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[AnathemicOne]

So tonight was interesting, but before I get into it let me state a few things, I'm a commuting college student and my sister is beginning high school.

Now this concerns us, the siblings, and our parents. A month ago my sister notified me of my father talking with another woman on the phone and stated it was an affair. I figured she misinterpreted it and I shrugged off the comment.

Now the relationship with my father isn't a good one, I've been yelled and beaten during my childhood for the most stupidest of things, the last time was during late high school where I tipped a pizza delivery guy twice by mistake.

That out of the way, today my dad wanted to do a routing Risk game with all of us, mostly it was my younger brother and I, but he got my sister to play to. In short, my sister wasn't too enthusiastic and I won the game in the end. My dad then went over to my sister to give her a hug and she felt uncomfortable and started to cry. My dad then went berserk and started yelling at my sister and even pushed her to ground stating comments such as:

"Well you need to stop being introvert!"
"I'm tired of your attitude!"
"You want see me crazy?! I'll be fucking crazy!"

I was frozen in shock, stupidly, as I saw a repeat of what I went through growing up but I couldn't do anything but yell for him to stop. I don't know why I didn't help her or helped my mother pull my dad off my sister. But thankfully there was no hitting involved.

My dad stormed upstairs and I went to my room (also upstairs) to think on what happened whilst my mom began to talk with my sister. My mom then went to talk to my dad and I decided to listen in. She brought up the affair incident and I thought back to what my sister said, what's even more is that my dad admitted it. I don't know the exact details but I think my mom is sort-of-alright with it (this isn't the first time) as she's not screaming or crying at the moment.

After hearing this I went downstairs to my sister to comfort her and apologize for not intervening. I just stated for her to remain strong and for her to know that I empathize with her as I went through the exact same scenario many times when I was growing up.

So now I'm here, my parents (my dad mostly), is about to talk with my sister and I'm not sure what to make of this GAF.

Personally I could care less for my parents, I still care for them but more as roommates I live with while I attend college (they pay for it after all). What should I do GAF? Should I wait things through and see what happens? Should I confront my father? Should I hit myself for being stupid? I don't know.

 

[DonMigs85]

Your dad is a scoundrel and your mom seems too soft. Does he have any siblings you could ask to talk to him? Or your grandparents?

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

Yikes that's a tough situation...

I say console your sister and be there for her when she needs someone cause it doesn't look like your father will be there for her.

As for confronting your father, what are you going to do? Hit him? Argue with him? Doesn't sound like he's going to change, so you gotta do what you can for your sister.

It'll be tough since you're moving away...

Your father's affair is something he has to work out with your mother though.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Your dad is a scoundrel and your mom seems too soft. Does he have any siblings you could ask to talk to him? Or your grandparents?

My father has 2 brothers, he's the oldest of the three.

Yikes that's a tough situation...

I say console your sister and be there for her when she needs someone cause it doesn't look like your father will be there for her.

As for confronting your father, what are you going to do? Hit him? Argue with him? Doesn't sound like he's going to change, so you gotta do what you can for your sister.

It'll be tough since you're moving away...

Your father's affair is something he has to work out with your mother though.

I don't know how to comfort her. The relationship I have with my sister is a quiet one, we don't talk much but we do love each other.

 

[crimsondynamics]

My father has 2 brothers, he's the oldest of the three.



I don't know how to comfort her. The relationship I have with my sister is a quiet one, we don't talk much but we do love each other.

Try writing her a letter stating your support, ending with an open invitation to talk things over with you. I find that this helps you say words that you normally aren't comfortable or able to do in person, and gives the recipient time to ponder things over and decide whether or not they feel comfortable with your outreach instead of feeling pressed to reply.

Anyhow, good luck and I hope you can sort things out amongst yourselves.

One thing I find really odd in all this is why your sister would cry from a "fatherly" hug. I hope there isn't a more serious issue at hand waiting to surface here.

 

[AnathemicOne]

I just talked with my father (at his request). He relayed everything I've heard plus that the affair is over and him and my mom are okay (whatever that means). Basically I stated I was dissapointed and that I couldn't believe that what he done to me he would do to my sister.

He took the blame and whanot saying tonight was his fault and I challenged him whether or not he was strong enough to not let another incident repeat. He replied that he'd like to believe he can.

I expect my dad is about to talk to my sister in a bit.

 

[wondermega]

your dad sounds like an asshole. just keep your head down and avoid him; appreciate that they are helping to pay your way through school, so don't start any drama and just keep an eye on your sister. It sounds like she is going through a tough time right now, and it's probably best for you both to start being closer (talking about this shit, for starters) and having a more mature relationship to help one another deal with it.

As soon as you finish school, move far far away and never look back (but keep in touch with your sister as much as possible). If anything, get your own act together so she can lean on you if need be, otherwise she may seek out an asshole to date (like your dad)

 

[DonMigs85]

Is he an alcoholic, or take any drugs?

 

[dr3upmushroom]

If you're worried about your sister I think you'd want to stand up to your dad more.

I can't speak on the matter personally but I'd imagine if your dad is verbally abusive that having your brother say "I'm not going to help out too much but I know what you're going through" probably isn't the most comforting thing.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Is he an alcoholic, or take any drugs?

He stopped smoking, but he does drink daily.

If you're worried about your sister I think you'd want to stand up to your dad more.

I can't speak on the matter personally but I'd imagine if your dad is verbally abusive that having your brother say "I'm not going to help out too much but I know what you're going through" probably isn't the most comforting thing.

I agree, the thing is though I'm trying to both distance and remain close with my parents enough so I can stay in college (full time student) and so far its working out. It is selfish I know.

 

[wondermega]

He stopped smoking, but he does drink daily.



I agree, the thing is though I'm trying to both distance and remain close with my parents enough so I can stay in college (full time student) and so far its working out. It is selfish I know.

Nothing selfish about that, what are you supposed to do otherwise? you have nothing to be ashamed of. If you really want to honor them/make them happy, just work hard and try to be a good person and avoid making the mistakes they have made..

 

[dr3upmushroom]

I agree, the thing is though I'm trying to both distance and remain close with my parents enough so I can stay in college (full time student) and so far its working out. It is selfish I know.

Does your dad earn the majority of money in the family? Does he dominate discussions about money? Is there any way you could confront him and have your mom protect you as far as losing money for school goes?

Nothing selfish about that, what are you supposed to do otherwise? you have nothing to be ashamed of. If you really want to honor them/make them happy, just work hard and try to be a good person and avoid making the mistakes they have made..

No, it sounds like he is pretty much being selfish. It sounds less like he wants to honor them and more like he's essentially taking advantage of them until he graduates and can make it on his own.

Which doesn't make him a horrible person, plenty of people don't get along with their parents and there's no reason for the OP to struggle through college living below the poverty line if he doesn't have to, but he's also not a saint here. If he wants to do his part to make sure his sister has a better home environment then he did he has grounds to be ashamed, and I think the fact he made this thread makes it pretty clear he is.

It's a shitty situation OP, but you basically need to think about how responsible you feel for providing your sister with a supportive family and how strongly that weighs with your need for the financial aid your parents provide.