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[goomba]

A great chick who iv known for about a year and half has recently broken up with her boyfriend. This chick and I have always got on well and people can tell we are into eachother.

The problem? Her ex is in our circle of friends still. We all hang out in the weekend at one of the flats, and he cant even handle her being there and buggers off. Shes not just his ex, shes everyones friend as well. I think he expected her to never come around after she dumped him.

Hes been trying to cockblock me by suddenly acting like my best friend when i barely know the guy really. And talks to me when pissed about how he still loves this girl etc etc.

I like this chick and so do all my friends, but i cant help but feel sorry for her ex, its just the way I am. Am i breaking any sort of unspoken law by wanting to date this girl?, im definatly not avoiding our friends just becuase the ex is around. Is it fair to say its his problem and he should deal with it?.

 

[superegular]

if you two really aren't that good of friends like you say, then it doesn't matter. you can do whatever you want.

if he was your friend, you would have to tell him that you had feelings for her, and ask him if he minds if you two date. you must respect his decision in this situation also. but you say that isn't the case, so i say go for it.

however, if the breakup just happened recently, you might want to give it some time.

it sucks like HELL to have to be around a girl that you've broken up with. if i was the guy, i wouldn't hang around with any of ya's anymore. but that's just me.

good luck.

 

[Vormund]

Give it time. If she's part of your circle of friends you'll be around her still.

Play it by ear basically.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

your friend and his ex are now locked in a titanic battle for the shared friends. what you want to do is engineer the situation so that he loses and hence, removes the obstacle for you. Ex's don't stay friends, somebodys got to GO!

 

[Alex Anderson]

Fuck giving it time if you're really into her. Don't give her time to find someone else. Unless he's one of your best friends then he shouldn't even be a part of the decision.

 

[radioheadrule83]

You barely know him so fuck if it bothers you... but if she did anything with you, especially if the break up is recent, that's pretty raw and insensitive on her part -- and the guy ain't gonna like it. Technically, like people are saying, it's fair game from your point of view. You both like each other right? Well even if you won't be gettin shit off him, she will. Worst case, she or her ex is gonna lose some friends. And if he personally gave you shit - what then? Grin and bear it, or fuck his shit up? Either way it's harsh.

If things are still raw between em, it's not worth the hassle IMO. At least wait and see what happens. After all, what's the rush?

If she goes off and finds someone else, she couldn't have liked you that much anyway. And if all you're interested in is getting your fuck on - then why this particular chick?

 

[goomba]

Thanks for the views. It is what i wanted to hear.

I have been biding my time, its been a couple months since they broke up. I just cant deny how well we get on and how darn hot i find her .

And on the other side, her other friends and family all like me apparently. Her brother told me that he told her that she should go out with me. She turned that into "my brother thinks your cool, that means alot to me". Her brother even gave me advice to take it slow with her.

But yeah i like this girl but i HATE how awkard it already is with me and her ex, everyone can see whats going on. I wish he would bugger off, hes only close friends with the ringleader of our group. But yeah i wont have his approval because i already know hes still in love with her, theres not much point in asking.

 

[goomba]

"If things are still raw between em, it's not worth the hassle IMO. At least wait and see what happens. After all, what's the rush?"

There isnt a rush, its just so ovious to everyone already that we like eachother and "make sence" as another chick commented.

"If she goes off and finds someone else, she couldn't have liked you that much anyway. And if all you're interested in is getting your fuck on - then why this particular chick?"

Good point. But i dont want to seem disinterested and have her find someone else either.
This particular chick cos shes hot, intelligent and i get on with her as do my mates.

 

[Vormund]

A couple of months since they broke up? I was under the impression it was a couple of weeks.

GO FOR BROKE THEN

 

[Cerebral Palsy]

If you're into her go for it. They are broken up. He doesn't own her.

 

[Escape Goat]

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

If you're into her go for it. They are broken up. He doesn't own her.

IAWTP
But I also add that maybe you should wait a bit, people after break-ups aren't their usual selves...

sometimes they can be into someone they're really not into just because they want some company...

or maybe they feel they always need to be in a relationship and jumps at the first thing available...

There's also the added factor that they might still patch things up, of course I don't know the situation, but I've heard of some nasty break-ups that only have the girl or guy get back together with their ex within months...and then if something DID happen between you and the girl...shit is gonna hit the fan is all I'm going to say...

 

[Date of Lies]

Why do you have hot chicks in your group of friends? Isn't that a bit retarded? If she wasn't in your group of friends, then you wouldn't have this problem and you could just go for it.

