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[giga]

Well I don't know what's going on (not that I ever did).

So Thursday I meet up with that girl at the park and we take a walk. I explain to her that I'm getting confused by what she's saying, and ask her exactly how she feels. She gives me the same story, she has feelings for me but she doesn't feel right about ditching the other dude. No real progress made.

She calls me up about an hour or so later, saying she's doing something near me and wants to know if she can stop by later that night. I say sure. Fast forward a few hours and the sexual tension is so think you can't breathe. She says she needs to go, we end up making out, she says she needs to go again, we end up having sex. And then again in the morning. She had a good time, I had a good time, so I thought we were all good.

Then Friday she seemed a little more distant, but she had work during the day and then was going out with someone later that night, so I didn't think too much of it. Same thing this morning, so I asked her to call. Now she's telling me she feels bad about the other night, and she knows she can't control herself around me so she wants to give herself time to cool off before we hang out again. And then on the other hand she still doesn't seem sure on the other guy, but won't give me a straight answer about it.

So now I figure it's time for me to just move on, but it sucks because this girl is really cool and I'm actually into her. I'm just going to buy a fucking OR and a waifu sex simulator. Fuck this shit.

Yeah give it up man. You've already stated what you want and she's still not coming around.

Cool off her emotions for you? Fuck that. That's the sign right there. Find someone who wants what you want.

 

[FutureZombie]

So I've learned that my mistake in the past has been to be approval seeking, pushy, and too available.

Now I've gone on two dates with a girl I really like. On the last date we made out a lot and it was just a fantastic night. There are a couple of big events coming up, and I want to know if I should invite her or not. I'm going to a New Year's Eve party on the 31st (lots of my friends will be there) and then my birthday is next weekend and I'm going to my mom's house for that.

My thought was not to invite her to either so I don't seem overly eager. But at the same time, it seems kind of strange not to invite her, especially when she knows my birthday is next weekend. Should I invite her to either of these events?

 

[NeOak]

So I've learned that my mistake in the past has been to be approval seeking, pushy, and too available.

Now I've gone on two dates with a girl I really like. On the last date we made out a lot and it was just a fantastic night. There are a couple of big events coming up, and I want to know if I should invite her or not. I'm going to a New Year's Eve party on the 31st (lots of my friends will be there) and then my birthday is next weekend and I'm going to my mom's house for that.

My thought was not to invite her to either so I don't seem overly eager. But at the same time, it seems kind of strange not to invite her, especially when she knows my birthday is next weekend. Should I invite her to either of these events?

Invite her to one of them, whichever you think will be more comfortable for you.

 

[Idde]

If that can soothe your mind my uncle and aunt on my mother's side married a brother and sister.

In fact she can put a good word in for you.

Yea, that does help a bit. Thanks

You were overthinking it so much I half suspected you subconsciously wanted to be talked out of dating her. Essentially what I read out of your previous message was "there's no problems here and no one would feel weird about it except me, so should I do it?"

Ok, the family part was mostly exaggerated, and a bit tongue in cheeck, because of the proposed OT5 title from a few posts back. And I'll admit, still a bit overthinky. Thanks guys

 

[etrain911]

Haha, I'm totally in favor of the proposed new title.

 

[zatara]

Here is my situation. At my job about 6 months ago I started training for a new dept within the company, sat by this girl and we hit it off instantly. Only hurdle is during that time just during conversation she mentioned that she doesn't date co workers. About 2 months went by and we still talked but just random hellos and goodbyes.

During that time I started dating a girl,about 2 months into that me and this coworker started talking again and it went right back to what it was before. We would go to each others work space and talk all the time on lunches and breaks and when we'd leave for the day. Then we exchanged numbers and talk a lot after work. We spent so much time together at work to the point that people would ask us if we were dating at what not.

So I broke up with my gf because I was conflicted with my co worker and didn't want to lead my gf on anymore. About a week ago the co worker and I hung out after work and went out to the mall and hung out for a while just walking around and talking, then we went to our cars and talked for a while and I could tell she didn't want to end it there so I asked if she wanted to get something to eat and we did and had a great time but nothing happened at the end.


The thing that's throwing me off here is how does one approach a situation where a girl doesn't date who she works with but has an extreme amount of chemistry with. She's extremely shy about talking about dating I brought it up once and she mentioned how she doesn't know how I could like her and ended at that (this was before we hung out outside of work). Do I respect the not dating co workers philosophy or throw it to the wayside because of the obvious chemistry we have. Its kind of like Jim and Pam from the office before hey dated when it comes to how we act and how often we interact at work.

 

[potam]

Weird situation, for sure. Hey, at least you got to tap it. Getting involved with a chick who already has a guy is messy. Hopefully she will get over that and then you guys can pursue something.

Well here's the thing: she was only casually dating him when we first started talking, and from what I gather it had been going on for maybe a few days or a week at that point. Honestly, I get the feeling that she doesn't want to just immediately break it off with that guy after agreeing to be exclusive with him earlier in the week and start dating me afterwards, since we have some friends in common. But, I also wonder if she hasn't been completely honest about her relationship with the other dude, and maybe it's more serious than I'm being led to believe.

Yeah give it up man. You've already stated what you want and she's still not coming around.

Cool off her emotions for you? Fuck that. That's the sign right there. Find someone who wants what you want.

I know, but I really think she does want the same thing and she's just in some awkward situation.

Either way, I'm just going 100% waifu simulator from here on out.

