American Gaf.. are the Appalachian Mountains going to kill me?

Nocty

Nocty

Member
Story time gaf. Gather around the camp fire for a short and weird tale, right from my very own brother inlaw who is from the USA (virginia to be exact). I'm part chuckling to myself and part nervous about this as I write, so bare with me

My wife and our group of friends are big into camping and hiking. We have a long US trip planned next year (all of us are from England with two from Ireland. During this trip, we plan to hike and camp some of the best places in the USA for doing so, since we have exhausted most of the UK and Ireland. We have already booked flights and paid for some accomodations along the way, so this in part why I'm feeling a little anxious over what transpired this past few days. My sister is married to a dude from the states, so naturally I told my sister where we were going and even sent him our shortlist of dates we expect to kick off the trip and places we could potentially meet.

He gave us a fairly short but sweet response via email to me initially over this past weekend but here is where it gets interesting and im not sure he is fucking with us or not, because when I gave him the shortlist that we had already planned ( infact had made some flight bookings already) he called me in a literal panic begging us to not do this trip. I put the phone down not a few hours ago so I will keep it short and sweet; our party got flights in to hike and camp over some parts of the Appalachian Mountains, a large mountain range in the north eastern part of the US. One of our party has already hiked part of it and that is why it was planned, the scenery looks incredible and it has many challenging and truly wild camping potential.

So yeah, he calls and he says if we go here, we need to seriously reconsider. He tells me a story about his childhood when his grandparents took him and his cousins camping out in this region, and I shit you not, he literally started the sentence with 'those woods are fucked man, DO NOT go there, there are groups of people that hunt hitchhikers out there and not even the local police or rangers will come looking for you if you go missing or get into trouble.' Naturally, I said 'WTF? are you seriously trying to scare me with this shit or are you for real, the clan of hillbillys from red dead redemption 2 are out there or what?... xD

To which he got really upset with me and tbh I dont know the guy well enough to gauge whether he was being serious or not. He started babbling about how when he was a kid, a bunch of tourists went missing out there and their camp was eventually found completely ransacked with their bones and guts hung in the trees. This cant be fucking real in 2025 surely. Am I going to get eaten by cannibals? should I cancel my flights and plans?
 


I'm sure YOU'LL be fine though, bring a camera and set it to auto upload if you have any signal at all out there. If you don't and things go south, I guess we will just see your account go dark and we will know you have been eaten by the hills have eyes people.

Deliverance GIF
 
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We stay often in certain areas of the Smokey Mountains and he isn't too far off if you get into the wrong areas

He is also right that I know some areas that law enforcement does not want to go into either

You get into some areas of those mountains and you are dealing with a different breed of humans

Cannibals? Doubt that just people who are protecting their illegal operations and have no problem making folks vanish

My sister and her husband live near Athens Tennessee and they know of certain areas you don't get close to
 
I mean, if you're going to isolated areas, you should always be prepared for the possibility of running into someone (or a wild animal) with ill intent. Now, a pack of cannibals is highly unlikely to say the least, but a robber, a murderer, a dangerous animal, etc. are all possibilities. That's not even exclusive to the U.S., I've heard of a few people in the UK having close calls when camping in isolated areas.

Like, you'll probably not encounter anyone, but again, if you're aiming to go someplace that's very isolated, think about it. A person is far more likely to commit a crime when they know their target has no option in terms of police and such due to where they are. So bringing a small firearm (assuming your brother in law and/or sister has one) or at least some sort of knife or something couldn't hurt.
 
Kenneth Haight said:


I'm sure YOU'LL be fine though, bring a camera and set it to auto upload if you have any signal at all out there. If you don't and things go south, I guess we will just see your account go dark and we will know you have been eaten by the hills have eyes people.

