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[Docpan]

ok guys, I got got involved with someone who's obviously got some serious issues, and right now i'm at the breaking point. i went through a period of putting my fist through walls in frustration, to not giving a fuck, and now back to being really pissed off.

i've known this girl for about 2 years, but we didnt really start "talking" until about 3 months ago. at the time we started talking, she was having real problems with her boyfriend (yea that was my first mistake... getting involved with someone who was taken), and didnt want to be with him anymore. she told me she was gonna break up with him, so that we could 'officially' be together. now let me just clarify the guy treated her like shit, im not into ruining relationships...he did that himself.

ok cool. so i wait. some time passes. "have you done it yet?" "no not yet, its really hard you know what i mean? i just need to wait for the right time to do it"
...
...right.
a couple weeks of this bullshit pass. by this point she had just been trying to avoid the subject, as if everything were fine. that really pissed me off. my fist went through a few walls during this time.

eventually i just came to the conclusion that no matter how fucking hot she is, she wasnt worth waiting for. so i told her she had to make a choice right then and there, either me or the guy. and of course... she wouldnt answer me. i had been turning down other girls wanting to get with me for months.. and this is how she repays me? with silence?

so i told her to fuck off basically. didn't call her, blocked her on aim, didn't respond to her texts. nothing. i moved on and started talking to other girls. things were looking good...

till i answered my phone. she told me she missed me... i admittedly missed her too, a lot. then she went on to ask what ive been up to.. i told her the truth, i had moved on and started talking to other girls, and had gotten close to one in particular.. i could tell this really upset her, though she tried to play it off like she didn't care.

her response to me trying to move on? doing everything in her power to upset and make me jealous as fuck. immature shit like putting shit about him in her aim profile and leaving comments on his myspace about their sexcapades, knowing i'd see it. (shes 21, btw)

just saying "fuck it" and cutting her out completely is really difficult, especially when she goes out of her way to get me to look back.

why would anyone want to do something like this to ANYONE?

ugh

 

[warhead]

Don't waste your time on her, she isn't worth it.

 

[MIMIC]

why would anyone want to do something like this to ANYONE?

Playing 'hard to get' is so 90s.

'I'll fucking blow your head off if you come one step closer' is what's in.

 

[M3wThr33]

She's too afraid of the ex, so she'll keep him close.

That said, her perception of relationships is fucked up and probably won't change. People need to understand faithfullness, honesty and trust are the key factors beyond just attraction. If you began dating her, you couldn't trust that she'd be seeing other people because she'd be too chickenshit scared to tell you.

 

[Mike Works]

just saying "fuck it" and cutting her out completely is really difficult, especially when she goes out of her way to get me to look back.

No it's not. It's really not.

You're a weak, weak person if you can't do this. In a way, you sort of already are through admitting that you've reached the realization that she's a cancer, yet you're still longing to keep her in your life ("gee doc, you say if I don't cut this growth off, it'll spread to my heart? well I think I should get it removed, but it wants to kill me, and it's just difficult to extract from my body because it really hurts, and I realize that it hurts!"). You know, I don't even know if you're longing to keep her in your life, your sentence/post is just really fucked up.

"Cutting her out completely is really difficult, especially when she goes out of her way to make me feel terrible!"

Brilliant logic, someone dig up Einstein's bones and rape them, we've got ourself a new brain wizard.

You've recognized that she really, really sucks. Fuck her. Figuratively. Remove her from her life, never communicate with her through any medium, and if anyone else brings her up, just tell them you've cut her out of your life and refuse to discuss Miss Tumah any further.

Really, I don't know why you even made this thread in the first place. It's like punching yourself in the crotch and asking why you should stop, because it's really painful.

 

[Ill Saint]

Too much mind-fucking going on. Forget her.

 

[Alyssa Hu$tle]

...her response to me trying to move on? doing everything in her power to upset and make me jealous as fuck. immature shit like putting shit about him in her aim profile and leaving comments on his myspace about their sexcapades, knowing i'd see it. (shes 21, btw)

just saying "fuck it" and cutting her out completely is really difficult, especially when she goes out of her way to get me to look back.

why would anyone want to do something like this to ANYONE?

ugh

Because she is trying to make herself feel wanted and thus better about her obviously crappy self-esteem. Even at the expense of her boyfriend’s (and your) feelings.

You know what I would to? Respond by letting her know how happy you are that she and he "worked it out" and how reading that stuff confirms you made the right choice by not interfering in their relationship anymore. Turn it around on her so her little ploy gives her no satisfaction.

What ever you do, don’t let on that it is getting to you.