 

[Darklord]

Oh well. Looks like it's over. Everything was going great but the last 2 days she's been super cold and blunt with me, turned down meeting up with me for coffee, and now started to simply ignore me. Had a nice thing going for a while there, we got along so well I dunno what happened. :\

 

[dochuge]

Oh well. Looks like it's over. Everything was going great but the last 2 days she's been super cold and blunt with me, turned down meeting up with me for coffee, and now started to simply ignore me. Had a nice thing going for a while there, we got along so well I dunno what happened. :

I've been keeping track of your story and I'm sorry for the bad ending. I don't know all the details of what you two said to each other but there's usually a reason for the cold shoulder treatment. You came across too needy, you didn't connect with her enough, some other guy in the picture, etc. if she liked you and then didn't; there's a reason for that.

 

[Darklord]

I've been keeping track of your story and I'm sorry for the bad ending. I don't know all the details of what you two said to each other but there's usually a reason for the cold shoulder treatment. You came across too needy, you didn't connect with her enough, some other guy in the picture, etc. if she liked you and then didn't; there's a reason for that.

I tried not to be needy. We were chatting each day but it wasn't a ton and half the time she was the one starting it so I took that as it being ok. Then all of a sudden she goes from chatting about stuff, sending photos, being interested to giving zero fucks. When I thought she never replied to my texts near the start she seemed genuinely bummed when she thought it was I who was ignoring her and we spoke nearly all xmas day after that and sending photos too. The first day she went cold I thought she was simply busy or having a bad day in the way she acted blunt and snarky at my questions but then she gives me 2 one word replies the next day and ignores me after that. wtf? Maybe there are outside reasons, I might have said/done something but the way we really hit it off almost instantly I feel like it was worth at least seeing if it leads anywhere before throwing it in the trash and up to pretty much 2 days ago she was in that same vote. I can handle rejection but I hate going from a seemingly good thing to her acting bitchy and it dead so suddenly without any idea of why?

I might leave messaging for a bit and send her a message on new years. If she ignores that or acts blunt again, I'll probably just delete her.

 

[gimz]

i haven't talk to this girl for a while, should i invite her out for my birthday? with friends, or without

 

[zatara]

I might leave messaging for a bit and send her a message on new years. If she ignores that or acts blunt again, I'll probably just delete her.

Honestly dude you're better off just leaving it alone you only risk more heartache if you text her then and she either doesn't answer or tells you to leave her alone. If she really wants something she'll initiate talking again.

 

[dochuge]

Honestly dude you're better off just leaving it alone you only risk more heartache if you text her then and she either doesn't answer or tells you to leave her alone. If she really wants something she'll initiate talking again.

Yes, this. She acted rudely to you, do you want more of this kind of behavior? It's a dead duck, don't text her again. If she wants to on her end, fine. We've all been there, woman seems excited to get to know you and then becomes disinterested quickly. Not sure why, sometimes I'm just tempted to ask them bluntly.

Happened to me. Woman and I texted everyday for almost 2 weeks straight. She sent me pics of the places she's been to up in Seattle while she's there, like an up to date tour. Flirting like mad, really getting to know her. Every day, including an hour before we meet. We meet and then the texting trickled off to nothing afterwards. I try and get in touch with her a few times but she always had excuses. In fact her texting habits changed right after the date. I KNEW that night it wasn't going to amount to anything. I was right.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Here is my situation. At my job about 6 months ago I started training for a new dept within the company, sat by this girl and we hit it off instantly. Only hurdle is during that time just during conversation she mentioned that she doesn't date co workers. About 2 months went by and we still talked but just random hellos and goodbyes.

During that time I started dating a girl,about 2 months into that me and this coworker started talking again and it went right back to what it was before. We would go to each others work space and talk all the time on lunches and breaks and when we'd leave for the day. Then we exchanged numbers and talk a lot after work. We spent so much time together at work to the point that people would ask us if we were dating at what not.

So I broke up with my gf because I was conflicted with my co worker and didn't want to lead my gf on anymore. About a week ago the co worker and I hung out after work and went out to the mall and hung out for a while just walking around and talking, then we went to our cars and talked for a while and I could tell she didn't want to end it there so I asked if she wanted to get something to eat and we did and had a great time but nothing happened at the end.


The thing that's throwing me off here is how does one approach a situation where a girl doesn't date who she works with but has an extreme amount of chemistry with. She's extremely shy about talking about dating I brought it up once and she mentioned how she doesn't know how I could like her and ended at that (this was before we hung out outside of work). Do I respect the not dating co workers philosophy or throw it to the wayside because of the obvious chemistry we have. Its kind of like Jim and Pam from the office before hey dated when it comes to how we act and how often we interact at work.

Well first off, if she's really pushing back against dating you then don't take it any further, because you don't want to become the 'creepy guy' at work. That said, it doesn't sound like that's the situation at all and it's more like she's really conflicted because it's "common sense" to not date someone from work.
With that in mind, any dating rule that someone has is bullshit. Try to imagine a person that is totally connecting with someone else, it's their dream person! But they won't date them because of some arbitrary rule. That's not a real person. They certainly may be hesitant for various reasons, and maybe they'll be hesitant enough that the other person doesn't stick it out, but just straight shutting it down isn't going to happen.

 

[stn]

I see some of you saying "we were texting for weeks...and then she suddenly lost interest." Yeah, bad idea to talk this much in general. If its some girl online, limit your messages to once a day until you actually meet. I've given girls online my number, only to have them text me 1,000 times. After noticing this I would always make up some lie and say I'm busy.

Part of the game is keeping the girl's interest and suspense intact. Most of them--especially the online ones--will lose interest FAST. Limit the messages, save the talk for in-person meet-ups.

 

[gazele]

Her being slightly depressed by the holiday season might have nothing to do with you. Whatsoever. So I'd say just keep on keeping and don't worry about it.

