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[SaskBoy]

So I've concluded that the girl who canceled on me is just not interested in me. Whatever though I'm OK with that. But now I'm conflicted about something. This girl has an older sister that I've met and connected quite well with. There's a chance she'll be at this event I'm going to tonight. Would it be weird if I asked her for her number?

Their pretty close, so I feel like it could be somewhat awkward. Opinions?

 

[zeemumu]

God I haven't had sex in a month. Feels bad man.

I haven't had sex at all. I assume it's worse for people who haven't had sex in a while than it is for those who haven't had sex at all.

 

[hawkshockey11]

I haven't had any constant source of sex ever. 2 months right now and I expect a long wait for the next brief thing.

I haven't had sex at all. I assume it's worse for people who haven't had sex in a while than it is for those who haven't had sex at all.

Definitely worse.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

So I've concluded that the girl who canceled on me is just not interested in me. Whatever though I'm OK with that. But now I'm conflicted about something. This girl has an older sister that I've met and connected quite well with. There's a chance she'll be at this event I'm going to tonight. Would it be weird if I asked her for her number?

Their pretty close, so I feel like it could be somewhat awkward. Opinions?

If one isn't interested in you and you haven't actually done anything with her, I say the sister is fair game. If you think there is something there, go for it .

 

[The Artful Dodger]

So I've concluded that the girl who canceled on me is just not interested in me. Whatever though I'm OK with that. But now I'm conflicted about something. This girl has an older sister that I've met and connected quite well with. There's a chance she'll be at this event I'm going to tonight. Would it be weird if I asked her for her number?

Their pretty close, so I feel like it could be somewhat awkward. Opinions?

If she's interested go for it. Just be aware the other sis might shoot down that idea behind your back. Don't sweat it if it happens. Just move on.

 

[Leeness]

I haven't had sex at all. I assume it's worse for people who haven't had sex in a while than it is for those who haven't had sex at all.

Haven't ever and never will. Perfectly happy forever

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Haven't ever and never will. Perfectly happy forever

You lucky gal.

 

[Anoregon]

Definitely worse.

Yeah I'd have to concur. I recently went from 0 to 60, so to speak, and the fact that we have a (not terrible, but still significant) distance means that the weeks when we don't see each other are filled with thoughts of all the sexy things that aren't currently happening.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Yeah I'd have to concur. I recently went from 0 to 60, so to speak, and the fact that we have a (not terrible, but still significant) distance means that the weeks when we don't see each other are filled with thoughts of all the sexy things that aren't currently happening.

In the exact same boat. Before meeting my girlfriend last summer, I had gone a little over a year without sex, six months of which were still spent in a relationship. Since she and I connected however, our weekends together sometimes barely leave the bedroom at all. But since we live in two different cities for now, we have to usually go a couple of weeks without seeing one another. I'm planning on moving to her city sometime in the next couple of months, and neither of us can wait until we're in the same place.

 

[Anoregon]

In the exact same boat. Before meeting my girlfriend last summer, I had gone a little over a year without sex, six months of which were still spent in a relationship. Since she and I connected however, our weekends together sometimes barely leave the bedroom at all. But since we live in two different cities for now, we have to usually go a couple of weeks without seeing one another. I'm planning on moving to her city sometime in the next couple of months, and neither of us can wait until we're in the same place.

I'm not particularly fond of my job, so I would absolutely consider finding one closer to her. Only problem is, I fucking HATE job hunting. It makes me feel like such a worthless piece of shit.

Back to the original point, though, I would say there is one caveat to the "it's worse when your missing it than when you have never had it" stipulation, and that is the permanent removal of the anxiety related to think you are going to die a forever alone internet virgin cliche. It's more than a fair trade, I had been living with that for a while and I'm still getting used to not having that albatross in my life.

 

[Leeness]

You lucky gal.

Much happier on my own than any guy could ever make me

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

I'm not particularly fond of my job, so I would absolutely consider finding one closer to her. Only problem is, I fucking HATE job hunting. It makes me feel like such a worthless piece of shit.

