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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Cross-posting this from the OKC/Online Dating thread since I want some thoughts on this ASAP:
I'll just leave this here so you guys can help me make sense of it (please don't ignore my post guys). Quick preface: I hit the homepage, noticed a pink 1 a few mins ago and got this message from a user with no picture, 0 profile info (says White, Average body, the details box) and live 94 miles away from me in the neighboring state (NJ in this case):
I haven't replied yet but this is what I have written:
So should I text her and see what's at the other end of the rabbit hole or should I play it safe and send that reply out first? I'm feeling a bit creeped out to be honest, but I wouldn't mind playing along since I can always pull the plug if things get weird fast.
I'll just leave this here so you guys can help me make sense of it (please don't ignore my post guys). Quick preface: I hit the homepage, noticed a pink 1 a few mins ago and got this message from a user with no picture, 0 profile info (says White, Average body, the details box) and live 94 miles away from me in the neighboring state (NJ in this case):
I haven't replied yet but this is what I have written:
Me said:
So should I text her and see what's at the other end of the rabbit hole or should I play it safe and send that reply out first? I'm feeling a bit creeped out to be honest, but I wouldn't mind playing along since I can always pull the plug if things get weird fast.
The Artful Dodger
Member
NeOak
Member
I'm in a similar situation. Girl I liked, didn't like me in that way.
Fast forward a couple of months, I cut her off and actually stopped having feelings for her. I decide that enough time has passed so I pop up and we stay friends because as a friend she is awesome. But like you, I'd prefer to have more.
However, shit, I fell for her again. She's single now, so I asked her because there were signs, got turned down. Ended up having a (omg I'm an idiot, I know) feel talk which only helped to bury me even more.
I'm still pissed about it, but I haven't really done anything regarding that because it would be dumb and a waste of time.
I tried to be there, cutting off, etc. I'd say indifference is the one that works the best for me in this case. Just keep her distant while keeping a line of communication. That way you won't get anxious that you cut her off and she won't be close either.
And the most important of all: time.
Now the question I'd like to ask here is: Should I be cold with her when she tries to reach me out or should I be friendly yet not as familiar as we used to talk?
You've been zoned. Move on.
I'd say don't give 'em your number if you feel creeped out. If she really wants to talk to you, she'll do it over the website and if not, doesn't sound like much of a loss.
Dutifully noted. Message deleted.
EDIT:
Like I said above, I deleted the message. That was super creepy territory. The thought of there being dozens of women saving my pictures scares the crap out of me. It isn't a loss at all seeing as how I have school going on and loads of women there so it's more of a side thing at this point.
Also while I'm at it, a quick update on my interaction with chicks that I mentioned in a previous post. I didn't talk to any girls in my Art History class last Monday and I sat next to another cute looking chick but didn't speak to her any point or attempted to acknowledge her. The Monday night class wasn't much better but I've noticing a few details about a few girls. Waitress chick got off at the Art department to go to her locker so I wasn't thinking about following her to her locker since that would have been creepy.
As for Comic Con chick, I offered up my number in a private message so she could let me know when she was going to be at my college. She told me it would be a no-go this week because she had mid terms to study for. I replied by saying I understood and that I had mid terms myself to study for. No harm done.
I did speak to the Spaniard chick in my 3D Modelling class last night and in Spanish no doubt after deliberately sitting next to her (I did feel a bit nervous to be honest). She was smelling as good as ever (dunno if it would have been creepy or a complement to tell that she smelled good). Found out she's in the city studying at my college for a year before she goes back to Spain. Noticed she had a Van Gogh print of The Starry Night in one of her renders and told her that I saw it in person at MoMA.
She told me that she'd been meaning to go see it. I know that was a hint that flew over my head. She went down to take the train, I told her I was gonna go take the bus. No numbers were exchanged. I think she's a bit on the shy side since she asked me if she should speak to me in Spanish or in English. I told her Spanish is fine as long as she speaks slowly since Spaniard Spanish sounds fast as sin compared to my Dominican Spanish. Next week, I'll get to class several minutes early, joke around with her and talk to her some more and go for it. I really want to ask this chick out; she's damn cute.
n64coder
Member
It's a spambot. Ignore it.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Good Lord Man, just ask one of them out.
n64coder
Member
Dream on, that's not the case. It's a spam bot. People write programs to try to get you to contact them or to go to some website to sell stuff. You can usually tell by the way they write their message.