And I'm in a bit of a conundrum. My best friend and his girlfriend moved really close to me about eight months ago. I've known him my entire life, and her for about two years now. We all get along really great, and I eat at their place once in every two weeks or so. About two months ago her sister came back to Holland, after half a year in Uganda. Every once in a while she joined us for a play, or dinner or whatever. Every time I left I thought to myself, wow she's pretty cool. But also the sister of my best friends girlfriend.

So two days ago, on the evening of second Christmas day she was gonna spend the night at my friends and his girlfriends place. I was there with my father and a couple of other people. She turned up, and we ended up talking for about an hour. And again, it was pretty cool. She did some salsa when she was away, and asked me if I knew if there was a good place to dance here in Amsterdam. And there's a party coming up in about two weeks.

So, I don't really know what to do. On the one hand I like doing nice things with nice people, like salsadancing with someone I get along with fine. And I know both my best friend and his girlfriend wouldn't mind if I asked her to go dancing one day. Quite the opposite, they'd probably encourage it. And it would be just dancing.

On the other hand. I usually only ask people I get along with really well, and I tend to get interested in women I get along with really well. And there's no doubt in my mind that if she wasn't the sister of... I'd ask her out on a date. I mean, we go together great, she's handsome, funny, intelligent, athletic. (please somebody pick up on the exaggeration)

So nobody would mind, and I'm sure I can keep it completely platonic if I wanted to, and it would be fun. But I'm still kind of torn.

I think you should go for it, it's not like its the sister of your girlfriend or anything, don't expect anything and if turns into something just tell your best friend and his girlfriend, be honest and it should be fine

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

I've been getting tired of women myself. Every woman that gave me their number is full of some ole bullshit. It's either I talk to them on the phone and they make some excuse to hang up on me, don't respond, pretend like they like me when they don't, or don't show up when we plan to meet somewhere.

If they weren't interested then why do that a motherfucker instead of just saying "I'm not interested"? Only two females were straight up with me like that. I don't know where they learned to treat people like that, but I was taught much better than that. I come to them respectfully and not acting like some thug. It also seems a bit one sided socially. Why does it always have to be the man to approach the woman instead of vice versa and some friends told me that I have to bring something to the table, but when I asked what the woman has to do, they couldn't answer that And if what my female friend said was true then I think it's scandalous that most women want financial or physical security from a man. I don't want anything from her, but her company. Hell, faulting me because I'm broke, but it's not like I'm a lazy brotha not trying to do anything with his life. I'm educated and working to make myself a strong contender in the gaming industry. Yeah, like a year ago I was real set on getting some of that nookie, but with my experiences now, I know that shit is not going to happen so I'll just settle for some company.

 

[potam]

Dating-Age |OT5| ITT Women Hurt Our Feelings

 

[dochuge]

I see some of you saying "we were texting for weeks...and then she suddenly lost interest." Yeah, bad idea to talk this much in general. If its some girl online, limit your messages to once a day until you actually meet. I've given girls online my number, only to have them text me 1,000 times. After noticing this I would always make up some lie and say I'm busy.

Part of the game is keeping the girl's interest and suspense intact. Most of them--especially the online ones--will lose interest FAST. Limit the messages, save the talk for in-person meet-ups.

I agree with this. I won't make that mistake again. Bottom-line is this woman built up an unrealistic image of me that I fell way short of measuring up to when we finally met in person. It was a waste of time, now it's not like we texted hours and hours each day. But we contacted each other each day until the date. Still I know what you mean.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

If they weren't interested then why do that a motherfucker instead of just saying "I'm not interested"?

Because there's a chance they'll get assaulted, harassed, defamed, and abused for it.

I don't know where they learned to treat people like that, but I was taught much better than that.

Probably from learning their lesson when they tried it before. You don't know what it's like for them, but you're judging them for it anyway.

You're coming off as pretty upset and judgmental for women rejecting you, but you don't understand why women have trouble cleanly rejecting men?

And if what my female friend said was true then I think it's scandalous that most women want financial or physical security from a man.

What's wrong with that? Totally lost on you.

 

[electricshake]

I overtexted with one guy and although we got on really well on paper, when I met him I realised I just wasn't attracted to him (partly because he was overweight - I know that's shallow but it still bothered me). It was disappointing because we had clicked really well online but meeting in person just wasn't the same. Although on our first date I did get very drunk and went back to his...which probably gave him the wrong idea and I do feel bad for that.

The guy I'm currently seeing, we texted loads initially so I was wary of falling into the same trap and consciously tried to cut down. He texts me less than he used to but still most days which is nice, but definitely more than I'm used to with other guys.

I'd say don't text too much before you meet, maybe a bit of banter but don't overdo it. After you've met and gone on a few dates a bit more texting is a good idea but again be careful not to go overboard. Having said all that, I'm not really a big texter (I'm terrible at texting my friends) so other girls might have different opinions on the matter.

I've been getting tired of women myself. Every woman that gave me their number is full of some ole bullshit. It's either I talk to them on the phone and they make some excuse to hang up on me, don't respond, pretend like they like me when they don't, or don't show up when we plan to meet somewhere.

If they weren't interested then why do that a motherfucker instead of just saying "I'm not interested"? Only two females were straight up with me like that. I don't know where they learned to treat people like that, but I was taught much better than that. I come to them respectfully and not acting like some thug. It also seems a bit one sided socially. Why does it always have to be the man to approach the woman instead of vice versa and some friends told me that I have to bring something to the table, but when I asked what the woman has to do, they couldn't answer that And if what my female friend said was true then I think it's scandalous that most women want financial or physical security from a man. I don't want anything from her, but her company. Hell, faulting me because I'm broke, but it's not like I'm a lazy brotha not trying to do anything with his life. I'm educated and working to make myself a strong contender in the gaming industry. Yeah, like a year ago I was real set on getting some of that nookie, but with my experiences now, I know that shit is not going to happen so I'll just settle for some company.

