BigEvilTurtle
Banned
I wish antidepressants prevented normal sadness. I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces.
I wish antidepressants prevented normal sadness. I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces.
You're not the only one, I'm having a tough day too.I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces.
Do you guys see therapists?
I've had some pretty awful experiences in life, and talking through them really helps. It also helps with the day to day stress, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed by school/work, interpersonal/romantic problems, etc.
Those drawings are great though! Adorableee....
Just get those juices flowing and maybe eventually some inner inspiration will spring up.
I think the act of creation of absorbing info and bringing your own interpretation out into art is pretty powerful.
It feels good at least and helps you document part of your experience, right?
What if you get help now? Are you seeking treatment?
I enjoy art/animation, but there's something mentally holding me back. It takes a while for me to get into it like I used to as a kid, but when I do it feels fantastic.That happened to my writing when I actually took a writing course. Suddenly I had deadlines and objectives and it sucked all of the desire to write out of me. I've never really got the passion I had when I was 16/17 back. I got the top mark in the state for that particular course, but I just never wanted to go on.
Trying to be postive today
Impossible....It's all impossible....
I like minimalist things too though~! I wish I could make nice ones. I think yours show thought into it. The gradation of the bubbles slowly fading into the depths until there's no air left.. I like to think of it as a slumber though, more than a horrible death. Because the bubbles are so peaceful, like there wasn't a big struggle?Yours is awesome as always Prax..*sighs dreamily*
The best I could come up with is try to take a stab at minimalist style paintings.
The title is Drowning
Do I get 40 million dollars now?....Please?...
Glad you could share your story and your positive experience with medication and that it's working out for you now!Hey guys, glad to see that a thread like this exists.
My story: I've always felt that something wasn't quite right in my head. I've often had periods where everything just seemed wrong and completely unfixable. I've also had periods where I felt really great, but they would never last. I was resistant to the idea of seeing anybody or going on any kind of medication.
Last year I finally decided to see a therapist. He referred me to a psychologist, who diagnosed me as having Bipolar II. He put me on a medication (lamictal), and it really helped a lot. Since starting it last year, I've felt much more stable and focused. I still get sad, like any human being does, but it doesn't seem to spiral down into a black hole like it used to.
I know medication isn't for everyone, but this particular one worked wonders for me.
Yeah, art transforms bad things into something else, it feels! And I get a lot of joy from people exercising their creativity and making something form nothing or making something from something else.Thanks for the kind words everyone! And you're right about it helping to document, it also makes it.. not just a 'bad' experience.
I like seeing everyones drawings in here. It adds something to the thread. All of them do btw, also the ones that people themselves don't consider good.
I spent a few days in nature, did a lot of walking and just sitting in a wooded area. Really nice weather and atmosphere. Helped me calm down a little. Now I'm back home and the stress is as it was gheh. Oh well, had a good couple of days.
Hopefully you never have to go through ODing and can just.. set that aside and focus on other things.I started getting help a few years back, when I was 19, and have been hospitalized twice. A bi-polar diagnosis is apparently pretty difficult to make so I was mistaken for major depressive disorder until this past year.
I just began taking lithium again, but my past experience makes me doubt its efficacy. I'm tired of med. trials yet they're my best shot at staving off suicide. I now have the means to OD so I'm fixated on that.
My therapy is some kind of ridiculous bullshit, borderline quackery that I was sticking with for the placebo effect. I still can't believe a hospital set me up with this -- at least it makes me laugh.
It sounds like good ol' artist block? I think a lot of my block comes from anxiety over failure or self-criticism, which then turns into confusion over what to even do.I enjoy art/animation, but there's something mentally holding me back. It takes a while for me to get into it like I used to as a kid, but when I do it feels fantastic.
I'm trying to build up a newer portfolio of work, but I've barely worked on it, even when I want to. I'm fed up with my current job and I need to get my portfolio done to get the hell out of there.
Yeah, it sure like just bringing up old things. But try to remind yourself that it's just random bs and doesn't have to "mean" anything. Like try to tell yourself "okay, those brought up bad memories. Thanks for the reminder, but I will just move on with my day now."Fucking Scumbag brain. Making me have a large array of dreams about someone I wish to forget about.