I overthink about things too damn much for my own good and it always hold me back! GAF Man rears its ugly head. =/
Next week, I should hopefully have some good news to report. I think I'm gonna go take a haircut this weekend/shave since I haven't seen a barber since early last month. Those who dare, win so it should be fun.
EDIT: @n64 coder dutifully noted.
From my experience there is no point in maintaining a friendship with someone like her. All you're going to do is trick yourself into thinking you can just be friends but you will never really get over her as you will always have that glimmer of hope. It's a vicious cycle that hurts you and benefits her.
So my advice is to cut her off entirely. It's hard but that's what is best for you. No more contacting or hanging out with her. If she contacts you or wants to hang out just be busy and say you can't. If she doesn't get the hint after awhile then you'll have to be tough and officially break it off.
NeOak
Member
Noted, but I don't think she is exactly getting a benefit out of it. She is a good person and has treated me well without asking for stuff in return.
So this week:
Went out Monday night with an Indian woman I've been seeing for dinner. Went well. She grabbed my piece in the restaurant (Yardhouse) and messed with it under a napkin. We met on eHarmony and this was date 6-7 I believe. She's not feeling well and we may cancel our Sunday date at the zoo.
After dinner, we had to part so I met this old friend that found out I was single and wanted to get drinks. Drove up to LA and went to a tavern where we caught up and had a marvelous time. Spent the night at her house. Pretty great. Seeing how it goes from here. We have a lot in common.
Tuesday had a FaceTime date with a Pilates instructor from SM and she was very attractive and interesting. Good 90 minute-chat. We're getting together next Monday for drinks. Shall see.
Last night, went to a tapas restaurant/first date and had a really stimulating conversation with my date. Lots of random stuff in common and she's very, very intelligent. Pretty too. We proceeded to hang out and she offered some pot in her car after eating. First time I've ever smoked pot on a first date. Cool and fun and random. I think we'll be getting together again.
Went out Monday night with an Indian woman I've been seeing for dinner. Went well. She grabbed my piece in the restaurant (Yardhouse) and messed with it under a napkin. We met on eHarmony and this was date 6-7 I believe. She's not feeling well and we may cancel our Sunday date at the zoo.
After dinner, we had to part so I met this old friend that found out I was single and wanted to get drinks. Drove up to LA and went to a tavern where we caught up and had a marvelous time. Spent the night at her house. Pretty great. Seeing how it goes from here. We have a lot in common.
Tuesday had a FaceTime date with a Pilates instructor from SM and she was very attractive and interesting. Good 90 minute-chat. We're getting together next Monday for drinks. Shall see.
Last night, went to a tapas restaurant/first date and had a really stimulating conversation with my date. Lots of random stuff in common and she's very, very intelligent. Pretty too. We proceeded to hang out and she offered some pot in her car after eating. First time I've ever smoked pot on a first date. Cool and fun and random. I think we'll be getting together again.
She is definitely benefiting from your friendship. Who wouldn't enjoy it? I'm not saying she's doing anything malicious or is purposely leading you on, but that doesn't change the fact that she gets to have a good time with your company while you internally suffer. It just doesn't work.
Just got back from my date. She was very nice and very attractive. She offered to pay for everything but I insisted on paying. Anyways she was very laid back so it was kinda hard to read what she thought of me, but we kept the conversation going well, and at the end she suggested we do something again soon. Honestly it's so soon after my break-up that I'm not really in the mood to get into someone just yet, but she did seem really cool and like someone worth knowing.
So there are probably dating rules about second dates right? Am I supposed to wait a little bit before asking her out again? I feel like I should at least text her to let her know I had a good time.
As soon as I got back home my ex called to say she misses me and is sorry and wants to spend the weekend with me. Yeah... don't really think so. I'm in the beginning stages of getting over it and I don't really want to look back now.
So there are probably dating rules about second dates right? Am I supposed to wait a little bit before asking her out again? I feel like I should at least text her to let her know I had a good time.
