No problem. If I could get my boyfriend to just wear dress shirts and boxer briefs all day, I'd be the happiest person. But I can see why that would be frowned upon in other contexts.
How old are you?
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Anticitizen One
Banned
Does anyone else get uncomfortable/tensed up around a beautiful girl? Theres a girl who sits behind me in class and I get so tensed and distraught because shes way out of my league. It sux
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
MacGurcules
Member
You know, I've always had a way easier time around women I figure I'd never had a chance with. It takes the pressure off. I'll playfully flirt with friends' wives or women at a party that I don't expect to see again. It's fun and it's good practice for when it's real. And that's all it really takes; practice.
Honestly, I give a lot of credit to a couple of lesbian friends of mine who put up with a lot of goofy come-ons and general flirtatious behavior. They liked the attention because they knew I wasn't serious and I got a lot more comfortable around women through them because I didn't have any stakes in it.
So if you really think you don't have any chances with this girl, why not take a swing? You've got nothing to lose.
Anticitizen One
Banned
hmm alright. But how should I strike up a convo with her? You know how college classes are most people dont know each other and just go to their seat quietly and wait for the professor to come and start and at the end everyone rushes out to get on with their life.
MacGurcules
Member
If you're as nervous as you say around women, just start simple. No need to get complicated. She sits behind you, right? So show up a few minutes early and when she walks past you to her seat, just smile at her and say, "Good morning." Establish yourself as a friendly face.
If you're comfortable with that, chat her up in the couple of minutes before class. Ask her something easy. "What other classes are you taking?" "Did you go to that concert the other night?" She's not somebody you're going to be dating. She's just another student. You've got nothing invested. Nothing to ruin. There's no pressure. So just talk to her.
stn
Member
You know what's one of the worst feelings? Going out with someone, having a great date, and then being ignored because they don't actually have interest in you. Its either they faked their interaction just to make things less awkward, or they really did enjoy the date but your looks don't cut it. And, by extension, that would mean that your awesome personality isn't enough to make up for it.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
It's not one of the worst feelings. It's THE worst feeling.
I went out with a girl who works at my job, had a great time, and at the end of the date I went in for a quick hug - she hugged back, I let go and turned to walk away, then she grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss on the cheek. That was Saturday. I send her a good night text, she sends me a cute one back. On Monday, right before the day's about to end, she brings cookies around to my desk that she made on Sunday (for everyone, not just me, but come on son, they were for me). On Tuesday, I leave a note under her mouse at her desk asking to go out again, she texts me back later in the day saying she'd love to have dinner on Thursday. Thursday comes, I get a text saying she's not looking to date or for a serious relationship right now. I text her about a week later asking how she's doing, get a one sentence reply, and have been completely ignored since......
Now I don't give a fuck about anyone I meet at all anymore. There's literally know way to know if someone's really into you or not unless they fucking just say they love you I guess.
Burger_Baron
Member
Thanks, whenever I need support I come here, knowing Gaf won't fail me. I have decided to give the online dating a shot. Also the problem on my social life is that:
A: I am working in a full-time job which takes most of my time during weekdays (I have 6 hours of non-job time, and with the chores I have to do daily it sums up about 4 hours free-time daily) Weekends are of course free from job.
B: I am kind of bad at these things and especially in new groups. I mean,for example, I went to my friend's friend's birthday party with my friend. It was pretty mediocore, playing with cards, listening to music and people talking. On the next morning when I woke up, I was wondering what I had done there. And I realized that I had done nothing. I was just laughing along with everyone (that fill-up laugh) and commenting to something every once in a while. Like,I had said maybe 15-20 sentences on that whole evening/night.
But on the other hand after that the next morning I woke up at my friends (was too drunk and it was too late to go home) and we were having a blast playing Rayman Legends on Wii U together and me smashing Volgarr the Viking. And usually when I am in a familiar group, I can gather up everyone's attention by telling a good story or something like that ( I keep hearing that I'm a pretty good story teller ). And I went to an acting class, but because my depression I sort of started to alienate from them, and was keeping to myself most of the time, although people there were awesome and kind
I know that things could be worse. And it really is because I'm too shoulder-deep down in my self-pity to sometimes see anything. Actually now that I start to think about all this, the more I try to write, the more conflicting it starts to feel. Depression+bad enviroment+lack of social network=nice mess.
