I do. It only really bothers me in really quiet rooms or in a quiet setting. I try to go to sleep with sound playing so it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it's kinda theraputic just to hear the loud, dull hum.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
I do. It only really bothers me in really quiet rooms or in a quiet setting. I try to go to sleep with sound playing so it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it's kinda theraputic just to hear the loud, dull hum.
Lionheart1827
Member
I had a similar issue when I was undergoing chemotherapy. I cant remember which drug did it, but it would cause temporary ringing in the ears. It eventually went away though.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Drinking alone. YAY!!!!
I saw your post in the other thread. I'm sorry about your break up. :c I don't know what to say except you're incredibly strong and if you ever want to vent or talk about random bullshit to take your mind off things, let me know. Hope your surgery goes (went?) well.
Online drinking partners! Woo!
So, I think I might be neurotic, according to my official diagnosis from wikipedia.
Also, after being rejected by a lot of people my whole life, I am now super sensitive to it.
Yes, I did fucking quote Wikipedia. dealwithit.gif
All of those things apply to me! I'm a text book example of rejection!
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
*Marcus Fenix high five!*
Lionheart1827
Member
I saw your post in the other thread. I'm sorry about your break up. :c I don't know what to say except you're incredibly strong and if you ever want to vent or talk about random bullshit to take your mind off things, let me know. Hope your surgery goes (went?) well.
Thanks a bunch, Pau.
Yeah I'm having my mediport removal surgery tomorrow morning. I'm not really worried about it(even though there are some post cancer risks like minor lung scarring) but it should be an easy procedure. Hopefully I'll be in and out and home before the afternoon.
I hope you get through those meds you're taking. I was told that after radiation my thyroid could crap out on me later on so I'm actually really scared that one month, my blood levels are going to show that my thyroid is slowing down. Argh.
Fuck cancer right?
I just use real sleeping bills.
Also, you could have included the actually science portions instead of just the conclusions. I was about to debunk your source until I saw that they actually provided links to real articles...
How are things holding up for you, atm?
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Precisely.
I started taking Melatonin recently and noticed very little. Valerian Root is even more of a bust. I'd rather just swill some NyQuil.
Nyquil is awesome. That and Atarax. The only problem is I build up a resistance to medicine pretty quickly, so vicodin, atarax, tylenol PM and all that jazz will only work for me for a couple of days before I have to quit.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Same here. With NyQuil when I have it, I just do it every other day. Even with Xanax, although I rarely take it, requires like 2mg for it to work with me.
Collete
Member
shitty...
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Lonely.
Wish I could meet a nice girl. No, I'm not hard up for sex but I wouldn't mind a nice relationship but let's get real here, Dark.... I'm flat broke so that ain't gonna happen. Still it would be nice to meet a significant other I can spend time with and yes, again, something beyond just sex.
Wish I could meet a nice girl. No, I'm not hard up for sex but I wouldn't mind a nice relationship but let's get real here, Dark.... I'm flat broke so that ain't gonna happen. Still it would be nice to meet a significant other I can spend time with and yes, again, something beyond just sex.
What am I even doing with my life? I just feel so...useless this week.
Been feeling like this all week. It sucks cause I'm looking for work but then I'm like am I still going to find time and energy and money to meet someone. But then, it's like I obviously can't think about meeting someone until I get some money in my pocket. And plus, it gets me to thinking about all the other things I believe make it hard for me to meet someone and it's just...ugh. lol
What I try to do is just focus on getting a job and not dwell on feeling lonely. But yeah, it's just one those times I guess.
Been feeling like this all week. It sucks cause I'm looking for work but then I'm like am I still going to find time and energy and money to meet someone. But then, it's like I obviously can't think about meeting someone until I get some money in my pocket. And plus, it gets me to thinking about all the other things I believe make it hard for me to meet someone and it's just...ugh. lol
What I try to do is just focus on getting a job and not dwell on feeling lonely. But yeah, it's just one those times I guess.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I use ambien. Short half life and works within 20 minutes or so. can induce sleepwalking so take caution.
Yeah, point taken. SBM is run by an oncologist and very professional people.
I've noticed a lot of people on gaf love to post medical studies without actually reading beyond the abstract and then get offended and blame me or others for pointing out the problems of said study as bias.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
yes, and: that's normal.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Won't make you feel better, but you'll (hopefully) laugh.
