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[Northeastmonk]

I got it. It doesn't pay or anything, but I'm going to keep at it. Least till they tell me they don't need me anymore.

But really, I don't see the point. Like my mom told me today, I have to grow up. I only wanted to be a writer because it's all I've ever felt I was even remotely good at it. But it's all for naught, really. I really don't think I have a chance. Feels like no one in my life really cares about anything I have to say about anything.

I'm so lonely living here. My family doesn't understand me and I don't understand them and I think we're all just tired of trying. I just need to hurry up, find some dead end job, and wait for it to slowly kill me.

I realize I could have been trying harder to find work. I could have said it was because I've spent most of this year in a puddle of self-loathing and depression, but that's just an excuse. Really, I'm just lazy and useless and nothing I do makes a difference. I got turned down for a job at fucking Sears. Sears! I have a damned degree and I can't even get a job at a fucking retail store.

Speaking of, what did I even go to college for? To spend five years realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life? I didn't build any kind of network or valuable skills. I didn't cultivate any relationships of meaning or chart a course for my future. I just did what I always do: coasted along doing the bare minimum, never thinking ahead or taking control of my life.

No one cares about my goals and dreams. No one wants to talk to me about who I am and what I like. I'm nothing but a burden to everyone I know.

I hate being like this. I know once I move out, it's over with my family. I'll probably never see them again. I'll just move away and be forgotten about. Destined to spend my life alone. And the sad part is I'm the only one who cares. Why do I even care?

You know it takes a few tries and failure is always going to happen. That's why you keep pushing to make a new change everyday. Once those changes start adding up you'll see a major difference in your life. I know its hard at first to adjust to change, it's the worst part about being human. Someday it will make sense why you went through this, but don't say it's over because it's not. You may be learning one of the biggest strengths to your future career. If you fall, pick yourself back up, and continue to do what you want to do. Don't let your family and the past keep you away from a better life. I've seen it happen and it's not worth it. Eventually you'll see yourself outside that particular circle and into a new life. We can't always rely on the parents and people who raised us to follow us into adulthood. Its not possible sometimes. Which is difficult I know.

 

[grap3fruitman]

This is actually the very last time I'm going to acknowledge you at all if you don't give at least some semblance of an answer.

Why does your life suck? Give specifics.

I literally have nothing to look forward to. I wake up everyday wishing I hadn't. Then, after laying in bed and regretting waking up, I go work an unfulfilling job, come home, go on the internet and then fall asleep while watching TV. Rinse, repeat. Even when I went to a shitty community college, it was still the same routine with said school thrown in. Bitching on the internet is my only interaction with people.

I never learned to socialize and I don't know that I've ever had a friend. Maybe when I was a kid but not in high school or any point after. Now that I'm ridiculously lonely, who would want to be friends with a fucking negative-ass weirdo loser with no life, no ambition and nothing to show?

I don't even know that I'd want a friend but I do feel so ridiculously lonely, that's why I'd rather have a girl. But there's the same thing. Who would want to date me? No one. I've asked. I'm not afraid of asking a girl out for fear of rejection. All I know is rejection. Every single girl I've ever asked out has rejected me. Every single one. I'm actually more scared that a girl would agree to go out with me since it's never happened and I wouldn't know what to do. You're going to say "Oh, it's simple! You go on a date. Duh!" If you say something to the equivalent, I will want to rip your fucking head off. It's not simple. It's not even remotely simple. It's the most difficult fucking thing in the world to someone like me.

I'm 26, I've never had a girlfriend and the people I'm "friends" with on Facebook are all getting married and having kids and having fulfilling lives while I'm just rotting away in a dark room while starring at a monitor. It's really heart-breaking to see every girl you've ever liked be in a happy relationship.

I really just envy normal people. Being happy, having friends, doing stuff and living their lives. I just want to be like them but it's impossible. I can't do any of it.

 

[neojubei]

Flipped a coin to see if i should go to that gay club and it landed on no, so i guess i wont. I even flipped to see if i should die tonight and that was a no too. ugh. I want to cry but i can't, i want to destroy something but i can't, i want to cut myself but i can't. can't do much of anything. i wish i could lobotomize myself so i don't have to dwell on these thoughts. Still would be nice not to like guys.

So long as you're not hurting anyone, be attracted to whoever and whatever you want and don't let that put you down. Being straight, I have issues when it comes to the opposite sex. I've had one relationship in almost four decades of living. That's pretty pathetic even for ugliees and dummies like myself.