Back to the original point, though, I would say there is one caveat to the "it's worse when your missing it than when you have never had it" stipulation, and that is the permanent removal of the anxiety related to think you are going to die a forever alone internet virgin cliche. It's more than a fair trade, I had been living with that for a while and I'm still getting used to not having that albatross in my life.

I'm a little concerned about the job hunt too, but she is more than worth it. Besides, in addition to my regular job, I've been picking up more freelance writing gigs that will at least give me an income while I look for something more permanent.

And yes, knowing what you're missing is worse than never having it, but even while I was in the middle of my year long drought, I knew I'd eventually meet someone again to get back in the saddle with, so to speak. I just had no idea I'd meet the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Much happier on my own than any guy could ever make me

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

Glad you're happy and all, but the bolded part is just wrong. Your opinion is obviously well known here, but you have to know by now you are in a tiny minority of people that feel that way. I'm not talking about this thread. I'm talking in comparison to the human race.

 

[zeemumu]

Much happier on my own than any guy could ever make me

I envy people who are able to be perfectly happy on their own. I'm not really attracted to anyone at my college so I feel like I'll be on my own for a while, which I'm okay with but a majority of my friends are in relationships so I feel like the odd man out.

 

[Anoregon]

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

No.

 

[Leeness]

Glad you're happy and all, but the bolded part is just wrong. Your opinion is obviously well known here, but you have to know by now you are in a tiny minority of people that feel that way. I'm not talking about this thread. I'm talking in comparison to the human race.

Haha yes, IMO of course. I'm sure you all think it's the bees knees and whatever. It makes me nauseous however so...

I envy people who are able to be perfectly happy on their own. I'm not really attracted to anyone at my college so I feel like I'll be on my own for a while, which I'm okay with but a majority of my friends are in relationships so I feel like the odd man out.

You'll be okay. If you want to find someone, you eventually will

 

[giga]

Much happier on my own than any guy could ever make me

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

Are you asexual?

All I really want is long cuddle and falling asleep with someone in my arms.

Spoiler

plus sex

And to be the little spoon. Why do guys always have to be the big spoon!?

 

[zeemumu]

Haha yes, IMO of course. I'm sure you all think it's the bees knees and whatever. It makes me nauseous however so...



You'll be okay. If you want to find someone, you eventually will

It just seems kind of hopeless right now, so I've been working on building up my friendships.

 

[Snowman]

Much happier on my own than any guy could ever make me

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

How would you know if you've never done it?

 

[Leeness]

Are you asexual?

Pretty much.

It just seems kind of hopeless right now, so I've been working on building up my friendships.

That's good! You'll make it!

 

[Minamu]

well...YEAH! other shit doesn't work either. grrrm ._.
maybe this will help slipping in an asexual state of mind where only videogames & movies are important. living the dream

I know you're joking but come on

I have so many excuses.
So many!

You're better than this Squiddy!

It's Saturday night man. There's literally nothing or no one to do.

Haha this really did make me and two friends laugh out loud in a car tonight, thanks xD

I'm approaching a year and a half of a dry spell.

Spoiler

Though it's not all that bad, the last time was when I lost my virginity.

I went on my match.com account, and please tell me I'm not crazy - but they intentionally say people "viewed" your profile to get you to sign up, right? Prior and after having for a paid account my profile was getting like a lot of views, like 10 a day. When I was paying for it, it had like.. 10 across the 6 months I had it.

Cool to see you in here, I see that tag of yours all over the place haha. And yeah, that seems rather suspicious on match's part. It's not a scam site but dating sites can be a bit scummy.

Anyway, while I did kiss a cute blonde tonight, who cares about sex when you don't have to pay the excessive entrance fee to the club and instead get your own money withdrawn by the cashier and handed to you? :lol I was supposed to pay 120sek but instead got my card and 100sek back. It wasn't a mistake either. Seems like not caring about your social skills or status has started to pay off, almost literally. One of the managers jokingly (?) invited me to a strip club "just outside town" as well afterwards but I wasn't interested. I don't think such a place exists.

 

[Entropia]

I haven't had sex at all. I assume it's worse for people who haven't had sex in a while than it is for those who haven't had sex at all.

Haven't ever and never will. Perfectly happy forever

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!

