Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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Is there anything at all that you can do/say to get back in communication with a girl who you went on a few dates with who ignores a text? It just seems so strange that she would all of the sudden lose interest in me when we had such a good time together, and she had been so positive about each date.

Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
 
FutureZombie said:
Is there anything at all that you can do/say to get back in communication with a girl who you went on a few dates with who ignores a text? It just seems so strange that she would all of the sudden lose interest in me when we had such a good time together, and she had been so positive about each date.

Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
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Nothing really. If she hasn't replied to your texts for a couple of days, then it means she's not interested. Don't expect to get any closure.

My two cents are that you should stop sending her texts, delete her number, and move on. There's also the likelihood that she could be busy and hasn't had any time to reply. However, in my experience if I don't get a reply within 24 hours after I sent my text, I move on.
 
FutureZombie said:
Is there anything at all that you can do/say to get back in communication with a girl who you went on a few dates with who ignores a text? It just seems so strange that she would all of the sudden lose interest in me when we had such a good time together, and she had been so positive about each date.

Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
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That's usually how it happens. You also have to realize that she's probably dating other guys too, maybe she chose someone else over you. Like Jipan said, don't expect any closure, just forget about her.
 
FutureZombie said:
Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
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x3 Don't waste your time or your breath with this. I understand wanting the need to know of "why" - but that's a clear cut sign. And while the need to know isn't pathetic, trying to garnish an answer out of her at this stage is.

And it isn't just a girl thing - it's a universal thing. I've done it and I'm sure others here as well. We have our reasons. And sure, maybe sending a text that says "Hey! Sorry, but I don't think it's going to work out between us. Good luck" is the decent thing to do, sometimes just ignoring and forgetting is easier.
 
FutureZombie said:
Is there anything at all that you can do/say to get back in communication with a girl who you went on a few dates with who ignores a text? It just seems so strange that she would all of the sudden lose interest in me when we had such a good time together, and she had been so positive about each date.

Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
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This same thing just happened to me. After my last date with this girl, she continued texting me for a couple of days clearly trying to keep up communication. Then I sent her a text a couple of days ago and she suddenly stopped responding. It wouldn't be so weird if she had dropped communication right after the date, but she continued texting me after the date and indicated that she was still interested.

Anyway, just forget about it and move on. One of the best lessons I've learned from these Dating-Age threads is that sometimes girls are just fickle and you shouldn't obsess over it.
 
FutureZombie said:
Is there anything at all that you can do/say to get back in communication with a girl who you went on a few dates with who ignores a text? It just seems so strange that she would all of the sudden lose interest in me when we had such a good time together, and she had been so positive about each date.

Is this just a girl thing? I can't remember ever losing interest in someone I really liked after 3 dates. I realize there's a 99% chance she just never wants to see me again, but it doesn't fit with her personality and actions beforehand. I'm in that pathetic stage where I'd at least like to understand what happened.
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I can definitely relate. I had a girl who was not great at getting back to me via text, which she seemed aware of and appeared to present at least at times as a bad habit of sorts. I suppose I should feel extremely lucky that after hanging out a couple of times she had enough courtesy to tell me yesterday that she's looking to stay single right now. I thought she had seemingly had an at least good time, and I definitely enjoyed myself both times we hung out. Even with that semblance of closure, I still found myself today playing back through stuff, and wondering if I should try and make some gesture or something, with the hopes of convincing her to give me a shot.

It also didn't help that when I called her yesterday, with the intent of pretty much cutting right to the chase so to speak, and asking her to hang out again, that we ended up a talking for bit, getting along seemingly well and laughing quite a bit.

That culminated with her explaining how she wanted to be single, etc. The overall point that I'm getting at is, like you, we seemed to get along really well, and yet, here we are. Does that mean we didn't actually get along well? Not necessarily, but then again that's sort of irrelevant at this point, as she has made her intentions clear, and even when two people get on well enough, it doesn't mean it has to go anywhere romantically. Maybe she'll contact me in the future and want to pursue something, maybe she won't, but for now it's in my best interest to see what I've gotten as closure, in the same way that you will most likely be better off if you take her lack of replying in a similar way.
 