Conclusion: All this is because lack of faith and self-pity.
Hypereides
Member
Like in : getting arroused or getting an inappropriate boner? All the time dude!
Just kidding.
Relax. She's a human being just like you. No need to overthink the scenario and those invovled. Just talk to her with confidence and tease her a little.
If you feel inexperience - don't fret. You'll improve with time.
MacGurcules
Member
You know, I hear stories like this and I think about my own girlfriend. On our first date, she gave me the whole, "I'm not sure about dating, I'm really busy, etc etc..." thing. I told her, "As long as you had fun tonight, I'm going to keep bothering you." So we set up the second date right there.
Point is, some women need to be chased a little. Don't be a creep about it or anything, but a little persistence is occasionally warranted.
Gaf, I need some advice. It's a small story again for you guys and girls to read.
I met a girl in a party, she wasn't drunk, me a bit. We talked and got along really well, she said she has a boyfriend when I asked at some point. Still, I got her contact info. Same party, a different girl wants me, I skipped her totally because I liked the girl with the BF. Felt I shouldn't, and I don't like random one night stands.
Well, anyway, she was really nice, so I pondered of asking her out a bit later, but due to the boyfriend issue I kind of stayed away at first. We traded some texts probably next week and then I decided to ask because why the hell not, she seemed ok and I felt attracted to her.
Now, she declined and said "Sorry, I can't do that because I have him". He lives in another country.
I respected that.
Fast forward a couple weeks, texting a bit, then more, and for a couple of weeks daily while I was on a business trip and then when I got back suddenly we are out eating just the two of us. We ended up at my place.
It's been only a tiny month now. We get along fine, it's easy to talk about anything, I can be myself around her and the occasional sex is great. I like her way more than any of the girls I've met in the past two years. There is definitely a connection which I have craved from others.
What the hell am I doing?
I don't know if I should talk about the guy or not at all. It feels too soon. I am not in love but clearly have a crush on her. Should I just give this time, enjoy what I have now and not worry and see what happens until feelings settle down for both of us?
I know I should not have messed with other people's girlfriends, but I liked her personality (this is important to me) and things escalated (because I wanted them to at some point).
Is she just fucking around with me, and/or confused about her current relationship?
I ask you not to judge me too badly with what I did with a taken girl. I have heard it from my closer ones already. Just take it easy on me and help.
I met a girl in a party, she wasn't drunk, me a bit. We talked and got along really well, she said she has a boyfriend when I asked at some point. Still, I got her contact info. Same party, a different girl wants me, I skipped her totally because I liked the girl with the BF. Felt I shouldn't, and I don't like random one night stands.
Well, anyway, she was really nice, so I pondered of asking her out a bit later, but due to the boyfriend issue I kind of stayed away at first. We traded some texts probably next week and then I decided to ask because why the hell not, she seemed ok and I felt attracted to her.
Now, she declined and said "Sorry, I can't do that because I have him". He lives in another country.
I respected that.
Fast forward a couple weeks, texting a bit, then more, and for a couple of weeks daily while I was on a business trip and then when I got back suddenly we are out eating just the two of us. We ended up at my place.
It's been only a tiny month now. We get along fine, it's easy to talk about anything, I can be myself around her and the occasional sex is great. I like her way more than any of the girls I've met in the past two years. There is definitely a connection which I have craved from others.
What the hell am I doing?
I don't know if I should talk about the guy or not at all. It feels too soon. I am not in love but clearly have a crush on her. Should I just give this time, enjoy what I have now and not worry and see what happens until feelings settle down for both of us?
I know I should not have messed with other people's girlfriends, but I liked her personality (this is important to me) and things escalated (because I wanted them to at some point).
Is she just fucking around with me, and/or confused about her current relationship?
I ask you not to judge me too badly with what I did with a taken girl. I have heard it from my closer ones already. Just take it easy on me and help.
The first bolded: "I respected that." lol.
The second bolded: "I don't want to make someone cheat. But hey, I liked her personality, so there go all of my principles, I'll fuck her anyway."
