A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Ditto. You're a good looking guy Chronic. You seem to be a healthy weight too.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
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TurboLibre
Member
I agree. Confidence isn't a switch someone can just turn on though. It has to be earned though constant self-improvement and finding what it is that you enjoy in life. While that is implied to most people, I think that idea needs to be stressed every time someone mentions confidence. Because telling someone to "just be confident" is like telling a fat person to "just get in shape".
Even when you are confident though, it's not the be all and end all.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Don't use a Tattoo, cause then when some guy is actually going out with you, you're stuck with it. Stick with Post-its.
Idk, Trab you seem like a cool person. I think most of the time, it's just hard to like talk to folks cause, well most people are on cells or whatever nowadays so it's hard to initiate conversation (not for me, I talk to most ever'body, but like in general, lol). But either way, I hope something works out for you!
Hope you don't mind if I ask in what setting have your tried making eye contact with people?
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You really don't have to worry about your physical appearance.
I'm not female member of the species, but I know that being "swole" is not really that important for most women. Sure, you can still go ahead and try to bulk up, but it should be because you enjoy lifting and dropping heavy things - not because you think you need it - because you really don't, brah.
What does gaf say?
How two faced can you get?
Do your best to forget about her bro, just drink or do whatever that helps you move on - plenty of fish in the sea, and you're a seaman, I betcha.
Come clean with her if you really can't get over B, but that will probably ruin whatever chemistry you are building up with this new chick.
You're better off trying to just do whatever you can to extinguish your feelings for B.
Sadly, I think a lot of guys wouldn't get the hint if a girl did the whole eye-contact thing. I know it took me forever to realize that, and I have to actively look out for the rather subtle hints that women usually drop around me. That doesn't mean that you should get more aggressive if you're uncomfortable doing so, that probably wouldn't work out too well either.
If you are smiling, initiating eye contact, and allowing conversation to flow, then you're actually doing quite a lot - you just gotta be patient and find a guy receptive enough, and interested enough to reciprocate.
electricshake
Member
Hey GAF!
Okay, so my now ex-girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about a month ago. It's been tough going, but the past couple of days I feel like I'm making good headway. Trying to better myself physically and mentally. While I'm still not 100% ready to start dating again, I am kind of scared.
Talking and interacting and flirting with girls isn't a problem for me. The problem for me is how concerned I am with my physical appearance, especially how skinny I am (6'1", about 150 pounds.)
I've been hitting the gym the past few weeks and eating as much as I can. I am hoping within the next year I can really get to where I want to be. It can be very demoralizing talking to a really cute girl who could probably beat you up in a fight.
Girls, how important is physique to you? If a guy has a great personality but has the body of a 12 year old girl, does that turn you off?
Also, I'm just not sure how to present myself anymore. Having a girlfriend for 5 years and you kind of just stop paying attention to that.
I've attached two pictures to this post, wondering if people can give me some honest feedback on my style/appearance and what I can do to change/improve. Ditch the glasses? Lose the beard? Grow out my hair longer?
Here I am on the right, in the pink.
And here I am in the middle, purple/glasses.
Aside from hitting the gym and bulking up, what can I do to improve my physical appearance so I can stop worrying about that when talking to girls?
Oh my. Keep the beard and the glasses. Personally I don't think you look too skinny but I don't think bulking up a wee bit will do you any harm. But you don't need to change anything else, you're hot.
AdventureRacing
Member
Pretty much this. You look fine without hitting the gym at all. You're definitely above average in the looks department and by the looks pretty tall as well which helps. I still recommend hitting the gym to look and feel better, it's a lot of fun that has a good payoff. I wouldn't do it just to try and look better though.
beat
Member
And even if we did, they'd get lost in the sea of false positives we're constantly overthinking about (see the rest of this thread for examples). =)
Sometimes I think it's a miracle people even get together.
yeah, hairstyle and a bit of stubble wouldn't hurt. You're right on the yellow teeth: they don't do much of a negative impression in person but on picture they can get you some unnecessary trouble.
