Support NeoGAF

[Out of Working Order]

Is it normal to feel that I'll likely never meet anybody if by 28 I've never dated or had a girlfriend? I just feel like I am out of the game now.

My brother just got married and it was a wonderful day. Very special indeed. I was sort of hoping I'd meet somebody at his wedding reception, but no such luck.

 

[Best]

I texted more than I would usually because when I met her we talked for less than 2 minutes so I wanted to build a bit of rapport before we met properly. The way I look at it is that she still came on a date on Monday so all that early texting didn't do too much harm. Maybe I've texted too much since then but the conversation is pretty good and she's actually putting effort into her texts, it's not me writing paragraphs and getting one line answers so I figured she was enjoying it as well. This past week we've texted a lot less and I'll probably leave it until mid week now to ask her about the weekend.

The thing about "letting me know" for the first date. All that she actually said was that she'll let me know on Monday, nothing about she might already be busy, and then asked to add me on facebook. I guess she just didn't want to commit to seeing someone she'd talked to for 2 minutes and exchanged at that point 3 texts with.

 

[youngwerther]

Is it normal to feel that I'll likely never meet anybody if by 28 I've never dated or had a girlfriend? I just feel like I am out of the game now.

My brother just got married and it was a wonderful day. Very special indeed. I was sort of hoping I'd meet somebody at his wedding reception, but no such luck.

How much effort do you put into meeting people?

I texted more than I would usually because when I met her we talked for less than 2 minutes so I wanted to build a bit of rapport before we met properly. The way I look at it is that she still came on a date on Monday so all that early texting didn't do too much harm. Maybe I've texted too much since then but the conversation is pretty good and she's actually putting effort into her texts, it's not me writing paragraphs and getting one line answers so I figured she was enjoying it as well. This past week we've texted a lot less and I'll probably leave it until mid week now to ask her about the weekend.

The thing about "letting me know" for the first date. All that she actually said was that she'll let me know on Monday, nothing about she might already be busy, and then asked to add me on facebook. I guess she just didn't want to commit to seeing someone she'd talked to for 2 minutes and exchanged at that point 3 texts with.

Since you are essentially defending your behavior I will rationalize my response.

I just can't envision any scenario where texting amounts to meaningful conversation or "building rapport". Texting sucks. It's a tool that's useful for establishing logistics, not a way to get to know a person or have an actual conversation. If you two are enjoying sending texts back and forth then by all means but I think you are possibly underestimating the harm it can do. I think you are mistaking the fact that she replies as a sign of attraction/interest, and that's one of the reasons why texting is a trap.

Until she actually becomes something, all of the conversations you have with her should be in person. You aren't doing yourself any favors by being the guy who texts her. She likely has at minimum 7 guys who do that already. Be the guy she meets up with instead.

Just my opinion.

 

[Best]

Since you are essentially defending your behavior I will rationalize my response.

I just can't envision any scenario where texting amounts to meaningful conversation or "building rapport". Texting sucks. It's a tool that's useful for establishing logistics, not a way to get to know a person or have an actual conversation. If you two are enjoying sending texts back and forth then by all means but I think you are possibly underestimating the harm it can do. I think you are mistaking the fact that she replies as a sign of attraction/interest, and that's one of the reasons why texting is a trap.

Until she actually becomes something, all of the conversations you have with her should be in person. You aren't doing yourself any favors by being the guy who texts her. She likely has at minimum 7 guys who do that already. Be the guy she meets up with instead.

Just my opinion.

Yeah I agree with you and actually thought we might be overtexting, just saying why I've done it differently with this girl. Most of the stuff I type out on here will just because it's nice to be able to write stuff down, gets in set in my head.

I'm busy this weekend so just going to text her tomorrow about going out Wednesday, then it's pretty clear if she's interested or not by her response and this thing is done and dusted. Anything other than a yes or suggesting an alternative day and we are done.

