What's your best advice for moving on?

OmegaSupreme

advanced basic bitch
My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.
 
It can be hard to pine for what you cannot have, but if the person does not want you or what you want then you need to move on. The thoughts will lesson in time. But you need to find things to replace the gap in the mean time. The more free time you giver yourself the more you will think about it. Find something active to do with your time. Go do things with friends.

When I lost my mom, not the same as a relationship, I went on a long trip overseas with my brother and dad. That helped. A trip can help. Change the scenery.
 
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This is how the rich and famous deal with rejections.


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My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.
Don't drink or do drugs (I did it for 15 years). For me just gym training helps me better. Dating just sucks for men these days, I mean half of guys under 35 never had a gf. If you don't mind what were the issues? Where I'm from, a relationship was never about love, it was about a commitment. Which is shocking to me right now where I live is that it's only love based. I mean how can you manage a relationship on feelings!?
 
How do you go eight years with someone without marrying them?
Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.
 
That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. I'd say give yourself some time rather than throwing yourself back out there and trying to find someone else as soon as possible. You mentioned about going to the gym, that's a good plan since it's something productive you can focus your energy into. Get yourself into a good place before beginning to date again. A relationship is great but it's important to be happy and comfortable in yourself without needing someone to make you feel complete.
 
Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...
 
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Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...
That's been my experience as well in life. That's why I'm pretty sure another chance is off the table. Sucks man.
 
Get a support system of friends. People you can physically hang out with or do things with. For the love of God do not spend a holiday alone unless you want every happy memory with them you ever had to stab you in the chest.

In the short term, your goal should be staying out of contact with them and staying busy. Focus on improving yourself in any way you can: physically, socially, mentally, spiritually if you're into that, you can also focus on your career.

Once you're a few months removed from the situation, processing why things happened and accepting them as they are will be easier for you (at least it was for me). It took me about 9-10 months before I felt like I was ready to try dating again.
 
get a good sweat going every day no deodorant and showers make sure she's smells that testosterone oozing throughout the house haha

edit: eat a lot of steamed broccoli and some onions/garlic too :messenger_grinning_smiling:
 
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Sorry, I have no advice I was trauma bonded for a long time but that's different getting over her is not going to be easy after so many years. What is wild is her still living there. I'd put her out or I'd leave.
 
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Give yourself the space and time to process your feelings without drinking or smoking shit that just just represses it. You have every right to feel like shit right now, and the sooner you do that, the faster you'll be on your way to feeling better.

Then you start working on yourself to make YOU better for your own sake while you enjoy that sweet single life. Eventually you'll figure out when you're ready to jump back into the dating pool assuming you even want to.
 
What did she say was wrong, maybe before she left? No signs, no constant reminders?

I notice in marriage that certain hang ups tend to stay as grudges for years and years. The cap being loose on the tooth paste or the toilet seat is never closed. Those tend to add more and more tension, especially when you're living together. Did she complain about the way you looked or the expectations you never "met".

I'd say move on. Work on yourself, put yourself out there, and build a social network. Don't waste time grieving or don't grieve forever. A coworker of mine, good guy, is still focusing on his ex and her life. IMO he's going in the wrong direction. This girl has a kid with another man and has moved on. He shouldn't be trying to stay up to date with her life. She apparently moved on and so should he. He needs to spend that time finding another outlet and going on dates. Remind yourself that if she wanted to, she would, but if she's not move tf on.
 
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My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.
There is no easy answer.
Similar thing happened to me end of 2023 and I'm still going through that process.
Meeting someone new can be a short term fix and if they end up being great can replace that loss feeling but isn't guaranteed. Also in my case anyone new I met never measured up or bored me.

As typical and cheesy as it sounds. Simply time and doing things you like or new things you want to try. Gaming wont help.

Be a passport bro and go Thailand.
 
I would just add this, yes it will take time and in the meantime:

While understandable, don't beg or do something that will make you and everyone cringe at you later.
Be stoic, have self-respect, and trust that in time things will be better.
 
Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.
8 years is a long time for a lady to wait.

If it's too late to patch it up and propose, then you hit the gym, level up your career, buy a C8 Corvette, and play the field.
 
Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.
Idk about you, but whenever I dig my heels in and stop budging, even with things I say I want or feel I should want, it's because there's something about whatever's going on that I really do not want.

If you truly were excited to build a future with her, I can't see that you wouldn't have had a serious conversation about what she wants and what you want and where your ideas of what the future should look like intersect and where they diverge. If you really wanted to reconcile, I genuinely don't believe you wouldn't have apologized before this for whatever's been brewing for much longer than "the past few months". Guys always say it comes out of nowhere and it never does >:{

Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...
Definitely not true. If a woman cares about you, she hopes very fiercely for a very long time. What severs that hope is having every last 'gap' in her memory & understanding of you filled in with irrefutable proof that you don't care about her and you won't change. Or that something she thought was true about you (ie your work ethic, your integrity, other values) aren't what she thought they were. The exact second something makes her realize that you're different than what she was hoping or who she thought you were is the second she stops caring.

I suppose OP is right in that you can't fix things after that.
 
Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.
My advice is simply to not do this to the next person. Cut the cord sooner if you're unsure, because you're essentially wasting years of their life (in this case almost a decade) for your own comfort.