If you don't want to play around with hairstyle too much (you don't want them shaved, you don't want them long, you don't want to fix your haircut every morning with gel and whatnot) I'd suggest to get some colour in there. If you can pull platinum blonde that alone will get you looks and you won't even need to work too much on your clothes. Ask your hairstylist for the complexion that would look good on you, or even better: ask a group of girls
You look good enough in my book. IMO you need a bit of fashion advice, nothing too flashy, just to catch girls' attention and to shot some cool pic for an online profile. Queer eye for the straight guy is a godsend in this respect: you can look it up on Netflix. Or the Manshion (man-fashion) thread here on Gaf.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I really need to find a way to get over her. Its been a week of no contact with her and I am in the exactly the same place I started. Its actually even worse because she has her facebook connected to Songza and yesterday facebook kept sending out updates that she was listening to a bunch of sad love songs about people who are afraid of being hurt who shy away from good relationships because of it, which had me wondering why she was playing those kind of songs and if they had anything to do with her or me.
I feel I have unfinished business with her and need closure. I am tempted to send her a text saying I have things I need to say to her and ask if she and I can meet up so I can say them and if necessary say my proper goodbye from her. If she ignores the message or says no, probably my best option would be just to erase everything involving her from my life.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Do it, but only if you are set on actually finishing things - not getting things started again.
Your relationship with this gal already failed once, and probably for a reason that hasn't changed, so you are better off with the clean slate new girl.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Thats what I'm unsure of. I want to meet up with her and talk about things and see if we could work out our problems but she was to scared to do so. But, I am prepared to say my proper goodbyes if after talking we decide we can't work it out.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You know best whether things are unworkable or not, but you are also far from an objective agent in this situation. That you even are saying this does anyway suggest that you really do need some form of closure as you're not over her or capable of moving on.
Best of luck to you if you do meet up with her, just ensure that if you do want to work it out - it can actually be worked out and isn't just what you want.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Thank You, I probably will message her in the next few days and see if she is willing to meet up. Hopefully she is so we can either try to patch things up or at least give me the closure I need.
electricshake
Member
Talking it out rarely gives you the closure you're looking for. You probably won't hear what you want to hear from her, and then you'll feel worse. Honestly it's probably better to let it go. You don't want to be that guy, the one who can't take no for an answer.
But if you do decide to contact her, make sure you do it for the right reasons.
Please don't.
You won't get what you want and if she does reply, it will be because she feels she has to because you won't leave her alone and she'll be thinking how best to get rid of you. And that will probably end up being worse than what you're doing now.
I did this earlier this year with that guy I wanted to be friends with and it was fucking stupid of me and I ended up in the same place I was going to be anyway with the exact same feeling of non-closure.
Just don't do it. Human beings in general are a waste of time, and if you find one that isn't, great, but that's not this girl.
Delete everything about her.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I am caught between a rock and a hard place here. On one hand, I am very much not over her and would love nothing better then to try and get back together with her. On the other hand, I realize its not likely but I do feel like I need some form of closure with her. I feel that meeting up with her would allow me to get one or the other which would allow me to either move on or start the reconciliation process. But, I am also aware that even if I do get her to meet that there is a chance things could go wrong, which is why I am wary of it. But, I am not sure how else to move forward. Even with a busy week with work, school, the PS4, hanging with friends and even going on a date, I still think of B night and day.
trab pu kcip
Member
thanks for all the answers and kind words. I appreciate it a lot!! 
so there's that + the option of being viewed as a skank when choosing a more direct approach only adds to that. it's not the main fear but it's definitely something that makes it even harder. men on the other hand are more socially accepted to make the first move so I'd say that even makes it easier if they really want to do so.
and...I gave up internet dating for good. if people had to display they're fb relationship status openly in real life, shit would be much easier, I definitely agree here.
also when going out of course, but I don't usually go clubbing or partying in the traditional sense, so that basically resorts to going to a smaller gig or something.
but still...when it comes to the possibility of rejection men & women are both insecure...probably because of similar human/personal reasons if I may add that.I have a problem with the latter sentence because of the former. Our culture depicts men as being very sex driven and women as not interested or if expressing so a slut/whore/skank. That leads to women being objectified and men to be evaluated. You could make the argument that being used is more hurtful than to be shown disinterest. What I'm trying to get at is I've only once ever been cold to a woman who tried to approach me and that had nothing to do with her appearance (I was having severe anxiety).
A tattoo would make dating much easier for me. Dating sites and checking Facebook profiles simplify dating greatly.More than once I've been disappointed to find a girl I was attracted to had a boyfriend. I don't have an infinite amount of energy to use!
so there's that + the option of being viewed as a skank when choosing a more direct approach only adds to that. it's not the main fear but it's definitely something that makes it even harder. men on the other hand are more socially accepted to make the first move so I'd say that even makes it easier if they really want to do so.
and...I gave up internet dating for good. if people had to display they're fb relationship status openly in real life, shit would be much easier, I definitely agree here.
hmm mainly at university, during/ after a lecture or a seminar for example. I know that not exactly the sexiest environment to begin with but I spend most of my time/meet most people there.
also when going out of course, but I don't usually go clubbing or partying in the traditional sense, so that basically resorts to going to a smaller gig or something.
