Skellig Gra
Member
Sounds like your horrible lawyer screwed you.
How about you fake your own death?
How about you fake your own death?
No OP, don't start using your children as ammunition.I have no experience of this and I doubt my advice has any worth on the subject but I'd let her know that she's trying to ruin your life. I'd state it to her plainly; "You're trying to destroy me".
I'd tell her that, if nothing else, she shouldn't try to ruin the relationship your children might have with their father. And I'd make sure that she's aware you are recording every transgression, and every moment she tries to separate you from your children, and that you'll make sure your children know when they come of age. If nothing else you won't allow yourself to be blamed for your children being unable to spend time with you.
Otherwise I don't know what legal recourse you can take. And again take my advice with a grain of salt. Do what you think is best and do not let her destroy you.
What's the difference between child support and maintainance? Are they the same thing? Or is maintainance meaning rent, bills, etc?
Genuine question.
Have you asked the lawyer how long you'd be expected to pay based on the second job after you quit? From my experience, they don't base child support on "potential income" forever, so check and see if quitting the job now might give you more reasonable payments in the future.
No matter what happens, spending time with your children should be your first priority now, and it sounds like getting out of that second job is the best for everyone involved in the long term, so your goal should be accepting that you're going to do that and then look at every possible angle to find the best way to do it.
That's literally all I care about is being with them, for example I have them this weekend... and I'm at work until probably 5pm, they fall asleep at 7. By the time I get home it will be close to 6. Last weekend my daughter asked me why I don't want to spend time with her and would rather work. I don't know how to say "because your mom is a fucking evil devil" without sounding like an asshole. It's not my daughters fault.. So I just say I want to see her but daddy unfortunately has to work. She's 5 years old. I hate all of this. I see my kids sad every weekend because they have to spend it with grandma instead of daddy. I feel like they think I don't love them
I have, he said that because I worked the two jobs for over two years they will force me to keep the hours because its what my children are used to, is having that income
I once worked with a guy who was getting screwed for everything, one night he snapped and just quit, went on the dole and he never had to pay again...
probably extreme but it sounds like becoming poor is your only option
A stay at home parent always fucks over the working spouse in a divorce. The fact that in your case its a wife + kids means you are super duper fucked.
Divorce is already shitty. It's disturbing that a mistake in love will end up costing you financially for years and years after the relationship has ended.
Sorry OP. I really hope things work out for you.
to every man out there! regardless of how much you love your significant other and think you know them, sign a freaking prenup, that's what i did and i sleep peacefully at night, my money is mine, her money is hers, whatever we have on both our names gets divided equally, end of story, sorry for you OP
Maintenance is like child support... for the ex-spouse. It's for them to continue something resembling what they were accustomed to rather than say, someone being literally thrown onto the street after a divorce.
Damn, that's fucking rough. In the UK, we pay maintainance through the CSA (Child Support Agency) which covers the essentials for the child, such as food, clothes, etc. I really don't get how the US system thinks it's necessary for you to pay for your ex-wife's lifestyle. The only money you should have to pay is towards the upbringing of your child, like it is here in the UK. I've only ever paid money towards my daughter, not my ex.Maintience is calculated before child support. In the past judges sometimes didn't allow maintience however Illinois changed their law last year stating maintaincen is mandatory now. Maintience can be up to 40% of your income, which is then added to child support which is 32% of your income.. Basically don't get married and have kids![]()
That's literally all I care about is being with them, for example I have them this weekend... and I'm at work until probably 5pm, they fall asleep at 7. By the time I get home it will be close to 6. Last weekend my daughter asked me why I don't want to spend time with her and would rather work. I don't know how to say "because your mom is a fucking evil devil" without sounding like an asshole. It's not my daughters fault.. So I just say I want to see her but daddy unfortunately has to work. She's 5 years old. I hate all of this. I see my kids sad every weekend because they have to spend it with grandma instead of daddy. I feel like they think I don't love them
Sounds like you didn't have a strategy going in to the divorce. Go over to the dadsdivorce forum and they may be able to help. Have you moved out of the marital residence? If so, that has hurt you.
You also need to change the status quo somehow.
I'm in Illinois. It's not 75% of the total. The problem is thst now thst I don't get my second jobs income on a regular basis, if I don't get hours its 75%. But I can't prove much because my last w2 I got the hours because I had to have them. I begged for them to prevent forclosure. Im out of options. I called my lawyer practically in tears and he said "you can't just quit your job and I can't tell you to quit, but I will tell you child laws do not allow a parent to get out of financial obligations. These circumstances are very unusual so I will do what I can but there is a very good chance we will lose because you've had thst income for so long. Judges frown upon dad's quitting jobs to get out of financial responsibility, its very likely they will make you responsible for thst extra income so the children live the same life they've been used to." Then he said "it's too bad you can't get laid off" which I'm sure was a way of saying "dude try your ass off to get laid off or fired without seeming like you did it" but I don't know how to just get laid off. I told him I'm basically barred from my children and he said "that's unfortunate and I understand but you would have to prove you're required to take call on your other weekends and maybe the judge will allow it"
No OP, don't start using your children as ammunition.
