Support NeoGAF

[Mortimer Brewster]

Aw, that sucks. I agree though, just maybe say "let me know if you need anything" and then ask how it went at the end of the weekend

Do you two live a ways away from each other?

Yeah I live about a half hour away from her. She also works the midnight shift at a factory, which makes seeing her during the week more difficult. There's definitely a number of things that make things challenging. But when I'm with her, things just seem perfect so I'm doing whatever it takes to make it work.

 

[Mr.Swag]

What did you mess up on with the previous girls? Were you unfaithful? Were there times you ignored them? Just don't let that shit happen now.

One cheated on me, the other I basically discarded, and the other was most likely crazy. So I let her go.

The thing is, all those girls were "party" girls. I don't want that no more, and I feel like since I've only dealt with "party" girls I won't be able to deal with a regular chick.
I don't know what they want.

Party chicks want to smoke, drink, have sex and party. That's real easy. There was barely any depth to them.

I just don't want to come off as a "party" guy to her. I don't think that's what she's looking for.

And I'm not looking for that either

 

[Courage]

The overly nice part is what confuses me.
I'm a cheap bastard, but I'm of course willing to pay for everything.
Is it an untold rule of first dates that a man pays?

Also, people say chicks love funny dudes, but is too much funny too much?
Like I'm capable of making a girl laugh non stop, but will they take me serious if I'm all jokes?

It's not an untold rule, it's pretty much a rule.

Also for being funny, just keep stuff in moderation. Don't act like you're the next Carlin.

 

[Leeness]

Yeah I live about a half hour away from her. She also works the midnight shift at a factory, which makes seeing her during the week more difficult. There's definitely a number of things that make things challenging. But when I'm with her, things just seem perfect so I'm doing whatever it takes to make it work.

That's too bad that it's hard to see each other

I wish you good luck!

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

That's too bad that it's hard to see each other

I wish you good luck!

The distance isn't to bad, I'd drive to see several times a week if i could. Thanks for the suggestion about sending a text. I just sent her one saying i know the weekend is going to be tough and if she needed anything or wanted to talk that I was there for her.

 

[Leeness]

The distance isn't to bad, I'd drive to see several times a week if i could. Thanks for the suggestion about sending a text. I just sent her one saying i know the weekend is going to be tough and if she needed anything or wanted to talk that I was there for her.

Good. Let us know how it goes!

 

[PflargBlarg]

I'm gonna rephrase my post:
I'm talking to a girl and I don't want to fuck it up.

What the hell do I do?

I'm really just going to address one thing here. Obviously I have no idea if it matters to her, but for me, I could not be in a relationship with someone who was into cocaine, and I think that applies to quite a few people. If a relationship is what you're looking for that conversation is going to happen sometime.

 

[Mr.Swag]

I'm really just going to address one thing here. Obviously I have no idea if it matters to her, but for me, I could not be in a relationship with someone who was into cocaine, and I think that applies to quite a few people. If a relationship is what you're looking for that conversation is going to happen sometime.

It's completely understandable that anyone would have a problem with my usage.
Today I finished what I had and I don't think I'll be getting anymore again. I'm actually not even sure I want to go out and "get wasted" anymore. I think I'm bored of that.

My first time doing coke was 2 years ago, and I feel like the last two years have been a wild ride for me. Not because of the coke, but because of all the fucking changes in life.
I never really got super into coke, didnt have enough money. It's been more of a "just on the weekend and on holidays" thing. Sometimes I did form a tiny 2-3 day habit, but that's only happened less than four times.

I think besides gaf, my friends who have been there, and one of my professors no one else knows.
If I truly feel like it's been a mistake, is it wrong for me to never admit to doing it again?

 

[Bebpo]

So I posted a month ago about my gf who goes into clinical depressions and suddenly cuts off all contact (won't answer phone/text, door) with me, her friends, her family everyone for like a week. It was pretty chaotic and eventually it ended about 5 days in when I luckily stopped by right when she was going to her car and she was on the way to see a therapist about it and we met for dinner that night after her appointment and got past it. Basically she's the "push away" type where the more she likes someone the more she pushes them away because she thinks she's gets afraid of losing them if they see more of who she is. We talked about it (including with a therapist) and she said it's not something that happens often and is like 2 times a year where she gets that depressed.

So we made up and she told me to pull her back anytime she tries to push me away in the future. We talked about how she would put me on her emergency contacts list for her apartment complex if she wasn't ready to give me a key so at least if I don't hear from her for a couple of days I can stop by the building office and get a key and check on her to make sure she's ok.

