Sure why not? Like you say, you already know what the worst could be. She won't stab you with a knife xD Better to go for it than regret doing nothing later.You sure?
Well, at least I would know what the worst answer probably would be. Prepare for the worst and you can only be positively surprised
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
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n64coder
Member
I agree that you should move on. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make time for you.
3th date was another succes! We kind of smooched / kissed / hugged eachother in the cinema during the movie. Might not be the greatest thing to see for others but we both had a great night. We even had 2 people at the front looking at us, somewhat annoyed. Lowered the volume so they stopped but we joked a bit about it.
Eventually we would hang our heads against eachother. Later on she even fell asleep but it was so cute that she was sleeping on my shoulder and against me. She was dead tired as we went out for the date after she had worked for 11 hours.
We litterly only followed the movie for 40-50% or so as we were constantly kissing, talking and looking at eachother. It felt so great with her.
I went for the question if she wanted to sleep at my place for tonight. She said it was too early so I got so dam nervous that I made a HUGE mistake by asking that. She really didn't mind it that I asked it (I apologied for it) and said she was expecting the question eventually anyway.
I think she might see possible relationship as she was talking about the summer holiday and whatnot what we could do together etc. She confirmed it before I did haha. I could see a relationship too with this amazing girl. I'm starting to love her
4th date is indirectly planned as she already said she wanted to do something with me again as soon as possible so she could see me. I've only visited her place and met her parents, her sister and her dog so I offered her to come to my place the next week so we would be together for an evening and we could watch a movie, tv serie etc and she could meet my parents, our cats and my sister. We both still live at our mother but it's not a big deal for us
She even had thoughts about doing something on valentine's day together and I had the same
Those are litterly the best few weeks I've had in my life so far. I feel so much more energized and happy then before. Like something was missing. I never expected to meet a girl so awesome and being into me like me being into her. I was affraid I was stuck in the same situation like grap3fruitman but it's turning into something.
Grap3fruitman, Do you have any coworkers you might like? If so, just go for it and ask her out. It worked for me (after 2-3 rejections). I've had some advice from fellow female coworkers AND ofcourse you NeoGAF. Thank you all in this threat for the advice
Eventually we would hang our heads against eachother. Later on she even fell asleep but it was so cute that she was sleeping on my shoulder and against me. She was dead tired as we went out for the date after she had worked for 11 hours.
We litterly only followed the movie for 40-50% or so as we were constantly kissing, talking and looking at eachother. It felt so great with her.
I went for the question if she wanted to sleep at my place for tonight. She said it was too early so I got so dam nervous that I made a HUGE mistake by asking that. She really didn't mind it that I asked it (I apologied for it) and said she was expecting the question eventually anyway.
I think she might see possible relationship as she was talking about the summer holiday and whatnot what we could do together etc. She confirmed it before I did haha. I could see a relationship too with this amazing girl. I'm starting to love her
4th date is indirectly planned as she already said she wanted to do something with me again as soon as possible so she could see me. I've only visited her place and met her parents, her sister and her dog so I offered her to come to my place the next week so we would be together for an evening and we could watch a movie, tv serie etc and she could meet my parents, our cats and my sister. We both still live at our mother but it's not a big deal for us
She even had thoughts about doing something on valentine's day together and I had the same
Those are litterly the best few weeks I've had in my life so far. I feel so much more energized and happy then before. Like something was missing. I never expected to meet a girl so awesome and being into me like me being into her. I was affraid I was stuck in the same situation like grap3fruitman but it's turning into something.
Grap3fruitman, Do you have any coworkers you might like? If so, just go for it and ask her out. It worked for me (after 2-3 rejections). I've had some advice from fellow female coworkers AND ofcourse you NeoGAF. Thank you all in this threat for the advice
grap3fruitman
Banned
What advice was that? See a shrink?
I honestly don't feel there's anything I can do anything to fix my life. I need a do-over. Admittedly, it'd probably suck just as much.
So I have a date at my place tomorrow, and it's been a while (like a few years) since that occurred. I currently live with my parents, so I'm hoping to avoid them when she comes over tomorrow. We plan to chill and play some Mario tomorrow night while drinking some sake. So we'll see how that turns out.
I should probably stock up on some condoms, if only because I needed to restock for a *long* while.
I should probably stock up on some condoms, if only because I needed to restock for a *long* while.
