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BritGAF |OT6| Dark Souls? More like Arse Holes

J

JonathanEx

Member
e9JPZRm.png


BritGAF, BritGAF, BritGAF…

Discovered in 1925, BritGAF is a land beyond rules. When measured on a 30 centimeter ruler. A country that is always united (except when it it's not), that always maintains dignity (except when it doesn't) and can always take a joke (except when it can’t).

But it’s about the people of BritGAF we explore today. But who is they? When did they? And why?

People of BritGAF, or "plebs" as they're known, trade for goods with petty change and petty arguments. They will farage long into the night to catch their favourite fish, the ukipper.

The country is also home to the creature known as ducks, although nobody is quite sure what one really is.

The trading of songs is an ancient tradition. At least three songs are known to the community, all of which by the classical composer The Brothers Chuckle. At ten past eveningtimes, the people unite to worship the red haired Queen Williams. While rumoured to have used a guitar, she is mainly known for her work in “jifs”.

There are few things loved more in BritGAF than mathematics. Friends often demand to hear skills of their fellow countrymen by the demanding shout of "Count!". The sign of true friendship is how many people call you this. The leading count is known only by the name Piers.

The BritGAF have no concept of sport.

They do however have an interest in perfume, regularly discussing the fragrance "Clique". Members will often alert each other to this with a call of "What's Apppp". It's believed to be a reference to an ancient beer commercial. You must request the secret password to join this What's App, but must locate it first. The password is not given away easily and can only be revealed through a sequence of riddles.

The secret password is "hey who do I message to join WhatsApp group".

You've arrived on a rather special night...
The_Poet said:
iRBUT3qcW6cHY.gif
Click to expand...
by The_Poet

Meets
The community consists entirely of carnivores, due to an interest in "Meats". These Meats are often hunted in the London area, several times a year. Anybody proclaiming to have located a Meat in the Northern area of the country is a liar and a charlatan who should not be trusted.

Here, the latest meet could potentially be edited.

OI OI OI OI OI.
The next meet is taking place in the Swindon of the North... Manchester.
MEET INFORMATION: NeoGAF UK Meet Summer '15 - Manchester
When - Saturday 27th June
Where - Manchester m8

Birthdays
Tuesdays are my favourite days. What's yours? Here are some days people enjoy. Ooh, 17th Smarch. I love a Smarch.

8th January - Slowdive
11th January - woodsey1982/BGBW
14th January - Addnan
30th January - Guerrillas in the Mist
1st February - NinjaBoiX
6th February - IamMikeside
13th February - N7Commander95
20th February - Wunder
4th March - SuperSah/Vashetti
6th March - Inanna
14th March - Blink Me
16th March - Vereataes
18th March - Romez/alan666
19th March - Nerdkiller
26th March - Shane
5th April - CyanideStrike
6th April - Recall
7th April - Reknoc/Jedeye Sniv/Volotaire
9th April - SteveWD40
29th April - sploatee
30th April - wetflame
6th May - deli2000
11th May - Danj
18th May - show me your skeleton
22nd May - theaface
24th May - TCRS
29th May - shorty_symd
31st May - richisawesome
3rd June - Tarahiro
5th June - kyser73
8th June - Marc
9th June - Darren870
18th June - runlikehell
25th June - MrGlass
27th June - WraithBringer
6th July - Chopper
10th July - toweringinferno
12th July - Olliewilldie
19th July - Jordan91
27th July - Gumball
31st July - Son of D
4th August - cableathan
6th August - QuicheFontaine
7th August - TetraxShards
9th August - JonathanEx
17th August - afoni
27th August - Lollipop Dave
31st August - ittoryu
1st September - Cindres
2nd September - TheHollowNight
6th September - Mark1
9th September - Doc_Beaker
15th September - Screaming Meat
23rd September - Kentpaul
24th September - phisheep
25th September - SovanJedi
27th September - 8bit
7th October - caffeinedreamer
14th October - Juicy Bob
23rd October - NandyRewman
31st October - donkey show
3rd November - Hot Coldman
7th November - Deaf Spacker
15th November - jufonuk
26th November - zorlaczerohero
27th November - dapperbandit
29th November - Snarfington
8th December - poshclown
13th December - Lirlord
15th December - SamRambles
16th December - Musha_Soturi
19th December - jimbor
20th December - Tashbrooke
28th December - Little Old Man

Induction
Upon joining, it is ritual to complete the great questions. It is written that these are from the Great Inquisitor himself, Sir Jeremy of Paxman.

Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc)
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to?
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end?
Favourite daytime TV show?
Fish or chips?
Daddy or chips?
What's your tipple of choice?
Favourite party snack?
Who is the best bald person?
What's your disappointing claim to fame?
What's your perfect Sunday?
Did you threaten to overrule him?
Did you threaten to overrule him?
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him?

Stalking
BritGAF on Steam
BritGAF IRC
BritGAF Gaming IDs

The Rulings of This Fair Land
For discussions of all things that matter, you may wish to join UK PoliGAF. In which we shout PARKLIFE at weird-haired blokes who uses fifty words when four would do.

The latest series of Britain’s favourite reality show, The Election Factor, starts in May. If you’re being, binge-watch the coalition series here.

Wall of Shame
...to be updated with finalised shame:

NnqqDwM.png



We apologize for the faults in this post. Those responsible have been sacked.
 
S

Screaming Meat

Unconfirmed Member
Fuck a duck.

Nice work, sir.

Forgot this business:

Where do you come from? Kent
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Phone Monkey
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? I'll let you know soon as I do
Favourite daytime TV show? Columbo/Quincy
Fish or chips? Why not both?
Daddy or chips? I'm The Daddy!
What's your tipple of choice? Caffeine
Favourite party snack? Ecstasy
Who is the best bald person? Spider Jerusalem
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Zane Lowe played my old band's single. Twice. I peaked too early...
What's your perfect Sunday? Sunny morning, stoned, wife dozing peacefully next to me, kid jumping about laughing, and My Bloody Valentine on the ol' wireless.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Well, I...
Did you threaten to overrule him? You see it's not...
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? YES! YES I DID! IF I HAD TO I'D DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!
 
Musha_Soturi

Musha_Soturi

Member
Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc) South Wales
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? System Accountant
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Pop out a sprog
Favourite daytime TV show? Nah, can't even think of one
Fish or chips? Chips
Daddy or chips? Chips
What's your tipple of choice? Tea
Favourite party snack? Pizza cake
Who is the best bald person? Bruce Willis
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I am 3 degrees away from Stephen Amell
What's your perfect Sunday? Lie in, friends over, cooking a roast
Did you threaten to overrule him? No
Did you threaten to overrule him? No
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? No
 
L

Lirlond

Member
SCOTLAND, SCOTLAND, WE SHIT OURSELVES DIDN'T LEAVE, SCOTLAND.

NOW WE'RE STUCK, WITH THE TORIES, LOTS OF LOVE SCOTLAND
 
S

Symphonia

Banned
Great work, Jonathan.

Where do you come from? Birmingham.
What's your job? Graphic Designer.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Learn Mandarin.
Favourite daytime TV show? Jezza Kyle, obviously.
Fish or chips? Fish, but it has to be cod.
Daddy or chips? Chips...
What's your tipple of choice? Love my Jack.
Favourite party snack? Mini quiches are the shit.
Who is the best bald person? Richard O'Brien.
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Um, having my dick pic seen by several GAF members? I dunno...
What's your perfect Sunday? Roast, drink, film, sleep.
Did you threaten to overrule him? No.
Did you threaten to overrule him? No.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? ...yes.
 
S

Spookie

Member
Might as well do this as I've not done it in a while:

Where do you come from? Wirral
What's your job? Tech support for BT.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? GET GD AT DOTES.
Favourite daytime TV show? Come Dine With Cunts.
Fish or chips? Chips, Chipper Dippers from ASDA too.
Daddy or chips? Sugar Daddy.
What's your tipple of choice? Spiced Rum or Whisky.
Favourite party snack? Spring Rolls
Who is the best bald person? Jason Statham
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I've been on stage at the Gamesmaster which was held in Birmingham.
What's your perfect Sunday? Not covering CS&B because some cunt in work flow didn't assign enough staff.
 
V

Vashetti

Banned
Where do you come from? Wales
What's your job? Retail (Co-op)
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Win the lottery
Favourite daytime TV show? Jezza
Fish or chips? Fish & chips
Daddy or chips? Daddy
What's your tipple of choice? Whiskey/rum/wine (not all at once)
Favourite party snack? Something with chicken
Who is the best bald person? Philth Mitchell
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I won Access Learner of the Year award in 2012
What's your perfect Sunday? Indoors, rainy day. Watching favourite movies with the BF.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Yes.
Did you threaten to overrule him? No.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Maybe.
 