It does sound like you feel you have little to hold onto in life if not for your family. I still think that you can continue living despite that. You don't have to be spectacular at anything either. I think it's okay to just be okay at things. Totally allowed. And if you just want to make a good impact on the world, but don't feel at this moment that you can interact with others or physically do stuff, you can just be promoting awareness and aggregating information and that's good too.
Let me help you on your homework.My therapist gave me some homework. I'm supposed to make two lists: behaviors of mine that I like, and behaviors that I dislike. But the second list can't be longer. I have to have at least as many entries in the first list.
I can't even get started on the first list. I don't like anything about myself.
Good good. You have been having a persevering mindset lately and it's great to see.Trying to be postive today
I enjoy art/animation, but there's something mentally holding me back. It takes a while for me to get into it like I used to as a kid, but when I do it feels fantastic.
I'm trying to build up a newer portfolio of work, but I've barely worked on it, even when I want to. I'm fed up with my current job and I need to get my portfolio done to get the hell out of there.
It does sound like you feel you have little to hold onto in life if not for your family. I still think that you can continue living despite that. You don't have to be spectacular at anything either. I think it's okay to just be okay at things. Totally allowed. And if you just want to make a good impact on the world, but don't feel at this moment that you can interact with others or physically do stuff, you can just be promoting awareness and aggregating information and that's good too.
Someone help. This is a cry for help.
I started getting help a few years back, when I was 19, and have been hospitalized twice. A bi-polar diagnosis is apparently pretty difficult to make so I was mistaken for major depressive disorder until this past year.
I just began taking lithium again, but my past experience makes me doubt its efficacy. I'm tired of med. trials yet they're my best shot at staving off suicide. I now have the means to OD so I'm fixated on that.
My therapy is some kind of ridiculous bullshit, borderline quackery that I was sticking with for the placebo effect. I still can't believe a hospital set me up with this -- at least it makes me laugh.
i'm 25.
quit smoking weed in January for a piss test.
I smoked daily for 12 years before that, only quitting once for 30 days for a previous piss test in 2006.
I tried to go back to smoking in March, after the test, had a very very bad panic/anxiety attack. tried a couple times since then, kept having the attacks (weren't as bad as the first time.)
I'm now trying to cope with life without weed, but i'm not doing too well. major anxiety/bipolar/mood swing symptoms, on Prozac and buspar now, and I just cant get my mind back to where it was before I quit (a happy place)
I know I don't have much to complain about (I have a good job, a beautiful child and gf, and I wake up every morning), but I still feel like im walking through hell every day.
Someone help. This is a cry for help.
My therapist gave me some homework. I'm supposed to make two lists: behaviors of mine that I like, and behaviors that I dislike. But the second list can't be longer. I have to have at least as many entries in the first list.
I can't even get started on the first list. I don't like anything about myself.
i'm 25.
quit smoking weed in January for a piss test.
I smoked daily for 12 years before that, only quitting once for 30 days for a previous piss test in 2006.
I tried to go back to smoking in March, after the test, had a very very bad panic/anxiety attack. tried a couple times since then, kept having the attacks (weren't as bad as the first time.)
I'm now trying to cope with life without weed, but i'm not doing too well. major anxiety/bipolar/mood swing symptoms, on Prozac and buspar now, and I just cant get my mind back to where it was before I quit (a happy place)
I know I don't have much to complain about (I have a good job, a beautiful child and gf, and I wake up every morning), but I still feel like im walking through hell every day.
Someone help. This is a cry for help.
I'd hug you if I could. How long have you been on the meds? It often takes them quite a while (especially the Prozac) to kick in.
Does the Buspar help with your anxiety, and do you feel any effects from the Prozac? What are your continuing symptoms? Just mood swings, or still getting periodic panic? Are you currently seeing a doctor?
And I'd stay away from weed for the time being. This from someone who used to smoke every day. If you're not in a good place it can make things way, way worse. Especially for anxiety and panic.
I think you are a great writer, and a good friend. Maybe start with that?
Thank you. I was upped to 40 mg Prozac from 20 mg 2 weeks ago (I know, 20 mg isn't really much at all. I had to go see a psychiatrist for the 40 mg, because my physician doesn't know what the hell they are doing.) It seemed to be working for about a week, now my mood swings have come back full force.
Buspar is garbage, any beta-blocker anti-anxiety drug won't help you if you have legit anxiety. I'll tell you, as someone whose been smoking for almost 20 years, the best drug for you to go on imo is Remeron. It helps with the moods swings, depression, and anxiety and it has somewhat of a similar feel as weed. You take it at night though since it usually lays you out after an hour or so. Depends on how your body handles it. It's also not addictive, which is a plus.