Does she get to class early? If so, arrive early as well and make up a class reason to talk to her. Just something to strike up a conversation about. Since you're in the same class you should have plenty of options. Talk about homework, tests, the previous lecture, whatever. Afterward, you can transition into other topics and ask her if she'd like to get coffee sometime or something.
If she doesn't arrive early, you have less opportunities, but it should be doable. The end of class when everyone's packing up might be a bit of an awkward time to strike up a conversation, but should still work. In the larger class, you could try and talk with her off and on during the lecture as well.
The key is, though, just go for it. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. As someone who's gotten hung up on a few girls I barely knew for long periods of time, trust me when I say it's not worth it. Just give it a go. If you hit it off and you start going out, amazing! If not, you freed up the time you'd be worrying about it and can pursue someone else.
So I'm pretty sure the British chick from my painting class likes me. We met up earlier today as I said before since she contacted me. She keeps laughing at my jokes and wanting to know what my ethnicity is (I didn't tell her). I did start flirting with her more consciously. She told me she went to the museum already so that's out of the question.
Phone numbers how they work? I'm an oblivious buffoon. If I'm interested in her I take it I should be texting her outside the school context? I'll ask her on Thursday what she's doing in the weekend (she did say she's trying to find a new place to live at).
Phone numbers how they work? I'm an oblivious buffoon. If I'm interested in her I take it I should be texting her outside the school context? I'll ask her on Thursday what she's doing in the weekend (she did say she's trying to find a new place to live at).
I just want to fall in love and get married.
My family conditioned me to find one partner and stick with them.
I've had the meaningless relationships, and they don't cut it for me.
I just can't be with a girl and know that she's not the one. I end up leaving. :/
Ahh. Think I'm just gonna be single for a while
My family conditioned me to find one partner and stick with them.
I've had the meaningless relationships, and they don't cut it for me.
I just can't be with a girl and know that she's not the one. I end up leaving. :/
Ahh. Think I'm just gonna be single for a while
grap3fruitman
Banned
Got a second date! This is the first time in the nearly 10 different dates I've had since my ex dumped me, lolI texted her and said she was awesome.
And she replied and said the feeling is mutual
Asked her if she wants to see a movie at my house, hopefully that's ok since this is just our second time meeting.
I think I said it before, disagree about this. If somebody has a boyfriend, respect that. But we've probably covered this topic ten times already
No, more like the two paragraphs preceding my advice to see a shrink. Why did you skip over that part? PLease answer this. And what is there to be grateful for? There is an ENTIRE WORLD out there with cool things to see, explore, do, experience. Your mind currently works in a way that makes that stuff impossible for you to see. But it IS there and there ARE ways to help you. Perhaps there isn't a way to "fix your life" but there should be a way to make it better.
Well, usually inviting someone over is pretty intimate but hey, nothing is really set in stone.
bigfunkychiken
Member
Why even post on this thread if the only person you ever listen to is yourself? You've had multiple people telling you the same thing.. maybe you should get the hell over yourself and listen to them.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I may have missed it. I mostly browse GAF in quick bursts on my phone, which makes responding to two paragraph long responses difficult. Mind linking to the post in question?
And I'm denied all those things.
I have no where else to go...
Agreed. It just sounded like it wasn't super clear that she really did have a boyfriend. He might as well ask and hear it straight from the source and get it over withI think I said it before, disagree about this. If somebody has a boyfriend, respect that. But we've probably covered this topic ten times already
Not the same as hitting on her imho.
GutsOfThor
Member
I'm trying out Okcupid for the 4th fucking time now just for the hell of it. What should one put in the "what I'm doing in my life" section if they are unemployed?
About the first bolded. Why? Do the birds stop whistling when you walk by? Are you denied acces to your gym? I don't know what tickles your fancy, and I also know depression comes with a VERY negative focus on all the negative aspects on the world. And perhaps I'm naive, but I think if you really focus there should be cool stuff for you to see.
I know you can't switch of your depression, and I'm not blaming you for not trying, but really the only thing holding you back is your brain. And there ARE ways to change the way you think. It won't be easy, and it might not ever get you the ultimate result, but you SHOULD be able to get better. Do you want to feel like you do now forever?
