Support NeoGAF

[Baryn]

I get incredibly nervous about seeing other people, even leaving my apartment, but in the moment I never have a problem. I am above average with things like interviews and first dates, but I still feel like eyes are reading my thoughts as I walk down the street. I'm nearly in tears when I think about things like saying hello to everyone in the morning, or saying goodbye on the phone, or hugging everyone at a family event.

And right now, I'm completely afraid for no reason. I'm going to work tomorrow, same as most weekdays, but a vague, gripping fear has me awake at 4AM.

What is going on, and what do I do?

 

[Dies Iræ]

welcome to the club

 

[Green Shinobi]

Baby steps.

 

[Baryn]

Baby steps.

Is that a reference to What About Bob?

 

[Drewsy]

That sounds horrible, I'm pretty sure you're a candidate for anti anxiety pills like xanax.

...are you sure you don't have a problem with amphetamines or anything like that? My best friend became how you described due to that stuff.

 

[way more]

Pills, man. Get pills. They are at an all time low.

 

[Duke Togo]

A good chunk of the population has some form of social anxiety. Don't sweat it.

 

[Dali]

That's me to a tee. I probably don't come across as having high anxiety in person, but I have issues with everything you've listed. Have you ever been the first car at a stoplight at lunchtime and felt like everyone was looking at you/judging you?

 

[BocoDragon]

This is probably SO common. I'm a confidant person, people wouldn't describe me as a shy persona, sometimes I'm even cocky... but the truth is that on the inside, I'm shy as shit. I'm nervous about every encounter where I give a damn about the other person.

It's that fight or flight instinct. You can think you're all fine, you have all the confidance memes you need, but then you actually get into that social situation, and it's a shit show.

 

[Alien Bob]

I'm the same too... scared as shit before hand, super social and normal when I'm actually with the people... I'm usually very scared to pick up the phone even when I know who it is, but then the phonecall itself goes without a hitch usually

 

[Baryn]

I'll ask about meds tonight. It's good to know other people feel things just like this or similar, really good to know.

I'm going to call out of work and play Panzer Dragoon Saga until I pass out from exhaustion.

 

[Green Shinobi]

I have a problem calling girls. I'm really good in person. I can go out to a bar and easily get 5 numbers. But when it comes to calling them, I usually choke. One night stands for the win.

 

[CeruleanSilver]

Instead of medication I might recommend behavioral therapy, which can be just as effective. Pills can work great, but there's usually side effects.

 

[gofreak]

It's perfectly possible to be socially functional and adept, even more than just socially functional, but socially 'proficient', and still have social anxiety.

Instead of medication I might recommend behavioral therapy, which can be just as effective. Pills can work great, but there's usually side effects.

Yeah...get a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy like this one. Also look into meditation, perhaps. These things require work and time, though, and if you need more immediate relief in the short term, look into medication. But they do work - CBT has been found to be as effective as medication (that is, very effective).

But, I'd recommend also you see a therapist or psychiatrist (preferably). If it's at this point where it's very materially affecting your quality of life, basically crippling you like this, then it is time to see someone. The chances are there is NO underlying psychiatric disorder, social anxiety is NOT a disorder in that sense, but it can help to have someone with a psychiatric background to talk to. And they can prescribe medicine if they think you need it. But do be careful about going on something like Xanax - it's very powerful and also addictive in the long term. Talk to a psychiatrist about options...Xanax might be right for you, or maybe something less powerful (like another Valium variant), or maybe something like Prozac which has an anti-anxiety profile, but which isn't addictive.

Oh, by the way, you should go to your GP first. Don't be afraid to open up completely there. He/She will give you a referral to a psychiatrist, and may also get your started on some medicine to tide you over until you see the psychiatrist.

Also, talk to people about this who are close to you. Talking helps enormously with your mental health, whatever the problem. Oh, and realize that this isn't as uncommon as you might think.

 

[ToxicAdam]

Go to a competent doctor and tell him you suffer from debilitating anxiety. It is severely effecting your life (make sure you stress this).

Try to angle for a low dose of Xanax (like .5 mg). In the long term you will need to figure out how to beat anxiety without pills .. but right now you need to "stop the bleeding", before you can get better.

I would avoid the heavier SSRI stuff (like Paxil) until later.

 

[Phobophile]

Go to a competent doctor and tell him you suffer from debilitating anxiety. It is severely effecting your life (make sure you stress this).

Try to angle for a low dose of Xanax (like .5 mg). In the long term you will need to figure out how to beat anxiety without pills .. but right now you need to "stop the bleeding", before you can get better.

I would avoid the heavier SSRI stuff (like Paxil) until later.