Deliverance GIF
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hahah.. well we have a starlink in the party so will indeed have connection to outside world. It's too risky to go off grid camping in any mountain region even as an experienced camper, lol
 
Jesus dude have you never watched Deliverance? You're from the UK, we have nothing remotely like the Appalachian mountains nor do we have the wildlife, I wouldn't be setting foot into that ACTUAL wilderness (again remember we don't have actual wilderness here in the UK and Ireland as you're never 10mins from a pub) anyways where was I, yeah I wouldn't go without a proper local guide

70S Banjo GIF
 
HeisenbergFX4 said:
We stay often in certain areas of the Smokey Mountains and he isn't too far off if you get into the wrong areas

He is also right that I know some areas that law enforcement does not want to go into either

You get into some areas of those mountains and you are dealing with a different breed of humans

Cannibals? Doubt that just people who are protecting their illegal operations and have no problem making folks vanish

My sister and her husband live near Athens Tennessee and they know of certain areas you don't get close to
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yoo, dude. Are you serious?

Ok now I think we should reconsider lol. I genuinely thought he was fucking with us. Can you elaborate? are we talking like drug cartels or something... worse?
 
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RJMacready73 said:
Jesus dude have you never watched Deliverance? You're from the UK, we have nothing remotely like the Appalachian mountains nor do we have the wildlife, I wouldn't be setting foot into that ACTUAL wilderness (again remember we don't have actual wilderness here in the UK and Ireland as you're never 10mins from a pub) anyways where was I, yeah I wouldn't go without a proper local guide

70S Banjo GIF
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lmao yeah or course but cmon mate...

I've camped in rural wales, I think I've already encountered folk worse than that 🤣🤣
 
Nocty said:
yoo, dude. Are you serious?

Ok now I think we should reconsider lol. I genuinely thought he was fucking with us. Can you elaborate?
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Just stay in more touristy types of places and you will be fine, you venture off on your own into unknown areas you might run into unsavory people

Plus if you camp be sure any food is sealed in airtight containers because the black bear are essentially tame and will come into camp looking for food

The black bear are pretty harmless as long as you don't get between a momma and cubs

This type of shit happens way too often with the bears in the tourist areas

 
Come on man it's America. You're probably a thousand times more likely to get shot buying trail mix at Wal-Mart before the hike than you are to get disappeared by some maniacs out in the woods.
 
HeisenbergFX4 said:
Just stay in more touristy types of places and you will be fine, you venture off on your own into unknown areas you might run into unsavory people

Plus if you camp be sure any food is sealed in airtight containers because the black bear are essentially tame and will come into camp looking for food

The black bear are pretty harmless as long as you don't get between a momma and cubs

This type of shit happens way too often with the bears in the tourist areas

Click to expand...

thanks. We had already gotten in touch with the necessary authorities for advice on protection (bear spray, switchblades etc) but I believe we cant carry full on firearms as non US citizens. We did plan on having a firearm carrying guide if possible but now I'm concerned we will struggle to find someone who will come along 🤣
 
Nocty said:
thanks. We had already gotten in touch with the necessary authorities for advice on protection (bear spray, switchblades etc) but I believe we cant carry full on firearms as non US citizens. We did plan on having a firearm carrying guide if possible but now I'm concerned we will struggle to find someone who will come along 🤣
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We stay often in the mountains in some kind of fairly remote cabins and always have my .45 on me at all times and bear spray hanging by the back door

Its been probably 20 years ago during a family get away with several of my in laws but even had a bear break into my sister in laws mini van and really trash it because she left food in it

All that said you will likely be totally fine :)
 
touchfuzzy said:
Come on man it's America. You're probably a thousand times more likely to get shot buying trail mix at Wal-Mart before the hike than you are to get disappeared by some maniacs out in the woods.
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I agree about Wal-Mart. I can only speak to personal experience from spending time in rural areas of Tennessee and Georgia. I would suggest doing some research in the areas you will be visiting.
 
HeisenbergFX4 said:
We stay often in the mountains in some kind of fairly remote cabins and always have my .45 on me at all times and bear spray hanging by the back door

Its been probably 20 years ago during a family get away with several of my in laws but even had a bear break into my sister in laws mini van and really trash it because she left food in it

All that said you will likely be totally fine :)
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Im curious to know more about a few things he was babbling about if you wouldn't mind because quite frankly it sounded like a joke.