As soon as I got back home my ex called to say she misses me and is sorry and wants to spend the weekend with me. Yeah... don't really think so. I'm in the beginning stages of getting over it and I don't really want to look back now.
The fact that she suggested doing something again soon as you ended the date means she's definitely interested. If things continue to go well on when you see her again and again, at some point it's bound to come up. When that time comes, lay your cards on the table and tell her you're not looking for anything serious since you're dating around. She'll respect and appreciate that. Always better to be honest than to lead someone on.
There are no real rules about second date other than that the mood will be different since you're more comfortable with her. But yes, you should give her some space before hitting her up again in a few days; go do some crazy drawings and post them on GAF. Don't want to be clingy since you're only dating. It sounds like you got it man so don't over think about it.
beat
Member
If she's interested now, she'll probably let you know. Remember that your interest in her may cause you to "read" signals she's not actually sending out. If she acts genuinely flirty around you -- something that a third party can confirm, not just you imagining stuff -- then yeah, ask her what's up. But if she's not sending you any signals (and based on your post, I doubt she is), I think you can be reasonably sure the previous rejection stands.
I think you can be platonic friends with her, but only after you actually accept that she's not into you. Until then, you're just setting yourself up to get rejected again. So I'd say to stop hanging out with her in purely one on one situations. Maybe make them group hangouts or not at all. I mean, if she's your platonic friend, she won't want to lead you on anyways and she'll probably accept that you aren't really over her yet.
Coincidentally it ended with her getting dumped twice.
Uncle0wnage
Member
Date #2 in just shy of 30 minutes! Getting coffee then going to see the Carrie remake, I'm so happy right now!
The Artful Dodger
Member
Good Luck Mang!
NeOak
Member
Man, I needed to read this post 2 months ago D:
Yay, got a positive response
She said she would "hit me up soon" so I guess I'll just let it sit for a couple days and if she doesn't get back to me again I'll ask her if she wants to do something on her day off (monday).Good luck man.
Advice to everyone: wait until the 6-7 date or longer to do the movie date thing. You want to be in front of a woman as much as you can before you're sitting beside them in a movie theater.
Just my experience.
Yay, got a positive response
Good man. Don't read into her words. My advice is to wait until after her day off. Courtship is courtship and sometimes patience and playing the stupid game is the only way to succeed. Sucks but it's the truth.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Yay, got a positive response
Just wait it out. if she doesn't hit you up in about a week, then message her back.
Uncle0wnage
Member
Thanks, it went extremely well, talked over coffee, then went to see Carrie(it sucked) and we made out through parts of it, successful night if I do say so myself, haha.
ThisWreckage
Banned
What kind of bubble do you live in when you state something like women don't care about any of those things? Seriously? It's not just a women centric issue with me. I rarely connect with any human being. I have one friend that I legitimately enjoy being around and the rest of my "friends" are somewhat novel time killers that I turn to when I can't humor myself. I simply don't care about other people. If I'm being 100% honest, I've never found dating to be fun or something I enjoy. That's never been the case. But I lack empathy. This isn't a "woe is me" attitude as much as it's the reality of my situation and life. I can fake a personality, but deep down there isn't any genuineness to my being.
The guy that posted The Onion article was being facetious, but he actually nailed what the issue is. Women are intimidated by me. Their words, certainly not mine. It used to bother me, but now I realize that their insecurity is not my problem.
Artofwar420
Member
Tip for guys in a budding relationship (+3 months), don't forget to keep it light and fun. It's sometimes easy to get all heavy/deep about shit; sure do that, but don't bog your conversations down with all that. Be her confidant, but don't make her forget your fun side.
Tl;dr: Keep trying, even after you got her.
Tl;dr: Keep trying, even after you got her.
Yup. With my last relationship I got to be like "cool I got her, now I can chill" after a while and that pretty much destroyed the whole thing.
So something unexpected happened yesterday, I met a gamer girl (proper one at that, her first game was Baldur's Gate) who loves cosplaying and even makes her own costumes, will be going to comic con next year and likes pretty much the same things as me from politics to travelling to movies and rest. She grew up in multiple countries so has that international outlook. Even some of her life goals are similar and as crazy and ridiculous as mine (visit Antarctica and climb Everest someday..heh).