 

[Minamu]

My large blurb up there was incorrectly pointed at Sailor, when I actually meant to reply to Best. Sorry, I confused the two names!

EDIT: @ Minamu - I see what you did there.

Hehe I'm in a good mood!

 

[God Dayumm]

Is it normal to feel that I'll likely never meet anybody if by 28 I've never dated or had a girlfriend? I just feel like I am out of the game now.

My brother just got married and it was a wonderful day. Very special indeed. I was sort of hoping I'd meet somebody at his wedding reception, but no such luck.

I feel the same way as you do (I'm 26). I'm starting to make an effort to go out more, but I'm not talkative at all and it is very taxing for me to maintain a conversation and pretend to be extroverted.

 

[giga]

We broke up. Someone of y'all have read my previous posts and knew that we were on a break. I couldn't take it anymore. The writing was already on the wall.

Anyway. Friends took me out yesterday. But I've come to realize I don't want a relationship with girls looking for hookups at bars and clubs. I had no interest whatsoever talking to these girls grinding with random guys.

Is that selfish? Maybe my values are different, after being with this girl who always loves to frequent bars each week to get drunk. I think I'd prefer someone who loves to chill in a coffee shop and has more creative outlets in her life.

 

[Minamu]

Empowe & God Dayumm: I wouldn't recommend trying to be something or pretending to be something. Just be it. It will drain your energy and interest in these things if you aren't being yourself. You can always be a better self though without trying to be someone you're not. Age isn't a dating factor. That's just silly male thinking patterns and nothing more. It's just not true. Nobody but yourself (and maybe a few assholes) is beating you up over your age and lack of experience. Anyone who is, just cut them off. I guarantee you, with a proper viewpoint on life and yourself, owning who you truly are as a wonderfully cool person, many women will find it incredibly pleasing to find a man who isn't socially trained to be a certain way around women or who thinks they're super great in bed when in fact they aren't. A mature and smart woman will be thrilled to find a man without a head full of crap that they can teach proper ways to. THAT is hot

 

[youngwerther]

Yeah I agree with you and actually thought we might be overtexting, just saying why I've done it differently with this girl. Most of the stuff I type out on here will just because it's nice to be able to write stuff down, gets in set in my head.

I'm busy this weekend so just going to text her tomorrow about going out Wednesday, then it's pretty clear if she's interested or not by her response and this thing is done and dusted. Anything other than a yes or suggesting an alternative day and we are done.

Well, do what you gotta do, but make sure that vibe doesn't come through when you send the message.

 

[TylerD]

No seeing her this weekend even though she didn't go out of town. She did say she wants to see me again though.

Happily, I was wrong. I had invited her over for today with enticement of spinach feta pie and watching F1. She said that she needed to clean and today probably wouldn't be good.

I texted her a pic of the food around 12:30pm and she said that looked really good and she was almost done cleaning. I responded playing dumb just saying the race started later than I thought. Picked up my phone a couple of times and saw she was writing something but never sent it. After the race I told her that I would bring some over "free delivery". She was down. We hung out a couple of hours.

Things are going well at this point. I know she wants to see me and I am willing to take things as slow as she needs even though I want her now. I told her at the end of our Thursday date that I don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable. With stuff she has gone through in the past, this is the best way to handle it.

 

[youngwerther]

Oh God, that girl just texted, she's flaking. She just send some super long text about how she forgot she had this and such and now she can't make it unless she finishes early and she'll let me know and btw are we still doing that thing and yadda yadda.

I'm thinking of just sending "are you serious"

Or maybe just "..."


She said "Are we still gonna do those 2 extra credit things?"

I think it would be amusing if I said "We were but we aren't now"

Too bad I actually need her for the extra credit things. Otherwise...

edit: Now she is texting making conversation even though I still haven't responded yet. She can sense it.