Well, 3 weeks went by and everything was good and the relationship was pretty stable and we were both really happy. We had a great time over the last weekend and my gf out of the blue made me go to a costume store and pick out whatever I'd like to see her in the most (cool!). She spent a pretty decent chunk of change and got this sexy maid with cat ears outfit (she ended up going with maids after I thought they all looked great; I'm not picky when it comes to my gf in costume lol) and got super excited about halloween and posted pics on facebook and sent me private pics of her in the costume talking about how hyped she was for halloween.

We hang out on Tuesday, and come Wednesday and I get a quick "hey I"m doing ____, I love you!!!" text in the middle of the day. I don't hear from her that night, but that's not too strange because sometimes she doesn't use her phone when out and then falls asleep when she gets home. But then on Thursday, Halloween, when we were supposed to spend it together in costumes, I can't get a hold of her all day and I start to think oh no, did she drop off the world into a depression again?? And I don't hear from her today (Friday) either, I stop by her place and it's just like a month ago, she's probably home (car is there, lights on) but she doesn't come to the door or answer texts. So less than a month after going through this stressful ordeal that she said only happens 1-2 times a year...it's happening again and is just as frustrating and stressful. She has medical conditions and stuff so I always worry that "this" time something bad may have actually happened and she's not just ignoring texts but is unable to answer the phone/text and I get worried and stressed :\


I just don't know what to do with this relationship. We've finally gotten to the point where it's pretty awesome! And we're both really happy and talking about maybe marriage, potential kids/adoption down the line and outside of the fact that she has these complete breakdowns and disappears, the relationship would be maybe "the one" and all that. When this happened last month, it made me start to re-think and worry about longterm plans with my gf, but after we got past it, it seemed like it made our relationship stronger and then as the weeks were good and stable I started feeling like I could totally do the long term with her. But then BAM, just cut off completely out of nowhere. Last time she did it right before a getaway trip I'd planned and I had to cancel the trip (luckily got refunds on the hotels and stuff) and that was a big downer since I'd been looking forward to the trip a lot, this time Halloween went down the drain out of nowhere. I'm like, how can I be with a person where I can't make plans because who knows if that week/weekend my SO will vanish off the face of the earth without telling me or letting me know what's going on. That definitely is putting me in a downer.

It's like logically, that just seems like a deal killer, and it seems like logically I should break up with her. But it's like do I want to throw away a long relationship where both of us get along great and love each other and everything is pretty damn good except for these weeks out of nowhere that make me feel like shit and disrupt my life? It's such a tough call.

One solution to this would be for her to move in together with me. We had talked about moving in together in maybe another 6 months. But I feel like if I do that because of this problem and not because we're ready to move in together....it'll be like I'm getting blackmailed into moving in together and I feel like it'll poison the experience.

For background info we were best friends dating for like a year and a half we've only moved into a serious long-term-ish relationship for a few months now.



If I had to guess what is going on in her mind right now (I hate trying to do this because there's no way to confirm it!), the last time she fell into a clinical depression it was from the death of someone she knew. This time, I'd wager by buying a show-y Halloween costume, even though it was her idea, it probably put a lot of pressure on her everytime she thought about Halloween (she was planning on wearing it to school that day) and the anxiety gave her a panic like attack, so she just bailed completely and shut herself away and then afterwards felt guilty because she'd spent all this money on the costume and knew I was looking forward to hanging out in costume and so the guilt + anxiety put her into another depression. Maybe it was something else completely, but that's my guess from how I know her and this situation at hand.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Good. Let us know how it goes!

Will do, hopefully things stop being crazy in both of our lives so that and we can see eachother more frequently to build on what we currently got. At least we hage been able to text a lot. We've sent about 2600 texts between the two of us over the two months.

 

[zeemumu]

So I posted a month ago about my gf who goes into clinical depressions and suddenly cuts off all contact (won't answer phone/text, door) with me, her friends, her family everyone for like a week. It was pretty chaotic and eventually it ended about 5 days in when I luckily stopped by right when she was going to her car and she was on the way to see a therapist about it and we met for dinner that night after her appointment and got past it. Basically she's the "push away" type where the more she likes someone the more she pushes them away because she thinks she's gets afraid of losing them if they see more of who she is. We talked about it (including with a therapist) and she said it's not something that happens often and is like 2 times a year where she gets that depressed.

So we made up and she told me to pull her back anytime she tries to push me away in the future. We talked about how she would put me on her emergency contacts list for her apartment complex if she wasn't ready to give me a key so at least if I don't hear from her for a couple of days I can stop by the building office and get a key and check on her to make sure she's ok.

Well, 3 weeks went by and everything was good and the relationship was pretty stable and we were both really happy. We had a great time over the last weekend and my gf out of the blue made me go to a costume store and pick out whatever I'd like to see her in the most (cool!). She spent a pretty decent chunk of change and got this sexy maid with cat ears outfit (she ended up going with maids after I thought they all looked great; I'm not picky when it comes to my gf in costume lol) and got super excited about halloween and posted pics on facebook and sent me private pics of her in the costume talking about how hyped she was for halloween.