Wow. You really need to meet more human beings Leeness. Or perhaps different human beings.
The first bolded; with break ups you almost never get any sort of closure. The only closure will come with time, when you simply won't care anymore. The sooner you cut off all contact, and remove all the things that remind you of her, the sooner that point will come. Which leads me into the second bolded: Just...move and look forward. This week might suck. The next week might suck, but the week after will probably suck less. And the week after that even a bit less. I say: don't try to patch things up, it probably won't work. If you've broken up once, odds are most likely not in your favor. Move on, and be very resolute.
On another note, I'm ecstatic! About two months ago I had one or two cool conversations with a VERY cute redhead on a dating site. They lasted for two hours both. After those she was offline for like a month. A day before I went on my trip to the US I saw she was online in the morning, but I was leaving for a month. So I return from the US, haven't spoken to her in two months but I decide to just send a message anyway: "Sooo....in the month I was away I got pulled over twice, wrecked a car and made a kick ass Converse photo (sort of in joke). I can tell you about it online, or I give you my number, we set up a date and I'll tell you about it then." About three hours ago I got the reply: "Hmmm, I think I'm gonna go with option two
" Wasn't really expecting that after two months, but I'm very pleased nonetheless.To combat the oneitis: salsa tonight. Last week was my first time in over a year. I danced quite a bit with a really cute girl, and we have great dance-chemistry. And she's pretty outgoing, nice sense of humour. So if I enjoy myself tonight I'm probably gonna ask for her number, or set up a date or something.
It's so bizarre, after my roadtrip I'm completely brimming with self confidence, and it's gotten soooo easy to talk to people...it's surreal. Not meant to come off as bragging, I myself am flabbergasted by what happened.
Haha nah. Got my family and my few good friends, that's all I want. I've inherited my mother's dislike of people and would mostly just like to be a hermit.
I removed my badoo profile last night as well. Too much work for so little gained. In maybe a year, I managed to meet up with three girls and they all turned out to be wrong for me for different reasons. While it can be fun to talk to new people online, it sure is a hassle to actually find someone compatible. At this point I wouldn't even recommend it to introverts who don't like social gatherings at clubs etc. For your own sake, LEARN to like it anyway, it'll do you much more good in the long run I think.
Edit: General message, not aimed at you or anything
trab pu kcip
Member
I removed my badoo profile last night as well. Too much work for so little gained. In maybe a year, I managed to meet up with three girls and they all turned out to be wrong for me for different reasons. While it can be fun to talk to new people online, it sure is a hassle to actually find someone compatible. At this point I wouldn't even recommend it to introverts who don't like social gatherings at clubs etc. For your own sake, LEARN to like it anyway, it'll do you much more good in the long run I think.
Edit: General message, not aimed at you or anything
I completely agree though. that's also somethig I have learned.
I know there are a LOT of shy people who don't like the "social acceptibility" of men showing initiative. Even worse, they see it as a curse. And they would like it a lot if a woman would come up to them. And not think she's some kind of floozy. There's one on this side of the internet, for example.
And people looking away when you make eye contact, that doesn't always mean people aren't interested. They are most likely just shy.
This makes me a sad panda. There are a lot people in the world who have seen things you haven't. Who have opinions and ideas you don't. Who can add so much to your life if you talk to them. Who you can have great chemistry with, even if just as friends. How will you know who adds the most joy and happines to your life if you don't meet people? Or has no person ever made you think? Made you happy? Told you stories that made you wonder? (all the "you's" in the text above can be replaced by "I"s and "me"'s)
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I really am trying to move on, its why I decided to go contact last week. But I can't get her out of my head and I still very much want to be with her so its very frustrating. I have also tried unfriending her on facebook but can't seem to bring myself to do it. I was hoping that all the updates the PS4 keeps sending out to facebook would push her to unfriend me but that hasn't happened. I dunno, I am taking this breakup super hard. I wasn't this bad with my previous ex who I had been with for 4 years and engaged to(though with her , deep down I knew the end was coming because her insecurities about herself made the relationship a ticking time bomb) . But I am having a hard time moving on from B.