I know that primary care physicians can arbitrarily write prescriptions for psychological medications but I'd rather get diagnosed by a psychiatrist rather than a physician who took one or two psychology courses in med school.

 

[Dr. Kitty Muffins]

First off get pills.

Secondly, you just have to throw yourself into the fire repeatedly until you "teach" yourself not to give a crap about how you perform. This includes lots of failure but it works for people once they have some successes.

Of course with you, you have already had success in interacting people becuase your a social social anxiety type instead of the anti-social type. Yet your still suffering. You just need pills and the rest will come natural.

 

[Rekki-Maru]

cut back on the porno.

 

[YellowBird]

The anxiety comes from the fear of somehow messing up in a social interaction. Relax.

 

[Skeyser]

.

 

[demon]

It's perfectly possible to be socially functional and adept, even more than just socially functional, but socially 'proficient', and still have social anxiety.



Yeah...get a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy like this one. Also look into meditation, perhaps. These things require work and time, though, and if you need more immediate relief in the short term, look into medication. But they do work - CBT has been found to be as effective as medication (that is, very effective).

But, I'd recommend also you see a therapist or psychiatrist (preferably). If it's at this point where it's very materially affecting your quality of life, basically crippling you like this, then it is time to see someone. The chances are there is NO underlying psychiatric disorder, social anxiety is NOT a disorder in that sense, but it can help to have someone with a psychiatric background to talk to. And they can prescribe medicine if they think you need it. But do be careful about going on something like Xanax - it's very powerful and also addictive in the long term. Talk to a psychiatrist about options...Xanax might be right for you, or maybe something less powerful (like another Valium variant), or maybe something like Prozac which has an anti-anxiety profile, but which isn't addictive.

Oh, by the way, you should go to your GP first. Don't be afraid to open up completely there. He/She will give you a referral to a psychiatrist, and may also get your started on some medicine to tide you over until you see the psychiatrist.

Also, talk to people about this who are close to you. Talking helps enormously with your mental health, whatever the problem. Oh, and realize that this isn't as uncommon as you might think.

How does cognitive behavioral therapy work?

 

[Sol..]

I'm the same way. But i display my shyness by being boring. I'm non commital to conversations, I treat men and women alike (aka I can talk to women, but i do so as if they are fellow employees or somethin), I never give eye contact (i just can't do it...i just can't), and worst of all...i don't joke around. Anybody that knows me well knows I like to crack sick jokes.

I guess i don't mind tho. I am who I am.

 

[rollingstart]

I can relate.

if I ever start a conversation with someone I even slightly know, I always go through dozens of ways to even begin and usually I screw up and end up not talking the person at all because I spent too much time thinking about it. It is weird because I have little to no problem if someone else starts off talking, but simply not talking or me having to start talking is a problem.

few times I have randomly talked to someone I saw walking and when I left I kept thinking about how I was stupid to do that. Like last year I saw someone playing Hotel Dusk on a bench and as I walked by I started talking before I even realized it, but as I left I kept thinking "what the hell is wrong with me, this person doesnt give a shit that I also played hotel dusk also, I should have ignored that"

but I dont think I would take pills, I mean...im apparently supposed to be taking several kinds of pills but I refuse to and always try and work things out myself.

oh, and the worst is when I talk to someone and while im talking I forget what I was talking about because I was thinking about how they think im crazy rambling on about something, but im only rambling because I forgot what I was talking about because I was thinking about what they were thinking and it become a big pile of shit.

I also have problems about where to look when talking to someone I dont know or even just sitting in a room with other people, I always try and avoid looking directly at someone for some reason.

 

[Chipopo]

but I dont think I would take pills, I mean...im apparently supposed to be taking several kinds of pills but I refuse to and always try and work things out myself.

Get over this.

 

[demon]

Get over this.

yes because when you're socially anxious, pills pills pills is the answer.

 

[Zyzyxxz]

Im like you as well, when I meet a new group of people I always get anxiety for no reason such as going to a place or event where I dont know anyone but sometimes thats how you meet great people and make awesome friends.

If its all mental just suck it up, otherwise get pills maybe?

 

[SUPREME1]

When I was about 20ish, I believe I had a bout with some kind of social anxiety. For abotu a year, I had steadily and increasingly avoided social settings. I was fine and all with my really close friends, but with anyone not in my immediate circle of trusted folk.. I simply was not comfortable for some odd reason. It had gotten to the point where I would even turn down my friends if they were going to a bar/club/party.. which is weird, because up until that point I was always very outgoing and liked to be around people.

Well, it got pretty bad.. where some of my friends were calling me a hermit jokingly, but I started to feel that way.

Then one day it peaked:

I was at a party celebrating one of my friend's parents' 25th wedding anniversary. Everything was going well, everyone was having a blast. All the old folks were inside while all the younger folks were outside having a good time.. smoking weed (on the down low) and drinking beer/etc.