I hope that was a joke post? The only thing to do is stop messaging her completely. She would reply if she liked you, its that simple. Why did she suddenly stop messaging you? Who cares!
 
stn said:
I hope that was a joke post? The only thing to do is stop messaging her completely. She would reply if she liked you, its that simple. Why did she suddenly stop messaging you? Who cares!
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100% this.

Waiting for the OkCupid girl to show up. I'm more anxious from being in the bar than meeting her. I have severe social anxiety.
 
Has anyone tried Zoosk? I seem to be getting a few messages but since responding is behind a paywall I'm a little hesitant about subscribing.
 
stn said:
I hope that was a joke post? The only thing to do is stop messaging her completely. She would reply if she liked you, its that simple. Why did she suddenly stop messaging you? Who cares!
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I assume you are referring to Grap's post; he's being sarcastic.
 
Cross posting from the OkCupid thread:

A Human Becoming said:
Well, my "date" went incredibly well; I'm still grinning about it over 90 minutes later. Along with other things that happened beforehand made it one of the best nights I've had in the last decade.

She turned out to be a very smart, driven and easy to talk to. Smart women is a huge turn on for me, something nothing beforehand indicated. I greatly appreciated how compassionate she was about the topics I asked her about. It's true that people love talking about themselves; my guess is the ratio was 5:1 in her favor. Hopefully she enjoyed our walk and talk for an hour as much as I did. Now I need an excuse to be in her area more often.

Even if nothing comes from it though, I had a great time. Not giving a fuck makes everything so much easier.
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Not sure where to go next. I really, really like her, but I can't be too needy.
 
A Human Becoming said:
Cross posting from the OkCupid thread:



Not sure where to go next. I really, really like her, but I can't be too needy.
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Cool man, congrats. Just send her a text in a couple of hours, or tomorrow, and say you had a great time, and go hang out again. If the both of you liked it, reinitiating contact after a short while isn't needy at all.

I myself am getting a bit frustrated with dating. I know, I know, don't start feeling entitled because I shouldn't (and you guys will rightfully bite my head of :p.) But man.... I kind of feel by now something should have clicked with someone.

I had two dates last week, on two consecutive days. First of all, I've never had two dates in one week before, so that is definite progress. One I took to a theatre/music/cultural fair. And though it was fun, it wasn't great. Met her at a party and the alcohol might have made her seem more interesting,

The other girl I met off of a datingsite. The conversations on there were pretty funny, she was sassy, contrarian, but in a playful manner. We went for drinks after two weeks and the date was....a disaster. I kept looking at her whiskers (yes whiskers). She actually had four or five hairs, each a couple of inches long, growing from the corners of her mouth. Perhaps, if you're going on a date, you should pull those out? Aside from that she was always looking at something else, and never looked directly into my eyes, but still kept talking. Came of as really uninterested. And she contradicted me on EVERYTHING: Me: "Hmm, these nachos are pretty good." Her: "Really, you think these are good? The portions are too small, and they're not hot enough."...Me: "As a sports psychologist I hope I can help some people." Her: "Really? You think you can help people? Who says they want to be helped? And who says you're good enough for that?"... Me: "Wow....the water is really wet today!" Her: "No it's not, it's soooo dry!"

So I left after an hour. No three kisses in the end (as is costumary here in Holland). She said it was fun when we parted ways, I replied with a vague mumble that could have been either a yeah or a HELL NO. She hasn't contacted me after, nor I her.