We hang out on Tuesday, and come Wednesday and I get a quick "hey I"m doing ____, I love you!!!" text in the middle of the day. I don't hear from her that night, but that's not too strange because sometimes she doesn't use her phone when out and then falls asleep when she gets home. But then on Thursday, Halloween, when we were supposed to spend it together in costumes, I can't get a hold of her all day and I start to think oh no, did she drop off the world into a depression again?? And I don't hear from her today (Friday) either, I stop by her place and it's just like a month ago, she's probably home (car is there, lights on) but she doesn't come to the door or answer texts. So less than a month after going through this stressful ordeal that she said only happens 1-2 times a year...it's happening again and is just as frustrating and stressful. She has medical conditions and stuff so I always worry that "this" time something bad may have actually happened and she's not just ignoring texts but is unable to answer the phone/text and I get worried and stressed :\


I just don't know what to do with this relationship. We've finally gotten to the point where it's pretty awesome! And we're both really happy and talking about maybe marriage, potential kids/adoption down the line and outside of the fact that she has these complete breakdowns and disappears, the relationship would be maybe "the one" and all that. When this happened last month, it made me start to re-think and worry about longterm plans with my gf, but after we got past it, it seemed like it made our relationship stronger and then as the weeks were good and stable I started feeling like I could totally do the long term with her. But then BAM, just cut off completely out of nowhere. Last time she did it right before a getaway trip I'd planned and I had to cancel the trip (luckily got refunds on the hotels and stuff) and that was a big downer since I'd been looking forward to the trip a lot, this time Halloween went down the drain out of nowhere. I'm like, how can I be with a person where I can't make plans because who knows if that week/weekend my SO will vanish off the face of the earth without telling me or letting me know what's going on. That definitely is putting me in a downer.

It's like logically, that just seems like a deal killer, and it seems like logically I should break up with her. But it's like do I want to throw away a long relationship where both of us get along great and love each other and everything is pretty damn good except for these weeks out of nowhere that make me feel like shit and disrupt my life? It's such a tough call.

One solution to this would be for her to move in together with me. We had talked about moving in together in maybe another 6 months. But I feel like if I do that because of this problem and not because we're ready to move in together....it'll be like I'm getting blackmailed into moving in together and I feel like it'll poison the experience.

For background info we were best friends dating for like a year and a half we've only moved into a serious long-term-ish relationship for a few months now.



If I had to guess what is going on in her mind right now (I hate trying to do this because there's no way to confirm it!), the last time she fell into a clinical depression it was from the death of someone she knew. This time, I'd wager by buying a show-y Halloween costume, even though it was her idea, it probably put a lot of pressure on her everytime she thought about Halloween (she was planning on wearing it to school that day) and the anxiety gave her a panic like attack, so she just bailed completely and shut herself away and then afterwards felt guilty because she'd spent all this money on the costume and knew I was looking forward to hanging out in costume and so the guilt + anxiety put her into another depression. Maybe it was something else completely, but that's my guess from how I know her and this situation at hand.

Sorry to hear that :/. Is this therapist of hers actually making any progress on dealing with the issue? You may want to just stick to spontaneous plans for a while until he helps her resolve it.

 

[Kajigger]

Hey GAF, I've run into a problem I don't quite understand. This is kind of an update to my previous posts.

Recap:

I've been trying to go out with this girl for quite a while now. We've hung out quite a bit and I've asked her out twice. The first time, she said she liked someone else. Second time, she agreed, but said that she wasn't into restaurants. So, we just hung out again. Problem is, every time we do, her roommates are there and I become the biggest pussy in the universe. We hung out last week as well, but now I'm noticing that she just replies with one liners or single words. When I see her, she's all happy and full of energy, but her messages don't tell the same story. I also found out she's been constantly annoyed/harassed by another guy that's into her and a girl that seems to have an ungodly attachment to her. So now, I'm afraid of annoying her. I usually give it about a week before I message her to not come out as clingy.

Do you guys think I should keep at it and try one more time? I'm thinking about asking her to hang out somewhere else later this weeks and just ask her what she'd want to do if I asked her out (pretend it's a hypothetical).

 

[Artofwar420]

So I've noticing my girlfriend gets touchy, and comments on physical attributes and gets more so when drunk. She does so with girls and guys, it bothers me because she would do this in front if me so it feels like she just has no self control.

I tried to play it cool, but the last time maybe it was too noticeable in my face and as we were heading back she asked me what was wrong. So I told her. Her reply was she has no further intentions with anyone she does this with, she will stop because he likes me, but she doesn't see it as a bad thing.