And for some reason I can't link to the post, but this is it:
You say you don't have any redeeming qualities, ok, what sort of qualities would you like to have? And how do you think you would go about achieving them? Take a first step, no matter how small, but make sure it'll work. Then look back on that step. Time and time again. Even taking that first step is a redeeming quality in and of itself.
You go to the gym, right? Set any new pr's lately? Did you lose weight? Do you go consistently? If you answered yes to one of those, that's a redeeming quality. No ifs and buts.
Did you have a good time with a girl the other time? She must have seen SOME redeeming qualities in you. What were they? Identofy them, and repeat them ad infinitum, and try to expand on them. Believe me, you're negative view of yourself is completely wrong and negatively skewed. You're a good looking dude. Don't tell me you're not. You are. You just think you're not.
What is there to be positive about? Pictures of kittens, beautiful guitar music. A nice sunset, a great meal (bonus points if you cooked it yourself) Want to know what to be positive about? At the end of the day, make a list of ten nice things EVERY evening. Try to make a list of things that you did, that make you proud? Don't have anything to be positive about? CREATE things to be positive about, and hammer them into your brain.
Ideally you'd want to do this together with a therapist. Because this is the internet, and no advice on here is gonna help somebody who is more then slightly depressed.
Edit all sorts of crappy typos, but on my phone, excuse me
About the second bolded. Overcome your depression, work at it, and you'll get other places to go.
Agreed. It just sounded like it wasn't super clear that she really did have a boyfriend. He might as well ask and hear it straight from the source and get it over with
Oh yeah, definitely, get some certainty, no problem with trying that.
PflargBlarg
Member
No, don't contact her again. You've attempted enough, it's her move now if she wants to do it.
I get that it's all amazing and what not. But jesus, you are a huge asshole for doing this. I too, have gone to the movies with my girlfriend and missed large parts of it, but only because we ended up in the very last row, and we were completely silent. Have some respect for other people.
We shushed / silenced and talked at a low voice when we noticed it and we were in the last row luckily. Didn't described it entirely in detail.
But yeah, looking back we could have showed some more respect to other persons in the cinema. I know what you mean regarding it being respectless for others as I've experienced it myself before.
But yeah, looking back we could have showed some more respect to other persons in the cinema. I know what you mean regarding it being respectless for others as I've experienced it myself before.
beat
Member
Plus, no, it's probably not the age diff. 16/18 isn't that big a deal. 18/20, even less so.
FrigidEh, you're not even 20 yet. Even if there's a 'the One' for you right now, you don't know that she'll still be the One when you're 26. No one does. Most people change a lot in their early 20s. Date people, grow up*, have fun, and if you meet someone really special, go with it.
* I mean this in a completely positive way, no offense intended
After dealing with some pretty serious depression issues, I think I'm ready to get back to trying again. Therapy has really helped out and I definitely feel like it's time for me to get back out there.
So, I think I'm going to bake some more stuff to take down to the girls that live in the apartment downstairs from mine. It's been a while since I've talked to them. Honestly, the only major conversation I've had with them for a month was when one of them caught me on my way back in and asked me how my break went. I know there's a couple really cute girls living there and if something comes of it, cool.
Even after getting over my anxiety issues once before I started having serious emotional trouble, it's definitely nerve wracking to try again. Sure, I know that getting hung up on any one girl isn't healthy and getting a 'no' really is no big deal, but the idea of talking to a girl I find attractive definitely sends me into "fight or flight" mode. I'm sure that'll go away again once I get back there, but it's definitely a hurdle for me to conquer.
Well, wish me luck, I guess.
So, I think I'm going to bake some more stuff to take down to the girls that live in the apartment downstairs from mine. It's been a while since I've talked to them. Honestly, the only major conversation I've had with them for a month was when one of them caught me on my way back in and asked me how my break went. I know there's a couple really cute girls living there and if something comes of it, cool.
Even after getting over my anxiety issues once before I started having serious emotional trouble, it's definitely nerve wracking to try again. Sure, I know that getting hung up on any one girl isn't healthy and getting a 'no' really is no big deal, but the idea of talking to a girl I find attractive definitely sends me into "fight or flight" mode. I'm sure that'll go away again once I get back there, but it's definitely a hurdle for me to conquer.
Well, wish me luck, I guess.