 

[beat]

I still believe that once/if you have it, your opinion may change.

Yes, this is a productive discussion that will end up changing someone's mind, unlike the last five-plus times.

 

[Entropia]

Yes, this is a productive discussion that will end up changing someone's mind, unlike the last five-plus times.

Oh I know, I've seen this discussion a million times in here.

 

[soultron]

There is way more to life than getting laid. Don't get hung up on "dry spells."

This. When you think about how long it's been (if you've had it at all), you're probably just going to stress yourself out. The whole "you need to get laid" cliche is a bullshit construct. Getting laid is a "want" rather than a "need," in my opinion. You need essentials like food and water to live. You don't need to have sex at any arbitrarily socially-approved interval to live.

 

[Leeness]

Yes, this is a productive discussion that will end up changing someone's mind, unlike the last five-plus times.

Oh I know, I've seen this discussion a million times in here.

You guys are funny

 

[ShadowgeistX]

Also sex is nasty so... Woo!

It absolutely is nasty, that's what makes it so good to indulge in.

(it's not really nasty, unless you make it nasty. Then it's really worth having)

Wait what?

Anyways, starting to realize I'm getting older, now that it's 2014. My time might not actually be running out, but it strangely just feels that way. This is sorta related to dating and sorta not, I'm just kind of lost and confused for whatever reason.

 

[trab pu kcip]

Are you asexual?


And to be the little spoon. Why do guys always have to be the big spoon!?

asked myself the same thing. I wouldn't mind being the big spoon from time to time :/

 

[robox]

my saga continues, turbulently, and left me wondering what's going on with this girl.

recap: been seeing this girl, started as friends then got pretty heavy. she's into me, but i'm not so much.

i'm ok with calling it off, but i really haven't gotten the nerve to do so. my true, not-so-favourable feelings for her come out and that left her somewhat broken and crying. but not wanting to leave it at that i stay with her until she feels better. this leads to some roller coaster of emotions. for her; i'm mostly dead on the inside. this leads to us being together nonstop for the past 3 days, hopping from my place, to hers, then back to mine. it felt very tiring. sometimes she's ok with this thing resembling fwb status, sometimes not. we act like we're very close together, but i've been trying to keep distant to make the break off cleaner in the future. she seems to have accepted my feelings and enjoys being with me all the same. and still jokes about our future kids, to which i show visible groaning.

this whole thing doesn't seem normal and i'm not sure how to deal with it. or even if i have to. she's going back to her home country in a month and planning to be v.busy in the 2 weeks prior. there's a lot of other details i'm leaving out but don't feel like writing too much. but this has been on my mind enough that i need to put something down

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Oh I know, I've seen this discussion a million times in here.

Haha, it does seem to come up on a weekly basis

asked myself the same thing. I wouldn't mind being the big spoon from time to time :/

When you are ready, you shall be the big spoon, young grasshopper.

 

[Mr.Fresh]

This sucks so much. I've been dating this girl for about a month now and everything has been great. I had to move for a couple of months, starting today, which was sad as hell. She ran to my house right before I left kissed me and cried her eyes out. We have FaceTime and everything but idk. I hope we're still together after these two months. I just needed to vent about it because I feel like shit.

Edit: I know a month is a short time but we got sooo close in that short amount of time. She said she's willing to wait so well see.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Are you asexual?


And to be the little spoon. Why do guys always have to be the big spoon!?

I'm too big to be a little spoon, the girl would have to awkwardly try to wrap her arms around my massive body.

 

[zeemumu]

This sucks so much. I've been dating this girl for about a month now and everything has been great. I had to move for a couple of months, starting today, which was sad as hell. She ran to my house right before I left kissed me and cried her eyes out. We have FaceTime and everything but idk. I hope we're still together after these two months. I just needed to vent about it because I feel like shit.

Edit: I know a month is a short time but we got sooo close in that short amount of time. She said she's willing to wait so well see.

I would hope that she's willing to wait a month. It might seem like forever because you're still in that honeymoon stage of your relationship, but later on it'll seem like no time at all. I know a lot of relationships that have distance gaps of several months. You'll make it work as long as you put in that extra effort to see each other. Facetime is an excellent way to do that.

