satterfield
BIGTIME TV MOGUL
This was posted at Craigslist. Pretty funny.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/51778122.html
Grand Theft Auto: I Hate You
My hatred for this game burns brighter than a million suns. Or maybe a million suns who's father was slain in front of them when they were children, forcing them to grow up into twisted vigilante suns, burning the cosmos with their vengeful hate. It wasn't always this way.
Our love affair started about 6 weeks ago. It was a glorious moment finally putting that CD in. I was proud of my ability to get up to 100% in the previous games and was ready to flex my gaming prowess yet again. It almost impacted my marriage, but I made it work. I'd play early in the morning while my sweetie was still in bed. I'd hop on for a few minutes while she was in the shower. I'd entice her into playing by letting her shoot a few cops. And I knew when it was time to shut it off and turn to What Not to Wear or the new Apprentice. But this hasn't prevented me from putting in countless hours into this fucking game.
I wanted to do all the tedious shit first, then finish off the final missions with all my unlocked goods. I spent weeks on all the vehicle missions. Did all those fucking ambulance missions, to pleas of "turn off that goddamn siren!" Did all the firetruck missions to earn fireproof status ("Oops, I just dropped a molotov cocktail... on your head!") All the pimp missions (the bitches now pay /me/). The taxi missions, the trucker missions, the valet missions, did all the schools, got all the girlfriends, etc. A lot of hours were donated to getting all this shit done.
Now, my wife can barely handle watching me play this game endlessly as it is. Watching me do mindless crap just to get 100% doesn't sit with her any better. I held off on most of the really tedious stuff until she went out of town this week. So /this/ week I went all out. From the time I came home from work until I passed out at night, I went around spray painting all 100 gang tags, took all 50 pictures, found all 50 oysters, and found all 50 horseshoes.
When I finally got it all done, I was stoked. I was flying around in my jetpack, shooting cops with glee. Finding all the horseshoes maxed out my luck, so I was throwing millions of dollars all around the casino. My wife loves playing in the casino, so I knew she'd be happy to come home to find out she can now play roulette with a $5mil bankroll and the odds in her favor.
It was a great moment. All the side missions done and I was ready to go full bore into the final missions. The first mission at the Four Dragon Casino was waiting for me. I flew from my airstrip, wearing my badass jetpack, but took a wrong turn and ended up too close to the military base. Got shot down, but I wasn't too worried since I had just saved it. So I go to load up my saved game... "Load Failed. Restarting game."
WTF?! But I wasn't too worried. I'm an old school gamer, yo. This shit has happened before, I always alternate my save game files so I have a backup. I tried to load the backup save... "Load Failed. Restarting game."
Ok, deep breath. There was a third saved game, when I thought that I'd need an extra, just in case. But about a month ago I figured I was being paranoid and stopped saving to that slot. I decided to load it just to see. "Load Successful". Ok, cool. At least I know the memory card works. I wait... and wait... nothing. The game just froze loading it. Crap! I restarted and tried loading all three again. Each one spit out "Load Failed. Restarting game."
I got desperate. I copied over the save file to a different memory card, rebooted, and let it autoload. "Load Successful" Woohoo! It fucking worked, I'm a genius! When the game loaded I realized it was the month old version. I was standing there with my tats out and a scarf over my face. Ah, back when I had to run with my boys to take our territory back from the motherfucking ballers. Good times, but I've matured since then. My taste in clothing is more refined and I've got my garage & bitches to think of.
So I load up the latest save. "Load Failed. Restarting game."
ARGG!!! My wife called me right after. I was going to tell her about my trauma, but she started talking about some real life drama going on. The only thing that pisses me off more about losing that many hours of work is knowing that it's totally petty in the big scheme of things. So I consoled her about her real problems, got off the phone, and curled up into the fetal position for the rest of the night.