I'm a terrible advice giver. I couldn't help someone out of a paper bag with the issues I have but all I can try and recommend to you is maybe getting out, visiting some clubs and, maybe, if you're able to handle it, have a few drinks to loosen up. Also, I think there's a gay GAF thread. Have you tried posting there to meet people maybe? Again, I'm straight so if this sounds idiotic, it's probably because it is, but one advantage you might have is that the gay community might be more stronger in regards to the support of one another due to prejudice and homophobia. Maybe if you try and go out and find some groups and whatnot, you will find someone. Again, I'm ignorant in regards to this but I'm just throwing some stuff out that may help you. There's no reason you should have to give up who you really are as a person, unless of course it's something that's hurting others (and of course, you're not).

I hope I'm not sounding hypocritical or ignorant. I've personally given up trying in regards to a significant other. I'm just thinking you might have a slight advantage and using that, you can find the happiness you really want. You don't want to die. I don't really want to die. What we want is happiness.

I go through life believing everyone hates me, so i know most of them hate me by now. im suppose to start with a new therapist on monday since my old one quit, but already i know he hates me. i hardly return messages and make appointments. Im supposed to have a sleep study for sleep apena, but if it suppose to kill me in my sleep why cure it.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Flipped a coin to see if i should go to that gay club and it landed on no, so i guess i wont. I even flipped to see if i should die tonight and that was a no too. ugh. I want to cry but i can't, i want to destroy something but i can't, i want to cut myself but i can't. can't do much of anything. i wish i could lobotomize myself so i don't have to dwell on these thoughts. Still would be nice not to like guys.

I go through life believing everyone hates me, so i know most of them hate me by now. im suppose to start with a new therapist on monday since my old one quit, but already i know he hates me. i hardly return messages and make appointments. Im supposed to have a sleep study for sleep apena, but if it suppose to kill me in my sleep why cure it.

I know how you feel. Believe me.

Only advice I could give, and some people may find this to be bad advice.... Go to the club and at least get a nice buzz going if not drunk. Now, don't get too drunk but enough to open up and maybe free up a lot of anxiety. Make sure you have a designated driver or a way home via bus or cab. But sometimes you have to live a little and that means going out and trying to have a good time. Maybe you can "pre-game" (meaning getting your drink on before you head out) it if you feel too anxious so by the time you get there, you'll be loosened up.

Of course, again, I don't want to get you in trouble. Just drink responsibly enough but for this occasion it just might help for you so you can go out and socialize.

 

[Curtisaur]

I was in the psych ward for 9 days and started ECT treatments. I've had 4 so far and feel like I'm getting worse and that my suicidal thoughts are getting stronger.

 

[neojubei]

I know how you feel. Believe me.

Only advice I could give, and some people may find this to be bad advice.... Go to the club and at least get a nice buzz going if not drunk. Now, don't get too drunk but enough to open up and maybe free up a lot of anxiety. Make sure you have a designated driver or a way home via bus or cab. But sometimes you have to live a little and that means going out and trying to have a good time. Maybe you can "pre-game" (meaning getting your drink on before you head out) it if you feel too anxious so by the time you get there, you'll be loosened up.

Of course, again, I don't want to get you in trouble. Just drink responsibly enough but for this occasion it just might help for you so you can go out and socialize.

I'm not going to be hated and treated like crap while feeling uncomfortable and stupid looking. I don't even look good so why bother. I'm seeing a therapist on Monday so I'll ask him if there are any conversion therapies to cure being gay. I'll even take electroshock therapy to cure it

 

[Northeastmonk]

I literally have nothing to look forward to. I wake up everyday wishing I hadn't. Then, after laying in bed and regretting waking up, I go work an unfulfilling job, come home, go on the internet and then fall asleep while watching TV. Rinse, repeat. Even when I went to a shitty community college, it was still the same routine with said school thrown in. Bitching on the internet is my only interaction with people.

I never learned to socialize and I don't know that I've ever had a friend. Maybe when I was a kid but not in high school or any point after. Now that I'm ridiculously lonely, who would want to be friends with a fucking negative-ass weirdo loser with no life, no ambition and nothing to show?

I don't even know that I'd want a friend but I do feel so ridiculously lonely, that's why I'd rather have a girl. But there's the same thing. Who would want to date me? No one. I've asked. I'm not afraid of asking a girl out for fear of rejection. All I know is rejection. Every single girl I've ever asked out has rejected me. Every single one. I'm actually more scared that a girl would agree to go out with me since it's never happened and I wouldn't know what to do. You're going to say "Oh, it's simple! You go on a date. Duh!" If you say something to the equivalent, I will want to rip your fucking head off. It's not simple. It's not even remotely simple. It's the most difficult fucking thing in the world to someone like me.