She promised she would help her friend study for a test.
What I want to say is "ditch your friend" but I can't because all we have lined up is homework. This is why it's important to start out on the right foot kids! Otherwise you enter into a tangled web of muddled intentions and pretending there's no sexual attraction!

ugh, I don't even know how to reply to her
already 20 minutes have passed and i still got nothing


edit2: Great, now I've been trapped into having a lengthy text conversation (probably b/c she's bored at work or something), exactly what I just told that other guy to not do.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Happily, I was wrong. I had invited her over for today with enticement of spinach feta pie and watching F1. She said that she needed to clean and today probably wouldn't be good.

I texted her a pic of the food around 12:30pm and she said that looked really good and she was almost done cleaning. I responded playing dumb just saying the race started later than I thought. Picked up my phone a couple of times and saw she was writing something but never sent it. After the race I told her that I would bring some over "free delivery". She was down. We hung out a couple of hours.

Things are going well at this point. I know she wants to see me and I am willing to take things as slow as she needs even though I want her now. I told her at the end of our Thursday date that I don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable. With stuff she has gone through in the past, this is the best way to handle it.

Good for you, glad its working out. Tomorrow will be the 2 week mark since Brandi broke up with me. I've come to conclusion that it is over between us. If she was going to change her mind, she probably would have. I need to begin the long process of moving on.

 

[youngwerther]

She's coming over Tuesday morning instead.
Great.

 

[maxxpower]

I feel the same way as you do (I'm 26). I'm starting to make an effort to go out more, but I'm not talkative at all and it is very taxing for me to maintain a conversation and pretend to be extroverted.

I don't have that problem, I'm actually quite talkative with just any girl(hot or "average") andI have a great personality. My problem is that I'm not attractive so I'll probably be single for the rest of my life.

 

[youngwerther]

I don't have that problem, I'm actually quite talkative with just any girl(hot or "average") andI have a great personality. My problem is that I'm not attractive so I'll probably be single for the rest of my life.

I'm not going to say looks don't matter, because they do, but I think the belief of "I'm not attractive so I'll probably be single for the rest of my life" is WAAAAYY more limiting and detrimental to your chances of success than whatever your appearance is.

I've never seen someone who was so ugly that I thought "Wow that person couldn't have a relationship".

You don't have to look like George Clooney to get a girl.

Of course, you should do everything reasonable to maximize your appearance and your style and ruthlessly eliminate perceived faults, but I seriously doubt you are so unattractive that no girl would want to be with you regardless of any other traits you may have, that's absurd.

I mean, assuming you don't have that crazy reptile disease or something.

 

[maxxpower]

I'm not going to say looks don't matter, because they do, but I think the belief of "I'm not attractive so I'll probably be single for the rest of my life" is WAAAAYY more limiting and detrimental to your chances of success than whatever your appearance is.

I've never seen someone who was so ugly that I thought "Wow that person couldn't have a relationship".

You don't have to look like George Clooney to get a girl.

Of course, you should do everything reasonable to maximize your appearance and your style and ruthlessly eliminate perceived faults, but I seriously doubt you are so unattractive that no girl would want to be with you regardless of any other traits you may have, that's absurd.

I mean, assuming you don't have that crazy reptile disease or something.

I have a great personality and I exert positive energy, and thus have no problems making girl friends, but I'm also not good looking and I'm short so no girl sees me as a guy to be in a relationship with, or have sex with. I dress well, I'm in great physical shape, I take care of my appearance. I do all this because I enjoy taking care of my body, but after 24 years I just accept the fact that I'm not the kind of person who will ever find a significant other. It doesn't mean I don't try, but I'm not too hopeful about it.

 

[Minamu]

I'm not going to say looks don't matter, because they do, but I think the belief of "I'm not attractive so I'll probably be single for the rest of my life" is WAAAAYY more limiting and detrimental to your chances of success than whatever your appearance is.

I've never seen someone who was so ugly that I thought "Wow that person couldn't have a relationship".

You don't have to look like George Clooney to get a girl.

Of course, you should do everything reasonable to maximize your appearance and your style and ruthlessly eliminate perceived faults, but I seriously doubt you are so unattractive that no girl would want to be with you regardless of any other traits you may have, that's absurd.