Is this a fair settlement? I wish she wasn't like that, but I know we can't really change how people are. What would you guys do?

 

[Jimothy]

Well, I had a pretty good date sunday. We hung out talked and laughed for a couple hours and watched a movie. We made out for a while during the movie and afterwards I told her I should be heading out for work tomorrow. She asked "Am I gonna hear from you again?", to which I replied I'd love to take you out to dinner this friday. She suggested a Sushi and all was well, until the next day that is. I texted her the next day and we talked back and forth and she started getting short. I didn't feel too weird on it. I texted her tuesday and no reply.. So I let it go until today and text her asking how her halloween went, trying to get a feel of if she's still down for tonight. Still haven't got a reply so obviously the date is off. Kinda sucks, I thought we hit it off well and she was fun to hang with. Just weird that she was so direct about wanting to talk more and hang out friday during the date

Had this happen to me recently. Went out on a date with a girl that ended up with us making out in a park for like an hour. We probably would have had sex if she didn't have to catch a bus. This was on a Friday and we planned our next date right then for the following thursday. We kind of text back and forth during the next couple of days, then slowly but surely she begins to fade on me. I ask her if she still wanted to hang out and she texted me back like 10 hours later saying she was "busy" with school. I should have seen the writing on the wall but she was hot as fuck so I held out hope. The next weekend I asked her what she had been up to and we started texting back and forth for like 2 hours so I assumed she was interested again. I then ask her if she wanted to hang out during the week and didn't get a response. She texts me back like 3 days later she's not interested in hanging out again. I felt like ranting at her for wasting my time but I just replied "whatever" and that was that. Looking back on it our date was pretty dull outside of the kissing so it wasn't a huge blow to me but it was still kind of baffling how fast she changed her mind. Girls are weird.

 

[stn]

One thing I've learned is not to put ANY stock in what the girl tells you until it actually happens. Saves me lots of mental anguish.

 

[Leeness]

Will do, hopefully things stop being crazy in both of our lives so that and we can see eachother more frequently to build on what we currently got. At least we hage been able to text a lot. We've sent about 2600 texts between the two of us over the two months.

My god.

 

[Floex]

Hey GAF, I've run into a problem I don't quite understand. This is kind of an update to my previous posts.

Recap:

I've been trying to go out with this girl for quite a while now. We've hung out quite a bit and I've asked her out twice. The first time, she said she liked someone else. Second time, she agreed, but said that she wasn't into restaurants. So, we just hung out again. Problem is, every time we do, her roommates are there and I become the biggest pussy in the universe. We hung out last week as well, but now I'm noticing that she just replies with one liners or single words. When I see her, she's all happy and full of energy, but her messages don't tell the same story. I also found out she's been constantly annoyed/harassed by another guy that's into her and a girl that seems to have an ungodly attachment to her. So now, I'm afraid of annoying her. I usually give it about a week before I message her to not come out as clingy.

Do you guys think I should keep at it and try one more time? I'm thinking about asking her to hang out somewhere else later this weeks and just ask her what she'd want to do if I asked her out (pretend it's a hypothetical).

How old are you? Can't you go to bar?

 

[Mordeccai]

So I'm talking to this girl I met through Tinder (its an app where basically it shows you girls photos, you can 'like' them or 'nope' them. if two people both hit like, it lets you chat with them.) So anyway, I go through four or five chicks and they're boring. But then I get connected with this girl, and she is SUPER friendly and just lots of fun to talk to.

I ask her out on a date and for her phone number once we talk a bit and find out we have a bit of stuff in common, she says yes to the date and I get the digits. Got her number two nights ago and since then we've sent 127 texts now. Which seems like a lot to me! Full disclosure, I haven't talked to a girl flirting wise / seriously in two years now, I'm 21. So I'm a bit rusty.

She just moved into town, transferring from another university up to mine. I would have offered to take her out this weekend, but I went back to my home town. So basically now I have to find a way to talk with this girl until our date Wednesday, while still being interesting and flirty and funny and all that jazz.

Problem is, I don't want to tell her too much info before we meet up, so we still have stuff to talk about on the date, and I'm really really rusty on being suggestive and flirty in texts. Like, most of our texting now is just talking about shared interests, hobbies, last night we talked about cooking for like two hours... and I'm definitely feeling like I'm not being flirty enough. I will make comments here and there, throw in winky faces and stuff, and she reciprocates it pretty well. Its easy for me to converse, but I'm having problems coming off as sexy or what have you.