 

[Mr.Fresh]

I would hope that she's willing to wait a month. It might seem like forever because you're still in that honeymoon stage of your relationship, but later on it'll seem like no time at all. I know a lot of relationships that have distance gaps of several months. You'll make it work as long as you put in that extra effort to see each other. Facetime is an excellent way to do that.

It's two months, but yea I hope soo. She just kept saying to me two months is nothing babe, we can do this. She starts school next week so she's hoping that will make time go by faster. I only had to move because I need to save up for a car so hopefully I'm able to find one sooner then later.

 

[Leeness]

Haha, it does seem to come up on a weekly basis.

I really don't mean it to haha. I just enjoy being in this thread and watching you guys go about your lives. I live vicariously through you all haha.

 

[giga]

This sucks so much. I've been dating this girl for about a month now and everything has been great. I had to move for a couple of months, starting today, which was sad as hell. She ran to my house right before I left kissed me and cried her eyes out. We have FaceTime and everything but idk. I hope we're still together after these two months. I just needed to vent about it because I feel like shit.

Edit: I know a month is a short time but we got sooo close in that short amount of time. She said she's willing to wait so well see.

That really sucks man. But have comfort that she's willing to wait. Send her flowers every few weeks. Even though you're not there, be there in every way possible.

 

[Gamefreaks221]

Even though I have been broken up with for about 3 weeks now I still feel broken up about it. She just never leaves my head. It still just doesn't make any sense to me. We talked about so much and I had so many plans for the future. We both talked about marriage at one point and I told her I wanted to wait until I was done with school which will be Spring of next year. I got my life together for her and it all just feels so pointless. The worst part about it all is at the moment I don't even know if I will be able to fix the friendship that we once had. We were close for years before we took this chance and I want to go back to that. But she knows that I will always have hope which even though I tell her otherwise we both know is just a lie. I just want to make her happy again.

/vent. I just needed to get that off my chest somewhere I can be pretty much anonymous.

 

[isny]

But she knows that I will always have hope which even though I tell her otherwise we both know is just a lie. I just want to make her happy again.

Break off contact for awhile, and by awhile I mean six months or longer, and then go back and try to be friends with her. It will help if you/her see other people in the meantime. I recently had to do this with someone, and now can be around them no problem, and the "I'll always have hope" crap is gone, as we're both in separate relationships now and I care about her more as a best friend than as anything else. Time heals wounds, it just takes a lot longer in these sorts of situations. Just tough it out.

 

[potam]

Even though I have been broken up with for about 3 weeks now I still feel broken up about it. She just never leaves my head. It still just doesn't make any sense to me. We talked about so much and I had so many plans for the future. We both talked about marriage at one point and I told her I wanted to wait until I was done with school which will be Spring of next year. I got my life together for her and it all just feels so pointless. The worst part about it all is at the moment I don't even know if I will be able to fix the friendship that we once had. We were close for years before we took this chance and I want to go back to that. But she knows that I will always have hope which even though I tell her otherwise we both know is just a lie. I just want to make her happy again.

/vent. I just needed to get that off my chest somewhere I can be pretty much anonymous.

Three weeks isn't that much time. It'll get better.

Honestly, I'd stop thinking about being friends. It sounds like you already know it won't work, so this fantasy you keep playing in your head will only make it tougher. The biggest thing I've learned is that a relationship requires both parties' involvement (duh), and that no matter how badly you want it to work, it won't.

 

[giga]

Even though I have been broken up with for about 3 weeks now I still feel broken up about it. She just never leaves my head. It still just doesn't make any sense to me. We talked about so much and I had so many plans for the future. We both talked about marriage at one point and I told her I wanted to wait until I was done with school which will be Spring of next year. I got my life together for her and it all just feels so pointless. The worst part about it all is at the moment I don't even know if I will be able to fix the friendship that we once had. We were close for years before we took this chance and I want to go back to that. But she knows that I will always have hope which even though I tell her otherwise we both know is just a lie. I just want to make her happy again.

/vent. I just needed to get that off my chest somewhere I can be pretty much anonymous.

