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17 Reasons Not To Slit Your Wrists by Michael Moore

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Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
 

Kon Tiki

Banned
trippingmartian said:
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

2004countymap3.gif
 

nathkenn

Borg Artiste
showing these maps is useless, those huge red areas have much more spread out and thinner populations than the blue ones
 

Zaptruder

Banned
JackFrost2012 said:
No, but you are - if you think intelligence and population density are in any way related.

I think they are. Not as a causal relation, but I think a relation is there; Smart people need smart jobs. Smart jobs are located in higher density urban areas (for economic efficiency), smart people from all around country flock to higher density urban areas for smart jobs.

Thus a positive correlation of increasing intelligence with increasing population density.
 

Culex

Banned
nathkenn said:
showing these maps is useless, those huge red areas have much more spread out and thinner populations than the blue ones

Funny you should say that considering 3.5 million more people voted for Bush.
 

MacGuffin

Member
The point was the places with blue = more dense population (in most cases)...

As it doesn't really show that Bush "dominated" the election, it was very close like 51 to 49 but the colors that the graph show look much different because the bulk of the "red" has a population of like 600, where as the blue would have a population of more like 200,000

Country Bumkins for Bush? Any surprise really?
 

Tritroid

Member
JScott said:
The point was the places with blue = more dense population (in most cases)...

Country Bumkins for Bush? Any surprise really?
Jesus shut up. I am so tired of that damn excuse.

How can democrats honestly say that more than half of the country is stupid simply because their candidate didn't win?

Arrogance.
 

MacGuffin

Member
This certainly isn't the topic for this arguement (so I hope to keep it short) but yes I do believe that. When 11 states can ban gay marriage I think there is way more that 50% of the people out there who are less than intellegent. Religion = Behind the times for a lot of people. I know there are some people out there who have a great balance of religion and the world, but too many believe too much in one and hold that to be the undying truth.

People need to grow up and mature.
 

Culex

Banned
JScott said:
The point was the places with blue = more dense population (in most cases)...

As it doesn't really show that Bush "dominated" the election, it was very close like 51 to 49 but the colors that the graph show look much different because the bulk of the "red" has a population of like 600, where as the blue would have a population of more like 200,000

Country Bumkins for Bush? Any surprise really?

That's odd, considering most of those blue counties shown are rural
 

MacGuffin

Member
Tritroid said:
Jesus shut up. I am so tired of that damn excuse.

What excuse? I simply stated that the Blue areas were more populated. Yes I think hicks vote Bush, but that's not an excuse....look what states Bush won. It's not like Alabama, or Texas have ever beat down the door of civil rights to help out the cause.
 

MacGuffin

Member
Culex said:
That's odd, considering most of those blue counties shown are rural

LOL, whatever do you even know where larger cities are located?!

Compare Rural Red vs Rural Blue, and Urban Red vs Urban Blue and I bet there is a stark contract in numbers.
 

pollo

Banned
mike moore is the king of spin, obviously the people that dont approve of the war were people like me, people who didnt vote due to the overwhelming democrat majority in their state. ie. NY. Their vote would not have mattered either way, and so when he talks of those 52% not approving of war hes talking about all the people situated at the peripheries. And its easy to figure out. Like pop tarts.

True the northeast has a history of being progressive, and that yes it is the birthplace of democracy...but ummm...I guess other states outside of the ones that voted democrat are not relevant at all to our democracy the way he puts it. And didnt our first 4/5 presidents come from Virginia? =X. I guess since va voted republican its not a very democratic state at all.

Hes a fat hack.

Oh and Id like to see the margins for those areas in that map. That would show the true picture. Lets stop this "partisan hackery" guys, and lets start displaying both sides of the picture. please.
 

Culex

Banned
JScott said:
What excuse? I simply stated that the Blue areas were more populated. Yes I think hicks vote Bush, but that's not an excuse....look what states Bush won. It's not like Alabama, or Texas have ever beat down the door of civil rights to help out the cause.