Met a girl at a party two weeks ago, we really hit it off over there, she's moving to Isreal in a month... Was talking to a girl on a datingsite, talked for three hours, twice. I was thinking: next time I'm gonna ask her out. She hasn't been online in the last two months. So she's either dead, on a trip around the world, or found someone else. Or has MAJOR issues with her internet... Cute girl in the gym came around a lot of times, flirted at the bar, haven't seen her in three weeks... Other girl on my datingsite, said she wanted to take it slow, because she thinks it's scary to meet up with strangers. Fair enough. So far we've talked for I guess... eight hours? They were eight hours well spent because it's really really fun, but she said she's busy till the fourth of october, and needs to get used to the idea. Don't know if I want to wait that long, but I'll be touring the US for a month in october, so that's not gonna work. And I'm not going to wait on her either way.

Aside from this I talk to perhaps five girls a week on the dating site, a bunch at my work in the gym, go to salsanights...and so far nothing has worked out.

I shouldn't complain, because I'm making heaps of progress. And I've had more dates in the last two months then I had the rest of my life leading up to those months but I just feel, I don't know...unlucky? I like a girl, she's moving to Isreal. I like another girl, she vanishes from my gym. I like a girl, she vanishes from the datingsite.

On the plusside my oneitis has completely disappeared, and I'm thinking: well, there's always someone else. I just wish that someone else would have happened by now :(

I'll just keep on keeping on, and stop whining for now. Just needed to vent.

(Next week I have a date with someone who never smoked a waterpipe with apple tobacco before. So we're gonna chill in a park with a waterpipe. She's really freaking hot, a history teacher, grammar nazi, totally random sense of humor, also dances salsa, into fitness. So it SHOULD be fun)
 
So I went on my first date in quite a few years last week. I met this girl a few times beforehand and asked her out for coffee last weekend. We talked on facebook and texted quite a fair bit pre-date. The date seemed to go really well. We went for coffee/gelato, went for a long walk, and then stopped for a drink afterwards. We talked for a good 5 hours so it felt that we had some chemistry. I kissed her and asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said yes. I texted her after saying I had a great time and so did she. Now, this past week I've been texting her and getting pretty much nothing. Any response I get is a single one with no followup text and 5 hours late. I asked her to a museum this weekend and she said she's interested but doesn't know what day she'll be available yet.

I don't know if she's just really preoccupied this week or if she's trying to tell me something else.

I guess we'll see if she does end up confirming for the weekend.
 
Don't talk so much beforehand. It makes it less interesting to actually meet up. It's hard to tell if she's being sincere or not from what you wrote but as you may know, those are telltale signs of disinterest.
 
Yeah, texting too much is never good. I was supposed to meet one girl I talked to online. She was texting me all the time, I couldn't get rid of her. She was asking some really awkward and random questions, and then that escalated into her giving me nonstop compliments. At one point I just stopped replying and decided I didn't want to meet her.

Use texts to setup a meeting place. That's it. :)
 
I definitely don't agree. I prefer to do most of my communication through text. You'll barely get a single damned word out of me over the phone or in person. It's just how I am and it still seems to work well. Of course, I do have great listening/conversation leading skills to make up for my general silence.
 
Idde said:
Cool man, congrats. Just send her a text in a couple of hours, or tomorrow, and say you had a great time, and go hang out again. If the both of you liked it, reinitiating contact after a short while isn't needy at all.
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lol I was just about to post that since she hadn't responded to the text I sent two hours ago saying I had a good time it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't, but then she did.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I just don't want to get the fantastical imagery of living happily ever after. I'm still going to continue looking for and talking to other women. I'll check Starbucks again to see if that girl is there.
False Witness said:
I definitely don't agree. I prefer to do most of my communication through text. You'll barely get a single damned word out of me over the phone or in person. It's just how I am and it still seems to work well. Of course, I do have great listening/conversation leading skills to make up for my general silence.
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Texting is such an easy way to get out. I understand where you're coming from, I'd much rather text than talk on the phone. Being a good listener makes a huge different: people LOVE talking about themselves, especially regarding what they're passionate about. That's a generally good tactic for all social interaction.
stn said:
Use texts to setup a meeting place. That's it. :)
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This. I think it's okay for a asking about a problem they're that doesn't warrant a phone call, but really ony that.
 
