldn't of had to deal with her. It's too late for that now.
megatronium
Member
My psychiatrist visit yesterday was about 30 minutes. He asked me questions about my moods and diagnosed me as bipolar 1. He's taking away my beloved prozac and put me on lamictal and abilify. I'll miss prozac - here's hoping the abilify works. Anyone have experience with these?
If it's any consolation I didn't feel any better after one visit either. Wouldn't even take the meds my doctor gave me for awhile because I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and I didn't think they'd help.
Stay strong!
kamineko
Does his best thinking in the flying car
I have experience with both. I can't say much about Abilify, because it gave me akathisia, which is, hands down, some of the most awful shit I have ever experienced. It's a rare side effect, so you shouldn't expect it, but be aware & stop immediately if it happens to you.
Lamictal is pretty effective for more mild forms of Bipolar Disorder. I had no side effects and it curbed my hypomania. 'Course, hypomania can be nice, but it's good to keep it in check because things can escalate if it goes untreated. & you really, really don't want things to escalate. My doc was pretty disappointed that I couldn't handle Abilify, apparently it's well-regarded as a solution.
Boring and uneventful Day 3 update on dosage increase from 10mg to 20mg Escitalopram:
Feeling probably the strongest side effects of the three days since I started taking 20mg. Minor nausea and really lethargic. Still not quite as bad as the introductory phase, but not as smooth sailing as it's been the past two days.
Edit: I take that back. Today is probably nearly as bad as it was during the introductory phase. It's so tough to make myself do anything here at work.
Feeling probably the strongest side effects of the three days since I started taking 20mg. Minor nausea and really lethargic. Still not quite as bad as the introductory phase, but not as smooth sailing as it's been the past two days.
Edit: I take that back. Today is probably nearly as bad as it was during the introductory phase. It's so tough to make myself do anything here at work.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
One Flow Over the Cuckoos Nest really messed things up. The psychiatric profession was still using Freud and we hadn't established a lot of the ethical practices on human studies and practices.
Mad in America: Bad Science, Bad Medicine, and the Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill
Much of this is still evident today. People who are against taking mental health and psychiatry seriously. The "antidepressant zombie", ECT being Medieval torture, and many news headlines by anti-psychiatry groups who write against antidepressants and constantly fudge figures. Irving Kirsch , being one of the loudest voices of pill shaming
kamineko
Does his best thinking in the flying car
I still hear people use "bipolar" as a disparaging way to describe someone's behavior.
I mean, what is that shit.
megatronium
Member
Simple ignorance. Don't blame them, educate them if possible.
Piano thank you so much for responding to each of my post. I'm a little late saying this. Your words really helped me feel a bit better. I just don't talk about this much and i was really in a dark place when i first posted. Just having someone acknowledge my posts helped. Really appreciate it!
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
You have a lot more experience in the field than I do, so yeah.
i got myself good health insurance for the first time in my adult life 1 year ago for the sole purpose of going to see a doctor for severe ADHD issues and mild anxiety issues.
even though i literally thought about, and desperately wanting to go, it took me a full 365 days to make the appointment. i kept putting it off and putting it off even though i legitimately daydreamed about going.
while the phone was ringing and while i was talking to the administrator i was incredibly nervous. my hand was near shakes holding the phone while it was ringing.
does anyone have insight on this? anyone ever really want to go to the doctor, have the means to do so, but put it off indefinitely?
even though i literally thought about, and desperately wanting to go, it took me a full 365 days to make the appointment. i kept putting it off and putting it off even though i legitimately daydreamed about going.
while the phone was ringing and while i was talking to the administrator i was incredibly nervous. my hand was near shakes holding the phone while it was ringing.
does anyone have insight on this? anyone ever really want to go to the doctor, have the means to do so, but put it off indefinitely?
Yeah, I had put it off for an extreme amount of time. Just went yesterday - and it was much less nerve racking then I had made it out to be in my head. Not sure why I didn't want to go. Maybe I didn't want it to be real in a way - or I was worried that I'd have to convince the guy that I had ADD problems.
Turns out that last one was true. I told him all the issues I was having that just happened to correlate with all the ADD symptoms, he disagreed and put me on a anti-depressant. I'm super worried that it won't have any effect (I'm not that depressed). But I have yet to take it. So I'm not sure just yet.
His analysis of my symptoms was that, if it wasn't caught while I was a child - I don't have it.
Despite him knowing that I had never gone to the doctor since age 9 due to some family trauma. I'm a little disappointed. But we'll see.
Just go tho. I know its scary and you don't really want to do it. But it does feel good to just get it over with and see what happens (not a whole lot).