V

Volotaire

Member
Vashetti said:
Where do you come from? Wales
What's your job? Retail (Co-op)
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Win the lottery
Favourite daytime TV show? Jezza
Fish or chips? Fish & chips
Daddy or chips? Daddy
What's your tipple of choice? Whiskey/rum/wine (not all at once)
Favourite party snack? Something with chicken
Who is the best bald person? Philth Mitchell
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I won Access Learner of the Year award in 2012
What's your perfect Sunday? Indoors, rainy day. Watching favourite movies with the BF.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Yes.
Did you threaten to overrule him? No.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Maybe.
Click to expand...

You're Welsh!?
 
R

Rubbish King

The gift that keeps on giving
Where do you come from? Devon
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Studying at Portsmouth uni, yo
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? I'd like to earn a masters degree in Mechanical Engineering, become a self-proclaimed genius
Favourite daytime TV show?That mitchell and webb look
Fish or chips?chip and pin
Daddy or chips?Fish and Cushion
What's your tipple of choice?Guinness
Favourite party snack? Those bitchin party rings
Who is the best bald person? Ross Kemp, obvious
What's your disappointing claim to fame?I got an STD, and I liked it.
What's your perfect Sunday? Not being hungover and videogames
 
W

War Peaceman

You're a big guy.
Nice op Jonathan!

Might as well:

Where do you come from? Kent.
What's your job? PhD.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Be published?
Favourite daytime TV show? Umm Ready Steady Cook?.
Fish or chips? Chips.
Daddy or chips? Mummy
What's your tipple of choice? I'll have a water pls
Favourite party snack? sausage rolls.
Who is the best bald person? Patrick Stewart.
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I've met two of this year's Bake Off contestants.
What's your perfect Sunday? Roast, run, Dota.
Did you threaten to overrule him? the truth of the matter is that Mr. Marriott was not suspended. I did not .
Did you threaten to overrule him? I did not overrule Derek Lewis.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? I took advice.
 
M

Mr. Sam

Member
I've been wondering: whatever happened to Suairyu? Seemed a good chap.


Where do you come from?
London

What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to?
Assistant to the receptionist

What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end?
Receptionist

Favourite daytime TV show?
Neighbours

Fish or chips?
Fish

Daddy or chips?
Chips

What's your tipple of choice?
Kronenbourg

Favourite party snack?
Doritos (cool original)

Who is the best bald person?
Patrick Stewart

What's your disappointing claim to fame?
I once saw Ian Brown in a coffeehouse in Amsterdam and loudly asked if he was Noel Gallagher

What's your perfect Sunday?
Getting out of bed

Trash Lord said:
Where do you come from? Devon
Click to expand...

Immediately, and against my will, I thought, "GET THE TABLES!"
 
S

Slowdive

Banned
Where do you come from? Manchester
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Unemployed as of August.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? I'll get back to you on that one.
Favourite daytime TV show? This Morning
Fish or chips? Chips
Daddy or chips? Chips
What's your tipple of choice? Tea
Favourite party snack? Sausages on cocktail sticks
Who is the best bald person? Patrick Stewart
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Probably that Kojima held a poster with my GAF avatar on it recently.
What's your perfect Sunday? Lie in, Put the TV or some music on, just relaxing really.
 
S

Son Of D

Member
Where do you come from? Born in London, spent most of my life in Devon, now living back in London.
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Filthy student at Southbank.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Maybe actually finish these ideas I've been writing for the past 2 and a half years?
Favourite daytime TV show? That show where that thing happens.
Fish or chips? Chips.
Daddy or chips? Chips.
What's your tipple of choice? Tea.
Favourite party snack? Pizza slices.
Who is the best bald person? Well I've been bald a few times.
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I spent most of my life in the town next to where Muse come from. Alternatively, if you play Six Degress of Devon Bacon you can link me to Tom Daley. And of course, the one I hear the most is me being related to Charles Dickens.
What's your perfect Sunday? Now, my perfect Sunday would begin with...
Did you threaten to overrule him? No.
Did you threaten to overrule him? I said no.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Can't you read? I said no.
 
D

Deaf Spacker

Memb
Oh hai!

Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc) Essex
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Data geek
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Become a millionaire
Favourite daytime TV show? Jeremy Kyle
Fish or chips? Neither, battered sausage ftw
Daddy or chips? Chips
What's your tipple of choice? Vodka
Favourite party snack? Party rings
Who is the best bald person? Jason Statham
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Attended Beijing 2008 trials
What's your perfect Sunday? A day lounging in my onesie
Did you threaten to overrule him?
Did you threaten to overrule him?
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Yes
 
S

spuckthew

Member
Where do you come from? A small town called Godalming in the heart of Surrey's countryside. But at the moment I'm living in Surbiton with my girlfriend. People say I have a uniquely posh accent.
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? IT guy at a secondary school/sixth-form.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Become effing rich.
Favourite daytime TV show? Loose Women. Yeeeeaaaap.
Fish or chips? Haddock.
Daddy or chips? Er, um, chips I guess. (I don't even...)
What's your tipple of choice? White wine.
Favourite party snack? Breadsticks and dip.
Who is the best bald person? Elmur Fudd.
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I was a poster boy in Guildford College's 2011/2012 leavers prospectus (although the picture was taken in April 2010). There was a 75% scale cutout of me outside the careers office. Suffice to say I was surprised to bump into myself when it showed up in my final year.
What's your perfect Sunday? Motorsport and roast chicken.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Nope.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Nope.
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Sorry, "no".
 
8

8bit

Knows the Score
Good job on the thread, sir!

--

Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc)
The Southside of Glasgow.
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to?
Senior IT Manager in Big Pharma.
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end?
I'd be OK with finishing this beer.
Favourite daytime TV show?
I have no idea.
Fish or chips?
Smoked sausage supper.
Daddy or chips?
Chips.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHA4-5N5AzA
What's your tipple of choice?
Beer.
Favourite party snack?
Olives.
Who is the best bald person?
The Fall said:
You know when you end up in some sort of a cine-complex
And the person next to you is someone you hate?
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, with me
I end up like that, all around and inside left

All through the walls
It suppurates, look it up!
I'm immobile
Is your house for sale?

And Davey's just got out of his cell
Where have you been this time?
Your lives are beyond the pale, what?
Walk the main drag, splayed

See the blue baseball hatted, baseball blue hatted
School friends, pop mobs, male loafers
Business affairs, advisers and members of the band
Suppurated, look it up!

And everyday it's my pleasure to meet
The great league of bald-headed men
Click to expand...

What's your disappointing claim to fame?
My feet are supposed to be in a club scene in Trainspotting.
What's your perfect Sunday?
I spent most of today vacuuming and steam mopping, and I actually kind of enjoyed that. If vacuums had global leaderboards Earth would a tidier place.
Did you threaten to overrule him?
I have accounted for my decision to dismiss Derek Lewis in great detail before the House of Commons,
Did you threaten to overrule him?
Well, the important aspect of this which it's very clear to bear in mind,
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him?
I discussed the matter with Derek Lewis. I gave him the benefit of my opinion. I gave him the benefit of my opinion in strong language, but I did not instruct him because I was not, er, entitled to instruct him. I was entitled to express my opinion and that is what I did.
 
S

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
Great OP!

I'll answer the questions later, but I just picked up a wad of 360 games for next to nothing (to play over Christmas)

The Orange Box
Red Dead Redemption
Bioshock
Xcom (show me your skeleton, I'm trusting you...)
Dishonored

Still need to try Gears of War and Halo but they shoul do! So so cheap.
 
C

Cindres

Vied for a tag related to cocks, so here it is.
Oo the new one's out. It's been a while since I first did this

Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc) Huddersfield, living in Newcastle for just >4 years now.
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Software Developer
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Eat one of every animal
Favourite daytime TV show? Daytime? That's when I'm at work
Fish or chips? Fish
Daddy or chips? Daddy
What's your tipple of choice? Cold pint, preferably Staropramem
Favourite party snack? Chicken wings
Who is the best bald person? Sir Patrick Stewart, no question.
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Apparently I have a Bacon number of 3/4 or something.
What's your perfect Sunday? Making myself a shitload of food and doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.
Did you threaten to overrule him? No
Did you threaten to overrule him? But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? Sorry can you repeat that one more time?

(p.s. My birthday's September 1st.)
 
8

8bit

Knows the Score
sploatee said:
Great OP!

I'll answer the questions later, but I just picked up a wad of 360 games for next to nothing (to play over Christmas)

The Orange Box
Red Dead Redemption
Bioshock
Xcom (show me your skeleton, I'm trusting you...)
Dishonored

Still need to try Gears of War and Halo but they shoul do! So so cheap.
Click to expand...