I know dude. I'm only one month out of a breakup and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. But it has been getting better since that first week--slowly, but surely. Just try to keep yourself distracted. Friends, family, hobbies, whatever. If you live alone, try and get out of your place as much as possible. During lonely nights when you can't sleep, put on some podcasts or tv shows in the background to drown out your brain.

 

[isny]

During lonely nights when you can't sleep, put on some podcasts or tv shows in the background to drown out your brain.

Or find someone else.

 

[giga]

Or find someone else.

There is no one else. She was the one and now we will die alone.

 

[isny]

There is no one else. She was the one and now we will die alone.

Forever alone GAF? Isn't there another thread for that? =p

 

[Gamefreaks221]

There is no one else. She was the one and now we will die alone.

As sad as it is this right here is pretty much how I have felt about it. I don't know if you were saying as a joke or were serious but this thought crosses my mind on a few occassions. I even told my mother as much one night a couple days after we broke it off and she just kinda stood there with not much else to say.

 

[giga]

As sad as it is this right here is pretty much how I have felt about it. I don't know if you were saying as a joke or were serious but this thought crosses my mind on a few occassions. I even told my mother as much one night a couple days after we broke it off and she just kinda stood there with not much else to say.

Nah man it was definitely a joke. There IS someone else out there, we're just still recovering and can't see that well right now. I know I'm not ready to date again right now because all I would do is compare her to my ex. That's not healthy.

 

[potam]

As sad as it is this right here is pretty much how I have felt about it. I don't know if you were saying as a joke or were serious but this thought crosses my mind on a few occassions. I even told my mother as much one night a couple days after we broke it off and she just kinda stood there with not much else to say.

So here's the deal: my wife moved out in October (she told me she was thinking about leaving in August). I was a fucking wreck. She was my first real relationship, and the only girl I had ever loved. There was no dating or game-type shit involved when we met...she practically fell into my lap.

When she left, I got really depressed. Not only did I just lose my best friend, but I was fucking convinced I'd never meet another woman with whom I'd share a similar connection to. Hell, I thought I'd never be able to find another girl entirely. Even though I knew it to be logically and statistically improbably, I couldn't shake that feeling.

Two months later I fucked one of the hottest girls I've ever met (but nothing more ever came of it ). The point is, your thoughts are dragging you down. You're going to have to take a hard look at yourself and realize that there is a reason that this girl was attracted to you in the first place and (even if it failed) you did have a real, adult relationship with that person. You have some value to offer another partner, and with all the people on the planet, someone else will more than likely see that value.

I think for some people, pain and depression is a comforting feeling, which is why it's so easy to go down that path. At some point, though, you'll need to recognize this and pick yourself up.


tl;dr: your ex probably wasn't the only girl for you.

 

[Nert]

As sad as it is this right here is pretty much how I have felt about it. I don't know if you were saying as a joke or were serious but this thought crosses my mind on a few occassions. I even told my mother as much one night a couple days after we broke it off and she just kinda stood there with not much else to say.

Forever alone GAF? Isn't there another thread for that? =p

It might seem a little counterintuitive to post this in a dating thread, but as much as people joke about (or have real concerns about) being "forever alone" on GAF, there's really nothing wrong with being alone unless you *tell* yourself that you should feel bad for being alone. A variety of societal pressures and influences have convinced people that coupling up should be one of their largest priorities in life, that you can't really feel "complete" until you're with someone all of the time, and so on. I would challenge you to re-frame what it means to be alone to something more positive and, in my opinion, more grounded in reality.

Brent Smith does a great job of tackling this subject here. Essentially, it's okay to just relax about the whole thing. Don't beat yourself up constantly and become lost in what could have been, and don't convince yourself that women and friends are a scarce resource that you have to cling to in order to not lose your social life forever. It's okay to take some time to reflect on what happened and to take responsibility for your actions, but it's more important to see what happened as an opportunity to live an even better life.

Take advantage of the tremendous opportunities that being single offers. You now have plenty of time to focus on yourself. Like people have said countless times before, you can start working out more aggressively, you can pursue your passions in life, and you can push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. Take the time to learn to love life again *without* needing things from other people to feel validated. If you do this work on yourself and fight any impulses to withdraw from the world, you will naturally pull in plenty of people.