Thank you. I was upped to 40 mg Prozac from 20 mg 2 weeks ago (I know, 20 mg isn't really much at all. I had to go see a psychiatrist for the 40 mg, because my physician doesn't know what the hell they are doing.) It seemed to be working for about a week, now my mood swings have come back full force.
The Buspar and the Prozac seemed to be working, for about a week. Even right after I started taking them. Didn't even need any time to kick in. I felt great every say. I'm basically just having mood swings. I only get panic when I try to smoke weed. I'm on Topamax for migraines (need new glasses), my physician prescribed this for me when I was off weed in January. I learned through google that Topamax and weed is NOT a good mixture, can cause really really bad panic attacks, maybe that's the reason for the attacks, im not sure.
I'm went and saw a psychiatrist for the first time, and like I said, he told me that the 20 mg of Prozac that I was prescribed by my physician was not enough (was more like a kid's dose) and I needed to be upped, along with an "as needed" Buspar prescription for when I have shitty days.
These meds were working for about a week but now i'm back to mood swings, and basically I am feeling like I want to stop all of this medication and start smoking pot again. It made me feel way better than these pills do. I was a lot happier when I was smoking every day, and I wasn't hurting anyone.
I mean, why else would they prescribe it as medication in some states? Why is society so lax on it compared to other drugs, like coke and heroin? My psychiatrist says it has "changed my brain chemistry." what the hell does he think these pills are going to do to me?
I don't know if its just my addiction talking or what, but I feel like I was happier and I could think straighter with the weed. Now I feel like something is missing, and I don't know if I can ever get my life/brain back to normal again, and my work/home life is really suffering because of it.
a little background:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=507208
It's possible. It's all possible.
I like minimalist things too though~! I wish I could make nice ones. I think yours show thought into it. The gradation of the bubbles slowly fading into the depths until there's no air left.. I like to think of it as a slumber though, more than a horrible death. Because the bubbles are so peaceful, like there wasn't a big struggle?
I have been drawing since I was able to hold a pencil/crayon and could scribble on the walls and get into lots of trouble for it. It still pains me to see how slow my artistic progress is.
Example: 14 years ago, same characters as that other drawing (and holy cripes look at that poetry lol--You can tell I was but a hilarious highschool girl):
![]()
I admit, I got better, but almost a decade and a half better? I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
But I think that's how it is for a lot of people. Even though we see improvement, it usually never feels like enough (and this relates to everything; any skill or progress in our lives). But we have to not beat ourselves down over it, because it's still something, and it's unfair to stamp that accomplishment out as if it were nothing.
Everyone goes at their own pace in different things, so be kinder to yourself about it. The biggest or sometimes even smallest tasks can seem impossible, but it's always with one step at a time that we do it. And maybe it will take 10-15 years. I don't know. I have taken solace in just enjoying it for what it is, no matter what the outcome or endpoint may be. There will always be that hidden grandiose ambitions and fear barriers that comes along with it, but I try to remind myself that it's okay and that even doing a little at a time to get around that is okay.
Reading threads about girls and relationships make me so fucking depressed. I'm just completely clueless and useless, aren't I? There are so many hidden rules that everyone else except me seems to know. And if you do anything wrong at all, you're labelled a creepy weirdo for life.
And then add the fact that I'm fat and ugly on top of that, so no girl will ever approach me.
I just don't see the point in living if I'm never going to be able to find love.
Like I tell everyone that is in this position, there is no way for you to have a relationship until you are on the road to being better. Getting a relationship when you are super depressed won't fix anything either, you're brain will continue to trick you into thinking everything sucks. /hug I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
But I'm never going to get better. I'm broken and nobody has been able to help fix me, and I doubt anybody ever will.
I'm sorry. I'm just not strong enough.
No. I'm weak. I've given up. I'm sitting in a parking lot with all my pills in a bag. I'm pretty sure I have enough to do it this time.
If I get the balls to start taking them, you won't be able to send someone to get me this time because it's just a random parking lot.
I just don't have anything to live for. I'm looking for reasons to not do it and the only one I can think of is that I'm a pussy.
No. I'm weak. I've given up. I'm sitting in a parking lot with all my pills in a bag. I'm pretty sure I have enough to do it this time.