Perspicacity
Banned
In unspecific terms talk about what you're heading towards as a career. I dunno, what are you doing with your life?
grap3fruitman
Banned
Everyone else got to live their teens and twenties: I didn't. I've never gotten to do anything. I've always had to put my life on hold for my family, not that I'd probably go and do anything, given the opportunity.
I do not. That's why suicide is such an appealing option. If I weren't a wimp, I would've done it already. That's the only thing holding me back.
To make things easier, I'll answer in this format:
You say you don't have any redeeming qualities, ok, what sort of qualities would you like to have? I don't know. I just know that I don't have any since no one likes me.
And how do you think you would go about achieving them? Re: I don't know. I genuinely don't know.
You go to the gym, right? I haven't actively gone since June. Maybe one or twice in September. That's it.
Set any new pr's lately? Public Relations? I'm sorry but I don't understand the question.
Did you lose weight? I've lost 25lbs... of muscle. At least 25lbs. That's how much less I weigh but I'm also fatter now so I've lost more muscle, which I can't measure, and put on fat.
Do you go consistently? I did for about four-five years until this summer.
If you answered yes to one of those, that's a redeeming quality. No ifs and buts. So... nothing.
Did you have a good time with a girl the other time? What girl? What are you talking about?
She must have seen SOME redeeming qualities in you. What were they? Again, I'm at a loss.
Did you want me to answer the rest? It seemed more rhetorical than straightforward questions.
Easier said than done but let's humor the idea. Say I did get better, where would I go, what would I do? I have zero friends, no prospects, I'm stuck in a shitty suburb, working a dead-end job six days a week (60+ hours most of the year), stuck with a house and mortgage I don't want. What then?
I've been where you are now. It sucks. It really, really sucks. The number one thing I can say is seek some sort of therapy. It really can help. If you don't have insurance, I know that there's options out there to still get help if you're in need. Do some research and find a therapist that works for you. For someone not suffering depression, it's super easy to tell you to work at it and get over it. The fact is, most people can't do it alone. At the very least, head over to Mental-Health GAF. They are the most kind, supportive people you'll meet and they can point you in the direction of treatment options.
1) Why don't you see that as a quality of yours? You took care of your family. That in fact is a really positive quality to have.
2) Life for everyone takes many different twists and turns. It's not as good for anyone as you imagine it.
3) Everything you do, even if it is actually nothing will show itself to have a use sooner or later. So nothing you did (even if it is literally nothing) is useless.
It's quite the other way round. Suicide is the wimpy and selfish thing to do. To continue living no matter how horrible it seems to be is the brave thing. Which could be considered another quality.
So you wish for something but don't know what it is. Is that really of value? Also people here, as superficial as it may be do like you. Otherwise we would not be talking to you and trying to help you.
1) Why did you stop going to the gym?
2) Going for several years is again something I would consider a quality that I would like to have.
How about a little experiment? Why do you not for this thread only act very naively and see each question as an honest question with no further thoughts about the motive behind.
BTW: Having a job is kind of something not everybody has either. And I don't mean this as "be thankful for it" but rather as it's a quality of yours to actually be able to get out of bed and go to work every day even if you don't see any prospects.
If you got better mentally you would start to see many opportunities and prospects you simply can't see right now because you either assume the worst behind everything and automatically shut down all attempts of people reaching out to you or ignore them because you are doing the most human thing of them all - being content in your misery.
P.S.: You could also continue responding in the "learning photography" thread and perhaps find some joy by improving you photographic skills.
GutsOfThor
Member
I don't have a career nor am I heading towards one. I normally work in warehouses and play music on the side. Not exactly flattering.....
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Sounds like you will have to accept that and need to get that shit happening if it's something you're insecure about. Do you brah.
GutsOfThor
Member
There is something about your posts that always makes me want to get off my ass and do something! I think it's because I read all your posts in Vince McMahon's voice lol.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
GODDAMN GUTSOFTHOR
YOU NEED SOME LIFE EXPERIENCE SON
GO GET A WORKOUT PROGRAM AND HIT THE GYM
grap3fruitman
Banned
I'm the Iwata of dating. I have no game.
second date seemed to go fine. just got some coffee then went back to my house and watched wolf children then talked for a bit and she just headed out. i think she likes me and i think i like her! i'm very shy about making any kind of physical move though... no idea when i should go for a kiss. in my last relationship my ex pretty much jumped on me and went for it, lol. is it bad to go too many dates without it? these aren't even really that datey of dates, just more hanging out and getting to know eachother.
beat
Member
Make your OK Cupid profile one of you on the guitar!