I've met plenty of men who've strung me along, this isn't just a problem with women so don't you dare get up on your high horse and start acting like it's just something women do. I'm know I'm definitely not looking for a man to provide for me financially, I can do that on my own, and there's plenty I can bring to the table. Maybe you are chasing the wrong women.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

So, I just joined a dating site that you have to pay for. It seems a lot more active than free dating sites. On free sites I got barely any visitors to my profile, but here I've gotten over ten in the couple of hours I've been on it. But no messages or replies though

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I overtexted with one guy and although we got on really well on paper, when I met him I realised I just wasn't attracted to him (partly because he was overweight - I know that's shallow but it still bothered me). It was disappointing because we had clicked really well online but meeting in person just wasn't the same. Although on our first date I did get very drunk and went back to his...which probably gave him the wrong idea and I do feel bad for that.

The guy I'm currently seeing, we texted loads initially so I was wary of falling into the same trap and consciously tried to cut down. He texts me less than he used to but still most days which is nice, but definitely more than I'm used to with other guys.

I'd say don't text too much before you meet, maybe a bit of banter but don't overdo it. After you've met and gone on a few dates a bit more texting is a good idea but again be careful not to go overboard. Having said all that, I'm not really a big texter (I'm terrible at texting my friends) so other girls might have different opinions on the matter.




I've met plenty of men who've strung me along, this isn't just a problem with women so don't you dare get up on your high horse and start acting like it's just something women do. I'm know I'm definitely not looking for a man to provide for me financially, I can do that on my own, and there's plenty I can bring to the table. Maybe you are chasing the wrong women.

I could be wrong but I didn't take it as meaning it's something that's unique to women but it obviously seems like he only has had that interaction with women since I'm assuming he's straight. That's the way I took it at least.

 

[Minamu]

What do you guys think about this? I've had two girls, both around 20 years old, tell me recently that they have slept with around 30-40 guys each. I can't help but be slightly surprised at this number (and their supposed honesty). Granted, split over their sexual life of maybe 4-5 years, it might not be a whole lot, but still. What I'm wondering isn't about the quality of these girls or slut status or whatever, the number is actually pretty attractive to me so I don't have a problem with it, quite the opposite. I might even say I'm jealous. But I'm curious as to if these numbers are really true and plausible Or if they're making shit up. They both claimed to not be the kind of girl who sleeps around (yet one of them had fucked 5-6 guys in the last month, how is that not sleeping around?) and they were surprised at my lack of a negative reaction. Yet I get the feeling that they're faking it to seem more sexual all of a sudden or as if they're trying to act cool or are trying to impress me or something xD Would these numbers make sense in other countries or are swedish girls more... skanky in lack of a better word? Is it even skanky at all (I don't care for such terms)?

 

[etrain911]

I know, but I really think she does want the same thing and she's just in some awkward situation.

Either way, I'm just going 100% waifu simulator from here on out.

Don't do this to yourself. People vote with their feet. It doesn't matter what they say they want or what they say they feel, all that you have to work with is their actions. Think about that: where are her feet right now? Don't give yourself hope or a reason to pine for her and a reason not to move on. Take it from me as someone who recently had to deal with a situation similar to this one. Right now, based on her actions, this case is closed. Put it on the shelf and re-open it if new actions arise, but it's time to open some new case files and have some fun.

 

[Kopite]

What do you guys think about this? I've had two girls, both around 20 years old, tell me recently that they have slept with around 30-40 guys each. I can't help but be slightly surprised at this number (and their supposed honesty). Granted, split over their sexual life of maybe 4-5 years, it might not be a whole lot, but still. What I'm wondering isn't about the quality of these girls or slut status or whatever, the number is actually pretty attractive to me so I don't have a problem with it, quite the opposite. I might even say I'm jealous. But I'm curious as to if these numbers are really true and plausible Or if they're making shit up. They both claimed to not be the kind of girl who sleeps around (yet one of them had fucked 5-6 guys in the last month, how is that not sleeping around?) and they were surprised at my lack of a negative reaction. Yet I get the feeling that they're faking it to seem more sexual all of a sudden or as if they're trying to act cool or are trying to impress me or something xD Would these numbers make sense in other countries or are swedish girls more... skanky in lack of a better word? Is it even skanky at all (I don't care for such terms)?

Whoa 30-40? Probably not XD

Still if you hope that's true, no reason to doubt it!

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Spent my afternoon at Buffalo wild wings, and flirted with the waitress quite a bit...too bad she's in LA and right now I live in Philly hahaha

 

[Idde]

I think you should go for it, it's not like its the sister of your girlfriend or anything, don't expect anything and if turns into something just tell your best friend and his girlfriend, be honest and it should be fine

Yeah, after all the encouraging words here I sent her a message via facebook. She replied ten minutes after. We're going dancing in about a week and a half. Should be lots of fun

I see some of you saying "we were texting for weeks...and then she suddenly lost interest." Yeah, bad idea to talk this much in general. If its some girl online, limit your messages to once a day until you actually meet. I've given girls online my number, only to have them text me 1,000 times. After noticing this I would always make up some lie and say I'm busy.

Part of the game is keeping the girl's interest and suspense intact. Most of them--especially the online ones--will lose interest FAST. Limit the messages, save the talk for in-person meet-ups.

And you can't really argue with the mans results.

Dating-Age |OT5| ITT Women Hurt Our Feelings

I've kept up with your story and the way it all went is very weird, but this isn't the right mindset. All sorts of people behave in a strange way, and the last thing you want to do is generalizing. Not saying you're doing that, but interacting with women should be seen as fun. Not as something that gives you grief, or makes you bitter.