How TV Ruined Your Life s01e04 Love
I am alone too, we can be alone together!
Whenever I try and mentally work out the things I would have to do, I guess in order to get my life on track a nagging feeling of the futility of it all, seems to always bring me down to earth you could say. I pretty much live on a day by day basis with no long term goals of any kind. My future looks fuzzy and bleak no matter what kinda spin I try to put on it. I don't really want to die, and yet suicidal ideation constantly nags at me, undermining pretty much everything. I don't really live for myself, I realize that now. After getting guilt tripped heavily by immediate family, suicide doesn't really feel like an option, despite always being there in my head as some fucked up viable alternative. When my mom said she'd blow her brains out if I ever self-harmed again, that pretty much just made me feel like my life is truly out of my hands.
I don't love myself so of course I can't look at a mirror or stand myself. I don't live for myself, and I pretty much just feel like my life is going absolutely nowhere. I just feel dead inside right now, not necessarily depressed, but really fucking hollow and flat. I pretty much just wish someone would kill me, just take the choice completely out of my hands and be done with it. Guilt, Shame, Guilt, Shame, Guilt, Shame, the shit is getting so fucking tiring. I hope this isn't too whiny, but I'd rather get this out here, than talk to myself outloud and angrily cry myself to sleep . . .
I don't love myself so of course I can't look at a mirror or stand myself. I don't live for myself, and I pretty much just feel like my life is going absolutely nowhere. I just feel dead inside right now, not necessarily depressed, but really fucking hollow and flat. I pretty much just wish someone would kill me, just take the choice completely out of my hands and be done with it. Guilt, Shame, Guilt, Shame, Guilt, Shame, the shit is getting so fucking tiring. I hope this isn't too whiny, but I'd rather get this out here, than talk to myself outloud and angrily cry myself to sleep . . .
I think I just had, not a nervous breakdown, but an...episode of some kind? I just sat here for like almost 2 hours just ranting to myself. Like all my frustration with my family, and not having a job, and having emotional baggage, and feeling like a failure because I can't find the energy to accomplish any of my goals, and my worries I won't get into grad school, and my worries that I'll be stuck living at home forever, and some other stuff I can't remember. It all just came out of me. I got very emotional but I never cried; I laughed in fact. Just laughed at times at the absurdity of it all. Laughed because I feel like things will never change, and that no one will ever listen to me, and I'll always be this unimportant guy who just gets by.
It was like a flood of emotion. Anger, sadness, regret, guilt, joy at times (again, I did laugh), and most of all, loneliness. Like, I really don't have much of a support system. I don't have someone to spur into writing or drawing or finding work. You know, someone who will help and encourage me when I hit a speed bump or kick my ass when I get too down on myself. And I recognize that this is selfish and I shouldn't expect people to baby me. But I have to admit it'd be nice to just have some one.
Funny enough, it was a commercial for some crappy nickelodeon show that broke me out of it...I should have been asleep hours ago.
It was like a flood of emotion. Anger, sadness, regret, guilt, joy at times (again, I did laugh), and most of all, loneliness. Like, I really don't have much of a support system. I don't have someone to spur into writing or drawing or finding work. You know, someone who will help and encourage me when I hit a speed bump or kick my ass when I get too down on myself. And I recognize that this is selfish and I shouldn't expect people to baby me. But I have to admit it'd be nice to just have some one.
Funny enough, it was a commercial for some crappy nickelodeon show that broke me out of it...I should have been asleep hours ago.
I second this.No more daily drawings?
@Oomi #BringBackTheDrawings #yolo #WhyTheFuckAmIWritingLikeThisIDon'tEvenHaveATwitterAccount
This is absolute bullshit. I know it's your family and all, but if they don't want you harming yourself they should be providing you with support and professional help. Fuck those threats, fuck them. If you can, try not giving them attention (which must be really hard, since they are coming from your own mother). But you don't need that shit right now, nor ever.
May I ask you why do you feel guilty and ashamed?
Should I become a workaholic, GAF? I really wish I had some friends or someone special to share my first true vacations with
If you spent the same amount of time and effort developing your social skills,communication skills and experimenting with various ways of meeting people as you have into your education and career do you think you'd be able to make some friends?
Collete
Member
No more daily drawings?
I have no motivation or will for these anymore...