I mean, assuming you don't have that crazy reptile disease or something.

Funny thing is, he could give Clooney a good run for his money if it wasn't for that limiting mentality.

 

[youngwerther]

I have a great personality and I exert positive energy, and thus have no problems making girl friends, but I'm also not good looking and I'm short so no girl sees me as a guy to be in a relationship with, or have sex with. I dress well, I'm in great physical shape, I take care of my appearance. I do all this because I enjoy taking care of my body, but after 24 years I just accept the fact that I'm not the kind of person who will ever find a significant other. It doesn't mean I don't try, but I'm not too hopeful about it.

I dunno, sounds like you are too much inside your own head to me. Everyone is their own worst critic. You are certainly way more down on yourself about your looks than other people are. All the negative thoughts you have about your looks are probably not even crossing other people's minds. Don't be such a fatalist.

You say you put out good energy, but if you are this self-conscious about yourself and this accepting of defeat that surely comes through and affects how you behave.

Do you think it is possible that you magnify your own flaws in your mind, yet other people don't even really notice those flaws?

 

[Pennies & Nickels]

Godspeed dating age.

 

[youngwerther]

...

 

[beat]

but I'm also not good looking and I'm short so no girl sees me as a guy to be in a relationship with, or have sex with.

If you look around, you'll notice guys of your height and handsomeness level have girlfriends or wives*. And vice-versa. I say this without knowing how tall you are or how good looking or not you are, because in my experience it's not only the tall and super handsome guys who have relationships.

* not necessarily super hot wives/girlfriends. Plain** guys and plain girls are people too, though. And if you really get to like someone, you'll probably find out they're better looking (at least to you) than you first thought.

** no disrespect intended, I'm one of you!

But telling yourself it's not gonna happen is a great way to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll act like someone people won't want to talk to, and they'll pick up on that and won't want to meet you.

 

[maxxpower]

If you look around, you'll notice guys of your height and handsomeness level have girlfriends or wives*. And vice-versa. I say this without knowing how tall you are or how good looking or not you are, because in my experience it's not only the tall and super handsome guys who have relationships.

* not necessarily super hot wives/girlfriends. Plain** guys and plain girls are people too, though. And if you really get to like someone, you'll probably find out they're better looking (at least to you) than you first thought.

** no disrespect intended, I'm one of you!

But telling yourself it's not gonna happen is a great way to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll act like someone people won't want to talk to, and they'll pick up on that and won't want to meet you.

I can find attractiveness in almost every girl, and it's a bit different for women because women are pretty, that's why they're the fairer sex. A "plain" girl to some can be super hot to someone else, but an unattractive guy is just an unattractive guy. I'm unattractive for my race/ethnicity, so imagine living in a city where the population is 95% white.

 

[Prologue]

Whats up with girls that text you every other year or so, randomly out of the blue? Despite them making it clear they don't want a relationship and me making it clear that I won't settle for less? I'm 23 and this has been happening with one particular girl since I was 16.

 

[youngwerther]

Every other year or so? Wow lol.

Well if you've known each other since you were 16 you are probably just that guy that she texts when she gets drunk and nostalgic about high school or something. I got a few of those girls.

 

[Prologue]

Every other year or so? Wow lol.

Well if you've known each other since you were 16 you are probably just that guy that she texts when she gets drunk and nostalgic about high school or something. I got a few of those girls.

Usually during the day time. It was one of those long distance things. Distance never bothered me and was perfectly fine seeing her once a month or more. It was always a problem for her. You would think she would drop it by now since she didn't want to give it a shot. For the first time, I'm not answering back this time. Still hurts though whenever she comes around.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Whats up with girls that text you every other year or so, randomly out of the blue? Despite them making it clear they don't want a relationship and me making it clear that I won't settle for less? I'm 23 and this has been happening with one particular girl since I was 16.