(If you're a drummer, I dunno, borrow a guitar for the photo?)
If she was willing to go to your place (as a date, not at friends), I'd say she was probably waiting for you to make a move on her.
Man, just had a big conversation with my best friend here at university. Talked about where we were both at on each other and what not, was sort of nerve wracking. She's coming off a relationship, I haven't had a serious one, both have at times considered being more than friends with each other but right now at least we decided it wasn't worth risking our friendship which is important to us both.
I think I'm ok with that, it's just hard to talk about this stuff. I feel fairly inexperienced when it comes to this stuff because I haven't has a serious relationship before and it's just hard to get everything I'm feeling accross.
I think I'm ok with that, it's just hard to talk about this stuff. I feel fairly inexperienced when it comes to this stuff because I haven't has a serious relationship before and it's just hard to get everything I'm feeling accross.
Go to a damn therapist already!
What really helped for me was achieving a mindset of just having fun, and not looking for a girlfriend everywhere I go. I myself have come the conclusion that it's not gonna be as easy as it is for others to get into a relationship. And expecting a relationship, or something more, every time I talked to a beautiful woman really put a lot of stress on me. And stress and fluent conversations are unfortunately pretty much mutually exclusive.
So, bake some cookies, bring them downstairs, and just have some fun. Good luck
Everyone else got to live their teens and twenties: I didn't. I've never gotten to do anything. I've always had to put my life on hold for my family, not that I'd probably go and do anything, given the opportunity.
But apparently you DO want to do something, and that's completely logical, and also possible. Do you still have to take care of your family? (which a LOT of people wouldn't do, so taking care of them is a huge ccomplishment in and of itself). If no, prove yourself wrong on the second part. Give money to a homeless guy. Even if it's just one dollar. There, you made somebody else's life better by being alive yourself.
And by committing suicide you're also depriving yourself of all the beautiful things life has to offer in the end. Permanently. Don't you want to see what that is, before you take such a drastic measure?
To make things easier, I'll answer in this format:
You say you don't have any redeeming qualities, ok, what sort of qualities would you like to have? I don't know. I just know that I don't have any since no one likes me.
You took care of your family. That's a redeeming quality. You went to the gym, that's a redeeming quality. You seem articulate, that's a redeeming quality. (all these three come from talking to you for five minutes, without knowing more about you. If we were friends in real life I'd be able to name more. So sorry to say, but you're wrong
And how do you think you would go about achieving them? Re: I don't know. I genuinely don't know.
Think harder, what would you like to do? Be a writer? Travel more? Become a neuroscientist? Make people laugh? All of those things can be learned, step by step. (neuroscientist might take a pretty long time though :S)
You go to the gym, right? I haven't actively gone since June. Maybe one or twice in September. That's it.
Ok, so you went to the gym. That's a yes. Why did you stop?
Set any new pr's lately? Public Relations? I'm sorry but I don't understand the question.
No worries, personal records
Did you lose weight? I've lost 25lbs... of muscle. At least 25lbs. That's how much less I weigh but I'm also fatter now so I've lost more muscle, which I can't measure, and put on fat.
So, there was a time when you lost weight, or put on a decent amount of muscle. I work in gym. Do you have ANY idea how man people come and go without achieving any results whatsoever? YOu lost muscle, so at some poin you've had to build it up.
Do you go consistently? I did for about four-five years until this summer.
So, yes.
If you answered yes to one of those, that's a redeeming quality. No ifs and buts. So... nothing.
So...everything. Sorry to say, but once again, you're wrong
Did you have a good time with a girl the other time? What girl? What are you talking about?
She must have seen SOME redeeming qualities in you. What were they? Again, I'm at a loss.
I thought you met somebody over OKC or something, and went out with her a couple of times?
Did you want me to answer the rest? It seemed more rhetorical than straightforward questions.
Yes, they were partly rhetorical. I already knew the answer, but I just wanted to show the discrepancy between how YOU view them, completely negative and dismissive of your own achievements, and how I, and other people who also posted see them. And I'm also curious, and want to help. Because I've been through some of the same stuff, though way less severe. And contrary to what you might believe, there are actually kind people on the world (this is mainly just a compliment for myself (<----and this is an attempt at levity))
Also a lot easier said then done, but forget about the last part. If you get better you'll be in a MUCH better position to get out of the shitty situation you're in now. Focus on here and now. And humoring ideas is a great way to start.