Icomp
Member
Did you get some kind of SSRI?
That is my fear. However I am open to anything really.
I've been reading a lot about low testosterone lately and it seems that a low enough T level can trigger depression, anxiety, and concentration symptoms.
Simply making the call today for an appointment put me in the best mood I've been in in weeks though.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Reading on the internet about what you may have is more nerve wracking than making that call. There's ton's of legitimate information bit tons of snake oil and misinformation.
Nice job on making that doctor's appointment, Joe!
I was kind of in the same boat. I've known for sure for probably two years (though thinking back, it's been a problem longer than that, it just took me a while to realize it) I've had depression, but it took me until a couple months ago to actually build up the courage to go to the doctor. I'm so, so glad I did though. Got some SSRIs and I also found out that I have really low testosterone, so that could be one of the major factors. After I get the results back from a second blood test to double check stuff, I'll be seeing an endocrinologist to get things sorted.
So yeah, I hope your doctor appointment goes great and you are able to start feeling better!
Vigilant Walrus
Member
the point is finding the point. Being indifferent is incredible unsatisfying, almost crazy inducing.
Some people live for the pleasures. Substances, entertainment, good feelings. They live for the weekends, for nice materialistic things, to be distracted. The only problem with this is that it's malleable.
Hence why so many ultra rich privileged people who had it all end up so dissatisfied with everything.
A life of purpose and meaning is usually dedicated to a cause, or something bigger than yourself. it might be your career, your skill(s) that you try to master, your objective to help, or a dream to realise.
Some people root up their entire life and just go travel. Some people make a big change at home. Some people do the things they are afraid off. Some people seek out the pain.
But it all starts about being honest with yourself and looking at yourself, What did you want to be when you where a kid? did you think you would end up at this point? what has gone right, what has gone wrong? what do you think would make your life better?
You already know the answers. Its just letting those answers resurface so you are consciously aware of them that is the problem for many of us.
In reality figuring out your thing or point is what its all about. your custom journey. I've spend years in the same rut, looking for mentors and inspirations and people who could motivate me to give me a handbook on how to master life, or a certain aspect of life. People often say to emulate and fake until you make it, but I think that application is limited.
People are not stupid (generally speaking), and you are not stupid. You can't reap if you won't sow, so you have to put in work to make things happen, and that starts by being exposed to new things. If staying in the patterns then nothing will change, but only you can control that.
That is not motivational speaking just a mathematical fact. In fact, Einstein said that his definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
thanks for your reply. im sitting here thinking about what i wanted to be as a kid and nothing comes up. when you dont even want to be alive its hard to do anything. i barely can muster up the strength to go out and do grocery shopping. sometimes i dont eat and just sit in front of my computer getting drunk and wasting away. i pray for death on almost a daily basis but im too scared to end it all. i feel trapped and have become complacent in my prison
I was (and to some extent, still am) in the same boat.
Vigilant Walrus's post wasn't wrong, but probably wasn't totally relevant in this situation. Or at least it wouldn't have been relevant to my situation when I was in a similar place as you. It's one thing to search for meaning in a philosophical sense, but quite another to feel like life is meaningless and unfulfilling on a psychological level. One is fairly normal and the other is pretty much the definition of depression.
Have you tried getting psychiatric treatment? I was recently prescribed SSRIs and although I've got a long way to go, I'm feeling slightly better and I certainly have a lot more hope for the future. I mean, since life seems generally pointless and directionless at the moment, you've got nothing to lose, right? I know that's way easier said than done though. It took me a very long time to seek treatment and get a doctor's appointment. I'm very glad I did though. I hope you're able to do the same if you feel that's the right direction for you to take.
i'm lonely.
was having a good day, getting some things done, getting some good drum practice in and happy with how that's coming along, the weather's finally nice.... then a took a nap, woke up later than I expected, went out to get a bite to eat, and everyone's walking around with friends, hanging out on their porches drinking beers and smoking week, having parties, and suddenly I feel like shit. I could've written almost the exact same post ten years ago. I swear to god I hate myself, fuck.
was having a good day, getting some things done, getting some good drum practice in and happy with how that's coming along, the weather's finally nice.... then a took a nap, woke up later than I expected, went out to get a bite to eat, and everyone's walking around with friends, hanging out on their porches drinking beers and smoking week, having parties, and suddenly I feel like shit. I could've written almost the exact same post ten years ago. I swear to god I hate myself, fuck.
I just deleted a long depressing ass post because it was so pathetic. Honestly just being to vent here is amazing. Ive been searching for help in my area but i dont know how to go on about doing that. Internet searches just give me a huge list of therapists in my area with a paragraph trying to sell themselves to me
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