NeOak
Member
Block her on facebook. Why do you want to torture yourself? Being a martyr won't bring ger back, so cut her.
Do you realize you are screwing a chance with a girl that does care about you all because of a girl who listens to songs and you think there is a hidden meaning to her actions, all because of you?
Cut her out if your life, or waste the opportunity you have right now. You need time to heal, but that starts with distance.
(all the "you's" in the text above can be replaced by "I"s and "me"'s)
That's why I have my friends and family. Everything else I want to see or think or do, I'll do on my own.
NeOak
Member
thanks for all the answers and kind words. I appreciate it a lot!!
but still...when it comes to the possibility of rejection men & women are both insecure...probably because of similar human/personal reasons if I may add that.
so there's that + the option of being viewed as a skank when choosing a more direct approach only adds to that. it's not the main fear but it's definitely something that makes it even harder. men on the other hand are more socially accepted to make the first move so I'd say that even makes it easier if they really want to do so.
and...I gave up internet dating for good. if people had to display they're fb relationship status openly in real life, shit would be much easier, I definitely agree here.
hmm mainly at university, during/ after a lecture or a seminar for example. I know that not exactly the sexiest environment to begin with but I spend most of my time/meet most people there.
also when going out of course, but I don't usually go clubbing or partying in the traditional sense, so that basically resorts to going to a smaller gig or something.
I'd chalk this one to the environment. Of course, I don't mean that you should go to clubs in sexy outfits. More like, try to relax and don't open up with the intention of getting a relationship.
As for a direct approach, it depends on the person. Guys at early 20s can be intimidated by it. Guys in the mid to late 20s are more open to that approach.
Don't give up though. Someone will take notice of how you are different and will take you as you are, not as they want you to be.
trab pu kcip
Member
I don't. I really have zero expectations concerning future plans, I just want to get to know someone and see where it goes. that's all I want but it still doesn't work out.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I think I do need to message her and say there is things I need to say to her and it would be best to do it in person. After I say them whether she decides to talk about things with me or we just say goodbye, it will allow me to get everything off my chest and move on. If she doesn't respond to my text within a day or still refuses, I will erase everything involving.
Seriously bad idea. You won't get even a shred of what you want out of it. Do it if you must, but you'll only end up more miserable and hung up.
NeOak
Member
You keep asking as if fishing for an answer you want to hear.
Talk if you want, but don't get your hopes up.
depths20XX
Member
So a cute girl has been messaging me on OKC and I should totally ask her on a date but for some reason I don't want to or feel like I would have no clue what to do.
Maybe I shouldn't have joined this site so quickly after ending a long term relationship. I just feel really out of the game or that maybe I'm not ready for this.
Maybe I shouldn't have joined this site so quickly after ending a long term relationship. I just feel really out of the game or that maybe I'm not ready for this.
electricshake
Member
Write it all down first, read it over (post it here? ), sleep on it and then text her if you must. I still think this is a huge mistake and likely to make things worse. Honestly I think you should just forget about her but I also know that's easier said than done. Cutting all contact (and that includes deleting her from fb, her number and all her texts) is the first step. Seeing her is not.
I was kind of in this position and I ended up going out with her. It ended up being a nice little ego boost, just to be reminded that there are other people out there who could be into me.
Well I just sent her a text today to see if there's any interest left. Probs not but worth a shot in the dark.
EDIT She replied
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I was planning on writing it out and sleeping on it before sending, I have deleted all our texts. Just can't bring myself to do the others yet.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Go for it, if you're ever unsure the answer is "YES!".
Worst case scenariou, you had a date that didn't go anywhere - but at least it meant you were out there, trying to move on with things.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Then what you're doing will sooner or later result in gold.
I've found that it's harder to strike up new acquaintances at Uni mid-term though, people are so quick to form groups and then ignore everyone else.
depths20XX
Member
You're right! She just said we should hang out sometime so it looks like we'll be doing something. I totally don't feel prepared for this but I'm trying to be more outgoing lately so this will help.
On another note, I like that OKC lets you know a girl likes her butthole licked before even taking them out.
I feel the same way. It was a good call.