Basically, give less fucks. Save yourself some heartache. Easier said than done.

Oh, and it might be ways away, but I'd like to present myself to the thread-maker-pickers committee as a possible candidate. Though I don't know if I'm worthy to follow in the footsteps of PXG, Minamu and Combine

What do you guys think about this? I've had two girls, both around 20 years old, tell me recently that they have slept with around 30-40 guys each. I can't help but be slightly surprised at this number (and their supposed honesty). Granted, split over their sexual life of maybe 4-5 years, it might not be a whole lot, but still. What I'm wondering isn't about the quality of these girls or slut status or whatever, the number is actually pretty attractive to me so I don't have a problem with it, quite the opposite. I might even say I'm jealous. But I'm curious as to if these numbers are really true and plausible Or if they're making shit up. They both claimed to not be the kind of girl who sleeps around (yet one of them had fucked 5-6 guys in the last month, how is that not sleeping around?) and they were surprised at my lack of a negative reaction. Yet I get the feeling that they're faking it to seem more sexual all of a sudden or as if they're trying to act cool or are trying to impress me or something xD Would these numbers make sense in other countries or are swedish girls more... skanky in lack of a better word? Is it even skanky at all (I don't care for such terms)?

To me that seems extreeeemely high. Means an average of six to eight guys a year, starting from when they were sixteen. Excluding the possibility of long term monogamous relationships. And I don't care much for 'slut shaming', but to me that seems pretty unrealistic, and definitely not normal. But then again, I'm posting here in dating age, sooooo...

What's wrong with that? Totally lost on you.

So it's reasonable for woman to expect or want financial and physical safety. What would you say is fair for men to want or expect?

 

[Idde]

dp

 

[Tsukumo]

What do you guys think about this? I've had two girls, both around 20 years old, tell me recently that they have slept with around 30-40 guys each. I can't help but be slightly surprised at this number (and their supposed honesty). Granted, split over their sexual life of maybe 4-5 years, it might not be a whole lot, but still. What I'm wondering isn't about the quality of these girls or slut status or whatever, the number is actually pretty attractive to me so I don't have a problem with it, quite the opposite. I might even say I'm jealous. But I'm curious as to if these numbers are really true and plausible Or if they're making shit up. They both claimed to not be the kind of girl who sleeps around (yet one of them had fucked 5-6 guys in the last month, how is that not sleeping around?) and they were surprised at my lack of a negative reaction. Yet I get the feeling that they're faking it to seem more sexual all of a sudden or as if they're trying to act cool or are trying to impress me or something xD Would these numbers make sense in other countries or are swedish girls more... skanky in lack of a better word? Is it even skanky at all (I don't care for such terms)?

It's BS. I've never participated in swinger activities but I know people who do and not even they can claim numbers like those.
It's also some sort of test. I know you went back to your hometown for the holydays: are these girls people you knew from when you were younger?
If by jealous you mean envious (of the numbers of people they closed) it's good business to tell them: kind of seals the whole "I'm not judgemental" deal.

 

[potam]

Don't do this to yourself. People vote with their feet. It doesn't matter what they say they want or what they say they feel, all that you have to work with is their actions. Think about that: where are her feet right now? Don't give yourself hope or a reason to pine for her and a reason not to move on. Take it from me as someone who recently had to deal with a situation similar to this one. Right now, based on her actions, this case is closed. Put it on the shelf and re-open it if new actions arise, but it's time to open some new case files and have some fun.

I know what you're saying, and I'm goin' full on radio silence with her. If she wants to talk to me, whatever, but I'm not reaching out.

I guess the worst thing about all this is the realization of something I never wanted to admit to myself: I'm the type of dude who gets a crush on a pretty girl if she looks at me. If we have a connection? Shit, I'm out of my mind. I can't differentiate between infatuation and real feelings.

I've kept up with your story and the way it all went is very weird, but this isn't the right mindset. All sorts of people behave in a strange way, and the last thing you want to do is generalizing. Not saying you're doing that, but interacting with women should be seen as fun. Not as something that gives you grief, or makes you bitter.

Basically, give less fucks. Save yourself some heartache. Easier said than done.

Oh, that wasn't necessarily about just my situation. I was just reading through the thread and noticed every other post seems to be "man this girl is doing something weird. what the fuck."

 

[etrain911]

I know what you're saying, and I'm goin' full on radio silence with her. If she wants to talk to me, whatever, but I'm not reaching out.

I guess the worst thing about all this is the realization of something I never wanted to admit to myself: I'm the type of dude who gets a crush on a pretty girl if she looks at me. If we have a connection? Shit, I'm out of my mind. I can't differentiate between infatuation and real feelings.

My man. Haha, keeping this up is the hardest part, believe me, but having the self respect and the power to do so makes you feel like a much stronger person than you were before the situation arose. Guys have the tendency to fall for girls much faster than they fall for us. We're just wired that way. It's something that can only be overcome with time and that knowledge. Once you realize that, it's much easier to give yourself a reality check.

 

[potam]

My man. Haha, keeping this up is the hardest part, believe me, but having the self respect and the power to do so makes you feel like a much stronger person than you were before the situation arose. Guys have the tendency to fall for girls much faster than they fall for us. We're just wired that way. It's something that can only be overcome with time and that knowledge. Once you realize that, it's much easier to give yourself a reality check.

Well, I already fucked up. Time to restart the timer.

The realization that I may be super clingy is really messing with my head. I was really looking forward to be rereleased into the wild with the aspect of meeting and dating a lot of new and interesting women. But now that I've already become so attached to a girl I met a couple of weeks ago really scares me, and I'm worried now that I'll never really be able to "get into" the whole dating thing. At this point, I have nearly 0 interest in pursuing either of the girls I was chatting with on OKC.