Custody and child protection laws are awfully biased. Sorry OP, find a good lawyer.
God damn the feels
I knew you were in Illinois as soon as I read the thread title. The absolute worst state when it comes to this for the average man.
God damn the feels
I knew you were in Illinois as soon as I read the thread title. The absolute worst state when it comes to this for the average man.
Would things improve for him if he moved state?
Wait what, you have to pay the maintenance even if she has a job?
Yeah that part where his lawyer is Lionel Hutz.Or maybe we aren't getting the full story?
See your doctor, tell him how unsustainable this is for you now because of how damaging it has been to your health for several years. Even if you just get something to start with: a written doctor's note to start saying you're going to burn out and break down from working two jobs and then you're ex-wife and kids will be fucked too! (Not trying to sound like an ass: you just need to talk to a medical professional, social worker, counsellor, etc- someone who can step in and tell the idiots who are unable to notice already that what they are asking just isn't sustainable or reasonable.)
A stay at home parent always fucks over the working spouse in a divorce. The fact that in your case its a wife + kids means you are super duper fucked.
Divorce is already shitty. It's disturbing that a mistake in love will end up costing you financially for years and years after the relationship has ended.
Sorry OP. I really hope things work out for you.
Can't you get a second opinion? Talk to another lawyer.
Is 800 after bills? Just for food and other expenses? If so that's seems normal to me. On the other hand paying almost a low income job salary a month in child support is fucked up.
I agree with this. At least as a first step.
In Illinois yea... New law. I don't mind paying for my kids. I'll pay 50% for my kids if it meant they have a good life... What I don't want is to support the bitch who ruined my life. I feel like I should have quit the other job over a year ago but then she wouldn't have a car
See your doctor, tell him how unsustainable this is for you now because of how damaging it has been to your health for several years. Even if you just get something to start with: a written doctor's note to start saying you're going to burn out and break down from working two jobs and then you're ex-wife and kids will be fucked too! (Not trying to sound like an ass: you just need to talk to a medical professional, social worker, counsellor, etc- someone who can step in and tell the idiots who are unable to notice already that what they are asking just isn't sustainable or reasonable.)
Yeah that part where his lawyer is Lionel Hutz.
Damn, that's fucking rough. In the UK, we pay maintainance through the CSA (Child Support Agency) which covers the essentials for the child, such as food, clothes, etc. I really don't get how the US system thinks it's necessary for you to pay for your ex-wife's lifestyle. The only money you should have to pay is towards the upbringing of your child, like it is here in the UK. I've only ever paid money towards my daughter, not my ex.
Would things improve for him if he moved state?
Damn, that's fucking rough. In the UK, we pay maintainance through the CSA (Child Support Agency) which covers the essentials for the child, such as food, clothes, etc. I really don't get how the US system thinks it's necessary for you to pay for your ex-wife's lifestyle. The only money you should have to pay is towards the upbringing of your child, like it is here in the UK. I've only ever paid money towards my daughter, not my ex.
Yup. The whole notion of paying your ex-wife - not just kids - money after marriage is absurd to me. Like one big joke.
Yup. The whole notion of paying your ex-wife - not just kids - money after marriage is absurd to me. Like one big joke.
Sorry to hear that things have reached such a terrible point, OP. I hope an amicable (and reasonable) solution can be found for you and your family.
While OP's particular sit sounds really imbalanced and depressing, I'm always confused and/or dismayed to see the stay at home 'position' written off as somehow a free ride or something less than the working position. Raising kids is a 24-7 job and pulls that parent out of the work force (sometimes to the absolute tanking of their career and future earning potential) and is a huge sacrifice. Plus, when suing for custody, they'd be the ones taking care of the kids still, which again, is not some kind of free money ride. This is obviously tangential to the OP's problem, but it does bother me to see it, probably more so now that I'm going to be in this sit shortly.
Wait she has a job and you have to still give her 40% of your income? Get a second opinion ASAP. That definitely doesn't sound right no matter where you live.
Reading through your situation is giving me a panic attack.
How can some people be so evil...??
mmm, I agree Hpro. Being a stay at home parent is a massive sacrifice to your career and financial stability. If you ever end up divorced as a stay at home mum, your job prospects are generally really awful - and you generally have to look after the kids as well.
It's not like they get a free ride and then free money to spend on handbags after the divorce. Maintenance takes into account the reduced earning capacity of single mothers who used to be stay at home parents.