I'm 26, I've never had a girlfriend and the people I'm "friends" with on Facebook are all getting married and having kids and having fulfilling lives while I'm just rotting away in a dark room while starring at a monitor. It's really heart-breaking to see every girl you've ever liked be in a happy relationship.

I really just envy normal people. Being happy, having friends, doing stuff and living their lives. I just want to be like them but it's impossible. I can't do any of it.

Some of the closest people around me never got married until their early to mid 30's. It is a giant step for some and for others it's rather easy for them. Relationships are a dime a dozen, you never truly know or if those girls you cared for would of worked out. I know for sure the girls I dated I never see anymore or if I do they're married and moved on with their life. I don't think love can just happen when you want it to. Heck, if I thought that way then the last decade has been a complete waste of time waiting on something magical to show up and I'm a tad older than you are. If the next 5 years go by and everything stays the same than you imagine life being about as bad as it is now. I think there are many paths or opportunities that open up along the course of life. And you're still very young. Don't envy these people, instead observe. Jealousy will lead us both nowhere.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hiding In My Headphones by Reel Big Fish is a dang good tune. Pretty much describes me anytime in public.

Hey mister I don't mean to insult
But to make small talk would be difficult
So I turn up the volume take a journey
Hiding in my headphones thats where I'll be

 

[ReiGun]

You sound really sure of this. Without (obviously) knowing the totality of your experience, don't you think that distance and a bit of time might be able to do some pretty wondrous, if not just simply healthy things?

At this point, I don't know what else can be done. No one wants to work on things and make them better. I just have to come to grips with the fact that my family is never going to be the family I need them to be. Healthy. in this case, is just us only seeing each other during holidays. I just cannot put up with being with them any more. It hurts. but I'm just too tired to keep fighting this.

 

[thoseAREmySHOES]

This Cracked article is a couple days old, but it was quite a fun read on introversion. I know it's trying to be funny moreso than be any form of help, but as an introvert I could empathize with a lot of it. Society's disposition towards introverts in general on top of my social anxiety disorder makes me quite the case, it's just reassuring to read that I'm not the only one out there sometimes! Which is also why I enjoy this OT.

 

[thoseAREmySHOES]

Sorry for the double post, but I've read the first seven or eight pages of the thread and I think I can finally post this. I wrote it when I was feeling especially depressed, and so its tone is fairly self-loathing. It was originally intended for another forum I post on, but this thread is a far better application of it.

Some background... I graduated from college in 2012... bachelors degree in finance, with honors. I landed a job at an up-and-coming finance company about three hours from where I attended school... but it was in a city where I have no social connections. None. My coworkers are all several years older than me and have children, so their social lives are not the same as a 23 year old recent college grad.

*snip* Pretty much a typical relationship fallacy situation

 

[MisterLuffy]

I've said this many times, I feel like my life is over. My life sucks because of me. I blame myself for making myself miserable. I blame myself for making horrible mistakes. I blame myself for not putting any effort in changing my life. People in this thread gave me some advice but it doesn't work because I don't have the determination to do anything. Is anyone in this thread a muslim? PM because I'm a muslim and I need some guidance. I want to share my problems. It relates to major sins.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Gazpacho - Upside Down

 

[Windam]

Seeing everyone else post great music gave me a thought to post this gem:
Young Empires - White Doves
Great beat, great lyrics.
It takes a thousand miles to reach the stars tonight
And you will find your dreams then come to life.
It takes a thousand lives to save one life tonight.
And you will find your dreams then come alive.
In the sun when you're young you'll find a way back home. Back home.
It takes a thousand tries, you'll get it right in time. In time.
And you will find your dreams then come to life. Alive.
It takes a thousand miles to reach the stars tonight. Tonight.
And you will find your dreams then come alive. Alive.

Spoiler

Also, they're from Toronto, so you can be sure they're awesome.

 

[AcridMeat]

I love how the Disembodied guy accentuates the 'shit' in 'bullshit'. Always have He really sells it.

Dude that No Cash is a great short, sharp slab of punk rawness. And you know, I must have seen a million Choking Victim patches on the hardcore punkers through the years, and have never once heard them. Don't know what I expected. Appropriately black-metal ish tinge to the vocals (really sells the upside down crosses! bonus!). Pretty good stuff. And next in subtle band names: Punch Your Left Cheek Sorta Hard-ish.