 

[Mr Gump]

The bottom line is that until you stop loving her, you're never going to stop hating her for the things she does.

I cannot tell you how to stop loving someone in a situation like this, as ive yet to figure it out.

Oh and dont waste your time replying saying you dont feel that strongly about her because it's evident, although maybe only deep in your subconcious. People dont put fists through walls otherwise.

 

[aoi tsuki]

If you've truly moved on, it means you've taken her off your AIM list and don't view her profile/page/site. Ignore her calls too.

Edit: Don't know how i missed it, but Mike's post is spot on.

 

[Docpan]

No it's not. It's really not.

You're a weak, weak person if you can't do this. In a way, you sort of already are through admitting that you've reached the realization that she's a cancer, yet you're still longing to keep her in your life ("gee doc, you say if I don't cut this growth off, it'll spread to my heart? well I think I should get it removed, but it wants to kill me, and it's just difficult to extract from my body because it really hurts, and I realize that it hurts!"). You know, I don't even know if you're longing to keep her in your life, your sentence/post is just really fucked up.

"Cutting her out completely is really difficult, especially when she goes out of her way to make me feel terrible!"

Brilliant logic, someone dig up Einstein's bones and rape them, we've got ourself a new brain wizard.

You've recognized that she really, really sucks. Fuck her. Figuratively. Remove her from her life, never communicate with her through any medium, and if anyone else brings her up, just tell them you've cut her out of your life and refuse to discuss Miss Tumah any further.

Really, I don't know why you even made this thread in the first place. It's like punching yourself in the crotch and asking why you should stop, because it's really painful.

its difficult because of how strongly i felt for her... maybe you wouldnt understand. despite the fact she fucked me over, i still have feelings for her. yea i try to not think about her, but i do anyways. and her calling me and saying shit like she misses me doesn't help matters.

i made the thread because i thought someone here may have been in a similiar situation somewhere along the line...

 

[aoi tsuki]

its difficult because of how strongly i felt for her... maybe you wouldnt understand. despite the fact she fucked me over, i still have feelings for her. yea i try to not think about her, but i do anyways. and her calling me and saying shit like she misses me doesn't help matters.

i made the thread because i thought someone here may have been in a similiar situation somewhere along the line...

What about the other girls you've dated since then?

It's been a while since i've had someone play mindgames like this with me. If i were in the situation now, it would be a lot easier to just ignore them and truly move on. Doing petty shit to get my attention is such a turnoff, especially if it's someone i once thought highly of. And do you really have feelings for her or are you just hot for her? It sounded like more of the latter based on your first post.

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

If you really love her, you'll get out of her life. Not only is it the best thing you can do for yourself, it's the best thing you can do for her too. She's hurting you by pulling these immature shenanigans and hurting herself to an extension as well. She needs to learn that there are consequences for twisting others around, and you can be the one to provide her with that invaluable lesson.

 

[McLesterolBeast]

her response to me trying to move on? doing everything in her power to upset and make me jealous as fuck. immature shit like putting shit about him in her aim profile and leaving comments on his myspace about their sexcapades, knowing i'd see it. (shes 21, btw)

What reason would you have for reading her aim profile and ... uhm, HIS "myspace" - whatever that is?

 

[Drexon]

Learn to hate indiciciveness in women. And to do a little military convincing.. *cough* YOU'RE WEAK, YOU'RE NOT A MAN, YOU'RE A MAGGOT... and so on.. *cough cough* ..man, that that hurts.

 

[Tuvoc]

What reason would you have for reading her aim profile and ... uhm, HIS "myspace" - whatever that is?

I've done it before. It's an easy way to keep tabs :lol

fuck this bitch. She wants to have it all but she can't. Cut her off and go for one of these other girls that are after you...and single.

 

[Bluecondor]

I hate to reference a "chick book", but the book "He's Just Not That Into You" is really insightful in cases like this. While the book was written for women dealing with uninterested guys, its basic premise can be extended to guys dealing with uninterested women:

Here are some simple, common-sense rules that guys need to admit to themselves:

- She's just not that into you if she won't agree to go out with you

- She's just not that into you if she won't take or return your phone calls

- She's just not that into you if won't go out on dates with you

- She's just not that into you if she won't have any physical contact with you

- She's just not that into you if she only wants to see you when she is drunk

- She's just not that into you if she's always breaking-up with you

- She's just not that into you if she's still married or still has a boyfriend

The great thing about this book is that it was written by a guy, so it leads to a simple solution for all of these cases:

If she's just not into you (for any or all of the reasons listed above), you should dump her, because you deserve better - i.e. someone who is into you, meaning someone who:

- wants to/will go out with you
- will go out on dates with you
- will have physical contact/sex with you
- will see you in normal places and contexts (i.e. when she is sober)
- doesn't break-up with you on a regular basis
- does not have another boyfriend or husband

I like this - it's simple, straight-forward, and reasonable......