Hopefully I feel up to going out tomorrow nigh and try to get some truly meaningless sex.

 

[Kopite]

I
I guess the worst thing about all this is the realization of something I never wanted to admit to myself: I'm the type of dude who gets a crush on a pretty girl if she looks at me. If we have a connection? Shit, I'm out of my mind. I can't differentiate between infatuation and real feelings.

This is me in a nutshell but I've really no idea how to change that about myself.

 

[Idde]

This is me in a nutshell but I've really no idea how to change that about myself.

Don't really want to, but I'll have to third this. 99% percent of the time I have no problems whatsoever with keeping oneitis at bay, and just continuing on with my life. But every once in a while I just meet someone who gets stuck in my head. And no matter what I try, no matter what sort of other stuff I occupy myself with, she just stays there. It's really, reaaaaaally annoying. And I think also sort of pathetic. (completely speaking about myself) And I wonder if the infatuation is because we actually had a decent connection, or just because someone is hot/cute as fuck.

Fuck that shit, I thought I was over this already.

 

[potam]

Don't really want to, but I'll have to third this. 99% percent of the time I have no problems whatsoever with keeping oneitis at bay, and just continuing on with my life. But every once in a while I just meet someone who gets stuck in my head. And no matter what I try, no matter what sort of other stuff I occupy myself with, she just stays there. It's really, reaaaaaally annoying. And I think also sort of pathetic. (completely speaking about myself) And I wonder if the infatuation is because we actually had a decent connection, or just because someone is hot/cute as fuck.

Fuck that shit, I thought I was over this already.

I know what you mean. It's hard being a guy and telling your friends you're crushing hard on a girl. Both friends I've told about this one (and someone here) both essentially said the same thing, "at least you got to hit it." That's not all I want

I AM A MAN, AND I HAVE FEELINGS.

 

[stn]

And I wonder if the infatuation is because we actually had a decent connection, or just because someone is hot/cute as fuck.

IMO? Because she's hot. That's from my own experience. Question for POF veterans: how come some girls I know have viewed me don't show up in my "recently viewed you" list? What kind of hacks are they using, lol...

 

[TurboLibre]

I know what you mean. It's hard being a guy and telling your friends you're crushing hard on a girl. Both friends I've told about this one (and someone here) both essentially said the same thing, "at least you got to hit it." That's not all I want

I AM A MAN, AND I HAVE FEELINGS.

Could be worse. I'm the opposite and can't muster up any feelings for people I don't know pretty well. Makes it impossible to start a relationship because they're not even on my radar, it's not even a thought in my head until it somehow gets brought up to me.
Guess I'm just so jaded in my mind every woman is either in a relationship or not interested by default. So I don't even pay attention until something glaringly obvious happens.

 

[Xun]

I'm still missing concrete stuff that you actually did You like art, so do you go to any exhibitions? Do you take any courses? Do you go to concerts with friends? Developing yourself, and taking pride in that, either in your work, hobbies or whatever is great. And doing things you love is the perfect way to meet new people and socialize.

That brings me to the bolded. Don't wait to be put in the right position. Put yourself there. For example: I'm writing a book. It's going great, I like doing it, I like talking about and it gives me confidence because I'm developing myself. But I also subscribed to a writers course which starts in three weeks (can't wait). There'll be lots of new people to meet, it'll be useful and there might be some cool girls there (or not, doesn't really matter).

So, what are some concrete things you've undertaken to meet new people, to work on yourself? Which you actually LIKE doing? Because again, from the looks of things, bars aren't really your thing.

How long were you in Germany? What part? Where are you from? What are your next plans?

So many questions, damn.

Good to hear about your writing course, it should be interesting! I don't go to any exhibitions, but I will be taking some art classes this coming year. Not only to better myself, but also to meet new people. It should be fun! My band should be gigging late January/February too, so being on the stage playing music should be a blast. I've been wanting to do it for absolutely ages, and knowing music is finally getting somewhere is really pumping me up for the new year.

I went to Berlin for 4 days for an extended weekend, and whilst I want to go to Berlin again next year there's additional places I'd like to visit before returning. Other parts of Germany, America, Japan, etc etc. I'm more of a fan of city breaks, so those kinds of trips are what I'll be looking at doing more throughout the year. It should ensure the year isn't boring!

I don't mind bars, but I struggle to speak to anyone outside of my friends in all honesty. Tonight however I should be out for a few drinks at a rock club in London, so it should be more my kind of scene. Most clubs don't appeal to me, but this one looks pretty decent. I'll be able to relate to people in there more, so I'll do my best to speak to people about music.

 

[RC Cola]

So I need someone to tell me I’m an idiot I think.

My ex emailed me a few days ago. No, it wasn’t that kind of email.

I don’t know how/why, but apparently she was concerned that I might be trying to contact her friends. I honestly have no idea what brought that about. If I wanted to do that, I’d have done that long ago (and she likely wouldn’t have to ask me if I was doing it). Not sure if she was concerned I would tell them something that would make her look bad, or...what exactly.

I responded, saying I hadn’t done so (nor did I have any desire to). Wished her Happy Holidays, a Happy New Year, etc. She responded back, saying she didn’t think I had made any attempts, but she wanted to know for sure. Wished me well too.

If I was smart, I’d leave it at that. However, I can’t help but feel compelled to use this as an opportunity to let some things off my chest. I’ve generally been pretty positive towards her in our correspondence, but internally, I’m still pretty angry and upset at her (trust me, I wish I could wave those feelings away). I guess I never truly expressed that towards her (partly since she lied to me initially, and I didn’t have those feelings then), and maybe I feel compelled to let her know those things.