I don't see the point. Of anything.
I know it sounds pretty crazy, but my immediate family in-general is extremely dysfunctional. My mom feels frustrated because she can't "fix me", I already am on meds and receive professional help through the state, but it's not really magic of course. My mom simply responds in the way she always does, threats, ultimatums, it's not acceptable but it's also not very surprising. She is also mentally ill, she has told me on other occasions that my suicide would eventually be forgotten and she would "keep it moving". Lots of mixed messages, and conflicting statements, pretty much just transparent deterrents to make me not kill/hurt myself. I guess when you look at it like that, it's actually fairly effective but only in the short term I think. I really don't think I'll make it --long term-- if I can't find my own reasons for living.
I feel guilt and shame from many different sources, most of it irrational. I feel guilt and shame simply existing. I feel shame because I believe that I live beyond my means, I pretty much feel undeserving of my relatively "comfortable" life. I feel guilty because, despite having a roof over my head and food in my stomach, I can't really appreciate my blessings. I feel guilty that I can't help my mother financially, I feel guilt and shame because I can't help myself. This pretty much goes on and on and on. I feel pretty much a lot of irrational guilt and shame on top of legitimate sources of guilt and shame.
All this shit has pretty much destroyed all of my self-efficacy and sense of worth. I don't really feel like I deserve to live live overall and I don't think I offer anything to anyone, even though my family does want me around. I'm pretty much just continuing on with my life because: I'm afraid of death, I don't want to hurt my family with my death and as long as I live things can improve.
The point is us!!! We enjoy to see them
Because you will defeat this disease enjoy life again.
Pretty much like a cancer patient asking, "why am I cursed with cancer?" I really don't want to die, because death frightens me deeply, but life itself does feel like a curse when you can't appreciate it and death feels like the solution. We are in some ways marked or "cursed", but we have to make the most of our situation. I ask myself similar questions that pretty much all lead back to "why?". I guess it helps that I believe there is no greater overarching purpose to life, my suffering has no intrinsic purpose or value, it just is what it is. Our situation sucks, there's no way to spin it positively or sugarcoat it, but still we must cope and the most basic thing we can do is live. Even when you can't see the purpose in it (I know I sure as hell don't), live. "It gets better" is horsehit, I can't make such a guarantee. But the potential for things to improve is always there as long as you live.
Death is the end of the game of life, whether this is "good" or bad" is up for debate, but it is the end. So I'm going to try and hang on as long as I can, because death is so final and there are so many things I have yet to do. But this trivializes nothing, keeping such things in perspective is very difficult for me. Sometimes I just wish I'd be killed instantly while driving in accident or something, so I could be done with it, but even I still enjoy things sometimes. I don't know, everything is hard, and I have little motivation towards anything positive or constructive. I feel like I don't deserve my life and yet still I try and live my life, because empty and shallow as it may be, it's all I got. It feels wasted most of the time, but this one life is all I have and based on my personal beliefs, all I'm ever going to get . . .
wastewater
Neo Member
wastewater
Neo Member
Sinking
Flying
Sinking
Flying
Sinking
Flying.
being able to stand and stay on some level ground would be nice for a change, tired of this shit.
Flying
Sinking
Flying
Sinking
Flying.
being able to stand and stay on some level ground would be nice for a change, tired of this shit.
Yeah, generally people that I would like to be good friends with and admire as people. Maybe I have some kind of inferiority complex. It would explain why my closest friends are often people I don't like much and I have trouble feeling close to people I look up to.
Prax
Member
Wow, my allergies are having me hack up a lung.. but I'm feeling a little better..!
I keep feeling antsy about taking my next dose of meds (I am trying Aerius right now) because I really, really want the allergies to go away.. o__o
I think it will be good if you could discuss your troubles with your family. They might be disappointed, but they may be much more supportive than you think.
I will tell you what I think I always needed to hear:
It's okay to disappoint people and to disappoint yourself sometimes!
As long as you can accept that you have and move onto correcting or or move onto the next goal, it's okay!
You're not a failure or a fraud. You fizzled out under trying circumstances. Greater minds have. Lesser minds have. It's not productive to beat yourself down by comparing yourself unfavourably to others. No one shares exactly the same circumstances, after all.