What have Vermont, New Hamshire, Rhode Island, Oregon, and Michigan done for civil rights?
 

MacGuffin

Member
Culex said:
What have Vermont, New Hamshire, Rhode Island, Oregon, and Michigan done for civil rights?

Let's see, none of them were slave owning states. Texas, Bama, Mississippi, etc....

Oregon was the closest vote for the Gay Marriage vote. That's one step closer than any place that voted Bush in.
 

Kon Tiki

Banned
Tritroid said:
Jesus shut up. I am so tired of that damn excuse.

How can democrats honestly say that more than half of the country is stupid simply because their candidate didn't win?

Arrogance.

I am not a democrat am I think more than half your country is 'stupid'.
 

DarkAngyl

Member
Generalizing an entire area of the country as “Country Bumpkins” is not only asinine, it’s insulting. Oh sure, there are hicks, and rednecks that live in the south. I’m willing to bet you can find them in the north as well. Writing off that many people as a bunch of stupid hicks because a majority of them in the area disagree with you reeks of arrogance coupled with blindness. If you’ve ever been in the South, you know that’s not the way the entire area is. If you haven’t been down here, well then you truly are talking out of your ass.

Speaking of “Country Bumpkins”, have you ever had an extended conversation with any? Some of them just might surprise you. College degrees and high paying jobs in an urban center is not the only signs of intelligence. Some people choose to live in the country because the simply like it better. I grew up in a small town, but live in Atlanta now. I really wish I was back in the small town. Shades of John Cougar, I know. ;)
 

MacGuffin

Member
Actually I lived in the Florida from ages 2-10, so I have fairly good experience with people from the South..... and the elderly.... damn the eldery....
 

WordofGod

Banned
"17 Reasons Not To Slit Your Wrists by Michael Moore"

My Dad actually slit his wrists and committed suicide when I was 2 years old. It's pretty cruel in my view that Moore would say something so cold and hurtful.
 

DarkAngyl

Member
lol...well we are all going to be elderly at some point, but as a Florida native, I understand where you are coming from. ;) The point is, I've lived all over the country and the South isn't that different from other places as far as intelligence goes. There are some ideals that are different, and things move at a different pace, but the majority of the people are far from stupid.

That doesn’t mean that some of their ideas aren’t still bigoted and antiquated, but again, you can find that anywhere that you go. Disagreeing is cool, just don’t generalize and insult the whole Southern population. We ain’t all bad. ;)
 

MIMIC

Banned
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

OK, that was way too personal. :(

:p
 

pollo

Banned
And most of these country bumpkins are not voting out of religion, but rather are voting due to the fact they cant trust Kerry. If you want proof just listen to the way Kerry speaks, mismatched cadence and whatnot. Bush may be stupid - but his farm boy image still goes a long way for these people. And I don't blame them. Looking at it from their perspective I wouldnt trust any urbanites either - their arrogance, values and lifesyle would be so far beyond me that I would have nothing tangible to relate with them to, and couple that with the fact they always think theyre smarter than me? Fuck that. A lot of them rural America are smart, theyre just misinformed. I dont think many people give them the credit they deserve - especially when those iq tests are dished out. Asinine.


Edit:

oh and btw. I can bet a whole lot of money that someone from the south didnt create that ad down there....

Do You Disagree With Michael Moore? Tell Us What You Think and Win Big.
 

MIMIC

Banned
pollo said:
And most of these country bumpkins are not voting out of religion, but rather are voting due to the fact they cant trust Kerry.

You've got to be freaking kidding me:

Exit polls of 13,531 voters nationwide showed 22 percent cited ``moral values'' as their top issue in voting, trumping the 20 percent who cited the economy, the 19 percent who chose terrorism and the 15 percent who selected Iraq. Seventy-nine percent of those citing moral values voted for Bush.
Bloomberg
 

KingGondo

Banned
Perhaps the greatest maneuver of this election: getting the gay marriage question on the ballot in battleground states like Ohio.