The third bolded: Nope. You're a dick who thinks his own happiness is more important than that of others.
MacGurcules
Member
I was trying to write a reply that didn't come off this harsh, but I pretty much agree.
Your situation is your own, dofry, but personally, I would never have let it get as far as you've taken it without knowing she closed things down with the boyfriend. It's not like these things just happen. You knew what you were doing. But you were afraid that pushing her about her boyfriend would destroy this fragile little thing you have so you compromised your principles.
Really, though, if she's willing to mess around with you, then her relationship with her boyfriend is weak enough that it's probably time for her to break it off anyway. Either that, or she's dishonest enough to go running around behind your back eventually.
So, yeah...
I know I fucked up. It's something I thought about a lot, still did anyways.
And I know I am a dick now but I needed some other advice thats not only telling me what I am.
It's difficult to pour all of it in a netforum in a format people get easily. Thats why I was asking nicely. I think I rewrote that one post 10'times and still its shit. Netforums are a lot harsher than real life but i am here alone at home and thinking.
I think I did what i did because it has been so long without a partner that I wanted someone even though they were taken. Selfish it is indeed.
Anyways, thanks for at least writing answers even with despise. Appreciate that.
Edit: and that ldde profile pic is kind of suitable for this situation.
And I know I am a dick now but I needed some other advice thats not only telling me what I am.
It's difficult to pour all of it in a netforum in a format people get easily. Thats why I was asking nicely. I think I rewrote that one post 10'times and still its shit. Netforums are a lot harsher than real life but i am here alone at home and thinking.
I think I did what i did because it has been so long without a partner that I wanted someone even though they were taken. Selfish it is indeed.
Anyways, thanks for at least writing answers even with despise. Appreciate that.
Edit: and that ldde profile pic is kind of suitable for this situation.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
So after facing rejection and failure with the first girl I ever really tried to pursue I have never been able to recover. It's been near 5 months since I came to terms with how it was never to be, but despite that I still can't seem to shake her out of my head even tho I accept we're better off without each other.
I know the best course of action is to find someone new to focus on, but my confidence has been shot so badly from this it's given me some mild anxiety and I've never been able to get it back to the way it was back before I met her and managed to ask her our out. It's the second year of college and I almost feel like stop focusing on girls entirely for the rest of the year despite there being so many opportunities. I've fallen back into old habits of not being able to keep calm and collected or maintaining a normal conversation.
I come to you guys once more for advice as the tips in this thread previously managed to raise my confidence before!
Thank you.
I know the best course of action is to find someone new to focus on, but my confidence has been shot so badly from this it's given me some mild anxiety and I've never been able to get it back to the way it was back before I met her and managed to ask her our out. It's the second year of college and I almost feel like stop focusing on girls entirely for the rest of the year despite there being so many opportunities. I've fallen back into old habits of not being able to keep calm and collected or maintaining a normal conversation.
I come to you guys once more for advice as the tips in this thread previously managed to raise my confidence before!
Thank you.
MacGurcules
Member
I feel for you. I really do. Intimacy is a powerful, intoxicating thing. There are obviously going to be circumstances that are hard to communicate, so maybe your situation is different. But if I were in your situation, I couldn't help but feel like your relationship with this woman is somewhat poisoned at this point.
I know that feeling dude. I'll tell you it gets better. Try not to focus on a single girl. Just get out there, hang out and talk. If you're interested in someone, go for it. Think of each try as a chance to improve you're skills talking to and asking girls out. Nothing's a failure. Just an opportunity to learn and move on.
At this point, for me, rejections no longer really hurt. It's way better to know for sure whether a girl is interested or not than save yourself from rejection. Focusing all your energy on a single girl for a long length of time without going for it can just drive you crazy and shut you off from other opportunities.
stn
Member
I met the best looking girl of my life recently. My attempts at a second date were shot down. I was down for about a week, now I'm good. Five months is WAY too much, get out of the gutter already and go live.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
Indeed.
Everything you say is true. The reason I haven't completely moved on is because we're still friends who see each other every other day. We study the same course and she lives on the floor below me. So there's no escape on that front. I've given up on chasing her, but every time I see her I delve back into obsessive feelings over her. They're not that strong but its always there in the back of my mind.