Basically I'm wondering how important it is to flirt a lot. Should I not be worried at this point, and just be casual? I mean realistically, we've met over a dating app, haven't seen each other yet, and have sent a hundred texts or so back and forth. So I may be over thinking this. But honestly, the first night after we texted I was really excited, couldn't get to sleep, because we shared a lot of interests and she was quite funny and entertaining to talk to. And after a couple years, it'd be nice to take a cute girl out. I mean I've obviously been some degree of forward, explicitly calling us meeting up a date, getting her number, little flirts here and there, so I think I'm sending ok signals. I'm just really really out of practice and don't wanna goof it up.

I was debating on not texting her today, but she just hit me up a few minutes ago. Should I talk to her today, and play it cool tomorrow? Just text normally until our date?

 

[level_e11even]

Slow work has paid off/ is going to.

Don't know if anyone remembers me talking about a girl I had to do a project with, well we finally met up in the library today.


Fucking go ahead signals everywhere.

We talked for the whole time we were there, got to know each other pretty well, and it's really obvious we are into each other.


So I kinda asked her out!

I haven't done that in a while, so I didn't set a specific date, but next time we work on the project I'm a take her out to some Cuban food DD

Now, one thing I've done with this girl is to put in mad patience, I'm talking about I literally just got her number yesterday, and the first time we talked was around a month ago lol.
But, as I'm writing this we are texting!!

Ahhh I feel nervous/excited because she's exactly what I am looking for.

Now, the part which eats at me constantly is: she has no idea about me and my pasttimes.

From what we spoke today I came off as a good kid who reads and is majoring in English.
Reality is that this morning I was doing bumps of coke as I drove to get myself breakfast while my mom was having surgery....
So i ain't no role model.

But, I'm also actually a good person!! I do read! And I am majoring in English!

She might know I smoke weed tho, we lightly grazed the topic. But I didn't flat out say it.



Now, I know I'm just rambling a lot, but that's cause I want advice.


How do I not fuck this up?
This is the first (possible)relationship out of basically 3 relationships I've had that I actually want to do great in.
Previous girls, were just easy, no effort envolved really.


Basically, what are the do's and don'ts of starting a relationship?


I am pulling a spongebob and forgetting everything I know about relationships.

So you do coke and don't want to fuck it up with this girl? Oh boy...

 

[Dark Phoenix]

So, after not talking to any girl in hopes to make a romantic connection in years due to being busy with school, other responsibilities, etc, I talked to a girl on Halloween night at a nerd bar. I got her facebook and I want to take her out to see Thor: Dark World on opening day since we talked about some Marvel films and comics. (We were playing UMvC3 at the time).

I'm going to ask her tomorrow since I have work soon, I'm very nervous. I hope things can work out, I think things went well when I met her. I just hope I'm not taking too long to ask her out. Wish me luck GAF.

 

[Kajigger]

How old are you? Can't you go to bar?

Nope. College.

Edit: Any advise?

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

My god.

I know its a lot, probably why I'm going through texting withdrawl while I give her space for the funeral related stuff.

 

[Misterhbk]

So I'm talking to this girl I met through Tinder (its an app where basically it shows you girls photos, you can 'like' them or 'nope' them. if two people both hit like, it lets you chat with them.) So anyway, I go through four or five chicks and they're boring. But then I get connected with this girl, and she is SUPER friendly and just lots of fun to talk to.

I ask her out on a date and for her phone number once we talk a bit and find out we have a bit of stuff in common, she says yes to the date and I get the digits. Got her number two nights ago and since then we've sent 127 texts now. Which seems like a lot to me! Full disclosure, I haven't talked to a girl flirting wise / seriously in two years now, I'm 21. So I'm a bit rusty.

She just moved into town, transferring from another university up to mine. I would have offered to take her out this weekend, but I went back to my home town. So basically now I have to find a way to talk with this girl until our date Wednesday, while still being interesting and flirty and funny and all that jazz.

Problem is, I don't want to tell her too much info before we meet up, so we still have stuff to talk about on the date, and I'm really really rusty on being suggestive and flirty in texts. Like, most of our texting now is just talking about shared interests, hobbies, last night we talked about cooking for like two hours... and I'm definitely feeling like I'm not being flirty enough. I will make comments here and there, throw in winky faces and stuff, and she reciprocates it pretty well. Its easy for me to converse, but I'm having problems coming off as sexy or what have you.

Basically I'm wondering how important it is to flirt a lot. Should I not be worried at this point, and just be casual? I mean realistically, we've met over a dating app, haven't seen each other yet, and have sent a hundred texts or so back and forth. So I may be over thinking this. But honestly, the first night after we texted I was really excited, couldn't get to sleep, because we shared a lot of interests and she was quite funny and entertaining to talk to. And after a couple years, it'd be nice to take a cute girl out. I mean I've obviously been some degree of forward, explicitly calling us meeting up a date, getting her number, little flirts here and there, so I think I'm sending ok signals. I'm just really really out of practice and don't wanna goof it up.