I guess it depends on what you're looking for. I mean, if you're running out of things to say after a few days of texting then sounds like you two won't have a lot of fun talking during something that's long term. I texted and chatted endlessly with my boyfriend for two months before being able to meet him in person, and we still had things to say to each other. A year later, there's barely an hour throughout the day that we don't talk in some form, and we never run out of things to say in person. So to me it feels like if you're bored of someone already after talking to them for a few days, then maybe that's a sign.

What it comes down to though is that the "rules" of dating are kind of silly and what works for someone won't work for someone else. If you enjoy talking to someone, why artificially limit yourself and make it some kind of game?
 
Pau said:
I guess it depends on what you're looking for. I mean, if you're running out of things to say after a few days of texting then sounds like you two won't have a lot of fun talking during something that's long term. I texted and chatted endlessly with my boyfriend for two months before being able to meet him in person, and we still had things to say to each other. A year later, there's barely an hour throughout the day that we don't talk in some form, and we never run out of things to say in person. So to me it feels like if you're bored of someone already after talking to them for a few days, then maybe that's a sign.

What it comes down to though is that the "rules" of dating are kind of silly and what works for someone won't work for someone else. If you enjoy talking to someone, why artificially limit yourself and make it some kind of game?
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I agree with you that what works for someone won't work for someone else. Being too overeager can be a turn off for an otherwise promising relationship.
 
There will always be exceptions to these "rules" and there will always be people who believe the rules aren't working just because they themselves are anecdotal evidence of them not working in an instance or two. Nobody is saying that texting or something else is a 110% surefire way of killing another's interest in you, but in general it's usually wise to err on the side of caution when it comes to these things. That would also explain why we sometimes mention how this or that is a red flag. Because they tend to be in a large percentage of cases, not that we're keeping statistics or anything. That's probably also why people get angry at us at times because our statistically sound advice didn't happen to work for someone else in their particular situation, therefore the advice was bad and we should be ashamed. There's not a whole lot more we can do but give advice on how things usually go when you do or say X or Y to Z.
 
Minamu said:
There will always be exceptions to these "rules" and there will always be people who believe the rules aren't working just because they themselves are anecdotal evidence of them not working in an instance or two. Nobody is saying that texting or something else is a 110% surefire way of killing another's interest in you, but in general it's usually wise to err on the side of caution when it comes to these things. That would also explain why we sometimes mention how this or that is a red flag. Because they tend to be in a large percentage of cases, not that we're keeping statistics or anything. That's probably also why people get angry at us at times because our statistically sound advice didn't happen to work for someone else in their particular situation, therefore the advice was bad and we should be ashamed. There's not a whole lot more we can do but give advice on how things usually go when you do or say X or Y to Z.
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I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. All the advice from this thread comes from anecdotal evidence and none from actual statistics so it's not like one is more valid than the other.

I'm just saying in my experience the "rules" are silly and people are so preoccupied following them that they forget to have fun actually interacting with another human being. But hey, if following the rules works for you, that's fine. I'm just offering another opinion.
 
Idde said:
The other girl I met off of a datingsite. The conversations on there were pretty funny, she was sassy, contrarian, but in a playful manner. We went for drinks after two weeks and the date was....a disaster. I kept looking at her whiskers (yes whiskers). She actually had four or five hairs, each a couple of inches long, growing from the corners of her mouth. Perhaps, if you're going on a date, you should pull those out? Aside from that she was always looking at something else, and never looked directly into my eyes, but still kept talking. Came of as really uninterested. And she contradicted me on EVERYTHING: Me: "Hmm, these nachos are pretty good." Her: "Really, you think these are good? The portions are too small, and they're not hot enough."...Me: "As a sports psychologist I hope I can help some people." Her: "Really? You think you can help people? Who says they want to be helped? And who says you're good enough for that?"... Me: "Wow....the water is really wet today!" Her: "No it's not, it's soooo dry!"