I'd be glad try and help you further, or listen to what you have to say. But this is not the thread for it, so I'd prefer PM. People in the mental health thread know what you're going through, and that IS the place for it. But please, feel free to shoot me a PM anytime.
I'm always of the mind that if you REALLY like eachother thoughts about friendship getting in the way won't even come up. But what sort of signs have there been that she's interested in you? And talking to her might be hard, but this is Dating Age, you can ask us anything!
Update on my side: My writing class started last monday and it was a lot of fun. Writing something down and reading it out loud for fourteen people I've never seen before, and one extremely critical teacher was one of the most pants-shitting thing I've ever done, especially since I was tired as fuck, and my writing was sub-par. (luckily no pants were actually shat). Fucking scary. On the bright side though, there are two other guys there, and the rest are all women/girls.
Too bad that I was talking to one extremely cute girl in front of the bathroom after the end of the lesson, and someone else from the course butted in
Who was also pretty nice, but not as interesting. The cute girl left, and the other girl stayed around for a bit of chit chat. And out of thin air she dropped she had a boyfriend. When I was just talking to her, didn't come on to her or anything. Why do that? Next monday should be fun as well. Now to write a decent dialogue. And do you guys think the cute girl will mind if I'm not the bst of the group?edit: sorry for the crappy formatting, hope it will be readable.
Exploding8
Member
Dude, totally know that feel. I just can't wrap my brain around having a relationship but not actually liking the person enough to stay with them.
That's why I'm so stuck on this one girl I mentioned a few pages back. She's just so sweet and we've been spending more time together recently and we just seem to be so comfortable together. We've talked about our ideal relationships to pass the time and maybe it was wishful thinking, but it just seemed like we were perfect for each other. We even talked about some of our emotional baggage, which she said she hasn't been able to tell anyone but her boyfriend, but even then that it was difficult for her, but not with me.
Its funny because my last post was really just a half - joking vent kinda deal, and I moved on after a couple days. Then she started talking about how she thinks she's in love and that her boyfriend is "the one", which was great and I was glad for her except that a couple days later she seemed kinda down and unsure about it again since they've apperantely been having issues. So now I've got hope again and I can't sleep >.<
On a whim to try and cheer her up (like I said she was kinda down) I bought her and a friend of ours tickets to a symphony that they were considering but didn't want to spend the money on (#brokecollegekidlife, I'm working this semester so I have the extra money
). She jokingly acted mad but said she thought that was secretly "super cute". Course the plan backfired when she figured out how much money the tickets cost and she realized I wasn't going, and she bought me a seat too. So now I just feel like a dick lol. Looking forward to it though.I feel like, given the chance, we could do really well by each other. *sigh* Hopefully this whole situation becomes clearer soon. I need to be able to sleep again >.<
InsaneZero
Member
Iwata really believes that he has game even if nobody else believes him. It might be confidence or delusion, but that's the kind of mindset you should have when dating. Although judging from your recent post history you should be taking care of yourself first before even thinking of dating.
I think that the biggest issue you currently have is not that you don't have any appeal, but rather that you're currently not in a mental state that could manage a healthy relationship should you actually find someone.
PflargBlarg
Member
Dude, totally know that feel. I just can't wrap my brain around having a relationship but not actually liking the person enough to stay with them.
That's why I'm so stuck on this one girl I mentioned a few pages back. She's just so sweet and we've been spending more time together recently and we just seem to be so comfortable together. We've talked about our ideal relationships to pass the time and maybe it was wishful thinking, but it just seemed like we were perfect for each other. We even talked about some of our emotional baggage, which she said she hasn't been able to tell anyone but her boyfriend, but even then that it was difficult for her, but not with me.
Its funny because my last post was really just a half - joking vent kinda deal, and I moved on after a couple days. Then she started talking about how she thinks she's in love and that her boyfriend is "the one", which was great and I was glad for her except that a couple days later she seemed kinda down and unsure about it again since they've apperantely been having issues. So now I've got hope again and I can't sleep >.<
On a whim to try and cheer her up (like I said she was kinda down) I bought her and a friend of ours tickets to a symphony that they were considering but didn't want to spend the money on (#brokecollegekidlife, I'm working this semester so I have the extra money
I feel like, given the chance, we could do really well by each other. *sigh* Hopefully this whole situation becomes clearer soon. I need to be able to sleep again >.<
Buddy, you need to take a look at this.