Retarded shit like that drives people to the polls, and most of 'em ain't voting for Kerry. It'll be interesting to see what moral lightning rod issue is on the ballot in '08--Repugnicans are searching...

Onion Headline: "America Votes Agin' The Gays Marryin'"
 

Soul4ger

Member
Maybe Michael Moore should realize that his fat fucking face helped cost democrats some votes, and shut the hell up.
 
I always pictured Michael Moore as more of an "eat until your stomach bursts or you choke on a ham sandwich" kind of suicide victim.
 

ge-man

Member
KingGondo said:
Perhaps the greatest maneuver of this election: getting the gay marriage question on the ballot in battleground states like Ohio.

Retarded shit like that drives people to the polls, and most of 'em ain't voting for Kerry. It'll be interesting to see what moral lightning rod issue is on the ballot in '08--Repugnicans are searching...

Onion Headline: "America Votes Agin' The Gays Marryin'"

It really is a brilliant move, and hopefully Democrats are paying more attention. I pretty believe this tactic was how my current govenor (Georgia) got in--if the state flag hadn't been an issue I think Roy Barnes would've easily been re-elected.
 

tedtropy

$50/hour, but no kissing on the lips and colors must be pre-separated
Soul4ger said:
Maybe Michael Moore should realize that his fat fucking face helped cost democrats some votes, and shut the hell up.

Ding ding ding. Well, short of the needless fat comment, his extremist style scared alot of people away from voting for Kerry because they made the assumption that they shared opinions. Kerry wasn't Michael Moore, but to alot of the public, they're one and the same. Democrats need another Bill Clinton - had Clinton ran, you KNOW he'd of won by a landslide. They need someone with a definite personality and charisma. Yeah, those things shouldn't define politics, but sadly they do.

Let me revise this a little bit - I do think Michael Moore has a right to express his opinion, and I enjoy his movies (and not documentries) as much as the next guy. But I do think he hurt Kerry more than helped in the long run.
 

xsarien

daedsiluap
Culex said:
What have Vermont, New Hamshire, Rhode Island, Oregon, and Michigan done for civil rights?

Well, for starters, Vermont was arguably the first state to allow for gay "marriage" in the form of civil-unions.
 
All those red areas are sparsely populated and the residents of those areas have sex with their cattle. This is why I don't travel through the "heartland". This odd preference for cattle explains the pro life position in those areas.
 
Heliocentric said:
All those red areas are sparsely populated and the residents of those areas have sex with their cattle. This is why I don't travel through the "heartland". This odd preference for cattle explains the pro life position in those areas.

You really are that ignorant.
 

Nerevar

they call me "Man Gravy".
Tritroid said:
Jesus shut up. I am so tired of that damn excuse.

How can democrats honestly say that more than half of the country is stupid simply because their candidate didn't win?

Arrogance.


Or factual truth. The more educated you are, the more likely you are to vote democrat. This is an established fact.
 
Tritroid said:
Jesus shut up. I am so tired of that damn excuse.

How can democrats honestly say that more than half of the country is stupid simply because their candidate didn't win?

Arrogance.

Ok I'm not American and I say at least half of your country is stupid
 

DarthWoo

I'm glad Grandpa porked a Chinese Muslim
I'd say one reason not to slit your wrists is because it's such a messy way to go.
 
I think this is a reasonable contemplative response from him. Michael Moore is also a lot funnier when he's not trying to convince rational people he's a benign unbiased force in media/politics, and that there's one all powerful truth that we're (insultingly enough) mostly ignorant to. It's when he's straight about things, and lavishing us with oodles of tongue in cheek humor on that I actually find myself liking him.

I was expecting the likes of Mike, Moby and other showbiz pundits to be much more sensationalist and doom n' gloom about things.
 
Or factual truth. The more educated you are, the more likely you are to vote democrat. This is an established fact.

Actually, from what I've read, the more educated you are, the more likely you are to vote republican, since the more educated you are the more wealthy you're likely to be.
 
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