So I left after an hour. No three kisses in the end (as is costumary here in Holland). She said it was fun when we parted ways, I replied with a vague mumble that could have been either a yeah or a HELL NO. She hasn't contacted me after, nor I her.
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It happens man. If there's some that someone has that catches my eyes such as whiskers in your case, my eye will automatically be glued to it either for a good reason or a bad one. Either way it's distracting.

It sounds like your bad date was similar to the last date I went on. I was focused on the chick's double chin for much of the time and the conversation wasn't all that interesting. It was just me going uh huh or um hum and nodding my head at times and was dying to cut it short. If I would've been attracted yo her, I would've made out with her but she gave me a bad impression since I wasn't physically attracted to her. So it's good that I
you knew it was going bad and cut it short before it got much worse. You stayed true to yourself.

In regards to the phone call vs. texting, it's YMMV and it comes down to personal preference. I personally text any potential dates; never call. That's typically reserved for family members these days and a couple of friends.
 
So I started talking to this woman at a bar tonight after forcing myself to be more social. Everything is going fine, a bit of flirting and fun. She's older but definitely hot. She mentions she has 2 kids as well. MILF, nice! I wasn't expecting anything serious but if this turned into casual fun that would be cool. Anyway, we swap numbers and she leaves. Later we start texting and she starts saying really sexual stuff, I do the same. She asks if I want a photo and of course I say yes but I sort of thought just a sexy clothed one. Instead she sends one of her cleavage, then topless, then with her hand down her pants touching herself and another of her playing with her nipples. Holy shit! This is great, I never find girls like this and right after being totally crushed recently this sure gets my mind off things.
So, I send something back showing her...just how much I liked her photos(boxers on though, I've never done it but I was drunk and thought 'fuck it'). This goes on for a while and she mentions how she wishes I was her neighbour so she could fuck me every night. It was hot but I thought the neighbour bit sounded odd. I questioned it and her reply was "So I can sneak out after my husband goes to sleep and I can fuck you all night".

wat.

Then I do a bit of detective work online. She's married, christian, owns some sort of flower business. She's like a typical mum who acts like her marriage and life is fantastic and picture perfect except she's a complete slut on the side....but she IS pretty hot...
 
Should introductions be kept short or should you try and talk a good bit the first time you meet? Met a girl last night that I have the opportunity to see every week. She approached me with a huge smile and introduced herself and we talked for a bit. I'm heavily attracted to her and I sensed the same on her end. Next time I see her should I go for contact information or should I just let things sort of slowly develop casually? I'm probably over thinking it. I'm really stubborn when I let myself handle things with thought but I feel like I'm more of the serious/flirty type since it feels more natural for me but I don't want to overwhelm. I think I'm holding myself back with thought.
 
If you had the option to participate in a temperory LDR (6 months) until she/he come back or remain single and keep on mingling and possibly continue where you left off when they got back, which would you choose?

Opinions?

If I were to choose the option of remaining single does that mean I can still pursue other girls guilt free even if it hurt her/him? Am I just a douche? I dunno :/ both guys and girls have wants and needs..?
 
Pau said:
I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. All the advice from this thread comes from anecdotal evidence and none from actual statistics so it's not like one is more valid than the other.

I'm just saying in my experience the "rules" are silly and people are so preoccupied following them that they forget to have fun actually interacting with another human being. But hey, if following the rules works for you, that's fine. I'm just offering another opinion.
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Advice from Minamu (I'm guessing) and myself come mostly from outside sources. You can have fun and follow a set of guidelines; they're not mutually exclusive. I had a great time last night following the rules. The biggest rule, and I'm not even sure is a rule, is to just be yourself. If they don't like that it's their loss. Don't give a fuck!
 