- This girl is talking to you about her emotional baggage
- She has a boyfriend
- She thinks she is in love with her boyfriend and that he's the one
- You're secretly hoping that she will eventually drop him and go to you
- You're infatuated with her
- You bought stuff for her and a friend (to something that YOU'RE not even going to go to)
Can you see the problems here? This is not a good look.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I probably shouldn't wade back into these waters again, considering how unwilling you are to take any of the advice given but, here goes...
You keep saying you don't have any redeemable qualities and it's clear you're not happy with where you are in your life. What qualities do you admire and aspire to? What qualities do you wish you had? Who is the man that you'd like to be?
If you can think about those questions and come up with a list of qualities you think you should possess, or wish you had, you've gotten over the first step. The next thing to do is to chart a road map for yourself to acquire those qualities and get to the place that you want to be. After that, start putting that plan into action.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it will be easy. On the contrary, you first have to want to change. If you truly want to change and become a different person, you then need to get out of your comfort zone and move in that direction. That means getting off your ass and actually doing something about it, rather than complaining about what you wish you had or how you want your life to be.
A little more than 12 years ago my wife left me. She just decided that she didn't want to be married any more and picked up her bags and left with about five days notice. Poof, she was gone from my life. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and for a year and a half, I was miserable. But after I got clear, I started thinking about how I wished my life were different. I wanted to have more adventure in my life. I wanted to be active and go places. I wanted to travel and see the world. I was already going to the gym and was in good shape, but I needed to stop making excuses and start doing the things that I wanted to do.
It started small at first. I went hiking and camping. I started trail running. I bought a mountain bike and learned to ride. I added a couple of kayaks to my collection. It was not only great fun, it brought me out of my funk and helped me to meet more people. I got my confidence back and I started living life he way I wanted to live it. I was happy.
Since then, I have traveled the world and done things that most people only dream of. I've trained kung fu at Shaolin. I've ridden a camel through the Sahara and had dinner in the shadow of the Great Pyramid. I've climbed Kilimanjaro and camped on the Serengeti. I've traveled up the Amazon and spent several nights in the jungle. My journeys have taken me to the Atacama Desert, the driest place on the planet, and on a walking safari in South Africa. I've climbed volcanoes, dove the Great Barrier Reef, and backpacked in the Outback. I've been to Everest Base Camp, snowshoed in the Rockies,and so much more. A decade ago I would have thought those things weren't possible, now they are a way of life. I've even managed to get paid to write about those adventures and often go on them for free. It is amazing how far I've come.
In short, I practice what I preach and know that it can turn things around. But you have to stop making excuses and telling us how awful your life is. Commit to making a change and then get started on going there. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.
As we've told you before, you really shouldn't be looking to date until you've worked on yourself first. When you're in a better place, the dating thing will come easier too.
I'm the PSvita of dating then :lol:
Girls at gym are too hard to pick up, there is nothing to talk about, besides most of them go with their BFs, I'm now forgetting that as an option.
This friday I'm possibly going to meet up with my best female-friend, I've always wanted to kiss her but I don't know how she will react, besides she already has a BF as expected from 99.9999999% of girls in my age. Sorry, but if I keep caring about hitting/picking up only single women, i'll probably never get one.
Several men I know started hitting girls that alredy had a BF, and eventually got them without getting into fights. The girls usually got bored of their bfs and gave an chance to another men.
i lurk in here quite a bit but even though i have a hard time believing the adage "you'll meet someone when you stop looking" it happened.
took a couple of months off from OKC (divorce was final a year and a half ago and been dating fairly regularly although nothing more than 2 dates except one that lasted about 6 months) and on a whim fired it up and sent off three messages to girls whose profiles I really liked. one responded and we ended up IM'ing through OKC until 3am. Started texting the next day, had our first date that weekend.
had a couple of beers and dinner together. sat in my car to talk and sober up a bit and next thing i know we're kissing. everything was easy, no awkwardness, everything was just nice.
tons in common. eventually learn we have way more in common than either of us thought. it's been a month now and we spend our weekends together and during the week when we can.