I was debating on not texting her today, but she just hit me up a few minutes ago. Should I talk to her today, and play it cool tomorrow? Just text normally until our date?

This isn't just for you but for a lot of the dudes in this thread. You guys worry way too much. Just relax and have an organic conversation. If she doesn't like you in the end man, you'll be just fine and some other girl will come along. Guaranteed if she knew you were this stressed about things and posting about your worries on a forum it'd be a huge turn off. It might sound cliche but seriously just be yourself. The ones that don't like you for that. Fuck em. Onto the next.

 

[Purple Cheeto]

I'm gonna rephrase my post:
I'm talking to a girl and I don't want to fuck it up.

What the hell do I do?

I'd probably start by kicking the coke addiction, but that's just me.

 

[Mordeccai]

I'd probably start by kicking the coke addiction, but that's just me.

The dude isn't addicted to coke. Swag, if I were you, I would tone back the drug use for a week or two, and get a feel for what this girl is comfortable with. Ask her if she parties or drinks at all, just have a casual discussion about partying and what not. I don't know how common this view is, but somebody doing a bump of coke a couple times a month isn't a big deal, no more than getting shitfaced at a party is. But it's going to depend on how comfortable she is with drugs. Theres a bunch of people (including on this board) that have zero tolerance for drugs because its a whole different world to them that seems dangerous, and they don't understand why anybody would try them. There's nothing wrong with that, but definitely not a topic to broach immediately until you have a feel for how she'd react.

Thanks for the advice misterhbk. That's what I needed to hear. I'm fully confident in being able to have a convo with this girl, dropping jokes and flirting, but I guess I just wanted to air out some of the concerns I've got somewhere. Just haven't felt like I liked a girl in a bit and the feelings that come with it do crazy things to your brain

 

[Misterhbk]

Thanks for the advice misterhbk. That's what I needed to hear. I'm fully confident in being able to have a convo with this girl, dropping jokes and flirting, but I guess I just wanted to air out some of the concerns I've got somewhere. Just haven't felt like I liked a girl in a bit and the feelings that come with it do crazy things to your brain

No problem man. I know exactly how that is. I've been single for a good amount of time now, and dated a lot of different girls but never really hit it off any of them. Made some great friends out of it but it wasn't until I started seeing the girl I'm dating now about a month ago that I felt like we could actually have something beyond sex. She's awesome and came out of nowhere. The best part is how fast the level of comfort picked up. Doesn't feel weird or awkward at all. We pretty much just talk and laugh whenever we hangout. If I learned anything over the past year of me being single is that trying too hard doesn't really get you anywhere. Hopefully things with this girl workout for you though!

 

[manfestival]

Hey sooooo this chick i met on thursday night. Seems like I have all the confidence lately to initiate conversations and get passed the first stage in the process but actually talking to the girls afterwards seems to go awry so anyways. lady from thursday, seems like we hit it off pretty well. got her number and etc. well ive done the whole 2 day rule or whatever and im not even really sure what to say other than maybe asking to chill with her tomorrow

 

[JohnDoe]

Slow work has paid off/ is going to.

Don't know if anyone remembers me talking about a girl I had to do a project with, well we finally met up in the library today.


Fucking go ahead signals everywhere.

We talked for the whole time we were there, got to know each other pretty well, and it's really obvious we are into each other.


So I kinda asked her out!

I haven't done that in a while, so I didn't set a specific date, but next time we work on the project I'm a take her out to some Cuban food DD

Now, one thing I've done with this girl is to put in mad patience, I'm talking about I literally just got her number yesterday, and the first time we talked was around a month ago lol.
But, as I'm writing this we are texting!!

Ahhh I feel nervous/excited because she's exactly what I am looking for.

Now, the part which eats at me constantly is: she has no idea about me and my pasttimes.

From what we spoke today I came off as a good kid who reads and is majoring in English.
Reality is that this morning I was doing bumps of coke as I drove to get myself breakfast while my mom was having surgery....
So i ain't no role model.

But, I'm also actually a good person!! I do read! And I am majoring in English!

She might know I smoke weed tho, we lightly grazed the topic. But I didn't flat out say it.



Now, I know I'm just rambling a lot, but that's cause I want advice.


How do I not fuck this up?
This is the first (possible)relationship out of basically 3 relationships I've had that I actually want to do great in.
Previous girls, were just easy, no effort envolved really.


Basically, what are the do's and don'ts of starting a relationship?


I am pulling a spongebob and forgetting everything I know about relationships.

This coke thing.
Stopping now would be a good idea. Use the girls as your motivation.

 

[Xun]

The past couple of weeks I've seemed to have gotten a few more looks when going out, but I still can't see to put anything into practice.

I've been like this for years, and it's almost as if I've given up caring anymore... :/

I really do fear I'll be like this forever.