She's slightly older than me (about 3 or 4 years gap) and somewhat average/above average looking but appeared to have an amazing personality and I felt a great connection with her so I got her number. However, I am a novice in the dating scene so I'm not sure how to handle this properly because in the past I've missed out on things simply because I couldn't handle the situations. In fact there's this other ridiculously good looking girl who used to like me once (I blew it of course) and I've been trying to get back to for the past few weeks with little success.
She's slightly older than me (about 3 or 4 years gap) and somewhat average/above average looking but appeared to have an amazing personality and I felt a great connection with her so I got her number. However, I am a novice in the dating scene so I'm not sure how to handle this properly because in the past I've missed out on things simply because I couldn't handle the situations. In fact there's this other ridiculously good looking girl who used to like me once (I blew it of course) and I've been trying to get back to for the past few weeks with little success.
Ended up setting up a coffee date right for that afternoon as soon as I read this. It's funny, I would have said the same thing if another person was asking me for advice for that same situation, but my brain always seems to think mine is different.
The date didn't go the way I had envisioned, but I don't think it was a failure. We met at the coffee shop and my plan was to talk with her for a bit and head out for this pastry shop I know that has amazing pastries. We ended up staying in the coffee shop the entire time. We talked about a lot of deep personal stuff, like personal troubles we had or were coping with, and apparently she had a pretty fucked up childhood that still messes with her to this day (and I didn't press it further because I thought it was a bit too soon to talk about it, even though I could see she wanted to get it out there), so the mood we were in wasn't exactly the most romantic - not entirely depressive, we joked a lot, but wasn't one in which I felt entirely comfortable making any sort of moves.
We splitted (the coffee shop was near both our houses) and, because I felt like I had chickened out on the date, as soon as I got to the front door of my house I called her and told her to come to my place have dinner. She declined saying that she her housemate had already made dinner counting with her, but said that she would make dinner for me in another day to make it up.
The funny thing is, even if this doesn't work out for us both, I feel don't regret it at all. One year ago I wouldn't have had the balls to call her up and tell any girl that I knew I was interested in to come to my place have dinner. Feel great about it.
Wolfgunblood Garopa
Member
Your political views reflect this.
I don't mean to insult you, but maybe you should talk to a therapist. It certainly wouldn't hurt.
Good for you man. Coffee first was important and making out is always fun.
I guess the larger point is that creative dates are memorable. Getting in front of someone and doing something new (and not necessarily expensive) is usually much more dynamic/intimate/stimulating.
I've just been getting back into the dating game over the past 3 months and the best dates are the ones that have rough outlines and just sort of end up wherever. They meld and are organic and we're forced to engage each other to greater levels.
All depends what you're looking for though and it sounds like you're doing well for yourself! Nice avatar too
First of all, continue living your life and don't focus too hard on her. Give it time and does she have your number?
If you are talking about the one who I met yesterday then yes we exchanged our numbers when I asked for it. I met her at a pub and then we ended up talking to each other for well over 2 hours.
Well you mentioned 'not being able to handle situations' - what types of things have happened? Have you come on too strong? Could you elaborate what your concerns are?
stn
Member
@ThisWreckage
Yeah man, I echo what others have said. You should talk to someone about this. If you're that disconnected from people then its obvious why you're having dating failure. Still though, if you know you don't care about people then why are you questioning why you fail?
I don't mean to be rude, believe me. Its just that your situation makes sense based on what you've written here. I have days where I'm in my own world and just lose interest in everyone but family and my closest friend. In fact, this happens often (like today). When I feel this way its usually because I'm depressed about something (again, like today). But your problem seems to be more chronic in nature.
Yeah man, I echo what others have said. You should talk to someone about this. If you're that disconnected from people then its obvious why you're having dating failure. Still though, if you know you don't care about people then why are you questioning why you fail?
I don't mean to be rude, believe me. Its just that your situation makes sense based on what you've written here. I have days where I'm in my own world and just lose interest in everyone but family and my closest friend. In fact, this happens often (like today). When I feel this way its usually because I'm depressed about something (again, like today). But your problem seems to be more chronic in nature.
I've come off as being too slow actually, so slow that they barely realise it at all. And when they do it comes out too strong because it's like a shock or something I suppose.