My freaking duuuude.

Come home, glass of whiskey, blasting No Cash in headphones. Here's another taste of what my little high school brain was subjecting itself to back then

In fact I called that song my favorite for a few years. Specifically that demo, they bastardized the album version so much I absolutely hated it.

 

[BuggyDClown]

Never posted in this thread before, but today I just need an outlet other than my usual ones.

Every now and then I suffer from bad anxiety and I have regular issues with motivation and ADD. I hate asking for help though, so it took me a long time to even come to terms with my ADD and finally get medication for it (I take the smallest dose available).

Sometimes it frustrates me to no end how little I can get done without the medication. It's like theres a block in my head. I'm not talking about procrastination either, I just can't clear my head or focus. It literally feels like a pressure behind my eyes and forehead, I eventually gave in today and took some adderall and within about half an hour I felt way better.

A part of me hates how much it helps, It's a problem i've had for so long, this strange feeling of pressure or blockage in my own consciousness. I also love how much better it makes me feel, I went from feeling overwhelmed, stressed and having very high anxiety. I just felt downright depressed.

I took a break from trying to get work done, took my meds and had a drink on the roof while watching the sunset. I feel 1000x better, but I can't help but shake that I can't clear my mind and focus without the aid of the medication.

I've only been taking it for about a year, and it helps greatly, but it also makes me very conscious of this particular flaw of mine.

In any case I feel much better than earlier, I wish I had found this thread when I felt really down, but then again I probably would have rambled on about when feels like nothing to me now.

BTW since everyone is posting tracks, here's two I listened too while watching the sunset. They are some of my go to for motivation and clearing my mind.

The Mountain Goats - This Year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii6kJaGiRaI

Fun - Be Calm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qMXBUjm8tM

 

[stn]

@grap3fruitman

I have nothing else to say but that you need a therapist. PM me which country and city you live in. If by some miracle I live near you I'd come hangout with you and help you out. And I'm serious about this.

 

[swecide]

.

If it were me, I'd tell Sam how I feel about her. Then again that's just me. I really don't know what else to say, I just wanted you to know that someone read what you had written. This might not be relevant at all, it just felt like I should bring it up. I'm slowly coming to terms with that I'm not this scientific thinking smart-ass everyone in the past led me to believe. I've know that for a long time, guided by intuition instead of logic. The depression hit me and I sort of forgot that. It's better now, not great. But I just don't care about doing the "right thing" anymore, if it feels good, if my initial instinct to whatever it is feels good, I should do it. I'm 10 years late to the party, but honestly, fuck that, I'm here now.

 

[Samk]

ClassyPenguin knows what's up - that well-thumbed copy of Introduction to Neuropsychopharmacology shows he means business (going to post more about that book soon).

Diphenhydramine is Benadryl and, as Classy points out, basically every over the counter sleep aid is just something mixed with Benadryl. You can save some cash by just buying generic diphenhydramine.

I've had good luck with melatonin, which is in the supplement/vitamin/not-really-medicine aisle. Classy had no luck with it. The studies are kind of split. It's at least cheap and safe, so it might be worth a shot.

Just to illustrate the difficulty with supplements, valerian root is a well known herbal supplement with calming and sleep-promoting effects. It has some benzo-like chemistry, it turns out. I've tried it and I actually get a paradoxical reaction. It makes me MORE anxious. That can happen with meds, too (some people experience MORE pain when they take certain narcotics), but the problem is worse with unregulated supplements, as I don't know if the dose is way off, or it's the formulation I tried..."Natural" remedies seem better, in some vague way, to most people, but there are a lot of issues with using these products.

Supplements scare me. Anything not approved by the FDA usually is for good reason.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I have nothing else to say but that you need a therapist.

If the internet's kind words are of no help, then what could a therapist possibly say that would suddenly fix everything and make me feel better? And I don't know that I want someone to spend time with me out of pity. It just solidifies that I'm a fucking loser.

 

[Bagels]

If the internet's kind words are of no help, then what could a therapist possibly say that would suddenly fix everything and make me feel better? And I don't know that I want someone to spend time with me out of pity. It just solidifies that I'm a fucking loser.

Therapists aren't about kind words or pity. It's a professional relationship. They are experts in addressing mental health issues and helping you change how you think. An approach like CBT is backed by science and can really help change how you feel. The professional distance is actually a bonus, too. Your friends, and kindly D-GAFfers, can cloud the issues because they let their affection for you guide what they say. Sometimes you need someone detached from the situation to see things in more logical terms. I personally found, and continue to find, CBT techniques helpful.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Exactly what I was going to post Bagels.