- Revenue collectors and stills' or something, he said people that live way deep out there still think like the revenue and still days or.. something. No idea what he was talking about

- He quite literally asked me had I not heard about The rules of the woods' or something similar, to which obviously I googled but it gives so many weird folklore vibes I was not sure but he seemed spooked out of his mind by us not considering this that dangerous

have to be honest I feel very naïve. I knew the US and the UK are very different places but I didn't realise it can get this extreme. I guess at the least can you name some of these 'strict no go areas' we should avoid? the region appears so vast it may be easy to stumble into the wrong place so I indeed think we need to plan this better, lol
 
I have a friend who retired very early and hiked the Appalachian for a while.

He said he ran into some very creepy people.

If you're going with a large group.. probably a lot more safe.
 
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Nocty said:
Im curious to know more about a few things he was babbling about if you wouldn't mind because quite frankly it sounded like a joke.

- Revenue collectors and stills' or something, he said people that live way deep out there still think like the revenue and still days or.. something. No idea what he was talking about

- He quite literally asked me had I not heard about The rules of the woods' or something similar, to which obviously I googled but it gives so many weird folklore vibes I was not sure but he seemed spooked out of his mind by us not considering this that dangerous

have to be honest I feel very naïve. I knew the US and the UK are very different places but I didn't realise it can get this extreme. I guess at the least can you name some of these 'strict no go areas' we should avoid? the region appears so vast it may be easy to stumble into the wrong place so I indeed think we need to plan this better, lol
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Start researching the term hillbilly

Actual hillbillies and not Hollywood stereotypes

sono said:
Take a sat phone that constantly transmits your position so they know where to find the bones
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That too always have a way to get help even if its just falling and breaking a leg

I also carry a McMurdo Fast Find gps locator, a little more upfront cost but no subscription fee like others charge
 
There are countless videos on Youtube from people who hiked along the Appalachian Trail. I'd go watch those and find out what to expect. Plenty of Reddit threads on the same subject. Looks like a cool thing to do.









 
Nocty said:
Im curious to know more about a few things he was babbling about if you wouldn't mind because quite frankly it sounded like a joke.

- Revenue collectors and stills' or something, he said people that live way deep out there still think like the revenue and still days or.. something. No idea what he was talking about

- He quite literally asked me had I not heard about The rules of the woods' or something similar, to which obviously I googled but it gives so many weird folklore vibes I was not sure but he seemed spooked out of his mind by us not considering this that dangerous

have to be honest I feel very naïve. I knew the US and the UK are very different places but I didn't realise it can get this extreme. I guess at the least can you name some of these 'strict no go areas' we should avoid? the region appears so vast it may be easy to stumble into the wrong place so I indeed think we need to plan this better, lol
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I know people in my old adventure vacations group who have taken months hiking the trail and they were fine, said it was incredible.

The U.S. is vast, with many differing cultures, like most geographically large countries.

The wilderness can be vast, take a guide and satellite phone, getting lost can be dangerous. Bear spray is a must.

Have fun! This a Mont Blanc are on my bucket list.
 
I don't know if he's fuckin with you or not, but I grew up in rural TN in the Smoky Mountains which is part of the Appalachian range. Your friend is full of shit, you'll be perfectly fine and literally millions of people hike in the Appalachian mountains every year. Enjoy your hike, and if you end up in Maine, (my stomping ground, moved here from Seattle a few years ago), make sure you get a lobster roll and a blueberry pie while you're here.
 
In 2010 i believe it was, a foolhardy census taker was found hanging from a tree in appalachia with a sign around his neck that said "revenooer." I dont think that was on the appalachian trail though.
 
Appalachia is such a vast area so it's hard to know but there are tons of trails and spots to hike and sleep in. Check out bureau of land management land to camp in for free.

You'll be safe. There are meth heads everywhere; just be smart
 
At least if he stops posting we all know what happened.
 
I've hiked all over the apps and never had an issue. Just make sure you have at least 1 belt fed machine gun and set up your claymore mines each night before you go to sleep :p

But seriously, if you are on designated areas you will be fine. It's VERY well traveled there. But don't just wander around onto other people's property. And the geography, while these are baby mountains for sure, can still be treacherous and you can easily get lost if you are fucking around.