Thank you. Reading stuff like this has got me arranging meet ups with people. Hope I can find someone new soon.
A lot of those lingering feelings probably stem from the fact that you haven't gone after anyone else yet. You haven't really been looking elsewhere, so your mind sort of defaults back to her. Once you get back out there, those feelings should fade away pretty quickly.
NeOak
Member
Nuke that crap. It's not worth it.
If after time you stop wanting her, you can go back as a friend. But right now: NUKE THAT SHIT.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
That's precisely the problem I will now work on rectifying it asap.
Haha that's been the hard part. She's treats me with too much respect just to coldly cut her out. To give an example for my birthday (which was after I gave up on her) she made me this ridiculous handmade gift. We also know a lot of personal stuff about each other that we don't open up about to other people.
What I will do tho is start cancelling on her. There are a couple of things she will likely ask me to go to this week but I have now arranged to go with other friends. Before I wrote all this I would have gone with her. This will be a major step to start fading her out of my head.
MacGurcules
Member
Agree. If she's causing you trouble with fixing your own shit, you gotta cut her out. You can be friends again once you're well. If she's actually a friend and she understands the situation, M_Night, she'll understand if you tell her you need a little time to get over her. You don't have to lie to her. You don't have to be cold about it. But do what you have to do to get right.
NeOak
Member
I had a similar situation with a friend and I posted here about it. Basically, I nuked our friendship so I could take time off. Thing is, she actually believed that I would never come back. So when I popped up again, the surprise was noticeable.
Of course, now that I'm busy as fuck with work and grad school I even joked (different day) that even if she were to be suddenly available I would have to reaaaaally think about taking a shot at her. No time!
Just don't tell Logz that I sent a few days ago like 600 bucks of stuff to her lololol so now its like almost 1k with the headset 
I found out recently (i asked) that she is... uh... single. But man, I'm really busy to pursue, and besides, I already threw a lot her way so its her turn. Fuck that.
And no, I didn't know she was single before sending the 3DS and the other stuff, nor when I said that I would get her Pokemon for her and her sister for shits and giggles. the gifts aren't for courting her! *_*
Please walk me through your thought process here xD WTF?I had a similar situation with a friend and I posted here about it. Basically, I nuked our friendship so I could take time off. Thing is, she actually believed that I would never come back. So when I popped up again, the surprise was noticeable.
Of course, now that I'm busy as fuck with work and grad school I even joked (different day) that even if she were to be suddenly available I would have to reaaaaally think about taking a shot at her. No time!
Just don't tell Logz that I sent a few days ago like 600 bucks of stuff to her lololol so now its like almost 1k with the headset
I found out recently (i asked) that she is... uh... single. But man, I'm really busy to pursue, and besides, I already threw a lot her way so its her turn. Fuck that.And no, I didn't know she was single before sending the 3DS and the other stuff, nor when I said that I would get her Pokemon for her and her sister for shits and giggles. the gifts aren't for courting her! *_*
NeOak
Member
I like to gift stuff.
I too gift stuff to my male friends. Just gave one Monster Hunter 3 for his new Wii U lol
I guess she described it best: Unpredictable.
Jesus man, you sound like the kind of friend i need/want!
You must have too much cash laying about. Care to send me a car?
Preferably the Bumblebee from Bayformers please.
beat
Member
Is she rich too, or did she think those gifts were too extravagant?
NeOak
Member
Extravagant. She did express a desire to gift me stuff too if she could afford them.
The Power Of Snap
Member
Got a weird feeling. I know a girl who works at a store and when i passed by her to exit the store, she tells me, do you know it's the last time you will see me?
She then told me that she was moving to another city. I know her but she was more an acquaintance then anything else. I was never really interested in her but that question made me thinking that maybe she wanted something you know?
That's what i think but i may be very wrong.
She then told me that she was moving to another city. I know her but she was more an acquaintance then anything else. I was never really interested in her but that question made me thinking that maybe she wanted something you know?
That's what i think but i may be very wrong.