Sometimes the girl genuinely liked talking to you and is just being friendly... or they are lonely/bored and it's an attempt to extract attention and/or keep you in orbit around them. Just because a girl doesn't like you, doesn't mean she didn't like the attention, and even if she doesn't want you, it doesn't mean she doesn't want you to want her.

(I might be a tad jaded on this point, getting ready to change my phone number for the 3rd time cause a very crazy ex is trying to get my current number.)

 

[Prologue]

Sometimes the girl genuinely liked talking to you and is just being friendly... or they are lonely/bored and it's an attempt to extract attention and/or keep you in orbit around them. Just because a girl doesn't like you, doesn't mean she didn't like the attention, and even if she doesn't want you, it doesn't mean she doesn't want you to want her.

(I might be a tad jaded on this point, getting ready to change my phone number for the 3rd time cause a very crazy ex is trying to get my current number.)

Doesn't sound jaded at all. I'm sure thats exatcly what her intentions were

 

[gimz]

So i met this girl from a freelance work event, and i got her number and we have been messaging each other for 3 weeks now, but still didnt have a chance to see her the second time yet, what should i do

 

[Minamu]

Set up a meet and stop texting so much. Most guys think that lengthy text sessions is a good signal. It's not, it just shows you've got nothing better to do with your time and provides her with no incentive to get together since you're just as available on the phone.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I never really buy this excuse about not being able to ever have sex or date anyone because you're too ugly. Firstly because every single time someone who posts this excuse actually shows a picture of themselves they're not actually bad looking, at all. Secondly because even the ugliest of people are able to get themselves a partner.

I'll all but guarantee that if you go through your life single it won't be because you're too ugly especially if you're telling the truth and you're in really good shape.

Is it normal to feel that I'll likely never meet anybody if by 28 I've never dated or had a girlfriend? I just feel like I am out of the game now.

My brother just got married and it was a wonderful day. Very special indeed. I was sort of hoping I'd meet somebody at his wedding reception, but no such luck.

What do you think of yourself? Are you happy with your life? As i always say in this situation the best place to start looking is at yourself. If you're happy with the various aspects of your life things will fall into place.

 

[gimz]

Set up a meet and stop texting so much. Most guys think that lengthy text sessions is a good signal. It's not, it just shows you've got nothing better to do with your time and provides her with no incentive to get together since you're just as available on the phone.

Yes, actually I kind of feel that texting too much is not good too, especially when you are trying just too hard to make a conversation.
And from my experiences before i also learnt not to rush things, cuz they always ended badly :/

Is that selfish? Maybe my values are different, after being with this girl who always loves to frequent bars each week to get drunk. I think I'd prefer someone who loves to chill in a coffee shop and has more creative outlets in her life.

We all got that moment in our lives

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Whats up with girls that text you every other year or so, randomly out of the blue? Despite them making it clear they don't want a relationship and me making it clear that I won't settle for less? I'm 23 and this has been happening with one particular girl since I was 16.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c

Louis CK talking about being sad or whatever, and just texting random people until someone cool writes back.

 

[stn]

@maxxpower

I started typing out a long response but realized there's something more effective. Bro:

Nothing will change if you keep bashing yourself. Your theory of being single forever will become reality. You need to force yourself to stop thinking you're ugly and short. Just stop.

 

[maxxpower]

@maxxpower

I started typing out a long response but realized there's something more effective. Bro:

Nothing will change if you keep bashing yourself. Your theory of being single forever will become reality. You need to force yourself to stop thinking you're ugly and short. Just stop.

I just don't know anymore dude. I'm seeing a therapist about it and I can force myself to stop thinking about it but at the end of the day I'm still short and not good looking. Let's face it, most women want a dude who's at least of average height and good looking, there's maybe a few girls that don't care about that but finding THAT girl will take me forever. I may not even ever find her.