I think most people have only been exposed to therapy, psychiatric and medication through the media, which tend to dramatize and exaggerate. That's where I think some of the confusion comes from.

 

[Samk]

Therapists aren't about kind words or pity. It's a professional relationship. They are experts in addressing mental health issues and helping you change how you think. An approach like CBT is backed by science and can really help change how you feel. The professional distance is actually a bonus, too. Your friends, and kindly D-GAFfers, can cloud the issues because they let their affection for you guide what they say. Sometimes you need someone detached from the situation to see things in more logical terms. I personally found, and continue to find, CBT techniques helpful.

Check out DBT as well. Sounds like Scientology looks like Buddhism

 

[Bagels]

The Mountain Goats - This Year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii6kJaGiRaI

Fun - Be Calm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qMXBUjm8tM

I need to provide more substantive responses to many posts, including yours, but linking the Mountain Goats has already made us bestest friends. "This Year" and "No Children" both vie for my pick as the ultimate depression anthem.

http://vimeo.com/50382282

Many Mountain Goats songs and albums address mental health issues, particularly this one, which is all about mental health:

Many people have addressed this, in many different ways, but it seems like it needs to be repeated more. The best thing you can do, right now, for your long-term mental health is...

...in the thread, in chat, on your facebook, anywhere that other people can see it. You may still feel like you're a loser - that won't change overnight - but you don't have to broadcast it.

 

[Bagels]

Check out DBT as well. Sounds like Scientology looks like Buddhism

DBT is great, too. You find an approach that works for you and the important thing is sticking with it. The literature suggests that the patient-therapist bond is more important than the type of therapy. Find someone you're comfortable talking to and keep going.

Frankly, in terms of mental health, as opposed to mental illness, I think that even the happiest person would get a lot out of CBT or DBT (etc.). The lessons are broadly applicable. The whole concept of mindfulness is something we should all be cultivating.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Yup. CBT can work with many aspects of life. Interesting how bro-science ignores the usefulness of it when it comes to fitness and weight loss but uses some aspects of it in a kind of patronizingly and useless platitudes.

 

[Samk]

Yup. CBT can work with many aspects of life. Interesting how bro-science ignores the usefulness of it when it comes to fitness and weight loss but uses some aspects of it in a kind of patronizingly and useless platitudes.

Please tell me there's somewhere I can get into a CBT vs DBT debate hahah.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Please tell me there's somewhere I can get into a CBT vs DBT debate hahah.

It's just behavior and thought pattern modification. ACT is in the bunch as well.

 

[Bagels]

Please tell me there's somewhere I can get into a CBT vs DBT debate hahah.

Right here. You vs. ClassyPenguin. I'll moderate.

(My experience is mainly with CBT. I'd be interested to hear more about you experience with DBT.)

 

[Samk]

I'm not particularly passionate, but for those who aren't religious the metaphorical and spiritual aspects to DBT are invaluable. It opens doors to mindfulness in ways that I feel CBT doesn't.

 

[Bagels]

I'm not particularly passionate, but for those who aren't religious the metaphorical and spiritual aspects to DBT are invaluable. It opens doors to mindfulness in ways that I feel CBT doesn't.

Do you mind going into it more? I've read the very basics of DBT, but I'd love to hear more - I know very little about it, other than that it is quite effective. I want to hear more about the metaphorical and spiritual aspects you mentioned.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Whatever works the best for you.

Great now I am going to spend the day reading trial papers and finding more info on dbt.

Thanks guys.

 

[Samk]

Do you mind going into it more? I've read the very basics of DBT, but I'd love to hear more - I know very little about it, other than that it is quite effective. I want to hear more about the metaphorical and spiritual aspects you mentioned.

Sure. It's metaphorical in that it explains brain activity in terms of emotional mind(think doctor Bones from star treck) and logical mind (think Spock). It encourages patients to use both simultaneously, thus entering wise mind( power levels 9000, zen master, ect.).

Particularly for those patients who have very little in the way of spirituality, this can be a fun way to learn mindfulness.

