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[Father_Brain]

My favorites are from the Onion AV Club.

http://www.theonionavclub.com/review.php?review_id=3955

Less a movie than a cynical, market-dictated merger of profitable brands, the aggressively charmless How The Grinch Stole Christmas seems poised to replace Santa Claus: The Movie and Return To Oz as Hollywood's foremost desecration of a beloved childhood icon. In a career-worst performance, Jim Carrey mugs, screams, and flails his way though his title role as the legendary Yuletide misanthrope, a nightmarish ghoul who looks like a pot-bellied, feral Muppet and talks like a speed-addled Edward G. Robinson. Director Ron Howard aims for the beautifully stylized mayhem of Frank Tashlin and Tim Burton, but he comes closer to the clamorous, headache-inducing visual overkill of Joel Schumacher's Batman movies, as he pits Carrey against the horrifyingly ugly, rat-faced mole-people of Whoville.

From the Baby Geniuses 2 review:

The pint-sized hero operates out of a tawdry would-be kiddie wonderland of cardboard walls, gaudy production design, and holograms so creepy that even Michael Jackson would decry it all as an unconscionable burlesque of childhood whimsy. Suggesting an FAO Schwartz from a malevolent alternate universe, the superbaby's lair looks so sinister that it could easily double as a pedophilic serial killer's bone-chilling underground hideout in a low-budget horror film.

http://www.theonionavclub.com/review.php?review_id=7280

[Twisted] is the creative equivalent of waking up naked in a puddle of cheap wine and vomit.

 

[FoneBone]

http://www.theonionavclub.com/review.php?review_id=8069

A movie year already filled with disturbing images—from Ashton Kutcher narrowly dodging a romantic relationship with a burly prisoner in The Butterfly Effect to Halle Berry manically gobbling sushi in Catwoman—has saved one of the least comfortable spectacles for its final week. Early in Fat Albert, a live-action update of Bill Cosby's classic socially conscious '70s cartoon series, Fat Albert and his cartoon pals stop cold in the middle of an adventure. Peering out into the real world, they see an upset teenager (Kyla Pratt) whose tears have fallen on a TV remote, tearing a hole in the fabric of Albert's reality. With much difficulty, thanks to his girth, Albert slowly emerges into the real world in the form of Kenan Thompson, a big man in an even bigger fat-suit. It's supposed to be funny, apparently, but it bears an uncomfortable resemblance to watching a difficult childbirth, and a mere stream of amniotic fluid would make it look like a scene cut from Videodrome.

 

[bud]

'Two Thumbs Up!'

 

[carpal]

Anything written by Anthony Lane.