Biggest risk out there is stumbling across a pot grow , which these days I'm not sure is nearly as big a risk since its legal(ish) in so many places. Same with a meth cook, but none of those should be in hiking areas.

It's beautiful country, so enjoy!
 
Exaggerations and hyperbole aside, them woods can be dangerous, but that's in the more remote areas. As a tourist just stick to the touristy areas, stay with a group and it'll be fine.

Don't go wandering off on your own or blazing your own trail; certainly not on your first time visiting. Its hard to impress upon people that have never been to the US just how vast it is and how remote some areas can be.
 
jason10mm said:
I've hiked all over the apps and never had an issue. Just make sure you have at least 1 belt fed machine gun and set up your claymore mines each night before you go to sleep :p

But seriously, if you are on designated areas you will be fine. It's VERY well traveled there. But don't just wander around onto other people's property. And the geography, while these are baby mountains for sure, can still be treacherous and you can easily get lost if you are fucking around.

Biggest risk out there is stumbling across a pot grow , which these days I'm not sure is nearly as big a risk since its legal(ish) in so many places. Same with a meth cook, but none of those should be in hiking areas.

It's beautiful country, so enjoy!
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My wife and I were hiking many years ago near the Maggie Valley NC area and on our way back from about a 5 mile hike I saw on GPS we could cut down this one mountain through a small valley and pop out very near our cabin

Once down in the valley we walked into the large area of really tall plants and I soon noticed not only were they pot plants but well taken care of so we just backed our way out and decided to go around :)
 
Just stay out of my holler and you'll be fine.

Seriously, though, I live in Appalachia and the people here are some of the friendliest, most helpful you'll ever want to meet. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
 
If you are hiking through NATIONAL parks you will be fine. Stick to actual trails and you will be fine.

If you see a "posted no trespassing sign or a personal property sign" and you don't know those folks, avoid their property.

I grew up in the woods on top of those mountains and to echo a few of the folks here, this part of the country is some of the most beautiful with wonderful people...that being said:

If you see weed growing in large amounts you are in the wrong place...and you shouldn't pick it :messenger_grinning_sweat:

If you find things like THIS:
uHiFubAdjWUIe0p5.png

"You shouldn't be on my property boy...unless you brought some tobacca and a fiddle".
Which is still some of the best booze and music you will ever get to take part in/experience.
 
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Miyazaki's Slave said:
If you are hiking through NATIONAL parks you will be fine. Stick to actual trails and you will be fine.

If you see a "posted no trespassing sign or a personal property sign" and you don't know those folks, avoid their property.

I grew up in the woods on top of those mountains and to echo a few of the folks here, this part of the country is some of the most beautiful with wonderful people...that being said:

If you see weed growing in large amounts you are in the wrong place...and you shouldn't pick it :messenger_grinning_sweat:

If you find things like THIS:
uHiFubAdjWUIe0p5.png

"You shouldn't be on my property boy...unless you brought some tobacca and a fiddle".
Which is still some of the best booze and music you will ever get to take part in/experience.
Click to expand...
That's a pretty clean looking still, if I came across that I might just ask to buy some apple pie 'shine :P

And it should be illegal to hike the apps without a pipe and some tobacco, so I'd have some to share!

You don't want me anywhere near a harmonica though.....
 
jason10mm said:
That's a pretty clean looking still, if I came across that I might just ask to buy some apple pie 'shine :P

And it should be illegal to hike the apps without a pipe and some tobacco, so I'd have some to share!

You don't want me anywhere near a harmonica though.....
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Doesn't matter, if you can sit by a campfire you're part of the band. You don't buy that stuff, you are a guest. Swap some stories or drop some gossip and you drink for free my friend.

Now...back to business - let's tie one on!
 
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Miyazaki's Slave said:
If you are hiking through NATIONAL parks you will be fine. Stick to actual trails and you will be fine.

If you see a "posted no trespassing sign or a personal property sign" and you don't know those folks, avoid their property.