 

[Servbot24]

First date coming up tonight. Pretty hopeful for this one, she's texted me more than most girls, and she likes both working out and video games. We're eating at a restaurant less than a block from my house, so if it goes well I'll invite her over for a movie or something. I've never actually done a first date near my house, so that's appropriate enough right?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Whats up with girls that text you every other year or so, randomly out of the blue? Despite them making it clear they don't want a relationship and me making it clear that I won't settle for less? I'm 23 and this has been happening with one particular girl since I was 16.

They're seeing if you're available. Maybe you've changed your mind and you're DTF. I get these, and it's always at some hilariously awkward moment.

I just don't know anymore dude. I'm seeing a therapist about it and I can force myself to stop thinking about it but at the end of the day I'm still short and not good looking. Let's face it, most women want a dude who's at least of average height and good looking, there's maybe a few girls that don't care about that but finding THAT girl will take me forever. I may not even ever find her.

My last roommate is like 5 feet tall and he's dating a girl of the same height. He was pretty average looking, but she's fucking hot and sarcastic and funny. It can happen.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I finally hit it off with someone online. She's absolutely fantastic and makes me incredibly giddy. She's several states over however so I don't know how, if, we'll ever be a regular couple. =(

 

[Minamu]

I just don't know anymore dude. I'm seeing a therapist about it and I can force myself to stop thinking about it but at the end of the day I'm still short and not good looking. Let's face it, most women want a dude who's at least of average height and good looking, there's maybe a few girls that don't care about that but finding THAT girl will take me forever. I may not even ever find her.

Have you ever tried glasses or contacts by any chance?

 

[MikeE21286]

We broke up. Someone of y'all have read my previous posts and knew that we were on a break. I couldn't take it anymore. The writing was already on the wall.

Anyway. Friends took me out yesterday. But I've come to realize I don't want a relationship with girls looking for hookups at bars and clubs. I had no interest whatsoever talking to these girls grinding with random guys.

Is that selfish? Maybe my values are different, after being with this girl who always loves to frequent bars each week to get drunk. I think I'd prefer someone who loves to chill in a coffee shop and has more creative outlets in her life.

Nah that's not selfish. It's just knowing who you are and what you want or are looking for in a woman

 

[electricshake]

I just don't know anymore dude. I'm seeing a therapist about it and I can force myself to stop thinking about it but at the end of the day I'm still short and not good looking. Let's face it, most women want a dude who's at least of average height and good looking, there's maybe a few girls that don't care about that but finding THAT girl will take me forever. I may not even ever find her.

I can't believe I'm saying this again. And I know I've said it to you specifically before.

Being good looking doesn't automatically make you attractive. Sure it can help, but an average looking guy who makes me laugh, can hold a decent conversation with me and who makes me feel special is infinitely more attractive to me than a good looking guy who can't do those things. Plenty of girls are shallow but do you really want to date someone who only cares about your looks?

And jesus stop being so hung up on your fucking height. I mean come on. There is literally nothing you can do about it. You're what, 5'6? You're not that short. There's a guy in my work who is shorter than me (I'm 5'4 at a push) and his height wouldn't put me off dating him (other things, like the fact we work together, do put me off though). Your height isn't stopping you getting girls but your attitude almost certainly is.

In other news I've got a date on Thursday with a guy from OKC. We've been texting a bit more than I'd like (I've fallen into the trap of over-texting and over-hyping a guy before meeting him and I'd like to avoid doing it again). He's initiated pretty much all of it but I don't want to be rude and not reply.

 

[Delicious Waffles]

I just don't know anymore dude. I'm seeing a therapist about it and I can force myself to stop thinking about it but at the end of the day I'm still short and not good looking. Let's face it, most women want a dude who's at least of average height and good looking, there's maybe a few girls that don't care about that but finding THAT girl will take me forever. I may not even ever find her.

Dude, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm short as well. There's nothing we can do about that. This was the hand we were dealt. If this is what a lady you're interested in cares about, you shouldn't be bothering with her. As for you not thinking you're good looking, screw that. I've seen some butt ugly dudes with good lookin' ladies. It's the personality that matters.