Now this other girl who used to like me, I didn't really pay any attention to her because I was focused on other things. But then we started talking, texting and hanging out and I started to like her, I kept doing it for far too long and should have asked her out earlier. Then one day I said something which she misunderstood and took it the wrong context which made her feel a bit uncomfortable around me, but instead of bringing this up straight away she waited for weeks and started acting strange. When I finally asked why she was acting the way she was she brings it up and awkwardness ensues. Although it's been quite some time since that happened and we are in good talking terms now, and even though I'd like to, we haven't really discussed on that topic any further.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So, my coffee date yesterday went pretty well. She was very easy to talk to and had a nice relaxed personality. She was dressed a bit nicer than me though 
Hope she didn’t think I looked too sloppy. Anyway we went to a coffee shop in town and talked for a bit over an hour. I felt like there was some nice romantic energy going on.
Then she suggested we walk home together (we live pretty close-by each other). All in all the date took about two hours, but it felt like the tension died down a bit on the walk back. I didn't try to go for a kiss when we said our goodbyes but gave her a hug instead. Might have been a mistake, not sure, but I didn’t feel the vibe for a kiss. Anyway, she said she was interested in meeting up again. I sent her a text an hour after getting home saying I enjoyed the date, and she replied quickly saying she did too and that we should meet up soon, so that must be good right?
I hate playing games, but decided against contacting her today. Will probably hit her up tomorrow or on Sunday and suggest another night next week. We set up our first date by text and I prefer doing it that way, but I stupidly said something about calling. Should I follow up on that or can I send her a text instead?
Oh, and do you have any good suggestions for what to do on the second date? I think she is expecting coffee again, because I jokingly told her that she would pay next time when buying the coffee (gender equality is a pretty big thing here, so it may have come off as creepy/old-fashioned if I had just paid for everything without such a comment, plus it was a good way to sneakily set up another date if she is interested) but I think I want to do something more active/fun. I’m afraid we would be running out of getting-to-know-each-other topics if we just did another coffee. But since she may feel that she should be paying I don’t want to come up with anything more expensive. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe another coffee would still work out.
Man, I suck at and overthink this stuff, lol.
Anyway, most important: The date felt good. I think I like this girl
Hope she didn’t think I looked too sloppy. Anyway we went to a coffee shop in town and talked for a bit over an hour. I felt like there was some nice romantic energy going on.Then she suggested we walk home together (we live pretty close-by each other). All in all the date took about two hours, but it felt like the tension died down a bit on the walk back. I didn't try to go for a kiss when we said our goodbyes but gave her a hug instead. Might have been a mistake, not sure, but I didn’t feel the vibe for a kiss. Anyway, she said she was interested in meeting up again. I sent her a text an hour after getting home saying I enjoyed the date, and she replied quickly saying she did too and that we should meet up soon, so that must be good right?
I hate playing games, but decided against contacting her today. Will probably hit her up tomorrow or on Sunday and suggest another night next week. We set up our first date by text and I prefer doing it that way, but I stupidly said something about calling. Should I follow up on that or can I send her a text instead?
Oh, and do you have any good suggestions for what to do on the second date? I think she is expecting coffee again, because I jokingly told her that she would pay next time when buying the coffee (gender equality is a pretty big thing here, so it may have come off as creepy/old-fashioned if I had just paid for everything without such a comment, plus it was a good way to sneakily set up another date if she is interested) but I think I want to do something more active/fun. I’m afraid we would be running out of getting-to-know-each-other topics if we just did another coffee. But since she may feel that she should be paying I don’t want to come up with anything more expensive. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe another coffee would still work out.
Man, I suck at and overthink this stuff, lol.
Anyway, most important: The date felt good. I think I like this girl
Uncle0wnage
Member
@hydro
If I was you I would've gone for the kiss, heck, just turn the hug into a kiss as you're drawing away. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have replied so quickly, so just make sure to go for the kiss sometime during the next date, haha! Good luck!
@IPFK
I totally agree about the memorable dates, I'm thinking of taking her to a rock climbing wall for our next one and something either before or after that, just gotta figure out what!