You need to kind of accept your circumstances for what they are without judging yourself, and try to make it better for yourself at this point forward. Not better for yourself to CATCH UP to others (the comparisons at this point will likely just cause you to beat yourself down). Just better for yourself period. This might mean you have to talk to your family about what is happening so you can get their support. And it might mean you need to take a year or more to just get better and work on yourself. One step at a time.
I'm proud that you have tried to stay positive so far. Hopefully the meds work out and give you the mental clarity or enough space from intrusive thoughts or feelings to get the things you want to do done.
I think the point is that you are the type that likes to keep busy.. occupied! So that even in your down time when you are "vacationing", you'd like to have some work to do. I suggest picking up some kind of side project or hobby. I guess you could take up photoblogging your vacation and writing reviews for everything, including hwo friendly service staff are, what people do when you smile or say hello to them in the streets. That sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? :> But it takes care of two things: it will document your life and give you more of a sense of accomplishment, and it will keep your mind on something.
ALSO it will help you SHARE YOUR VACATION WITH US~!
Give us pics. Give us reviews. Let us vicariously live your vacation through you~~
I've lived with it for a long time though, so I kind of.. don't really let it bug me anymore. I still hear it at times and it can feel "overpowering" at night when I'm just laying there in bed listening to nothing (like my eardrums wont' be able to take it anymore and my head my explode), but I think I get bored after a while and then just think of something else and the sound fades from my perception.
I think a healthy way of dealing with it (since there is no "cure" as far as I can tell), is to accept it as a part of your life experience and use it as a sign for yourself like "Oh, I hear ringing, I am too stressed/tired. Need to take a break." And then try to focus on something else, like finding a relaxing thing to do and it will fade away back into background noise.
It could be true that you have developed a neurotic personality over time, but maybe instead of just damning yourself to your diagnosis (which is what it sounds like you are doing!), look up on how to treat it! The different strategies to use to combat your overreactive, oversensitive ways.
I think it means you have to try to train yourself to be more objective when you perceive things as slights or rejections against you. When you feel stressed or are about to implode because something happened or someone said/did something, you have to train to remind yourself that you need to pause, take a breath, and reassess things in a rational way. No, it's not fun or very easy to do for everything, but the more you do it, over time you will get more used to it and it will help you against your natural urge to just go into an anxiety/doom spiral.
And in general over time, learn to trust people again, and learn to trust yourself.
I think I have a lot of the same issues when it comes to people judging me or my failing expectations, but I am trying to learn to get over those things and just let the judgments or rejections happen and not internalize it too much.
Why do that if it makes me vulnerable to be hurt and rejected?
Because I have stuff I want to do, crap to say for the heck of it, and things I want to enjoy in life, and I am sorry brain and self-esteem, but my desire to enjoy my life overrides your desire to hide away forever~
I have no advice. Relationships are weird and I'm not sure how any of them actually happen anyway, but it seems like unlikely things happen all the time when you're not paying attention. I guess just focus on enjoying your life however you can, say hello and strike up chitchat with more people (even if it's awkward.. whatever..it's practice!), and when/if the opportunity arises to start a relationship, take the risk and see how it goes.
I think it's kind of good to be able to laugh at the absurdity. Life is pretty absurd sometimes and we all try to get by SOMEHOW. And somehow.. it kind of.. works? Like you said, despite all your frustrations and worries, you still somehow get by. That might not be your true goal, but I think you can look at it positively and say "well, this is not such a bad baseline. I can work my way up form here."
Yeah, it's cool to have like.. a rival or companion through life, but sometimes you do have to go for long stretches of it alone trying to find ways to push yourself. Have you tried joining art and writing communities and groups? They're not always 100% effective, but you might be able to meet like-minded people to talk to about art and random life stuff. Also, sometimes you can help motivate yourself by picking someone who's at kind of your level or a little bit beyond and start a one-sided rivalry with them. :>
Try to remind yourself that your thoughts ARE irrational. Deserving to live is not something you should judge. For anyone or yourself.
You are alive and you might as well try to enjoy it and make something of it while you are.
If you need to use your friends and your fear of death as a reason to keep living right now, that is okay too. Over time, try to give yourself more reasons. Whether it is because you wanna see the movie that will be out next year, you want to take pictures every spring, you enjoy swimming.. Let them build up in your life. And maybe you can find an easy job for you to do at some point when this economy is not so crappy. Having a little bit of money, even if it's from working 5 hours a week bagging groceries or something, might give you a boost.