 

[thoseAREmySHOES]

If it were me, I'd tell Sam how I feel about her. Then again that's just me. I really don't know what else to say, I just wanted you to know that someone read what you had written. This might not be relevant at all, it just felt like I should bring it up. I'm slowly coming to terms with that I'm not this scientific thinking smart-ass everyone in the past led me to believe. I've know that for a long time, guided by intuition instead of logic. The depression hit me and I sort of forgot that. It's better now, not great. But I just don't care about doing the "right thing" anymore, if it feels good, if my initial instinct to whatever it is feels good, I should do it. I'm 10 years late to the party, but honestly, fuck that, I'm here now.

Thanks for the input man. There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't think about telling her. And then I mentally play out (what I believe is) every possible scenario about how the reaction would go, and then I talk myself out of it.

 

[Bagels]

Thanks for the input man. There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't think about telling her. And then I mentally play out (what I believe is) every possible scenario about how the reaction would go, and then I talk myself out of it.

You might want to look at this post I made on relationships: CLICK ME.

It does sound like telling her how you feel right now may make things very weird. It depends on how and WHY you tell her. Is it out of the faint hope that she will dump Charlie and run to you instead? That is doomed to fail and is going to hurt everyone involved. But if you tell Sam that you like her by way of explaining that you might need to distance yourself from her for your own well-being, then it makes a lot more sense.

I do hope that my "relationship fallacy" post helps. It sounds like you're over-invested in this one relationship and unable to value Sam for her friendship alone. You can't help being attracted to her, sure, but you didn't tell her that. Instead, you expected her to interpret your friendship as a desire for romance. That's unfair to her.

Now, you need to decide if you can in fact be "just friends" (and I dislike the idea that friendship is some kind of booby prize. Friendship is a rare and valuable thing) with Sam, or if you'll always have feelings for her. If the latter, you need some distance. She sees you as a friend. If that does not do it for you, it's best for both of you if you back away. This relationship might not be healthy for either of you.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Zoobiquity: How Jaguar Breast Cancer, Dolphin Diabetes, and Flamingo Heart Attacks will Transform Human Medicine


35:08 is when they talk about mental illness in animals.

 

[thoseAREmySHOES]

You might want to look at this post I made on relationships: CLICK ME.

It does sound like telling her how you feel right now may make things very weird. It depends on how and WHY you tell her. Is it out of the faint hope that she will dump Charlie and run to you instead? That is doomed to fail and is going to hurt everyone involved. But if you tell Sam that you like her by way of explaining that you might need to distance yourself from her for your own well-being, then it makes a lot more sense.

I do hope that my "relationship fallacy" post helps. It sounds like you're over-invested in this one relationship and unable to value Sam for her friendship alone. You can't help being attracted to her, sure, but you didn't tell her that. Instead, you expected her to interpret your friendship as a desire for romance. That's unfair to her.


Now, you need to decide if you can in fact be "just friends" (and I dislike the idea that friendship is some kind of booby prize. Friendship is a rare and valuable thing) with Sam, or if you'll always have feelings for her. If the latter, you need some distance. She sees you as a friend. If that does not do it for you, it's best for both of you if you back away. This relationship might not be healthy for either of you.

Wow, your relationship fallacy post really hit the nail on the head. I am certainly over-invested in this, but at the same time, I feel that we are genuine friends... we get along very well and can enjoy each others' company. For that reason, I don't know if distance is what I need. I have few friends in general, I don't really want to burn a bridge if I don't absolutely have to. I think I basically just need to meet someone that I can actually be with to take my mind off Sam.

"You can't help being attracted to her, sure, but you didn't tell her that. Instead, you expected her to interpret your friendship as a desire for romance. That's unfair to her."

That's very true as well, and I never really considered it from that perspective. It was quite unfair that I just expected her to jump to that conclusion based on, well, basically nothing but my inner thoughts.

Thanks for the input, Bagels... I've got lots to mull over.

 

[CornBurrito]

What is DBT?

Yup. CBT can work with many aspects of life. Interesting how bro-science ignores the usefulness of it when it comes to fitness and weight loss but uses some aspects of it in a kind of patronizingly and useless platitudes.

Eh? Examples?

 

[Bagels]

I requested a temp ban for neojubei and it looks like it went through. I had requested one in the past, which also happened. He's understandably upset with me, but I hope he at least reads this.

I don't hate jubei, contrary to what he keep telling me. I do care about him and want him to get better. I asked for the bans for two reasons.

1) He's hurting himself more by coming here and posting that he's a loser. We've had a discussion about this kind of thing going in the thread. Publicly bashing yourself is bad for your mental health. Posting here, he seems completely fixated on how much he hates himself.