I'm hoping against hope that there's someone out there who plays as obsessively as I do (has done all the side missions) but hasn't gotten past the first mission at the Four Dragon casinos yet. I need to copy your saved file before someone at Rockstar gets shot.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/51778122.html
Grand Theft Auto: I Hate You
My hatred for this game burns brighter than a million suns. Or maybe a million suns who's father was slain in front of them when they were children, forcing them to grow up into twisted vigilante suns, burning the cosmos with their vengeful hate. It wasn't always this way.
Our love affair started about 6 weeks ago. It was a glorious moment finally putting that CD in. I was proud of my ability to get up to 100% in the previous games and was ready to flex my gaming prowess yet again. It almost impacted my marriage, but I made it work. I'd play early in the morning while my sweetie was still in bed. I'd hop on for a few minutes while she was in the shower. I'd entice her into playing by letting her shoot a few cops. And I knew when it was time to shut it off and turn to What Not to Wear or the new Apprentice. But this hasn't prevented me from putting in countless hours into this fucking game.
I wanted to do all the tedious shit first, then finish off the final missions with all my unlocked goods. I spent weeks on all the vehicle missions. Did all those fucking ambulance missions, to pleas of "turn off that goddamn siren!" Did all the firetruck missions to earn fireproof status ("Oops, I just dropped a molotov cocktail... on your head!") All the pimp missions (the bitches now pay /me/). The taxi missions, the trucker missions, the valet missions, did all the schools, got all the girlfriends, etc. A lot of hours were donated to getting all this shit done.
Now, my wife can barely handle watching me play this game endlessly as it is. Watching me do mindless crap just to get 100% doesn't sit with her any better. I held off on most of the really tedious stuff until she went out of town this week. So /this/ week I went all out. From the time I came home from work until I passed out at night, I went around spray painting all 100 gang tags, took all 50 pictures, found all 50 oysters, and found all 50 horseshoes.
When I finally got it all done, I was stoked. I was flying around in my jetpack, shooting cops with glee. Finding all the horseshoes maxed out my luck, so I was throwing millions of dollars all around the casino. My wife loves playing in the casino, so I knew she'd be happy to come home to find out she can now play roulette with a $5mil bankroll and the odds in her favor.
It was a great moment. All the side missions done and I was ready to go full bore into the final missions. The first mission at the Four Dragon Casino was waiting for me. I flew from my airstrip, wearing my badass jetpack, but took a wrong turn and ended up too close to the military base. Got shot down, but I wasn't too worried since I had just saved it. So I go to load up my saved game... "Load Failed. Restarting game."
WTF?! But I wasn't too worried. I'm an old school gamer, yo. This shit has happened before, I always alternate my save game files so I have a backup. I tried to load the backup save... "Load Failed. Restarting game."
Ok, deep breath. There was a third saved game, when I thought that I'd need an extra, just in case. But about a month ago I figured I was being paranoid and stopped saving to that slot. I decided to load it just to see. "Load Successful". Ok, cool. At least I know the memory card works. I wait... and wait... nothing. The game just froze loading it. Crap! I restarted and tried loading all three again. Each one spit out "Load Failed. Restarting game."
I got desperate. I copied over the save file to a different memory card, rebooted, and let it autoload. "Load Successful" Woohoo! It fucking worked, I'm a genius! When the game loaded I realized it was the month old version. I was standing there with my tats out and a scarf over my face. Ah, back when I had to run with my boys to take our territory back from the motherfucking ballers. Good times, but I've matured since then. My taste in clothing is more refined and I've got my garage & bitches to think of.
So I load up the latest save. "Load Failed. Restarting game."
ARGG!!! My wife called me right after. I was going to tell her about my trauma, but she started talking about some real life drama going on. The only thing that pisses me off more about losing that many hours of work is knowing that it's totally petty in the big scheme of things. So I consoled her about her real problems, got off the phone, and curled up into the fetal position for the rest of the night.
I'm hoping against hope that there's someone out there who plays as obsessively as I do (has done all the side missions) but hasn't gotten past the first mission at the Four Dragon casinos yet. I need to copy your saved file before someone at Rockstar gets shot.