 

[goomba]

"Why do you have hot chicks in your group of friends? Isn't that a bit retarded? If she wasn't in your group of friends, then you wouldn't have this problem and you could just go for it."

True , but its outta my control really. We have got to know her becuase she was with her ex, thats the part that makes me wonder if its fair play.

 

[goomba]

"There's also the added factor that they might still patch things up, of course I don't know the situation, but I've heard of some nasty break-ups that only have the girl or guy get back together with their ex within months...and then if something DID happen between you and the girl...shit is gonna hit the fan is all I'm going to say..."

Im 95 % certain thats an impossibility, but who knows. This is not only going from what shes said about him, but what her brother said, "the family hates him". Shes a real family kinda girl so thats pretty much it for him.... unless.

Im not pushing things , hell last night she was all over me, and i still didnt go for it.

One thing that sucks about her? , she thinks games are geeky. BAH!, She heard me talking about games with someone and rolled her eyes and said to her friend "they are talking about games".

But i got her cos i knew she liked alex the kidd for master system, when she answered yeah bla bla bla, i rolled my eyes and said "talking about games".

Thanks again all, GAF rules.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Im not pushing things , hell last night she was all over me, and i still didnt go for it.

Good, don't be needy like the other guy is (probably why he got dumped)

Just keep acting normal around her, no need to make it complicated, that's the woman's job

 

[goomba]

"Good, don't be needy like the other guy is (probably why he got dumped)"

Actually the main reason for him getting dumped is that he took off to australia to work, she came and visited him, had an aweful time so dumped him. Then he came back to NZ expecting her to be all over him again. Not so. The time he was away was when i really got to know her...

 

[DrLazy]

You seem to be handling it just right.

That shared friends thing really is true. When someone was an original part of the group they feel like they have ownership. Also who stays friends with who often goes down to gender lines, the guy stays friends with the guys, so this is an oddity. But the fact is you're not really friends with him so don't worry about it.

 

[demon]

Im not pushing things , hell last night she was all over me, and i still didnt go for it.

Yeah, isn't that the greatest feeling ever?

 

[Date of Lies]

True , but its outta my control really. We have got to know her becuase she was with her ex, thats the part that makes me wonder if its fair play.

ok, I understand things better now.

good luck

 

[AntoneM]

If she is better friends with this group than he is then you two getting together would only hasten his departure from the group, however if loyalties lie with him and the two of you get together you're both gone.

 

[CrystalGemini]

Not sure if this would help, but take a minute and reflect on how it must feel to be in his place. If you've ever been in love before, truly in love, wouldn't you want people to consider your feelings, even if it isn't "manditory"?

 

[goomba]

"Not sure if this would help, but take a minute and reflect on how it must feel to be in his place. If you've ever been in love before, truly in love, wouldn't you want people to consider your feelings, even if it isn't "manditory"?"

Indeed. I understand too well how he would feel, thats why i feel unsure atm. Its happened to me.

I still think it needs some time eh. But a party looms this thursday (easter eve). Shell be there, ill be there and he probably wont come if he knows shes coming.

Meanwhile many of my friends reckon i should "strike while the iron is hot". Im even being careful what i tell whom, i know people are talking about it.

And all during this i notice other girls in the group are giving me attention that they never offered before. Whats up with that?.

 

[goomba]

"In fact, odds are pretty good that the guy's been trying to strike up a friendship with goomba so that he won't go after the ex. That's uncool behavior. Forget about him."

Oh totally!, its painfully transparent behaviour too.

 

[Cubsfan23]

It's been a few months? What the hell are you waiting for, then? Don't talk nonsense. It's great to think about other people's feelings, but you can't go through life without hurting other people. It's impossible. If the guy can't get over his ex after several months, too bad for him. Someone's going to eventually date her, so why not goomba? It's different for close friends, because it can feel like betrayal. But if it's just a casual acquaintance, who cares?

In fact, odds are pretty good that the guy's been trying to strike up a friendship with goomba so that he won't go after the ex. That's uncool behavior. Forget about him.

I would like to subscribe to your columns

 

[CrystalGemini]

Indeed. I understand too well how he would feel, thats why i feel unsure atm. Its happened to me.

I still think it needs some time eh. But a party looms this thursday (easter eve). Shell be there, ill be there and he probably wont come if he knows shes coming.

Meanwhile many of my friends reckon i should "strike while the iron is hot". Im even being careful what i tell whom, i know people are talking about it.

And all during this i notice other girls in the group are giving me attention that they never offered before. Whats up with that?.

Try not to let outside influences force you into a decision you do not fully back yourself. You seem to already know what you want to do. Just be confident in that and everything will be fine.