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Best place for Jesus quotes?

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Ned Flanders

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I'm looking for an online site with an exhaustive list of quotes from Jesus and Google is giving me the run-around. Any Bibliofiles know of a site that fits my requirements?
 
My personal favourite:

the_big_lebowski_jesus.jpg

"Don't fuck with the Jesus!"
 
FYI, cockbuckets, I'm trying to reach a person who's been lured in by a bunch of judgmental evangelical wackos. I'm not a believer, but I think that Jesus was a great philosopher, and his message is obviously lost on these people who are so caught up in judging non-believers. So I thought I'd fight fire with fire and try and reach this person with the words of the man who forms the cornerstone of her faith, instead of trying to directly allude to the callous, fake-ass moral highground nature of the people influencing her.

Its so sad..I feel like she's being pulled in by a cult.
 
Bear in mind that you're treading on dangerous ground here. Nutso evangelicals have a lot of experience twisting the words of the Bible to their own end, and you clearly don't, or you wouldn't be looking for a pointer to Jesus quotes. You may well just end up making things worse going down that path...
 
iapetus said:
Bear in mind that you're treading on dangerous ground here. Nutso evangelicals have a lot of experience twisting the words of the Bible to their own end, and you clearly don't, or you wouldn't be looking for a pointer to Jesus quotes. You may well just end up making things worse going down that path...
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So what should I do? Nothing? Fuck that!! At least this way we'd both be drawing from the same source, and the truer sentiment would reveal itself. Besides, the consequences of trying and failing are no different than not trying at all. Inaction is unacceptable, and I will not watch as someone I care about is brainwashed and taken from me.
 
Well gotdammit its like someone could make a thread about their mom falling into a coma and a bunch of GA asshats would fill the fucking thread with Terri Schiavo "animated gifs". Dur fucking hur. This is clearly an emotional subject for me and if you people can't respect that then I won't respect you. Take your fucking chucklefest in your own gotdamn thread.
 
Ned Flanders said:
So what should I do? Nothing? Fuck that!!
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I'm not advocating doing nothing, but going in and fighting them on their terms doesn't seem particularly sensible either. Do some research on the group, and on other similar groups so you can point out their evilness. Has your friend been a member of a more traditional church previously? Consider asking there for advice.
 
Ned Flanders said:
Well gotdammit its like someone could make a thread about their mom falling into a coma and a bunch of GA asshats would fill the fucking thread with Terri Schiavo "animated gifs". Dur fucking hur. This is clearly an emotional subject for me and if you people can't respect that then I won't respect you. Take your fucking chucklefest in your own gotdamn thread.
Click to expand...

Dude.

Step 1: Find a Bible.

Step 2: Read Matthew through John.

Done.
 
Ned Flanders said:
I'm looking for an online site with an exhaustive list of quotes from Jesus and Google is giving me the run-around. Any Bibliofiles know of a site that fits my requirements?
Click to expand...

Ned, God bless ya, laddie! You and me's got to head up to Utah and crack a few skulls (in the spiritual sense, of course, now). The Bishop has been sendin' me letters to no end and would love to see it. That's the Minstream Mormons, you know.

Any time after the two years of my upcoming school you want to do that, I'd love to see Salt Lake. Just a thought, and keep readin' that Bible! It always seems fresh to me no matter how many times I sit down to chapter and verse.
 
Uhm, do legitimate Jesus quotes really exist? Wasn't the Bible written years after his death? Shit, it's not like he had a ghostwriter following him around.
 
Modern scripture scholars believe the only 100% accurate "quote" in the bible is the word "abba," which Jesus uses to describe the relationship between God and man-- father, daddy, etc.

To make matters worse, he didn't speak English, so the translation of translation of translation has surely changed what Jesus has said over time. Again, nobody was writing down what he said. It's likely the sermon on the mount never happened. It was just a collection of sayings and teachings Jesus said throughout his life compiled into one nice little literary scene.

Unless you're a fundamentalist, this makes perfect sense.
 
It'd be easier if you told us a major point of contention. That way we could offer up scripture thatapplies to it. Instead of just searching for random Jesus quotes. The Apostles were important too.
 
Hitler Stole My Potato said:
That's my favorite part of the bible. When Jesus and Darth Vader go riding off into the sunset on their armadillos...makes me cry every time.
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me too and there's a lesson to be learned. I think it's high time on VaderJesusArmadillo day that we remember it's about their struggle...and their redemption...on the armadillos...and not all the gifts we buy each other.
 
Jesus said:
Man, they're still wearing crosses. Fuck it, I'm not goin, dad. No, they totally missed the point. When they start wearing fishes I might show up again, but... Let me bury fossil heads with you Dad, Fuck em - Let's Fuck with them! They're fuckin with me now, lets get em. Give me that brontosaurus head, Dad.
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;)
 
Ned, asking this question on GAF (of all places) is like wearing an "I love Nintendo" shirt to a Playstation developers conference .... nothing good will come of it...
 
Where's that YTMND with the hockey playing Jesus and someone says "I didn't know you played hockey Jesus" and Jesus says "It's easy when your Jesus, lol!!"
 
My roommate gave me a Jesus action figure a while ago. After thinking long and hard, I finally have good use for him. Bonus points for those who know the beer brand.

jesus9oe.jpg
 
how long ago was she lured in? Was it during a retreat? Often times people who have been lured in an isolated setting need some time back in their normal lives to wonder what they got so worked up about during a retreat.

Also, what about the group frightens you? If they're just hardcore fundamentalists I can't really say that's something to worry about... get used to it, there's arena church's going up everywhere.
 
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