 

[TylerD]

I thought it might be fun to msg her through her POF profile since I had never done that before and act like it was my first contact with her. We both have the same names on OKC and POF, so here is what I sent to her to ask for our next date.

Damn, you are hot. I want to take you out sometime this week. Let me know what night\restaurant(how long since you have had sushi?) and I will be more than happy to show you a good time. Something tells me that I would have a ton of fun with you...

Going to wait until Wednesday and text her a follow up if no response.

 

[n64coder]

Chatting up 3 girls is easier than one that is alone because they are more comfortable and they think you will hit on their friend and not her so they are less on the defensive.

Good for you if you're able to do this. I was never good at going up to a group of girls and chatting with them. 1 is easy and 2 is ok but more than that, I feel that I'm interrupting their group conversation.

I just can't envision any scenario where texting amounts to meaningful conversation or "building rapport". Texting sucks. It's a tool that's useful for establishing logistics, not a way to get to know a person or have an actual conversation.

I agree but I'm surprised at how much the younger generation use this as a crutch to avoid face-to-face conversation. My oldest daughter is 13 and does the email/chat/text thing all the time instead of picking up the phone. I still remember when my parents got my sister her own phone since she was using it all the time.

Is it normal to feel that I'll likely never meet anybody if by 28 I've never dated or had a girlfriend? I just feel like I am out of the game now.

As a guy gets older, the prospective women increases, almost exponentially. It's amazing. I know a lot more single women than single guys. Just increase your efforts to do interesting things and make a point of talking to women (and guys) so you're more comfortable. Then you'll get opportunities to go out on dates or make new friendships.

Happily, I was wrong. I had invited her over for today with enticement of spinach feta pie and watching F1. She said that she needed to clean and today probably wouldn't be good.

I texted her a pic of the food around 12:30pm and she said that looked really good and she was almost done cleaning. I responded playing dumb just saying the race started later than I thought. Picked up my phone a couple of times and saw she was writing something but never sent it. After the race I told her that I would bring some over "free delivery". She was down. We hung out a couple of hours.

Things are going well at this point. I know she wants to see me and I am willing to take things as slow as she needs even though I want her now. I told her at the end of our Thursday date that I don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable. With stuff she has gone through in the past, this is the best way to handle it.

I was surprised at how you persisted in meeting with her. When she said that she rather clean, I would have dropped the idea. But I give you kudos for continuing to pursue her because there's always the possibility that she's so-so on the idea of hanging out with you but as time goes on, she falls in love with you. That can happen and it's worth a shot.

Being good looking doesn't automatically make you attractive. Sure it can help, but an average looking guy who makes me laugh, can hold a decent conversation with me and who makes me feel special is infinitely more attractive to me than a good looking guy who can't do those things. Plenty of girls are shallow but do you really want to date someone who only cares about your looks?

And jesus stop being so hung up on your fucking height. I mean come on. There is literally nothing you can do about it. You're what, 5'6? You're not that short. There's a guy in my work who is shorter than me (I'm 5'4 at a push) and his height wouldn't put me off dating him (other things, like the fact we work together, do put me off though). Your height isn't stopping you getting girls but your attitude almost certainly is.

Taking a good look around and seeing other couples out there will make you realize that not everyone is a hunk dating a hottie. There are plenty of average people out there (average people still look good in my opinion) and many who are below average who are in relationships. You will have to have the complete package as electricshake mentioned.

I also think being closer to the height of the girl is easier than being much taller. It's not as easy for me to kiss my wife who is 5'4" while I'm 6'.

 

[n64coder]

I thought it might be fun to msg her through her POF profile since I had never done that before and act like it was my first contact with her. We both have the same names on OKC and POF, so here is what I sent to her to ask for our next date.



Going to wait until Wednesday and text her a follow up if no response.