 

[norinrad21]

Funny thing is its always the 3rd party who claims some guy treats his girl like shit until they are in said situation themselves

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

If you kill her I think that the problem would go away.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I hate to reference a "chick book", but the book "He's Just Not That Into You" is really insightful in cases like this. While the book was written for women dealing with uninterested guys, its basic premise can be extended to guys dealing with uninterested women:

Here are some simple, common-sense rules that guys need to admit to themselves:

- She's just not that into you if she won't agree to go out with you

- She's just not that into you if she won't take or return your phone calls

- She's just not that into you if won't go out on dates with you

- She's just not that into you if she won't have any physical contact with you

- She's just not that into you if she only wants to see you when she is drunk

- She's just not that into you if she's always breaking-up with you

- She's just not that into you if she's still married or still has a boyfriend

The great thing about this book is that it was written by a guy, so it leads to a simple solution for all of these cases:

If she's just not into you (for any or all of the reasons listed above), you should dump her, because you deserve better - i.e. someone who is into you, meaning someone who:

- wants to/will go out with you
- will go out on dates with you
- will have physical contact/sex with you
- will see you in normal places and contexts (i.e. when she is sober)
- doesn't break-up with you on a regular basis
- does not have another boyfriend or husband

I like this - it's simple, straight-forward, and reasonable......

:lol :lol yeah all these dating books pretty much apply to both genders

"Cock in a Jar" theory

:lol

 

[Instigator]

Leave her.

 

[ToxicAdam]

"Cock in a Jar" theory


Alot of needy girls like to keep a guy on the side. A kind of "In case of emergency break glass" type of guy. Usually the guy has low self-esteem , so he allows himself to be used this way. He's her confidant when the "asshole" boyfriend is acting up or not paying attention to her needs.


Don't be this guy. If she thought you were great, she would have dumped that boyfriend right away. You are just a backup plan in case this relationship hits some rocky spots. She doesn't even LIKE you, you are just a back up plan.

 

[SlickWilly223]

its difficult because of how strongly i felt for her... maybe you wouldnt understand. despite the fact she fucked me over, i still have feelings for her. yea i try to not think about her, but i do anyways. and her calling me and saying shit like she misses me doesn't help matters.

i made the thread because i thought someone here may have been in a similiar situation somewhere along the line...

Yah I've been in a similar situation, and you're already half way there if there really are other girls out there that are trying to get with you. And, if these girls are willing to put out and are serious about a relationship or whatever it is you're looking for, then make an attempt to work things out with one of them. You'll find they're just as beautiful and great and lovely etc. if you just get to know them.

I was in a similar situation. The chick I wanted to go out with was really hot, but she was a drama queen. Everytime I had a conversation with her I felt like I was in a soap opera. I just wanted to get some kind of signal out of her, but she was too busy with someone else (even though she was dropping me hints every day). So I forgot about the bitch and hooked up with someone else, which worked out a lot better for me in the long run..

Don't worry about her trying to get your attention. Just fuck someone else for the time being and trust me, you won't have any memories of this chick at all.

She's playing with your head and she's still going out with that other guy. Get her the fuck out of your life. You knew you had to do this before you even made this thread, I'm just reassuring you that it's the right thing to do..

 

[BlackSalad]

forget her with the aide of lots and lots of alcohol

 

[Instigator]

forget her with the aide of lots and lots of alcohol

Or with another girl. More sane, that is.

 

[dskillzhtown]

The ironic thing is that you are upset that she won't leave this guy who treats her like shit, but at the same time you won't blow out this torch you have her her, though she is treating you like shit.

Don't call her, e-mail, text, anything. When she calls you, and she will, just tell her that you aren't interested in her like that anymore and you wish her the best. My suggestion is to just let her go, like Tededy Pendergrass says.

 

[DarienA]

Threads like these make me hate de internets...

This is such a f'n common sense thing that I can't figure out why we needed a thread to tell you to move the fuck on. I mean damn have a pair of damn balls... cut this bitch off and move on. There are lots of SINGLE, INTELLIGENT woman on the planet, and I'm sure you can find one who doesn't have this particular set of issues.

Listen people... Darien's comment on life relationships:

Find someone whose shit you can put up with and love anyway, and who puts up with your shit and loves you anyway.

End of advice line.