You might not be able to feel much enjoyment right now from anything, but slowly over time and with therapy, that could come back to you (that spark of "oh yeah, being alive feels good!"), and all that work you will have done before that will help you enjoy that experience that much more.
We all have our circumstances, whether crappy or not to crappy, but we try to find ways to occupy or entertain ourselves while we're still around. Even if we can't figure out why, and even if it's aimless for a long while, it isn't a bad thing to be alive.
Remind yourself of your goals and what you want to do, Oomi. You want to be able to learn some day trading and get some skills and focus your thoughts and even inspire others with your art at the same time. You want to be able to work on your relationships with your friends and family and loved ones.
You have things to do. And you can do it a little at a time. There is no real rush despite the pressure you and others might give you.
You are alive and you have things you want to do and EVEN if they are unrealistic or you think they are impossible. It's okay! You keep working toward them, and even if you can't reach it specifically, you will have gone far and accomplished things regardless.
If you're tired or exhausted right now, take a break. Rest. And then remind yourself of the goals you have and the little things you can do to move toward them.
Of course you don't feel it when you are out because you are enjoying yourself.
But then when you are left to your own thoughts, you could just be ruminating on things and picking out details and focusing on them and making them seem more important than it actually was at the time. If you somehow are intimidated by their amazingness, try to use them as inspiration and be proud that they are still your friend and you get to know them.
I think one thing you can do is try to focus instead on how much fun you had and how much fun you will have the next time you all hang out. Be forward-looking and try to direct your thoughts to the future.
I keep feeling antsy about taking my next dose of meds (I am trying Aerius right now) because I really, really want the allergies to go away.. o__o
I understand that feeling of being in existential limbo and then comparing myself unfavourably to everyone out there~ (I also had to withdraw form my Master's program because I couldn't handle the last few months of it.. it was a really cringe-inducing couple of years or listlessness following that, but things have been improving!)
I think it will be good if you could discuss your troubles with your family. They might be disappointed, but they may be much more supportive than you think.
I will tell you what I think I always needed to hear:
It's okay to disappoint people and to disappoint yourself sometimes!
As long as you can accept that you have and move onto correcting or or move onto the next goal, it's okay!
You're not a failure or a fraud. You fizzled out under trying circumstances. Greater minds have. Lesser minds have. It's not productive to beat yourself down by comparing yourself unfavourably to others. No one shares exactly the same circumstances, after all.
You need to kind of accept your circumstances for what they are without judging yourself, and try to make it better for yourself at this point forward. Not better for yourself to CATCH UP to others (the comparisons at this point will likely just cause you to beat yourself down). Just better for yourself period. This might mean you have to talk to your family about what is happening so you can get their support. And it might mean you need to take a year or more to just get better and work on yourself. One step at a time.
I'm proud that you have tried to stay positive so far. Hopefully the meds work out and give you the mental clarity or enough space from intrusive thoughts or feelings to get the things you want to do done.
Congratulations~! Yeah, it's always kind fo a rush when you realize despite your worst fears and under the stupidest self-imposed circumstances YOU STILL GOT STUFF DONE! (According to my own code of procrastination!).Hello Mental Health GAF, here reporting after a week, I believe.
So, I just passed what was probably the most stressful week of my life, which Included spending the night at an International Airport in a foreign country, trying to fix a critical numeric experiment on a laptop, which results I had to present at an international audience in Milan in less than 24 hours, after only eating a chocolate bar from a vending machine in the last day and a half.
I event felt for the first time of my life what's to be absolutely physical and mentally exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I have experienced tiring situations before. I had to be treated for heat stroke during my military service, I have studied for 48 of hours straight. I'm not strange to the permanent state of mental fatigue that depressions induces on us. But that time,I wanted to continue, I had to continue and I was pushing myself as hard as I could, but my body and mind just didn't respond anymore. Even thirst and hunger just banished while my mind went white, there was no pain. I have never felt that way in my life before.
But, you know what? It felt good! While working I managed to forget about my loneliness, my hunger, my anxiety and even the stress. It was the moments when I was not working when those thought came to me.
Even now. I'm at my first "stress free" vacations since I got deeply depressed like 7 years ago. I have completed all my mid-term goals, I'm young, I have a decent bank account and I'm have 3 free days of payed vacations at one of the most glamorous cities in the world, but I'm yearning for the peace of mind that working brought to me.