If I was you I would've gone for the kiss, heck, just turn the hug into a kiss as you're drawing away. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have replied so quickly, so just make sure to go for the kiss sometime during the next date, haha! Good luck!
@IPFK
I totally agree about the memorable dates, I'm thinking of taking her to a rock climbing wall for our next one and something either before or after that, just gotta figure out what!
IMO there's no point in going for the kiss on first date unless she clearly wants it. You don't really gain anything from it, and you risk an awkward situation. Generally I feel like it's better to let her wonder until the next time. 2nd date you should definitely be looking for your chance though.
I don't think you should just repeat coffee, she might see you as boring or someone who is too safe. If you do have coffee you should plan something else afterwards.
As for my second date I'm thinking about what we should do as well. We haven't set it up yet but she mentioned we should hang out downtown (I live downtown, for the first date I went up north where she lives). I don't think I should do anything too crazy since we're still just getting to know eachother. I'm sure we'll stop at a restaurant or something but I want to do something more interesting too.
If we make it to date #3 I will probably want to do something more personal since by that time I really want to know if she sees me as partner potential. Maybe a picnic and a hike or something.
I don't think you should just repeat coffee, she might see you as boring or someone who is too safe. If you do have coffee you should plan something else afterwards.
As for my second date I'm thinking about what we should do as well. We haven't set it up yet but she mentioned we should hang out downtown (I live downtown, for the first date I went up north where she lives). I don't think I should do anything too crazy since we're still just getting to know eachother. I'm sure we'll stop at a restaurant or something but I want to do something more interesting too.
If we make it to date #3 I will probably want to do something more personal since by that time I really want to know if she sees me as partner potential. Maybe a picnic and a hike or something.
level_e11even
Banned
So, my coffee date yesterday went pretty well. She was very easy to talk to and had a nice relaxed personality. She was dressed a bit nicer than me though
Then she suggested we walk home together (we live pretty close-by each other). All in all the date took about two hours, but it felt like the tension died down a bit on the walk back. I didn't try to go for a kiss when we said our goodbyes but gave her a hug instead. Might have been a mistake, not sure, but I didn’t feel the vibe for a kiss. Anyway, she said she was interested in meeting up again. I sent her a text an hour after getting home saying I enjoyed the date, and she replied quickly saying she did too and that we should meet up soon, so that must be good right?
I hate playing games, but decided against contacting her today. Will probably hit her up tomorrow or on Sunday and suggest another night next week. We set up our first date by text and I prefer doing it that way, but I stupidly said something about calling. Should I follow up on that or can I send her a text instead?
Oh, and do you have any good suggestions for what to do on the second date? I think she is expecting coffee again, because I jokingly told her that she would pay next time when buying the coffee (gender equality is a pretty big thing here, so it may have come off as creepy/old-fashioned if I had just paid for everything without such a comment, plus it was a good way to sneakily set up another date if she is interested) but I think I want to do something more active/fun. I’m afraid we would be running out of getting-to-know-each-other topics if we just did another coffee. But since she may feel that she should be paying I don’t want to come up with anything more expensive. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe another coffee would still work out.
Man, I suck at and overthink this stuff, lol.
Anyway, most important: The date felt good. I think I like this girl
If she was the one who brought the second date up, then you can be sure you she likes you. Remember, the fact she even agreed to a date with you, already means she's physically attracted to you. That's why the whole "Should I kiss her or not?" dilemma is stupid; you should if by the end of the date she enjoyed her time. It's not about whether a girl like her would accept a kiss from you; if she went out of her way to meet you, you can be sure she considers you relationship material. Your personality is what makes or brakes it.
From what you said, she seemed to have enjoyed your company. So yes, set up a second date.
The second date is usually the "activity" date. First date is to get to know if who the person is matches what the parson looks like. I think both of you agree that that's the case. So now the 2nd date should focus in doing something together; having actual fun.
It should be a physical activity. Like, Go-Karting. Or Mini-golf. Or, rock climbing. Or an arcade, like Dave & Busters.
Personally, what I like to do on a second date is start slow and ramp it up. So you *could* do Coffee again, but make it very short and then follow up with something fun, something doable. Women love to be surprised, so what I like to do is make it seem spontaneous (I had already planned it, of course). So mid-date I just say "You know what? I have an idea, let's just get out of here."