We did have sex and it was pretty great, one of my best ones ever easily. This was a Tuesday and the second Friday after that, she came over again for a movie, sex, party with my friends, more sex, sleepover, sex the next day and a lot of cozyness until she went home. Everything felt great and the more I got to know her, the more into her I got. But she has now decided that we are done for good. She didn't tell me until yesterday but apparently everything felt wrong in her guts on her way home last Saturday and we have been going forward too fast. Is two meetings on her request all that much in two weeks?She told me that I have too passionate and emotional kisses for a fwb relationship to work and that was grounds for rejecting me! :lol
I don't think it's incidental this girl pulled the "going too fast" card on you. Same thing happened with your previous girl and the reason is the same: they thought they would get the upper hand in the relationship with you, but when things didn't pan out the way they expected, they pulled back. They can't control the relationship, then they panic, then they withdraw: they play the fwb card to make themselves look more free-spirited than they are, and when they find someone who's better than them at a game they thought to be their own, they react like the obnoxious kid who throws off the table when he looses at Monopoly.
If you think about it "going too fast" is a way to say they can't keep up with you. It's said in a way to make you look guilty and feel awful (as if you are somehow being too aggressive) but what they are really saying is that they panic because they are not in control.
This in my opinion is not necessarily a bad sign. Conflicting thoughts at that age (21) are the norm: at that age you've just closed the teenage chapter and you are deciding who you will be.
That "people get hurt in fwb" was funny though
another hint at the fact that she thought the relationship would end up with you being unable to stand a fwb relationship and stalking her on Facebook. But look who's running for the hills now..."Off putting" she says, and yet she kept hanging around.
This was the perfect moment to call her on her games and tell her that you are happy "she is ALSO seeing someone else"
It certainly sounds like the only thing she's uncertain of here is if he would be a better bf than me and she's willing to take that risk since she told me we're done before ever having met him. Nobody deserves to be treated like this
This is the same trick that I've seen pulled again and again on people who posted here about fwb relationships. Sooner or later a girl starts talking with suspicious frequency about some "other guy".
It always comes a time in a relationship when a girl calls a guy on his professed behaviour and puts him to the test: a guy wants to play jerk -> girl tries to make him feel guilty, a guy wants to play womanizer -> girl acts as if she has a circle of fans as big as an Hollywood actress, a guy wants to play the money card (with a car he's driving, an expensive present, an expensive dinner) she tells stories about guys in her past/present who are more rich/successful/old than he is.
Actually, this is something everyone does from time to time. Consciously or subconsciously we happen to test people on the basis of what they told about themselves, but the reason behind this is anxiety. Either something doesn't add up in the way someone presents himself (so you start looking for consistency in behaviour) or someone manipulative and passive-aggressive is looking for a weak-spot to exploit in others. As I've said before I'm not big on the concept of confidence, but if there's one thing for sure is that confident people don't feel the need of constantly testing others, because they don't consider the people around them to be the reason of their own failures and successes. As corny as it sounds, they like you the way you are.
At this point she had already made the decision to leave me without even telling me we had a problem. How two faced can you get?
Well, you did tell her you were ok on her going out with other people. And you were going out with another girl too (the psychology major...I think?) so why not let her have it?
I think she is just testing you, to see if you will panic once she drops contact. Like your previous girlfriend she is resorting to all sorts of manipulative tricks to have you be the one who cut contacts because you can't have her. She clearly double guesses every decision she makes: stick to the no contact "pact" and see how sooner or later she will start to 1) say this (taking a break) was your idea 2) whining with "why you treat me like this!" "are you angry with me? did I do something wrong".
One last thing: this also happened because you kept having her making decisions about when to meet each other. Stop seeing you, is also a decision she made. I don't think she would have panicked this much if you would have been the first to make a move from time to time.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So what the fuck are you supposed to write about yourself on a dating site?
NeOak
Member
forknknife
Banned
hey trab, just curious, what site were you in and for how long?
I quit okc a few weeks ago but it has actually worked great for me, actually, I found someone. Maybe you could try that if you haven't and give it a bit more time?
Many wise words. My first thought, and I think you might be perfectly right in what you say, is that I failed her tests absolutely terribly. I lost all my cool as soon as she said that we're done. Seeing another guy I have no problems with, we had a deal that we can fuck whomever we want as long as we're honest about it and any diseases we get so we can protect ourselves. I'm still fine with that part. Getting apparently sidelined out of left field for no good reasons and with clearly faulty logic (I'm not gonna accept a random gut feeling as a valid breakup reason like some little puppy if everything felt fine two days earlier with zero warning signs), that part annoyed me and I had a hard time wrapping my head around her clues.