Those are some mighty fine games, Portal, Bioshock & RDR especially have some of the best gaming moments of the PS360 generation. XCOM & Dishonored are solid too.
 
S

Slowdive

Banned
sploatee said:
Great OP!

I'll answer the questions later, but I just picked up a wad of 360 games for next to nothing (to play over Christmas)

The Orange Box
Red Dead Redemption
Bioshock
Xcom (show me your skeleton, I'm trusting you...)
Dishonored

Still need to try Gears of War and Halo but they shoul do! So so cheap.
Click to expand...

Great games there. Half-Life 2 and episodes are some of my favourite games ever. The only one I haven't played is X-Com but it gets a lot of praise.
 
S

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
JonathanEx said:
e9JPZRm.png


[.Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc)Blackpool but naturalised Mancunian
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to?I'm a lawyer specialising in share-based incentives. It's tremendously exciting. DON'T BE A LAWYER KIDS
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end?To actually finish one of the many art projects I start and for other people to look at it and go "yeah, that's pretty good."
Favourite daytime TV show? Sorry! Don't watch daytime TV. Probably Jeremy Kyle, I guess
Fish or chips? Chipbutty
Daddy or chips? Chips
What's your tipple of choice? Gin and tonic. Crushed ice. Lime. Tanqueray is nice - Bombay Sapphire too. Hendricks is nice also. I'd like to try more though.
Favourite party snack? Pretzels
Who is the best bald person? Owen Bowen!!
What's your disappointing claim to fame? I've won prizes and stuff for being good wiv words and stuff and I'm a Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts
What's your perfect Sunday? Vidogamz
Did you threaten to overrule him? He had something of the night about him.
Did you threaten to overrule him? Bloody Tory
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? "Revolution"!


Wall of Shame
...to be updated with finalised shame:

NnqqDwM.png



We apologize for the faults in this post. Those responsible have been sacked.
Click to expand...

Is it wrong that I feel proud to be No.1?

I'm sorry, everyone. I'm just a talkative person.
8bit said:
Those are some mighty fine games, Portal, Bioshock & RDR especially have some of the best gaming moments of the PS360 generation. XCOM & Dishonored are solid too.
Click to expand...

Slowdive said:
Great games there. Half-Life 2 and episodes are some of my favourite games ever. The only one I haven't played is X-Com but it gets a lot of praise.
Click to expand...

Thanks dudes! I'm really looking forward to catching up on these. Can't believe it was about £40 for the lot. I'm kind of glad I missed last-gen now, it's really nice having all these to play. If they're even half as good as Dark Souls (hurray! Dark Souls reference!) I'll be very happy indeed.
 
R

Rubbish King

The gift that keeps on giving
So as stated in the previous thread I said my gf was mad because when I was drunk i called her the wrong name and apparently women get real pissed about that, I get it but it sucked as she had just left yesterday morn so physical affection wasn't optional, nice one t
r
ash


HOWEVER, using my insanely amazing google-fu I did a draw and sent it to her and I got this back with much forgiveness, such happy. Much congratulations to me


x4v5aG6.jpg



I feel like this relationship thing is gonna be another learning curve.. But I don't wanna do a meadows about it, please tell me it's okay to share my struggles with woman
 
M

Mikeside

Member
Where do you come from? (Where do you go, where do you come from Cotton Eye Joe etc) Crowthorne, now Reading
What's your job/current education/whatever the heck it is you're up to? Lead Systems Engineer
What do you hope to achieve before your futile existence comes to an end? Being a dad, visiting Iceland, finish writing a book, achieve the singularity
Favourite daytime TV show? Blues Clues
Fish or chips? Fish
Daddy or chips? Big Daddy (teehee)
What's your tipple of choice? Kraken
Favourite party snack? Poppycock
Who is the best bald person? NinjaBoiX
What's your disappointing claim to fame? Literally nothing
What's your perfect Sunday? Sleep, sex, video games and Mexican food
Did you threaten to overrule him? I took advice-
Did you threaten to overrule him? I was not entitled to instruct-
It's a yes or no question minister, did you threaten to overrule him? How frightfully rude
 
C

Cindres

Vied for a tag related to cocks, so here it is.
What are BritGAF's thoughts on snowballs? I decided as we were having a christmassy evening last night to pick up some Advocaat and Lemonade, friends seem to be very much on one side of this or the other, I fucking love em.
 
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