Is great that seems like I managed to beat the extreme anxiety that working caused on me. But now, I feel empty, and lonely.
Should I become a workaholic, GAF? I really wish I had some friends or someone special to share my first true vacations with
I think the point is that you are the type that likes to keep busy.. occupied! So that even in your down time when you are "vacationing", you'd like to have some work to do. I suggest picking up some kind of side project or hobby. I guess you could take up photoblogging your vacation and writing reviews for everything, including hwo friendly service staff are, what people do when you smile or say hello to them in the streets. That sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? :> But it takes care of two things: it will document your life and give you more of a sense of accomplishment, and it will keep your mind on something.
ALSO it will help you SHARE YOUR VACATION WITH US~!
Give us pics. Give us reviews. Let us vicariously live your vacation through you~~
I do. I think I have ever since I was little. Not sure from way though. >_> But when I first heard the song "The Sound of Silence" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EghvqQyFgQM (it's a really pretty and haunting song to me lol), I thought "AHA! This ringing/high pitched eeee sound is the sound of silence!". I think I only found out many years later that silence is actually "silent" and not supposed to sound like.. high frequency distortion. lol
I've lived with it for a long time though, so I kind of.. don't really let it bug me anymore. I still hear it at times and it can feel "overpowering" at night when I'm just laying there in bed listening to nothing (like my eardrums wont' be able to take it anymore and my head my explode), but I think I get bored after a while and then just think of something else and the sound fades from my perception.
I think a healthy way of dealing with it (since there is no "cure" as far as I can tell), is to accept it as a part of your life experience and use it as a sign for yourself like "Oh, I hear ringing, I am too stressed/tired. Need to take a break." And then try to focus on something else, like finding a relaxing thing to do and it will fade away back into background noise.
What did we say about self-diagnosing?? lol
It could be true that you have developed a neurotic personality over time, but maybe instead of just damning yourself to your diagnosis (which is what it sounds like you are doing!), look up on how to treat it! The different strategies to use to combat your overreactive, oversensitive ways.
I think it means you have to try to train yourself to be more objective when you perceive things as slights or rejections against you. When you feel stressed or are about to implode because something happened or someone said/did something, you have to train to remind yourself that you need to pause, take a breath, and reassess things in a rational way. No, it's not fun or very easy to do for everything, but the more you do it, over time you will get more used to it and it will help you against your natural urge to just go into an anxiety/doom spiral.
And in general over time, learn to trust people again, and learn to trust yourself.
I think I have a lot of the same issues when it comes to people judging me or my failing expectations, but I am trying to learn to get over those things and just let the judgments or rejections happen and not internalize it too much.
Why do that if it makes me vulnerable to be hurt and rejected?
Because I have stuff I want to do, crap to say for the heck of it, and things I want to enjoy in life, and I am sorry brain and self-esteem, but my desire to enjoy my life overrides your desire to hide away forever~
Can't two broke people get together and have some frugal fun and adventure? XD
I have no advice. Relationships are weird and I'm not sure how any of them actually happen anyway, but it seems like unlikely things happen all the time when you're not paying attention. I guess just focus on enjoying your life however you can, say hello and strike up chitchat with more people (even if it's awkward.. whatever..it's practice!), and when/if the opportunity arises to start a relationship, take the risk and see how it goes.
Maybe it's less a nervous breakdown and more of a much-needed vent to get your life in perspective for yourself?
I think it's kind of good to be able to laugh at the absurdity. Life is pretty absurd sometimes and we all try to get by SOMEHOW. And somehow.. it kind of.. works? Like you said, despite all your frustrations and worries, you still somehow get by. That might not be your true goal, but I think you can look at it positively and say "well, this is not such a bad baseline. I can work my way up form here."
Yeah, it's cool to have like.. a rival or companion through life, but sometimes you do have to go for long stretches of it alone trying to find ways to push yourself. Have you tried joining art and writing communities and groups? They're not always 100% effective, but you might be able to meet like-minded people to talk to about art and random life stuff. Also, sometimes you can help motivate yourself by picking someone who's at kind of your level or a little bit beyond and start a one-sided rivalry with them. :>
I hope you do get better with therapy over time. Seems really tough for you right now to have to deal with your own problems and your family's weird way of.. "tough love" and.. not knowing what they are doing so they guilt trip instead.
