What are pronouns?
Have you ever said something like, “I’m really trying, but I’m just adjusting,” or “They, he, she — I don’t get the difference,” or “I’m sorry in advance, but I’m bound to make mistakes; it’s just confusing”? If so, you might be feeling some discomfort, uncertainty, or fear of getting it wrong — and that’s understandable. That’s why we’ve written this guide to use pronouns correctly, designed especially for you.
Binary pronouns
Personal pronouns are used to refer to people without mentioning their names — for instance, “She’s over there; this is her bag.” Everyone uses pronouns, often without even noticing! Common pronouns include he/him and she/her, but these only account for the male/female binary, which can be limiting. Not everyone identifies as male or female, and using only those pronouns can be hurtful for some. Pronouns are often assumed based on someone’s appearance, but these assumptions can be incorrect, because we simply can’t determine someone’s gender identity based on their looks. For example, someone might dress in a way you see as feminine but might not use she/her pronouns. It’s also important to remember that gender identity can evolve or be fluid, meaning people may update their pronouns as they see fit.
Expanding language
He/him and she/her doesn’t allow for many people enough room to be themselves, so the Dutch language has added the pronouns die/diens and hen/hun (often used as they/them in English). The beauty of these additions is that everyone can choose the pronouns they feel best reflect their identity. For example, your colleague might prefer he/him, your teacher might go by she/they, and your friend might use they/them. Sometimes, people combine pronouns, like he/they or she/they. If someone has combined pronouns, it’s important to use both rather than sticking to just one, as they prefer both to be used.
Key points to remember: Instead of assuming someone’s pronouns based on appearance or unspoken rules, always ask which pronouns they use and make an effort to respect their choice. By asking, you avoid addressing someone incorrectly and reduce the risk of misgendering. Want to learn more about this? See our blog “How can you know someone’s pronouns?”
Using she/her:
“She has such a great style; I’d love to check out her wardrobe.”
Using they/them:
“They love collecting shoes — it’s truly their passion. They just bought new shoes for their collection.”
Using he/they:
“I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! He told me they tripped on the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
Using she/they:
“Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot her by their big red glasses.”
Using they/them:
“I have a meeting with them the day after tomorrow. They left their laptop with me.”
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