If I get the balls to start taking them, you won't be able to send someone to get me this time because it's just a random parking lot.
I just don't have anything to live for. I'm looking for reasons to not do it and the only one I can think of is that I'm a pussy.
Someone as awesome as Fiction cares enough about you to stop you from doing it. I would take that as a strong indicator that you're doing something right (I think you're great, too, but I'm no Fiction.) and that you're a good guy.
Fiction is Fiction. She'd probably try to talk fucking Hitler out of killing himself.
No. I'm weak. I've given up. I'm sitting in a parking lot with all my pills in a bag. I'm pretty sure I have enough to do it this time.
If I get the balls to start taking them, you won't be able to send someone to get me this time because it's just a random parking lot.
I just don't have anything to live for. I'm looking for reasons to not do it and the only one I can think of is that I'm a pussy.
Fiction is Fiction. She'd probably try to talk fucking Hitler out of killing himself.
(Godofnerdiness, man. Jeez. I don't know what to say to that. EGO OUT OF CONTROL)
This is something I'm guilty of too, but that's no reason to believe one's depression shouldn't exist, or that one doesn't have a "right" to feel that way. This is not about who has it worse, as there's always someone who's living a worse life. It's about being trapped in your own mind, in a spiral of negative thoughts, and once you get inside it's hard to go back, to avoid and escape them.i'm 25.
quit smoking weed in January for a piss test.
I smoked daily for 12 years before that, only quitting once for 30 days for a previous piss test in 2006.
I tried to go back to smoking in March, after the test, had a very very bad panic/anxiety attack. tried a couple times since then, kept having the attacks (weren't as bad as the first time.)
I'm now trying to cope with life without weed, but i'm not doing too well. major anxiety/bipolar/mood swing symptoms, on Prozac and buspar now, and I just cant get my mind back to where it was before I quit (a happy place)
I know I don't have much to complain about (I have a good job, a beautiful child and gf, and I wake up every morning), but I still feel like im walking through hell every day.
Someone help. This is a cry for help.
I decided that I want to become a good (or acceptable, at least) bassist, and also collect all the CDs from my favorite bands, and see all of them live (won't happen, but so far I've seen a couple, and I'm glad about that). I accepted I'll be alone for the rest of my life, which doesn't mean I like that outcome, but since I can't change the inevitable, I'll try to make the best out of the things that I can actually do something about, like my bass playing skills or collection of things I don't really need (games and music CDs).Reading threads about girls and relationships make me so fucking depressed. I'm just completely clueless and useless, aren't I? There are so many hidden rules that everyone else except me seems to know. And if you do anything wrong at all, you're labelled a creepy weirdo for life.
And then add the fact that I'm fat and ugly on top of that, so no girl will ever approach me.
I just don't see the point in living if I'm never going to be able to find love.
My expert eye tells me that Sayonara shows the worst possible outcome of a person struggling with depression. It's the realization that there's no reason to keep living, nor strength to do so, and the only way is putting an end to it. The acceptance of the futility of life. Knowing that only death will free them from their own mind, which is their worst enemy.I wish it was...Earnestly I wish it was...
Holy crap, you understand my painting? Cause seriously, you got the purpose of it spot on. Didn't think anyone would get it haha...
I feel like minimalism kind of is my calling in art because I can make some interesting strokes and paintings with a few strokes and take advantage of my clear disability in art and make something out of it.
But...Is that OK? I feel it's lazy...Even though I'm happy with it...I feel lazy doing this and I shouldn't be proud of what I did.
Thanks for the compliment and the feed back...Kind of am afraid to post this stuff in Art GAF since they're all good and I don't think will understand what I'm trying to do......
Damn you drew better than me when I was 14...I could draw weird 4 legged wolves that have their legs in the wrong places and all look like they are on the left side of their body...Only thing good I could do was draw tulips on paper but can't do it for the life of me on a graphic tablet.
Thanks for your thoughts..But you did improve drastically since you were 14 however. I know so looking at your stuff now. You can draw doodles that look better than mine, hun.
I'll try to be kinder i guess....
Also I did another minimalist drawing but I know I didn't do well on this one...Strokes were bad and I could have made better color choices...But anyways...
Title is: Sayonara
Does anyone get annoyed that I post my depressional art here though and not on Art GAF?...If it annoys anyone I'll stop.Yes I realize the strokes are shaky, don't tell me that, I already know...=_=