Try to remind yourself that your thoughts ARE irrational. Deserving to live is not something you should judge. For anyone or yourself.
You are alive and you might as well try to enjoy it and make something of it while you are.
If you need to use your friends and your fear of death as a reason to keep living right now, that is okay too. Over time, try to give yourself more reasons. Whether it is because you wanna see the movie that will be out next year, you want to take pictures every spring, you enjoy swimming.. Let them build up in your life. And maybe you can find an easy job for you to do at some point when this economy is not so crappy. Having a little bit of money, even if it's from working 5 hours a week bagging groceries or something, might give you a boost.
You might not be able to feel much enjoyment right now from anything, but slowly over time and with therapy, that could come back to you (that spark of "oh yeah, being alive feels good!"), and all that work you will have done before that will help you enjoy that experience that much more.
I think it's better if you can agree that you are alive and you might as well do what you can to make the best of it while you are.
We all have our circumstances, whether crappy or not to crappy, but we try to find ways to occupy or entertain ourselves while we're still around. Even if we can't figure out why, and even if it's aimless for a long while, it isn't a bad thing to be alive.
Remind yourself of your goals and what you want to do, Oomi. You want to be able to learn some day trading and get some skills and focus your thoughts and even inspire others with your art at the same time. You want to be able to work on your relationships with your friends and family and loved ones.
You have things to do. And you can do it a little at a time. There is no real rush despite the pressure you and others might give you.
You are alive and you have things you want to do and EVEN if they are unrealistic or you think they are impossible. It's okay! You keep working toward them, and even if you can't reach it specifically, you will have gone far and accomplished things regardless.
If you're tired or exhausted right now, take a break. Rest. And then remind yourself of the goals you have and the little things you can do to move toward them.
I think this is called.. ruminating. lol
Of course you don't feel it when you are out because you are enjoying yourself.
But then when you are left to your own thoughts, you could just be ruminating on things and picking out details and focusing on them and making them seem more important than it actually was at the time. If you somehow are intimidated by their amazingness, try to use them as inspiration and be proud that they are still your friend and you get to know them.
I think one thing you can do is try to focus instead on how much fun you had and how much fun you will have the next time you all hang out. Be forward-looking and try to direct your thoughts to the future.
wastewater
Neo Member
Perhaps, if you think they're laughing behind your back or that you sound stupid to them or something. Do you have any evidence though? I try not to worry about it, just realise when you're doing it and examine the evidence rationally then and there, that may not be as easy as it sounds to begin with but it gets easier.
EDIT: Damn Prax thats quite the post, i feel uplifted just reading it and you weren't even talking to me lol.
Thanks for your response Prax, really appreciate it. I try to remember that my irrational thoughts are just that, irrational. But I'd be lying If I said I don't lose perspective, I guess I should take your advice and own the things that give me any enjoyment as opposed to beating myself up. If all I have to look forward to is a media release or smoking alittle weed, well so be it. Some people don't even have that much, so I should be fortunate. I know I atleast need to stay alive long enough for Legendary Pictures Godzilla, coming 2014! Let's see whether Hollywood fucks it up, again . . .
Talked to my therapist about some of this today, hopefully we can work on my "Shame Spirals". I truly am my worst enemy, so reducing my negative cognition will definitely help, in addition to the skills I learn from group DBT.
Talked to my therapist about some of this today, hopefully we can work on my "Shame Spirals". I truly am my worst enemy, so reducing my negative cognition will definitely help, in addition to the skills I learn from group DBT.
My health anxiety came back in full force today, I'm a wreck.
Looking on Google for answers was a bad idea, as it always is...
I took yesterday and today off work to get some work done, and I haven't done any yet. Not good.
Sorry to hear how bad the medication has been, hopefully it won't last for much longer!
Looking on Google for answers was a bad idea, as it always is...
I took yesterday and today off work to get some work done, and I haven't done any yet. Not good.
I shall! It should be a blast.Have fun with AcridMeat for me. I wish I could join you guys.
The last few days have been kind of bad. The medication I'm on is wreaking havoc on my stomach and head, and I'm so tired I can only stay awake for a few hours at a time. I know it can be so much worse, but I just want this to be over already and back to actually being able to do things. The constant nausea is the worst part. If only I could get rid of that. :c
Sorry to hear how bad the medication has been, hopefully it won't last for much longer!