I never thought of going too fast in that way, thanks for that. Very insightful. I'm gonna save that post of yours for future situations. I kinda did tell her I was happy she was seeing someone else too xD I mentioned how I had had sleeping company the same night she went home (which was true and we did not do anything else pretty much) for the sake of honesty and as if she was misunderstanding me on purpose, she called me out on having double standards :lol If I was that off putting, she never would've come by in the first place for sure, you're right about that. She was of course trying to wrap her desire for sex in that she wanted to see if I could become a nice guy friend but yeah right.
My main problems are twofold I think now. 1. I keep telling myself I only want short FWB relationships and I still want to party hard and meet new girls/people so I'm conflicted in what I truly want because my heart is most likely screaming for love and a girlfriend. My intense kisses (who has EVER been rejected for being a too passionate kisser? I still can't find my jaw on the ground after that comment), my deep desire for cuddling after sex and being very intimate during movies etc hint at that fact. Yet I can't wrap my head around those logistics when I want to focus on my career which will hopefully take me abroad soonish. I'm really scared of getting tied down in some random shithole of a town and having my dreams destroyed. Wife and children, a house with a white picket fence and a Volvo are the very last things I desire right now. Dilemma xD I tried convincing this girl that while our future plans don't match one bit, we can still have a lot of fun in a relationship of some kind for the time being and see what happens. There is no end date set in stone so why not simply enjoy the time given? But no dice. That's the kind of relationship I want at the moment at least, no demands or expectations, yet still be exclusive to one another.
2. I have a lot of trouble controlling emotions, especially negative ones. I lose my cool head in an instant if I'm hurt and act out on emotions without any rationality from time to time. Emotional immaturity possibly but I have no idea how to practice getting better at that. More and more emotional situations for experience I guess but I'm also hurting a lot along the way.
Edit: Point 2 is what fucked me up the worst here. Granted, she dropped the bomb at like 1 or 2am and I freaked out. Had I kept my calm I probably could've prevented it and diffused her anxiety and worries more easily. While she was acting really weird, I certainly didn't help by turning into a whiny bitch
On the other hand, I had never been in that situation before where a girl asks me if it's okay that she meets someone else. She made it sound as if it was my semi-negative reaction that caused her to want to leave me but as we fought, she crumbled and said she had already made the decision alone before even asking me if it was okay to meet a new guy (that kind of stuff she pulled is what pissed me off the most).Dumb question, but what exactly are you doing to move on? You say you are trying, but what exactly have you done that shows this?
Also, why are you letting her have so much control over your life? Is this your life, or her life? It sounds to me that if she called you tonight and said "let's go out" you will immediately say yes. If she says jump, you say how high sort of thing. Why? Why relinquish that power to her?
Do not let the way others act dictate how you act. Do not be only a reactionary person.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I haven't messaged her in over a week and I have kept myself busy with school,work, friends and the PS4. I also have gone out on three dates with another girl but because of my feelings for B, I am not sure how I feel about this other girl.
And I do realize I have relinquished power to her and as much as I want to take it back, I just seem unable to at the moment. I still want her back or at least the option to say my peace to her and have a proper in person goodbye.
So let's say you get to see her one last time and as you are getting ready to say your proper goodbye she does a 180 and realizes she actually wants you. What will you do?
edit: Also, I would like to know why you relinquished that power to her. It's good that you realize what you've done, but why did you do it?
Mortimer, you just gotta give it time. It's only been a week or so. I'm still semi-hurt over my ex that I (!!!) left back in April. A week is basically nothing. And it took years to get over the broken heart my first girl created. But that's just me of course and I tend(ed?) to dwell on negative shit for far too long. Don't do that.
trab pu kcip
Member
I was on okc too... for several weeks, I don't know exactly.
and I don't think online dating will ever work (for me). in my opinion physical attraction is the key to dating, and you can only determine this kind of stuff face to face. not talking about superficial shit but rather the famous "spark"...genetic compatibility...chemistry...whatever you want to call it.
also I run out of interesting guys very quickly (just like in real life, so what's the point)
Mortimer Brewster
Member
If she did a complete 180, I'd want us to talk about the things that caused the initial split so we could see if we can fix them. I've been trying to get together with her so we can talk about our problems and try to fix them. The frustrating thing is for some reason she is scared of sitting down and trying to find ways to fix our problems, preferring to run away and not try dealing with the issues.
The other thing that is frustrating is that I'm usually fairly quick to bounce back from a bad breakup. I wasn't this bad when I broke up with my previous ex who I was with a long time and engaged to. But she and I did try everything to salvage things and was a mutual split.
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