I don't know...if I received $600 gifts from someone I would assume they were trying to buy my affection. That's not really a good message to send.
Buying little gifts...coffees or whatever, is fine. But you're getting into some serious money and it just serves to drive a wedge in between you two, at least that's how I perceive it.
I do understand the situation. And my response might have come off as harsh, but I was just being matter-of-factly. Perhaps bluntly so. I'll try to give advice.
You say you like her personality. Do you also like the part of her that cheats on her boyfriend, even if it is with you? Do you think that's a desirable personality trait, that forebodes a happy relationship with you? Which is what you are after, from the look of things.
Have you been alone long enough, is the need for a partner strong enough for you to think of yourself as a dick for fooling around with a taken woman? Or do you want to think: "fuck it, I'm better than this, I'll wait for an equally awesome single girl. Which will be less of a hassle, and won't eat away at my conscience."
Honest questions. Some people just don't give two shits about whether they're making someone cheat on her boyfriend. Or don't care that they're with someone who cheated.
I'd tell her that it makes it really hard for you to move on, when you're keeping in touch. That it would be best for you to cut all contact, even though she's not doing anything wrong. Then she won't be wondering why you stopped doing things together, makes for less dramaand hard feelings. I think
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Just a word of encouragement to anyone looking to meet someone special. You never know when and where it might happen and it could come out of nowhere. My gf and I met outside the airport in Brisbane, Australia back in July. We're both American and were there traveling separately. I struck up a conversation with her while we both waited for a bus. That conversation turned into an hour and a half while we waited for our next flights that were going in different directions. When we both returned home a couple of weeks later she emailed me and everything has progressed amazingly well ever since. We're long distance for now but are already talking about changing that in the future.
The message from this story? Be bold and be open. You never know who you might meet.
The message from this story? Be bold and be open. You never know who you might meet.
MacGurcules
Member
Lower your standards on looks. Ask friends. Find a party. Join a club. Start online dating. Cold approach people at the park... You've got lots of options.
NeOak
Member
I'm aware of it. Its 600 dollars because they are several cheap things that I've sent several times through USPS and were not delivered in the course of like 4 months. I just ended up sending a huge box through UPS.
Most expensive thing was the 3DS, next would be games. 4 months of stuff in one box. So they were supposed to be small things like an odd game here and a tea cup. But the United States Postal Service even misplaced one box when I chose the "hold for pick up at a post office" that was down her street and sent the box for delivery.
I eventually got it back. Shitty luck getting stuff to her.
Hey man, at least you're trying. I'm still working up to that. Keep it up. You'll find someone eventually.
I'm still trying to get over the strangeness of asking out a girl I just barely know. More than rejection, the strangeness of it all are what's making me nervous. When it actually comes to it, I'll just push through that nervousness and go through with it. It just makes the moments before actually going through with it actively terrible.
luckyboyceo
Member
Regret is worse than rejection, bro. Once you do it, you'll realize how simple it was and laugh at yourself for making such a big deal out of it.
No. I know that. It's not the rejection. I've been rejected before. It's no big deal. It's the difference between asking a girl I've already been talking to for like a month and asking a girl that I've seen for two weeks in class and only talked about class topics with.
Well I didn't really ask them out. I found out they had boyfriends. I forgot, only 2 of them had boyfriends. The third I just lost interest for some reason. One of them had a picture of herself with her boyfriend and the other I ran into outside of class. She was looking at stuff to buy for her boyfriend.
beat
Member
I guess I haven't been keeping up with this. She's not local?
Also, I would say a 3DS by itself is already getting into "extravagant and off-putting" territory for most people. A gift for a girl you like but aren't dating definitely should not be anything that makes her uncomfortable, and spending that much money is gonna make many people uncomfortable.
Yeah I don't think you'll be getting in this girl's pants any time soon, whether you want to or not. Nice or not, it does sounds really weird :S Sometimes it doesn't matter if one has the best intentions and absolutely no hidden agenda, if it comes off as creepy, you're screwed either way. Actions can mean a lot, but interpretations of said actions can give them a whole set of extra meanings that wasn't intended.
Anticitizen One
Banned
BF doesn't mean shit. If she likes you she'll drop her current bf
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