Above all else, don't convince yourself that you need someone else to complete your life. You're already a wonderful, complete human being, and things that you perceive to be personal shortcomings are just opportunities for you to grow and become even better.

Edit: Just to clarify, I'm not saying that relationships don't work for anyone or that one needs to avoid them. The thing that everyone should avoid is the pressure to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

 

[Idde]

It might seem a little counterintuitive to post this in a dating thread, but as much as people joke about (or have real concerns about) being "forever alone" on GAF, there's really nothing wrong with being alone unless you *tell* yourself that you should feel bad for being alone. A variety of societal pressures and influences have convinced people that coupling up should be one of their largest priorities in life, that you can't really feel "complete" until you're with someone all of the time, and so on. I would challenge you to re-frame what it means to be alone to something more positive and, in my opinion, more grounded in reality.

Brent Smith does a great job of tackling this subject here. Essentially, it's okay to just relax about the whole thing. Don't beat yourself up constantly and become lost in what could have been, and don't convince yourself that women and friends are a scarce resource that you have to cling to in order to not lose your social life forever. It's okay to take some time to reflect on what happened and to take responsibility for your actions, but it's more important to see what happened as an opportunity to live an even better life.

Take advantage of the tremendous opportunities that being single offers. You now have plenty of time to focus on yourself. Like people have said countless times before, you can start working out more aggressively, you can pursue your passions in life, and you can push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. Take the time to learn to love life again *without* needing things from other people to feel validated. If you do this work on yourself and fight any impulses to withdraw from the world, you will naturally pull in plenty of people.

Above all else, don't convince yourself that you need someone else to complete your life. You're already a wonderful, complete human being, and things that you perceive to be personal shortcomings are just opportunities for you to grow and become even better.

This. Sooo much this. There is nothing inherently wrong with being single. Of course it's completely logical to long for a boyfriend/girlfriend, for the love and affection you can get from that. But pining after that, without enjoying all the possible good things life has to offer you is REALLY a shame. You have no obligations to anyone, you can do whatever you want in your life. Complete freedom to enjoy everything there is to do. Be it the single life filled with one night stands, or working out, writing books, visiting citys YOU want to visit. You have complete freedom to do what YOU want.

I love my single life because of this. But the need for a partner is not just a social construct, it's also one of the best things in life. Even though I enjoy a lot of other things, it's really easy to miss this.

 

[Rhomega Beta]

BBC News Magazine: Readers' most hated online dating cliches

The article has explanations, but here's a list:

-Looking to make friends
-Hello, is it me you're looking for?
-Looking for my knight in shining armour
-No baggage, please!
-I don't bite, unless you ask me to.
-If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-I don't take life too seriously
-I work hard, play hard
-My children are everything to me
-I'm bubbly

This stemmed from another article on 20 online dating cliches and what they really mean.

-I'm new to this, so here goes...
-I love laughing
-I like going out and staying in
-Looking for my partner in crime
-I'm here for some good banter
-My friends say I'm...(plus list of adjectives)
-I like walks in the park, watching movies, and going to the pub on Sunday for roast dinner
-My friends (and family) are important to me
-My life is fab, I just need someone to share it with
-I'm easy-going
-I like to stay in with a glass of wine and a DVD
-Genuine guy seeking genuine girl/guy
-I enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset
-I like traveling
-The 6 ft. conundrum
-Don't get in contact if you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"
-I'm a 42-year-old man looking for a 27-year-old woman
-I'm normal
-I don't watch television
-We'll tell people we met in a bar

 

[zeemumu]

-If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

SHOULD people have to handle you at your worst? If they want to be there for you, fine, but that doesn't mean you should unleash hell on them every time you're upset. People don't like it when you're not in control of your emotions. Has anyone ever considered that people can't handle them at their worst because their best isn't anywhere near good enough to make up for how bad their worst is? *rant rant rant*

 

[Rhomega Beta]

Has anyone ever considered that people can't handle them at their worst because their best isn't anywhere near good enough to make up for how bad their worst is?

Yes, I have.