 

[Nameless]

Went through a similar situation man:

So I meet this girl. Shes fine as hell and we click almost immediately. OF COURSE , she has a boyfriend who she has been seeing for about 2 years. I let her know I've been seeing somone for about 4 months and we're trying to make the LD thing work. Initially we try to respect each others' relationships and just remain friends. We hang out a good bit because the same time I met her, one of my good friends began messing around with her sister..So, we're doing the group hang out thing for a few weeks..Outside of mild flirting I really didn't come on to her "that way" even though I did begin to feel something for the girl. 9 times out 10 of becoming attached to a chick thats in a long-term relationship only leads to heart break. So I held back. I get the line about her BF being an asshole sometines etc.. etc.. but I still hold back...

Well..as much as we try to hold back it doens't last long, and we start having sex on a regular basis. So basically we're friends with benefits: She tells me her problems, we hang out everynow and then, and have sex once or twice a week.. I'm still "doing my thing", you know, talking to other girls, hanging out with my friend etc.. Yeah, deep down I'm really feeling this chick, but I fefuse to let myself get too attatched, because I'm thinking I'm just a temporary escape from her annoying BF who she no doubt loves after being with for 2 years..She gets emotional support and great sex from me, but her heart belongs to him... But hey, I have this fine girl, who I really really click with, whos amazing to talk to, and his great in bed and I'm still free to talk to other girls, and hang out as much as I want. All the benefits of a relationship but none of the limitations..So I just go with the flow.

This goes on for a while, when one day she comes to me crying...She goes on how about shes never felt this way about a guy, and its killing her because she really wants to be with me and me only, but she still of course has feelings for her boyfriend who even though stresses her out by constantly arguing has never done anything major for her to end things with him over theri 2 year relationship..Seeing girls cry is my fuckin weakness, always has been..So I say what the hell, realizing the possibility of getting her, and tell her I feel the exact same way, and have for a while. I'll spare you the mushy details..

To make a long story a tad less long, she breaks up with him, and we make things official. Our relationship has been great for going on 10 months and I've never been happier with a girlfriend.

 

[Boogie]

There are lots of SINGLE, INTELLIGENT woman on the planet,.

Blasphemy!

 

[Mr Gump]

Blasphemy!

True, at your age they are married with children.

 

[Boogie]

True, at your age they are married with children.

Dammit, I'm young and hip now! I've got hair not parted to the side! And new glasses! And SIDEBURNS, GAWDAMMIT!

 

[Mr Gump]

Dammit, I'm young and hip now! I've got hair not parted to the side! And new glasses! And SIDEBURNS, GAWDAMMIT!

Contact lenses will do you a world of good.

Trust.

 

[brooklyngooner]

MikeWorks and Darien A are right, pal, sorry to say. Feelings for her alone aren't the reason you're hanging on. You got some things to think about.

 

[darscot]

In response to the original poster. You dont have girl problem you have MAN problems. And I'm not talking about the other guy I'm talking about the on ein the mirror.

 

[tedtropy]

MikeWorks and Darien A are right, pal, sorry to say. Feelings for her alone aren't the reason you're hanging on. You got some things to think about.

Yep, I can guarantee that most of the things you feel about her are fabricated in your mind and are, quite obviously, not mutual. If this girl honestly wanted to be with you, it'd of happened. As is, you're letting her play you like a fool. Hear that little voice in the back of you mind that's saying "but she loves me"? Stomp that bitch, drown it with alcohol, whatever, just stop listening to it. Stop trying to justify ways of looking in on her life, be it checking out her guy's "webspace" or whatever the hell. Distance yourself from her. Don't give in to her sob stories. This kind of shit hurts, but guess what, sometimes life has to be painful in order for you to learn. You need to find the common-sense approach to dealing with this. Stop trying to justify thinking about, and do things to proactively move on.

 

[dskillzhtown]

I pretty much echo Darien's comments, but I will add some of my own.

It all depends what you are looking for. If you are just trying to have fun, you can put up with alot more because it isn't serious, plus you can date other chicks. But if you are trying to make this your "main squeeze", you probably don't want to start a relationship with the stuff you mentioned. If it is that f'd up in the beginning, it is only going to get worse.

But most of all, think with you head, not with your heart. If you look at things and know they are f'd up, no reason to stay in the situation.

 

[Koshiba]

I agree with Alyssa. The best thing to do is turn it around and hopefully she'll stop.

As for your feelings for her, yeah, things like that are difficult but not impossible. I've been in the situation of loving someone and having trouble letting them go. But if you realize that she's bad for you, it should make it a bit more easier. I read in a psychology book that alot of times, the things that are bad for us are just that more addicting. So.. you gotta realize that and work on getting past it. Once you do, you'll feel *alot* better.