 

[Mr.Swag]

This coke thing.
Stopping now would be a good idea. Use the girls as your motivation.

Yea.
If all things go as I want with this girl I'll probably never do it again.

 

[Mr.Swag]

The past couple of weeks I've seemed to have gotten a few more looks when going out, but I still can't see to put anything into practice.

I've been like this for years, and it's almost as if I've given up caring anymore... :/

I really do fear I'll be like this forever.

Looks don't get numbers
Looks open you up to conversations
That gets you somewhere.

Just say something interesting and know that if you fuck up it doesn't matter Cus you don't know that person anyways

 

[Mr.Swag]

I'd probably start by kicking the coke addiction, but that's just me.

Not an addiction
More like something I really liked doing.

Past tense Cus fuck it I quittt.

 

[Leeness]

I know its a lot, probably why I'm going through texting withdrawl while I give her space for the funeral related stuff.

It's just one weekend!

 

[nOoblet16]

I'm not anymore, because I'm not expecting any response from her for that.
I'll call her sometime this weekend, it's probably the best thing to do.

But like I said I am a terrible talker on phone, face to face is great cause of body language and you can see the other person's reaction...phone not so much. With texting you have the liberty of taking your time to think about what you want to say.

So I'll make the call sometime today, probably once I am back from my football training.
Anything I should keep in mind? like keeping it short and simple, not mentioning the text I sent earlier etc.

 

[-PXG-]

Well, I had a pretty good date Sunday. We hung out talked and laughed for a couple hours and watched a movie. We made out for a while during the movie and afterwards I told her I should be heading out for work tomorrow. She asked "Am I gonna hear from you again?", to which I replied I'd love to take you out to dinner this friday. She suggested a Sushi and all was well, until the next day that is. I texted her the next day and we talked back and forth and she started getting short. I didn't feel too weird on it. I texted her tuesday and no reply.. So I let it go until today and text her asking how her halloween went, trying to get a feel of if she's still down for tonight. Still haven't got a reply so obviously the date is off. Kinda sucks, I thought we hit it off well and she was fun to hang with. Just weird that she was so direct about wanting to talk more and hang out friday during the date

I'm screaming in my apartment right now.

FUCK!

Why do you guys put so much thought in dumbass texts. Maybe she was busy. Maybe she doesn't actually like texting. You probably cane off too strong and clingy too soon.

It seemed like you had it in the bag too. Also did you really have to leave early. She may have wanted you to stay a bit longer

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I'm screaming in my apartment right now.

FUCK!

Why do you guys put so much thought in dumbass texts. Maybe she was busy. Maybe she doesn't actually like texting. You probably cane off too strong and clingy too soon.

Agreed, despite the stereotype of girls being glued to the hip with their smartphones, some actually aren't and take some time to reply.

 

[Minamu]

Agreed, despite the stereotype of girls being glued to the hip with their smartphones, some actually aren't and take some time to reply.

Many are and they aren't looked down upon because of it. But men are, that's why a social life of your own is important to get rid of over thinking texts etc.

Spoiler

Written from my phone while in bed at almost 4pm xD

 

[sooperkool]

I'm screaming in my apartment right now.

FUCK!

Why do you guys put so much thought in dumbass texts. Maybe she was busy. Maybe she doesn't actually like texting. You probably cane off too strong and clingy too soon.

It seemed like you had it in the bag too. Also did you really have to leave early. She may have wanted you to stay a bit longer

Most young guys these days put so much value in texts and facebook because thats how things are done these days. Smartphones and social media have made it easy to hide behind these methods of communication so people dont develop the true social skills they need. So they spend time obsessing over what texts and chats really mean when in fact a phone call or a face to face conversation would give the answer.

 

[Kajigger]

Hey GAF, I've run into a problem I don't quite understand. This is kind of an update to my previous posts.

Recap:

I've been trying to go out with this girl for quite a while now. We've hung out quite a bit and I've asked her out twice. The first time, she said she liked someone else. Second time, she agreed, but said that she wasn't into restaurants. So, we just hung out again. Problem is, every time we do, her roommates are there and I become the biggest pussy in the universe. We hung out last week as well, but now I'm noticing that she just replies with one liners or single words. When I see her, she's all happy and full of energy, but her messages don't tell the same story. I also found out she's been constantly annoyed/harassed by another guy that's into her and a girl that seems to have an ungodly attachment to her. So now, I'm afraid of annoying her. I usually give it about a week before I message her to not come out as clingy.

Do you guys think I should keep at it and try one more time? I'm thinking about asking her to hang out somewhere else later this weeks and just ask her what she'd want to do if I asked her out (pretend it's a hypothetical).

Just a quick bump. Anyone?