it was so unexpected that we both have a hard time believing it's real. but we're both pretty grounded and just enjoying our time together. we've spent nights just sharing and listening to music, watching and sharing favorite movies/tv series, you name it... we're both artists and photographers and we're just scratching the surface there.
communication is great, we're both very open. we've handled tough subjects well. we seem to be a really good fit for each other.
if anything i've gotten a lot of validation and reassurance that post brutal divorce things will be ok.
took a couple of months off from OKC (divorce was final a year and a half ago and been dating fairly regularly although nothing more than 2 dates except one that lasted about 6 months) and on a whim fired it up and sent off three messages to girls whose profiles I really liked. one responded and we ended up IM'ing through OKC until 3am. Started texting the next day, had our first date that weekend.
had a couple of beers and dinner together. sat in my car to talk and sober up a bit and next thing i know we're kissing. everything was easy, no awkwardness, everything was just nice.
tons in common. eventually learn we have way more in common than either of us thought. it's been a month now and we spend our weekends together and during the week when we can.
it was so unexpected that we both have a hard time believing it's real. but we're both pretty grounded and just enjoying our time together. we've spent nights just sharing and listening to music, watching and sharing favorite movies/tv series, you name it... we're both artists and photographers and we're just scratching the surface there.
communication is great, we're both very open. we've handled tough subjects well. we seem to be a really good fit for each other.
if anything i've gotten a lot of validation and reassurance that post brutal divorce things will be ok.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Good to hear a success story! Good luck green!
It's funny to see people in this thread say things like: "99.9999% of girls my age have a boyfriend" since I know so many women who are looking to meet a good guy. My girlfriend is considerably younger than me, and when we hang out with her friends, all in their early 30's, they lament the fact that they can't meet a good guy. There seems to be a disconnect somewhere here.
It's funny to see people in this thread say things like: "99.9999% of girls my age have a boyfriend" since I know so many women who are looking to meet a good guy. My girlfriend is considerably younger than me, and when we hang out with her friends, all in their early 30's, they lament the fact that they can't meet a good guy. There seems to be a disconnect somewhere here.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
I've got a tear in my eye. Not joking. I really need to stop spending so much time whining.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Thanks man! I'm glad what I wrote resonated a bit with you. I am truly blessed, and you'll rarely hear me complain about my life.
I also happen to be three weeks away from moving from my city to the city my girlfriend lives in. We're moving in together and starting a life together. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm ready for this new chapter in my life. Everything has led me to this place and I'm as happy as I have ever been.
Their expectations of a good guy is probably pretty high
Usually decent girls over 30 without a man is because they have high standards
ok gaf. i met a cute chick from okcupid(NYC). we have been on one date so far. chemistry between us was good. online dating has taught me not to be overly aggressive on the first date. i normally flirt/ make my first move on the 2/3 date.
anyways. shes 23(im 26). for someone her age she is a really poor texter. she cant/has no interest in carrying conversations through text(shes obviously not tech savy). made me feel as if she was not interested in me. but that doesnt seem to be the case. i saw plenty of signs that she was into me on our date. the problem is that we have opposite work schedules. she works 7-3 and i work 3-11(and different days off).
i dont want to keep on with texting that goes nowhere. she will eventually get tired of it and get turned off. but i want her to know that i am interested. she seems a little promiscuous so i dont know whats shes after. she could be seeing other guys so i want to make my mark asap and get her hooked on the man meat that is me.
so communication is minimal other than small talk texting. try flirting through text? should i go for a forceful 2nd date as soon as possible? or wait a week for a night together? if so how much communication should be in between?
anyways. shes 23(im 26). for someone her age she is a really poor texter. she cant/has no interest in carrying conversations through text(shes obviously not tech savy). made me feel as if she was not interested in me. but that doesnt seem to be the case. i saw plenty of signs that she was into me on our date. the problem is that we have opposite work schedules. she works 7-3 and i work 3-11(and different days off).
i dont want to keep on with texting that goes nowhere. she will eventually get tired of it and get turned off. but i want her to know that i am interested. she seems a little promiscuous so i dont know whats shes after. she could be seeing other guys so i want to make my mark asap and get her hooked on the man meat that is me.
so communication is minimal other than small talk texting. try flirting through text? should i go for a forceful 2nd date as soon as possible? or wait a week for a night together? if so how much communication should be in between?
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