Many people don't realize this and then act surprised when the other person might move on faster. It's because they just got hit with a negative 8 on the average lifespan, and if that's someone trying to get married and maybe even have kids, you have moved them from medium difficulty to hard difficulty.

By saying that, whoever you meet next, be more sure of yourself, with them, for sooner than 8 years. Not saying anything crazy like 1 month or even 1 year, but just not another 8.
 
She's still living with you? Not saying to kick her out but seeing her every day is going to make things more complicated and difficult for you to move on. Surely she has a girlfriend or two that she can crash with for the next month?
 
That sucks man. It's been some time (about a decade now) but I went through the breakup after 8 years as well. Not fun. In hindsight it was necessary, we were in different places and needed to go through different things in our lives. The split was tough - I will forever remember standing at the foot of my stairs 2am one after she'd been gone some months, my job had also recently ended, and I'm in my late 30s thinking, "well shit, what is even left?" Of course life moved on. Eventually got a new, (much) better job, and got together with someone else (who is still here), didn't even really take that long. Although by that point I was strictly in "I do not wanna be in a relationship again!" mode, ironic right?

Anyway time will help things. Sounds like you are not some dumb kid and so you probably won't get all dramatic about it, but obviously let yourself have your feelings/get it out of your system. I will say that sharing a living space in the meantime is still going to keep ripping the bandaid off of a wound and preventing its healing, but you no doubt realize this. Until she (or you) is out the door, you haven't really hit that dreaded Day One yet. Even if it is "to make things more convenient" (for whom?) it's still dragging things out and keeping you both mired in whatever you want to consider this final stage as. The sooner you can resolve that & both get on with your lives, the better for all involved. Really it is kind of a (really painful) holding pattern until then. Not recommended.

As for moving on past that - hard to offer much advice beyond what's already been said elsewhere in this thread. Seek out some new things in your life, because it is a fresh beginning. If you have time and resources, getting yourself into a different environment (even if just for a short trip) does wonders for shaking one out of their rhythm. If you have friends somewhere cool, maybe plan a visit. If you can, maybe take a trip somewhere (relatively) exotic. Going alone can be daunting, but being part of a small thrown-together travel group is a wonderful way to get thrown into the thick of it with a small bunch of strangers who can become insta-friends while you are in some weirdo foreign part of the world for a little while. Otherwise, you will have to get used to being back "on the scene" by yourself which - well, different people feel different things about that, for many it is abject terror, so get on with it and start easing into it to make it a little less paralyzing. It is the cure for what ails you though. Finding other people to be around, in different places besides at home trapped on your couch. Go to see some live music, other kind of performances (I used to go to TONS of stand-up when I was single). A watering hole is usually a very easy thing to get sucked up into (don't do this if you are an alcoholic, but do what you need to get over the hump if you must and can handle it - for me it was a pretty good support cushion, when all my other resources were skint).
 
If someone loves you, they'll value you for who you are and your tastes.

Getting drunk or, like many people, quitting your job is the worst thing you can do.

It happened to me a while ago, and people thought I wouldn't get far. Now I have a place that few can reach, and I was desperate for affection, but now I'm with three different girls and I don't despair. You don't have to despair, and if a relationship hurts you, BREAK IT OFF...

I've known people who lose their jobs or commit suicide or harm themselves because they are not reciprocated and it's one of the biggest stupid things someone can do.
 
Yeah with her still living with you its going to make it x100 times harder to move on. You absolutely need to sort out living away from each other asap.
Only then can you make any meaningful progress on moving on which includes removing/deleting her number, social media accounts, anything to tie you to her (as hard as it may be) that is what's going to need to happen.

I was in the same boat 10 years ago. The first few months is tough AF but stay the course. I promise you 1000% you will get over her. It's just going to take time and give yourself that time. Be selfish, focus on you and surround yourself with friends and family as others have already said.

You will get over her. Stay strong OP ❤🙏
 
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My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.

It's hard to answer without knowing what the issues were. I don't expect you to share, but the reasons can make the healing process different.

For example, the worst is when she says she just doesn't love you anymore. It might not be something you've done or said. It's just that she no longer has feelings for you. That one is brutal because it makes you question yourself and stress over where you went wrong.

Anyway, regardless of the issue, I don't think there is any advice I can give besides not drinking yourself to death.

People will say the same old things "time heals" or "there are plenty more fish in the sea" etc. All probably true, but at the moment you can't see that. All you want is your relationship back and for the pain to stop. Nothing I type here will change that. Just take a day at a time and look after yourself, mate.
 
I don't know why people feel you HAVE to get married….being common law is pretty much being married anyway, you can change your last name and still live the same. Sure, the laws might be different, depending where you live, if things go south when you're officially married but the idea society has that people are required to get married is stupid….Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together and not married as long as I have been alive.


Anyway, find things to distract yourself. Like some have said, go to the gym, find other things to do, go out with your friends, go golfing, whatever, just keep yourself busy and you'll start to feel yourself caring less and less. It sucks but life goes on and there's a difference between thinking someone is the one and someone actually being the one. Never set yourself up to think someone is forever cuz you never know…the real one will still be with you when you're all old and ugly and have one foot in the grave.
 
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