 

[stn]

@Kajigger

She doesn't sound very into you. The fact that she admitted she was/is into someone else is telling. And also, if a girl likes you she won't care if its a restaurant, coffee shop, or whatever. Since you mentioned roommates I'm going to assume you hung out at her place, right? She may have invited you there deliberately to create less intimacy. I have a hunch that she's not into you but just doesn't have the guts to say so.

There's always an easy test you can try. Stop replying, wait a while. Does she check up on you? If yes, try again. No? You have your answer. If it was me I would have stopped pursuing the moment she told me she liked someone else. I don't like being #2, you shouldn't either.

 

[Kajigger]

@Kajigger

She doesn't sound very into you. The fact that she admitted she was/is into someone else is telling. And also, if a girl likes you she won't care if its a restaurant, coffee shop, or whatever. Since you mentioned roommates I'm going to assume you hung out at her place, right? She may have invited you there deliberately to create less intimacy. I have a hunch that she's not into you but just doesn't have the guts to say so.

There's always an easy test you can try. Stop replying, wait a while. Does she check up on you? If yes, try again. No? You have your answer. If it was me I would have stopped pursuing the moment she told me she liked someone else. I don't like being #2, you shouldn't either.

This is what I was looking for. Makes sense. Never thought about that being the reason she invites me to her place. And she is the kind that tries to be nice whenever, so she probably just doesn't want to say it. Thanks!

 

[RC Cola]

Just wanted to chime in and thank Minamu (think it was him?) for the suggestion of 500 Days of Summer. Excellent film.

I also watched Harvey, which isn't exactly about relationships, but I think it has some good ideas/perspectives on life.

I might also recommend Bad Grandpa, but for nothing more than a good laugh (assuming you like that kind of humor).

 

[Minamu]

Just wanted to chime in and thank Minamu (think it was him?) for the suggestion of 500 Days of Summer. Excellent film.

I also watched Harvey, which isn't exactly about relationships, but I think it has some good ideas/perspectives on life.

I might also recommend Bad Grandpa, but for nothing more than a good laugh (assuming you like that kind of humor).

Yep, it was me Thanks, I knew it would help some of us. It was someone else on gaf who mentioned it to me first but I don't rmember who. I need to look up Harvey as well then.

 

[trab pu kcip]

I don't know why this movie gets so much praise. I thought 500 Days of Summer started out great but lost all its potential towards the ending.
instead of sticking with the more realistic and innovative approach from the beginning it became a "you gotta find THE ONE"-cheesy-wedding-shitfest like any other rom-com.
the only movie that really surprised me in that regard was eat pray love, which was much more about finding yourself instead of finding the one, so that wasn't nearly as toxic as all the other hollywood stuff.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I don't know why this movie gets so much praise. I thought 500 Days of Summer started out great but lost all its potential towards the ending.
instead of sticking with the more realistic and innovative approach from the beginning it became a "you gotta find THE ONE"-cheesy-wedding-shitfest like any other rom-com.
the only movie that really surprised me in that regard was eat pray love, which was much more about finding yourself instead of finding the one, so that wasn't nearly as toxic as all the other hollywood stuff.

Yeaaaah, I'm not too fond of that movie myself.

 

[zeemumu]

What do you think of someone who fully integrates themselves into their boyfriend/girlfriend's life (his friends are now her friends, his house is now her house, and they leave everything in their life that doesn't have to do with their significant other behind) after knowing them for a little over a year?

 

[Sickboy007]

What do you think of someone who fully integrates themselves into their boyfriend/girlfriend's life (his friends are now her friends, his house is now her house, and they leave everything in their life that doesn't have to do with their significant other behind) after knowing them for a little over a year?

Can't pass judgement without knowing the situation fully, but a year is no small time.

 

[trab pu kcip]

What do you think of someone who fully integrates themselves into their boyfriend/girlfriend's life (his friends are now her friends, his house is now her house, and they leave everything in their life that doesn't have to do with their significant other behind) after knowing them for a little over a year?

foolish

 

[The Artful Dodger]

What do you think of someone who fully integrates themselves into their boyfriend/girlfriend's life (his friends are now her friends, his house is now her house, and they leave everything in their life that doesn't have to do with their significant other behind) after knowing them for a little over a year?

It's hard cause sometimes it works out. That's more the exception rather than the rule.

Folks need their own space and to do their own thing, it's weird to like...lose your identity and just kinda meld into a couple. That's just me though.

 

[zeemumu]

It's hard cause sometimes it works out. That's more the exception rather than the rule.

Folks need their own space and to do their own thing, it's weird to like...lose your identity and just kinda meld into a couple. That's just me though.

In their case, I don't see it working out for a variety of reasons. I'm curious as to how one would recover from that. You gave up your life to merge into someone else's, and now you don't have either one. What would you do?