She'll be very intrigued, and trust me, if the vibe from the 1st and first half of the 2nd date are already good, she'll follow you anywhere, because she wants to know what you are up to. It's very exciting for them.
But really, the activities could vary depending on your location and on the girl. So if she mentions she doesn't like action movies, she probably doesn't like guns, so taking her to, say, paintball, won't be fun. Try to grab some clues either through text before the date or in the middle of the second date, before narrowing down the place where you two could have fun. So have some options at the ready.
Unfortunately, women follow your lead. Which means asking her directly undermines your judgement. So you can't ask her. You can't also expect her to pay, even if you jokingly said she would have to. Dating is moderately expensive if you are a man, so be prepared to pay for the 2nd date as well. If you don't, then she's a keeper bro, but that's the exception not the rule. Societal rules are a bitch.
electricshake
Member
Completely depends on how well you know each other before going out on your first date. Also I think it's a good idea to go out for drinks for early dates, a bit of alcohol can help relax you and lower your inhibitions, making going in for the kiss a little easier! But then again I'm the kind of girl who would just kiss my date if he hadn't kissed me by the end of it, assuming the date went well and he seemed into me. And you should be going halfers on dates, although if you did the asking out then it's a nice gesture to offer to pay.
PflargBlarg
Member
Eh, I wouldn't worry about the money thing. My girlfriend would have been offended if I insisted on paying for everything at the start. We've always split everything except for little things that we buy for each other like a beer here or there or what have you.
Regarding the money thing: How about instead of abiding to every societal rule, make a stand and help change the world into a more equal place and not just conform to everything. That, if anything, is weak behavior in a man. How is this part of dating still an issue in 2013? It's mind-boggling to me This is such a non-issue in certain places on this planet; make it so where you live as well.
This is such a non-issue in certain places on this planet; make it so where you live as well.hydrophilic attack
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Thanks for the advice and encouragement guys and gal! I'm thinking bowling. I sent out a test balloon regarding bowling when we met last night, and from her answer I think she could dig it. From the sound of it, we would both have fun laughing at our own ineptitude, and it could be a good opportunity to get some flirty banter and competition going. She seems to have a bit of a competitive streak, so it could work very well. A potential downside is that (lack of) arm strength is one of the aspects of my body that I'm least happy about, and I guess going bowling could call attention to that deficit of mine.
Regarding kissing, I think electricshake is sort of right. Since this was pretty much the first time we met, it could have been a bit too early to go for a kiss. But I think I'll give it a shot this time, if the evening goes well. Lack of experience in the kissing department is sort of making me a bit nervous, though.
In principle, I agree with you, but I'm a pragmatist, so I'll go with whatever seems right in that situation. Still, I live in one of those places where it probably isn't much of an issue, which is why I think I definitely shouldn't push it if she wants to split.
Regarding kissing, I think electricshake is sort of right. Since this was pretty much the first time we met, it could have been a bit too early to go for a kiss. But I think I'll give it a shot this time, if the evening goes well. Lack of experience in the kissing department is sort of making me a bit nervous, though.
Regarding the money thing: How about instead of abiding to every societal rule, make a stand and help change the world into a more equal place and not just conform to everything. That, if anything, is weak behavior in a man. How is this part of dating still an issue in 2013? It's mind-boggling to me
In principle, I agree with you, but I'm a pragmatist, so I'll go with whatever seems right in that situation. Still, I live in one of those places where it probably isn't much of an issue, which is why I think I definitely shouldn't push it if she wants to split.
My ex girl called me and begged me to come over. (We were technically on "break", but she just fucked another guy a few days ago). Goddamn that was a shitty phone call, mainly because I'm still in love with her... fuck. Told her I couldn't do it. Just don't have the energy for it. I feel like complete shit but it's time I finally put myself first after months of suffering and trying to make it work with her. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
It is very hard, but you're making the right choice. I read your posts in the other thread about this as well, and to be honest she sounds pretty messed up. As you said, it's time you put yourself first and move on with your life. No relationship is perfect but both sides have to come together to make it work and I just don't see that happening with her.
The quicker she's gone from your life the better off you'll be. Good luck man!
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