I grew up in the woods on top of those mountains and to echo a few of the folks here, this part of the country is some of the most beautiful with wonderful people...that being said:

If you see weed growing in large amounts you are in the wrong place...and you shouldn't pick it :messenger_grinning_sweat:

If you find things like THIS:
uHiFubAdjWUIe0p5.png

"You shouldn't be on my property boy...unless you brought some tobacca and a fiddle".
Which is still some of the best booze and music you will ever get to take part in/experience.
Click to expand...
That stuff they make will fuck you up fast :)
 
thanks for the posts guys. Have made some changes based on the info and making sure we stick to designated routes... fuck wandering on to someones land to get blasted lol
 
FWIW the North Carolina/Virginia/Tennessee stretch is the best.

Look into Pisgah National Forest, Grayson Highlands State Park (more open spaces probably like your turf, plus wild ponies!), Linville Gorge, white water rafting on the French Broad river, hitting up Chattanooga (they have a nice cave hike there if you are into that stuff), Pigeon Forge (if you want a wacky slice of american life!). Maybe even take a day to go to Ashville and see the Biltmore House, to see how us yanks can even out-mansion you brits :P

It's very different from what you get out by the Rockies which are REAL mountains. Are you also doing the Grand Canyon? Some very cool camping there and heading down through the mountains to Sedona.

In America there are lots and lots and lots of public parks. These are the places you need to go. It's not like the UK where (to my understanding) virtually all the land is owned by people and camping is kind of a 'by landowner permission only' or even a pseudo guerrilla op where you gotta lay low to not get caught. Our parks will have various levels of campsite from cabins to leveled areas for tens with firepits and restrooms, to minimalist areas that are just clearings with rough fire areas to free range camping where you just pick a spot to camp on your own (and please bury/pack out your waste). Some of these places do have a reservation system and entry fees so you might want to do the homework to make sure you have that stuff squared away.

Also, let the ladies do all the talking. You will have far less trouble if some irish or english lasses are doing the asking :P
 
I would have plenty of water because it is Hot in the US right now. Averaging in the 90s right now.

Hope you have a great time. If you are doing backwoods stuff maybe carry bear spray. There is a lot of great country to see and homesteads.

Cades Cove in the smokies was a fun day trip. I don't know if you are going near TN or not.
 
Been living on a Tennessee mtn by the trail for 25 yrs ,Come and enjoy as its beautiful (I came from a shithole part of Bham UK )so Its a slice of Shangri la for me , FFs do not hike in June/July as the humidity is rough ...and check ya bollocks for ticks too!
 
There some Deliverance stuff everywhere in the world, but the trail is a beautiful and mild range. My family is from New York and transplanted here to Georgia years ago. The culture takes getting used to, but good people (and abused) are sprinkled everywhere. You're likely to find more people will to help you in a crisis than not down here.
 
AJUMP23 said:
I would have plenty of water because it is Hot in the US right now. Averaging in the 90s right now.

Hope you have a great time. If you are doing backwoods stuff maybe carry bear spray. There is a lot of great country to see and homesteads.

Cades Cove in the smokies was a fun day trip. I don't know if you are going near TN or not.
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Love Cades Cove, just saw 18 bear there in one and a half loops a little over a month ago

We like to then go out Parson Branch Road then head to the Tail of the Dragon

Another spot we like heading to is Cataloochee Valley and Elk spot
 
HeisenbergFX4 said:
Love Cades Cove, just saw 18 bear there in one and a half loops a little over a month ago

We like to then go out Parson Branch Road then head to the Tail of the Dragon

Another spot we like heading to is Cataloochee Valley and Elk spot
Click to expand...

I just enjoy going to the homesteads and then to the mill and visitors area. I will hike there some, but there is also a really great drive through homestead area in old gatlinberg. Really just a great place to take a fun break, and hike to some waterfalls.
 
The trail isn't dangerous other than normal outdoors things like bears, not being near anything if something goes wrong, no cell service, no police response time, etc. The biggest danger is if going in the summer you will overheat because it is hot and humid as fuck.
 
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