Ehh, I'm not too keen on your response but what do I know. Is this person someone you already dated or what? I haven't been following your history that closely, plus my memory is not as good anymore.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I just can't envision any scenario where texting amounts to meaningful conversation or "building rapport". Texting sucks. It's a tool that's useful for establishing logistics, not a way to get to know a person or have an actual conversation.

Texting only sucks if you suck at wordplay. It's where I set up our inside jokes and things to reference later. I fall hard for girls who can make me laugh with witty texts.

 

[TylerD]

Ehh, I'm not too keen on your response but what do I know. Is this person someone you already dated or what? I haven't been following your history that closely, plus my memory is not as good anymore.

So, yeah... we have had an interesting history over the past month.

She msged me about 12 hrs after I made my OKC profile and didn't have any essay questions filled in. We msged back and forth on OKC and met up for coffee the next day. Let's just say that date went very well and we practically hung out the entire week (we both were initiating). We took a break for a week and a half, went on another date. She got distant again. Then I decided to go no contact telling her that she should get in touch with me if she wants to see me (she knows i really like her and she had told me the same during the first week). She did after a week and wanted to see me that night. That was last Thursday and then I saw her yesterday so frequency is picking back up but I feel like I need to make a move to really fire a spark.

Hopefully she thinks it is funny. If not, I will be apologizing about it later lol.

 

[NeOak]

So, yeah... we have had an interesting history over the past month.

She msged me about 12 hrs after I made my OKC profile and didn't have any essay questions filled in. We msged back and forth on OKC and met up for coffee the next day. Let's just say that date went very well and we practically hung out the entire week (we both were initiating). We took a break for a week and a half, went on another date. She got distant again. Then I decided to go no contact telling her that she should get in touch with me if she wants to see me (she knows i really like her and she had told me the same during the first week). She did after a week and wanted to see me that night. That was last Thursday and then I saw her yesterday so frequency is picking back up but I feel like I need to make a move to really fire a spark.

Hopefully she thinks it is funny. If not, I will be apologizing about it later lol.

Sending a pic of the D in TylerD?

 

[TylerD]

Sending a pic of the D in TylerD?

I'm thinking more like kissing her right off the bat next time I see her. Really want to go on a proper dinner date with her then hopefully some "hanging out" instead of hanging out at her or my place.

 

[maxxpower]

Have you ever tried glasses or contacts by any chance?

I wear glasses occasionally.

I can't believe I'm saying this again. And I know I've said it to you specifically before.

Being good looking doesn't automatically make you attractive. Sure it can help, but an average looking guy who makes me laugh, can hold a decent conversation with me and who makes me feel special is infinitely more attractive to me than a good looking guy who can't do those things. Plenty of girls are shallow but do you really want to date someone who only cares about your looks?

And jesus stop being so hung up on your fucking height. I mean come on. There is literally nothing you can do about it. You're what, 5'6? You're not that short. There's a guy in my work who is shorter than me (I'm 5'4 at a push) and his height wouldn't put me off dating him (other things, like the fact we work together, do put me off though). Your height isn't stopping you getting girls but your attitude almost certainly is.

In other news I've got a date on Thursday with a guy from OKC. We've been texting a bit more than I'd like (I've fallen into the trap of over-texting and over-hyping a guy before meeting him and I'd like to avoid doing it again). He's initiated pretty much all of it but I don't want to be rude and not reply.

Here's the thing. I'm really good at making girls laugh and I'm awesome when it comes to conversations, I don't know about making a girl feel special though. I have those qualities, but physical attraction also has to exist in order for a relationship to come into fruition. Like I've mentioned before, I'm sure there are girls out there that would not care about my height or looks, just like yourself, but you have to admit that you're in the minority.

At this point I just honestly feel like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack. I mean yes, the right person for me is out there(at least to be in a relationship with), but after years of searching I've all but lost hope, which sucks because I really like dating.

 

[youngwerther]

If you were as ugly as you think you are, you wouldn't even have friends or be making girls laugh.

I honestly can't even remember the last time I saw a person whom I would describe as ugly.