Pau said:
I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. All the advice from this thread comes from anecdotal evidence and none from actual statistics so it's not like one is more valid than the other.

I'm just saying in my experience the "rules" are silly and people are so preoccupied following them that they forget to have fun actually interacting with another human being. But hey, if following the rules works for you, that's fine. I'm just offering another opinion.
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It wasn't really directed at you per se, you just said something that got me thinking :) I think some of the rules, like don't call until after three days etc, they are very stupid and should go away for sure. Some are just common sense like be yourself. But as you say, if you forget to have fun too, skip the rules. That I'm all for. I'm not the biggest fan of the "normal" rules either to be honest. I like doing things backwards as long as it's not harmful to anyone.

Edit: You got me thinking about how annoying it can be to hear that some given advice sucks, that's all :) And I realize that's kinda funny coming from me in this case.
 
So Dating-GAF, I will be in the area of the girl I hung out with last night next Tuesday. I was thinking of asking her to get lunch at a Thai place she really likes. I only asked her Wednesday to hang out last night, but now that I actually like her, would asking two days before be okay?
 
A Human Becoming said:
So Dating-GAF, I will be in the area of the girl I hung out with last night next Tuesday. I was thinking of asking her to get lunch at a Thai place she really likes. I only asked her Wednesday to hang out last night, but now that I actually like her, would asking two days before be okay?
Click to expand...

so you mean sunday?
 
I've really committed to making changes with my social life, and I want to thank this thread for it. I've started running again and always strive for at least 5 hours of sleep a night, so my energy's way up. With that, I can go out and do stuff, so I've joined a few local Meetups. Some might work, some might not; in fact I may already drop one, but at least I'll meet new people soon. Once I start "dating" large groups, I'll work my way down to individuals.

Failing that, I could try setting up a profile on a dating site, but that increasingly seems like something for the 30+ crowd, especially if you're not just looking for a quickie. Still though, stuff's happening, and it wouldn't have if I hadn't ever checked this out. It's not just an echo chamber in here, thanks :)
 
@grap3fruitman

Bro, can you please stop? Negativity is not needed. You may not realize it but posts like the one you recently made can effect people on this site who have a shaky emotional and social foundation.

I get it, your life sucks. One of my good friends in real-life is miserable because he's fat and balding. His life also sucks, according to him. He's not willing to do good for himself, however. Yes, its harder to meet women when you look worse. Yes, its harder to be positive when you look worse. So, what exactly do you want? Are you going to just resist advice and discourage people from shit, like online dating?

What, exactly, is the root of your problem? Are you fat? ...Lesser looking? What? In fact, I'd like to see a picture of you. I'd genuinely like to help you. But you need to help yourself first. Heck, where do you live? If by some chance you're in my city I'll come hangout with you (dead serious).

Help me out here?
 
At some point everyone here is going to start ignoring him. We get that he needs help but he's making it pretty difficult. The worst is when the person in need of help greatly resists help, lol. Its just a self-defeating loop of agony.

Once again, grap3fruitman: what is the source of your agony? PM me if you want. Either that or post here, let's have some dialogue.
 
grap3fruitman, I was feeling like that last year and earlier this year and seeing a therapist really helped. I'm pretty sure you've been feeling worse than I did for longer, but talking to someone in person that you can open up to (and not giving up on it, it felt like it "wasn't working" for months and then suddenly it "worked") can really help. I don't know if it would help you, but it did for me. Something to try.

In any case, I'm happier and while I don't think I'll ever have a ~relationship~ (I just don't think it's for me), I'm happy just being with me. If you can't be happy alone, you won't be happy with someone else either.
 
Leeness - why isn't a relationship for you, exactly? You seem friendly and kind - why wouldn't it be for you?
 
I don't know you, Leeness, but my guess would be your hang-ups are based around a personal fear and uncertainty of that kind of intimacy. I think you'll open up once you find a man you can trust. That's what it boils down to for many people who are conservative in that regard.
 
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