2) He is not engaging with the community, beyond posting one sentence replies to people who respond to him. People are expending a great deal of time and energy trying to get him to talk about his problems in a more constructive way, and they always get blown off. We've had a series of posts asking people not to bash themselves in here. I even specifically used "I am a loser" as an example of something that is completely unhelpful and in fact actively harmful. Four posts after I said that, he posts, "I am such a loser" and then continues in that vein with each new post, despite many attempts to reason with him. This is by no means a new thing, dating back to the earlier thread.

If there's any big rule in here (and in our IRC), it's that we don't let people say things that hurt others (themselves included). With neo, the constant cavalier talk about suicide has made people avoid this thread; We have many gay members and it upsets people when he talks about being "cured" of his homosexuality; he has talked about a desire to contract illnesses that people in this community are struggling to deal with. These things all hurt people.

I hope you see this, neo, and spending some time away from GAF does you some good. You're more than welcome here and in the IRC, but you need to find a more constructive way to discuss your issues. I'm never going to sit by when people say things that hurt others in here, and that includes saying things that hurt yourself.

 

[Bagels]

Wow, your relationship fallacy post really hit the nail on the head. I am certainly over-invested in this, but at the same time, I feel that we are genuine friends... we get along very well and can enjoy each others' company. For that reason, I don't know if distance is what I need. I have few friends in general, I don't really want to burn a bridge if I don't absolutely have to. I think I basically just need to meet someone that I can actually be with to take my mind off Sam.

"You can't help being attracted to her, sure, but you didn't tell her that. Instead, you expected her to interpret your friendship as a desire for romance. That's unfair to her."

That's very true as well, and I never really considered it from that perspective. It was quite unfair that I just expected her to jump to that conclusion based on, well, basically nothing but my inner thoughts.

Thanks for the input, Bagels... I've got lots to mull over.

I hope you find it helpful. I know that post cuts a little deep for many people, but the kind of critical evaluation of your relationships I'm suggesting strikes me as vitally important. Same with the line you quoted here. It seems super blunt and mean, even to me, but the lesson is very, very important. We can't expect people to read our minds and pick up on feelings we never express. I'm not really one for "you have to face this hard truth" kind of posts, but I think the blunt, difficult nature of that post was the only way to really discuss it.

I have more to write about both relationships in the future, if people find it helpful.

 

[Trin]

Trin!

-hides in corner-

Smiley! Please drop by and say hi to us in chat sometime?

 

[thoseAREmySHOES]

I hope you find it helpful. I know that post cuts a little deep for many people, but the kind of critical evaluation of your relationships I'm suggesting strikes me as vitally important. Same with the line you quoted here. It seems super blunt and mean, even to me, but the lesson is very, very important. We can't expect people to read our minds and pick up on feelings we never express. I'm not really one for "you have to face this hard truth" kind of posts, but I think the blunt, difficult nature of that post was the only way to really discuss it.

I have more to write about both relationships in the future, if people find it helpful.

Oh, being blunt with stuff like this is one of the better ways, I agree. I'm already good enough at being wishy-washy and coming up with ways to avoid situations, if other people are like that with me, it makes it all that much easier to ignore their advice. But being blunt and truthful kind of skips right past the chance for me to not take the advice seriously.

 

[Agent Cooper]

BTW since everyone is posting tracks, here's two I listened too while watching the sunset. They are some of my go to for motivation and clearing my mind.

The Mountain Goats - This Year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii6kJaGiRaI

Fun - Be Calm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qMXBUjm8tM

YES so good

Here Comes The Anxiety - The Wombats

 

[Fudgepuppy]

So update on my situation.

Just came home from my vacation. It's pretty apparent now that they are seriously in love with each other. Feels weird, feels empty and I feel kind of lonely, but I know I shouldn't, so I'm deciding not to, even if it's hard at times.

Seeing my therapist again this wednesday for the first time in a year, I will probably buy a drumkit next monday and I'm going to get a gym membership. Get smaller and leaner, build up my confidence.

Things can only get better if I decide they can.

 

[Windam]

So update on my situation.

Just came home from my vacation. It's pretty apparent now that they are seriously in love with each other. Feels weird, feels empty and I feel kind of lonely, but I know I shouldn't, so I'm deciding not to, even if it's hard at times.

Seeing my therapist again this wednesday for the first time in a year, I will probably buy a drumkit next monday and I'm going to get a gym membership. Get smaller and leaner, build up my confidence.

Things can only get better if I decide they can.

I like your way of thinking with this! Wish I could be more like you, really and make conrete choices like that (gym membership, I need to get bigger). I hope things work out for you!