It is a silly, childish thing even. I’ve been tempted before from time to time, but I usually just forget about it (or get distracted enough anyway). It seems to be stuck in the back of my head though. Of course, I doubt saying anything will really change that. And yet, here I am with an email written out to her.

It probably wouldn’t be so bad, but (for the first time in a while) I started thinking about her last week, and I had that feeling of wanting to tell her what I felt. But I gave myself the stipulation that I wouldn’t say anything unless she initiated any conversation. Normally a safe way to get me to not consider this much (no way would she email me first), but then she emailed me right after that. Bad timing I suppose.

I don’t know what I hope to accomplish by sending an email like that. I obviously have some closure issues, but I don’t know if this is something that will really help.

Logic tells me to quit wasting my time with such thoughts, yet I find it very difficult in practice to actually do so.

I think I'm going to try to distract myself in the meantime, and hopefully that email will stay in its current state (as just a draft).

 

[Minamu]

Whoa 30-40? Probably not XD

Still if you hope that's true, no reason to doubt it!

Seems GAF is responding very strongly to this, a lot more than I did at least I don't really care one way or another, they could've slept with 400 for all I care. But I do find it slightly suspicious. I've kind of slept with one of them, and might be sleeping with the second one tomorrow on NYE. And while circumstances weren't perfect with girl 1, you really couldn't tell that she had 3 to 4 times as much experience than myself. Maybe it'd show more during proper intercourse but I don't have much faith in it as it stands xD And girl 2 is a former ex of a fairly close friend (he knows that I talk to her and has given his blessing, but she doesn't seem to be aware of this, and I didn't recognize her when I first saw her) and according to him, she was incredibly boring. And she has casually mentioned having had bondage sex recently and that huge number, as if to make me more interested or something. So that's why I'm a bit suspicious It doesn't add up.

To me that seems extreeeemely high. Means an average of six to eight guys a year, starting from when they were sixteen. Excluding the possibility of long term monogamous relationships. And I don't care much for 'slut shaming', but to me that seems pretty unrealistic, and definitely not normal. But then again, I'm posting here in dating age, sooooo...

Yeah, see above for why I'm suspicious. I wasn't super surprised by it though, I've heard similar numbers in other conversations recently, so maybe it is common after all. And it goes against pretty much everything we know for girls to be bragging about high numbers. It doesn't make much sense to pretend to have slept with more guys than they actually have, quite the opposite.

It's BS. I've never participated in swinger activities but I know people who do and not even they can claim numbers like those.
It's also some sort of test. I know you went back to your hometown for the holydays: are these girls people you knew from when you were younger?
If by jealous you mean envious (of the numbers of people they closed) it's good business to tell them: kind of seals the whole "I'm not judgemental" deal.

Funny you mention swingers xD If it's true that even those guys can't reach such numbers and these girls have in 4 years, maybe it's not true at all, indeed. There's a big difference between guys and girls though, girl 2 didn't seem phased at all about having managed to sleep with 5-6 guys in a month's time, as if it was low or average, nothing special at all. While a guy would kill for such a streak xD It might be a test though yeah. Seems weird though, sounds like a dangerous game to me for a young girl to be playing considering the potential backlash if the wrong person finds out, true story or not. But if it was a test, I think I passed with flying colors thanks to doing exactly what you mentioned; I always make a point to let them know I'm okay with whatever. I told them both that it doesn't matter to me how many they sleep with, you should be able to do whatever you want without slut shaming etc as long as nobody gets hurt. Hell, I'd more likely give them a hug and a high five for each lay than call them a whore, which they and many others have appreciated a lot. I even suggested partly as a joke to girl 2 last night that if she'd ever manage to sleep with 10 guys or girls in a month, I'd buy her dinner. As long as she could prove it, preferably with pictures So yes, I meant that I am more likely to be envious in a positive way than be angry at them, thanks. And no, these are very new acquaintances from my regular town. I did go on a date with a girl yesterday but I had never met her before and I didn't see a single friend from my old life during Xmas. Fuck that town

 

[gazele]

After being in a relationship for a year and a half I just got reintroduced to the feeling when you message a girl you really want to get to know and get nothing back :-/

 

[Idde]

So many questions, damn.

Good to hear about your writing course, it should be interesting! I don't go to any exhibitions, but I will be taking some art classes this coming year. Not only to better myself, but also to meet new people. It should be fun! My band should be gigging late January/February too, so being on the stage playing music should be a blast. I've been wanting to do it for absolutely ages, and knowing music is finally getting somewhere is really pumping me up for the new year.

I went to Berlin for 4 days for an extended weekend, and whilst I want to go to Berlin again next year there's additional places I'd like to visit before returning. Other parts of Germany, America, Japan, etc etc. I'm more of a fan of city breaks, so those kinds of trips are what I'll be looking at doing more throughout the year. It should ensure the year isn't boring!

I don't mind bars, but I struggle to speak to anyone outside of my friends in all honesty. Tonight however I should be out for a few drinks at a rock club in London, so it should be more my kind of scene. Most clubs don't appeal to me, but this one looks pretty decent. I'll be able to relate to people in there more, so I'll do my best to speak to people about music.

Well, you could try to just have a good time do you worry that you have to talk to people even before you go? Because if you're laid back it shouldn't be to hard to strike up a convo. See some guy or girl drinking an exotic looking beer, ask if it's any good/worth trying. Order the beer. Talk about it. Mention the band, talk about that. Ask if he or she plays an instrument. Tada! You have a conversation.

Or you from England yourself? If not that opens up a gazillion opportunities. And are you interested in art aside from the classes? If so, what else are you doing with that?

Aside from this all, it sounds like you're going to have a hell of a time anyway with the classes and the gigs. Congrats

 

[RedNalgene]

snip.