Well. I'm now officially on, essentially, probation at work due my poor performance for the past year. I'll be working closely with my boss for the next 3 months to try to improve my performance. If I don't improve, I could be terminated. I'm not exactly surprised but it was still a shock. Never, ever in my life have I done so poorly at work to warrant this. I'm horrified that it's come to this. But, my boss is actually incredibly supportive (she knows of my depression) and has more faith in me that I have in myself right now. I'm very lucky.
One good thing: this didn't trigger my depression. Even just three weeks ago it would have since I had incident at work where I had done poorly and it triggered me horribly. I was a mess for days. So while this thing at work is bad, my coping mechanisms seem to be better. Yay me.
One good thing: this didn't trigger my depression. Even just three weeks ago it would have since I had incident at work where I had done poorly and it triggered me horribly. I was a mess for days. So while this thing at work is bad, my coping mechanisms seem to be better. Yay me.
toadsworth
Banned
Rearranged all of the furniture in my room today. I'm digging the new fung shui of the place. Vacuumed, too. Feeling incredibly productive after all that which is pretty rare.
Now if I could just meet some people.....
Now if I could just meet some people.....
Had a talk with my mother where I basically freaked out and vented again. We both agreed we would try harder to understand each other. We'll see how it goes, but it's something.
Had a talk with a friend as well. She recently moved way out to Florida because her life was falling apart and we kind of connected because of that. lol I envy her in some strange way.
I have to find a way to beat this.
Does anyone else have this weird "lull" after a particularly strong bout of depression. Like, where you don't quite feel sad, but you're not comfortable either. I'm just sitting here, listening to music, and I feel...awkward. I can't really describe it.
The bolded, I think, is how I need to start looking at things. Stop believing I'm a failure and I can't do anything and just work from where I'm at. With little steps.
A friend of mine started a group at my old college. I was too intimidated to go because I know some of the folks there and they're all more well-read and smarter than me. lol I guess I can look around online for a group.
Had a talk with a friend as well. She recently moved way out to Florida because her life was falling apart and we kind of connected because of that. lol I envy her in some strange way.
I have to find a way to beat this.
Does anyone else have this weird "lull" after a particularly strong bout of depression. Like, where you don't quite feel sad, but you're not comfortable either. I'm just sitting here, listening to music, and I feel...awkward. I can't really describe it.
Missed this earlier. Thanks!You're a good writer! Thank you for sharing.
I think that's exactly what it was. I just needed to get it all out.
The bolded, I think, is how I need to start looking at things. Stop believing I'm a failure and I can't do anything and just work from where I'm at. With little steps.
A friend of mine started a group at my old college. I was too intimidated to go because I know some of the folks there and they're all more well-read and smarter than me. lol I guess I can look around online for a group.
Lionheart1827
Member
You should definitely be proud of this. Use this knowledge of having been not triggered and keep up that confidence as best you can!
Write a list of your interests and go do stuff with a public group. Whether you make friends or not, at least you will be socialising.
MisterLuffy
Member
I'm not that good in socializing with people. I stay home all day because its my comfort zone and I barely talk to anyone outside of my home. I guess that's why I have a hard time connecting with customers when I worked. tbh, I feel like I'm better off being alone. However, that will affect me a lot since in work place, I have to connect with people which I'm bad at.
I'm definitely proud about that. Now to work on the rest of the stuff.....
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I hear ya.
I feel like I have no real friends left. A friend of mine told me he didn't want to go out on July 4th (I think I've mentioned this previously) but then I found out yesterday, just as I suspected, he did go out with his roommate. He claims on his FB he didn't want to and his roomie talked him into it but I knew he wouldn't stay home on a holiday.
Makes me feel like shit. I am shit.
scar tissue
Banned
Anyone else here play The Last of Us?
I just finished it a few hours ago, but I have a feeling this may be the first game I'll have to talk to my therapist about.
I honestly think I'd rather live in that kind of bleak, desolate world than in our shallow, superficial one. Pretty weird.
I just finished it a few hours ago, but I have a feeling this may be the first game I'll have to talk to my therapist about.
I honestly think I'd rather live in that kind of bleak, desolate world than in our shallow, superficial one. Pretty weird.
- Status