 

[chiQ]

So update on my situation.

Just came home from my vacation. It's pretty apparent now that they are seriously in love with each other. Feels weird, feels empty and I feel kind of lonely, but I know I shouldn't, so I'm deciding not to, even if it's hard at times.

Seeing my therapist again this wednesday for the first time in a year, I will probably buy a drumkit next monday and I'm going to get a gym membership. Get smaller and leaner, build up my confidence.

Things can only get better if I decide they can.

*applause*

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but life will be much easier with this approach. Well done.

 

[Colin.]

For the next few days, I am going to be following Swe's advice of following your instincts. And right now, my instincts are telling me I need to cut off all online communication for a few days or so, depends on how I feel. I do enjoy keeping in touch with the small group of people I like, including the IRC mob. But at the moment, it feels like one of the distractions I've got going right now that is keeping me from taking the time to truly process some important aspects of my life.

I've always been a bit poor at multitasking and quickfire thinking. So hopefully, this will be a good way to improve my focus, and truly take the time evaluate these things. I may even take the positive ideas in my head, and actually form them into actions *gasp*, but I wont get ahead of myself here. I will still post here if anything helpful comes to mind, and PM's are as welcomed as ever. Although, I doubt I would be missed that much, but that's probably just the self esteem talking.

Remember to always be patient with yourself when it comes to internal matters. It may take a long time to see positive results with certain things, but isn't it worth it if the potential pay off is great? The average person comes across a fair amount of pressure and pain, don't let yourself become another cause by beating yourself up about everything that doesn't go as well, or as fast as you might want it to.

Stay strong, and never give up on the things that may bring some happiness and meaning to your life. Take care everyone.

 

[MikeDip]

Good luck Colin. I'm sending positive thoughts your way dude. SAWAP friend.

 

[Xun]

My life is really started to get more clouded, and I feel like I'm starting to completely lose the old me. My ambitions, my dreams, my youth is all but fading away. I've felt like this the past few years, but it's getting worse.

I have little to look forward to. I wish my week away to get to the weekend, and I regret not doing anything productive when the weekend is up (like now). It's a constant cycle, and at 23 I didn't imagine my life to be like this.

I feel invisible, lonely, unwanted and in general a complete mess. Things are meant to get better, but they've only gotten worse. I hoped having a job (albeit one I don't want) would at least make me happier, but I was honestly happier unemployed.

I know it could all change, but the thought of living the life I want to live seems impossible. Traveling the world, being in relationships, having a dream job, it all seems unattainable.

Anyway I'm sorry for stopping by once in a blue moon and posting, but I really can't take it anymore.

 

[chiQ]

My life is really started to get more clouded, and I feel like I'm starting to completely lose the old me. My ambitions, my dreams, my youth is all but fading away. I've felt like this the past few years, but it's getting worse.

I have little to look forward to. I wish my week away to get to the weekend, and I regret not doing anything productive when the weekend is up (like now). It's a constant cycle, and at 23 I didn't imagine my life to be like this.

I feel invisible, lonely, unwanted and in general a complete mess. Things are meant to get better, but they've only gotten worse. I hoped having a job (albeit one I don't want) would at least make me happier, but I was honestly happier unemployed.

I know it could all change, but the thought of living the life I want to live seems impossible. Traveling the world, being in relationships, having a dream job, it all seems unattainable.

Anyway I'm sorry for stopping by once in a blue moon and posting, but I really can't take it anymore.

I hear you. The difference is I'm a 40-something, fresh out of a divorce I didn't want and a run of deaths in the family. I reckon you have more to look forward to than me and I find your post a little self-indulgent, but instead of giving you a verbal kick in the fork I'll give you a few tips:

- Get clinical help.

- Make a point of setting up a good, healthy menu for at least one of your daily meals, and stick to it so you are never lethargy starving. Maybe freezing portions and getting microwave steamer bags for vegetables, or perhaps taking a cooking class and trying to turn it into a hobby.

- Look for a job you like. Just a job is not enough, but it will do for now.

- Keep your home well-lit in the evenings, unless you need an early night, in which case do the opposite.

- Get at least 20 minutes of exercise a day. It needn't be running or a gym visit. Just walk, or do crunches and squats in front of the TV, if you like.

- Initiate social interaction more, even if it's just chatting to someone in a queue here or making conversation in a lift there.

Once you have the basics down then start making plans and getting ambitious. No decent ambitions will seem plausible until you are in a condition to attack them, and the way you view your world you are not in good enough shape to do so.