Yeah, I've had those types of feelings about exes too. It's normal to feel that way, especially when you feel like there were things left unsaid. I've done similar things with my last ex too, but I made the mistake of voicing my discontent after we had broken up. Don't send the email, just don't. It's going to bring drama back into your life that you simply don't need. It's definitely cathartic to write down your feelings - I do that all the time and it is a good release. But definitely do not hit send. In fact, you might want to delete the draft too, you'll be tempted to send that email after you come home a little drunk one night and are thinking about her. Then you'll regret sending it when you wake up the next morning.

You're doing all the right things, and there's nothing troubling about what you've done so far. But save yourself the anguish of dealing with her responses to that email and all the headaches it will introduce to your life. You'll move on, just give it time.

 

[potam]

After being in a relationship for a year and a half I just got reintroduced to the feeling when you message a girl you really want to get to know and get nothing back :-/

dem feels breh

 

[RC Cola]

Yeah, I've had those types of feelings about exes too. It's normal to feel that way, especially when you feel like there were things left unsaid. I've done similar things with my last ex too, but I made the mistake of voicing my discontent after we had broken up. Don't send the email, just don't. It's going to bring drama back into your life that you simply don't need. It's definitely cathartic to write down your feelings - I do that all the time and it is a good release. But definitely do not hit send. In fact, you might want to delete the draft too, you'll be tempted to send that email after you come home a little drunk one night and are thinking about her. Then you'll regret sending it when you wake up the next morning.

You're doing all the right things, and there's nothing troubling about what you've done so far. But save yourself the anguish of dealing with her responses to that email and all the headaches it will introduce to your life. You'll move on, just give it time.

I don't drink, so I don't have to worry about that particular case. But the point does remain. My issue tends to be when I'm awake, laying in bed (lying?...laiding?..damn you English grammar, and I'm a native speaker!). With nothing to think about, my mind tends to go to those thoughts (and generally towards the negatives). And that's when I think it is important to share those thoughts/feelings.

I had 2nd thoughts shortly after making that post (in fact, I've had 2nd thoughts throughout, hence why it hasn't been sent, and why I even posted about it to begin with). I think I'm just tired about having 2nd thoughts. This isn't the first time I've done something like this. I've probably written up a half-dozen or so emails like this in the past (the first few, I had no intention of sending, but I've been tempted to send some of the recent ones). When I get distracted (going about my daily life), I think it is ridiculous to even consider sending it, but then when I get into those moments, I think maybe it should be sent. Rinse and repeat.

You are right that it feels good to release some of that. That was my original intention in writing these things. But more and more, I guess I wonder if actually sending something will bring me some sort of release/comfort/closure. I'm fairly certain it won't, but it does get tiring to feel those things (and realize they'll go unsaid). I wasn't particularly expecting any sort of response. She's usually avoided discussing these things much, which is part of my problem...and honestly, I doubt she could respond with much anyway, except for maybe an apology I'd have no interest in accepting.

I was actually a little smarter than I gave myself credit for in my earlier post. I don't actually have a draft of the email. I wrote it out with a Google Doc (multiple iterations, meaning I'd be forced to do more than a rough copy and paste). It has since been deleted. For the record, it was one of my "kinder" expressions of my anger. I was far nastier in my earlier attempts to get my feelings out (when I had no intentions of sending them to her). Of course, regardless of how much "kinder" I think I am, saying things along the lines of "I regret ever meeting you" certainly can't be mistaken for something constructive (even if I wish her well in the very next sentence).

I know what the right thing is, and despite how tough it is at times, I'll push myself to stick with it. It hasn't gotten me the results I'd like, but I can't imagine they'd be any better otherwise (in fact, it would likely be worse).

 

[MisterNugNug]

Good night last night. Bartenders and female co-workers make the best wingmen/women.

 

[Xun]

Well, you could try to just have a good time do you worry that you have to talk to people even before you go? Because if you're laid back it shouldn't be to hard to strike up a convo. See some guy or girl drinking an exotic looking beer, ask if it's any good/worth trying. Order the beer. Talk about it. Mention the band, talk about that. Ask if he or she plays an instrument. Tada! You have a conversation.

Or you from England yourself? If not that opens up a gazillion opportunities. And are you interested in art aside from the classes? If so, what else are you doing with that?

Aside from this all, it sounds like you're going to have a hell of a time anyway with the classes and the gigs. Congrats

I suppose I do worry, but more of a fear of not breaking out of my shell a bit. I've been like this for far too long, and I just want to change. What you said is simple though, but I just need to let go of that fear somehow. I go out with the sole purpose of simply having fun with my mates, but I always leave a bit disappointed I've not made any progress in destroying my anxiety issues.

I am from England, yeah. I live just outside London, so there's plenty to do. The problem is whenever I go out it's mostly just within my local town, but that's mainly down to my friends only wanting to remain in our area (which is fair enough I suppose).

Sadly though the plans of going out tonight fell through, and I have no idea what I'll be doing tomorrow night either...

 

[zatara]

OK guys need some tips...I posted a long story on pg 255...and today she made a joke on Facebook about wanting be to asked out...so I asked her out and she said yes...she wants to go to Barnes and noble....here's the problem.


What the fuck does one do at Barnes and noble??? I'm not an avid book reader

 

[beat]

OK guys need some tips...I posted a long story on of 255...and today she made a joke on Facebook about wanting be to asked out...so I asked her out and she said yes...she wants to go to Barnes and noble....here's the problem.


What the fuck does one do at Barnes and noble??? I'm not an avid book reader

Get some coffee, find out what she likes in books, find a book you like (doesn't have to be fiction), start by talking about those things. Bookstores have books about nearly everything. Failing that, take her over to the DVD section?