I remember going to the store a couple of blocks away with a chick/acquaintance to buy some booze and some zigzags. I remember buying Alize just so I could drink it with that chick. I was ready to party and knew I was gonna tap dat *ss that night. We had a kind of spark between us I was feeling some chemistry especially that day.

Well about an hour after we got back and after smoking some very kind buds, I found myself sitting on a chair with really nobody 'with' me. Not ta tpeople were avoiding me or not paying attention to me, it just happened that at the exact moment everyone was sorta mingling or doing something elsewhere. Either way, I started feeling that I was there by myself and that I must look like a weirdo or something just sitting there. I knew almost everyone there, but just felt distanced. I believe I started to have what I think was a panic attack.

I got up and went for a walk upfront to get some air.. Suddenly I felt the urgent need to leave. I had to get the f*c k away from there. I seeked out my older sister who I had gone to the party with (along with my neice) and told her I was going to leave. She looked at me weird and asked me what was wrong? I couldn't explain, I didn't have an answer. I told her I just had to leave. I think she saw the deperation in my face and told me to do what I had to do. Just as I was leaving some young dude, maybe 17ish, was arriving and I handed him the unopened bottle of Alize. He looked surprised and asked me what I was doing? I asked him if he wanted it and hes said yes. He took it and I took off to the subway and went home.

When my sister came home she said eveyone had been asking for me and that it was weird for me to just have left so abruptly. At one point one of my homebuiys called my house and offered to g opick me up, but I didn't want to go.. I just felt safe at home. Comfortable.

Well, I got over it not too long after and haven't really had a relapse.


Weird, huh.

 

[moist]

Drink more


after 7 or 8 shots of 151 you stop thinking about....anything and just start going with whatever.

 

[Lelielle]

I have serious social anxiety so I can understand, i spend so much time worrying about everything I say and do and how I might be perceived that it's paralyzing. I also have other stuff to deal with (PTSD) so its compounded, it can be very frustrating. Medication is a good bet to help deal with the symptoms while you try to learn different ways of dealing with stressful situations (breathing exercises etc.), and find anything else that might be causing it.
The best plan is to go see your doctor and talk to them about it, you can work out something you feel comfortable with. It's good to try to exercise and eat right and get some sun or a substitute in the mean time, B vitamins are especially important.

 

[LiveWire]

yes because when you're socially anxious, pills pills pills is the answer.

Yea, right? I mean seriously, how many people are on pills these days? I wonder how many GAFfers are on antidepressants? No wonder a socially anxious person feels like everyone is watching them, because everyone else is on drugs themselves! :lol

 

[FoxSpirit]

but I dont think I would take pills, I mean...im apparently supposed to be taking several kinds of pills but I refuse to and always try and work things out myself.

Sir, you are a wise man. And you'll see... eventually you'll get better at working things out, seeing your own behaviour and thoughts. Also: no weed, nothing. A little beer every now and then at most. But nothing in the realm of even slightly haluzinogenic. No smokes, but the occasional coffee is okay.

You will thank yourself further down the road if you stick to that. From someone who knows.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

i feel socially inept.

i've taken pills. i went from being depressed, having high anxiety, being afraid to answer the phone and pay for something by myself, to being comfortable in social situations.

if someone approaches me and i know they are interested in talking to me i have no problem.

but i want to make new friends. i don't feel that i'm introverted at all. i want to be around people. my mind like goes through a million scenarios of how to start talking to someone i'm interested in and i wind up just avoiding it.

anyways... to cure social phobia, anxiety, or avoidant personality disorder.. pills + cognitive behavioral therapy + practice. and to the above poster, it's actually better to take the pills to rid yourself of anxiety, and begin to change your negative thought pattern, practice and overcome the social problems, then get off the pills. when there's something chemically wrong. a pill can do instant wonders without changing you or your personality. and obviously getting off of it is a goal because no one wants to be dependant forever.

i take cymbalta. and this was my experienced the first day i took the pill: when i started thinking about something that really bugged me and was fixing to give me high anxiety. it felt like a switch turned it off. and thinking about it didn't affect me at all. other than that, i felt no different at all.

 

[SUPREME1]

Drink more


after 7 or 8 shots of 151 you stop thinking about....anything and just start going with whatever.

7 or 8 shots of 151 =

Bad call homeboy.

 

[Baryn]

I also have problems about where to look when talking to someone I dont know or even just sitting in a room with other people, I always try and avoid looking directly at someone for some reason.

It doesn't matter who I'm talking to, I always look at the person's lips.

Another thing I have a problem with is the subway. If I don't have an active thought process going (or a DS!) I get so nervous and awkward about where I should be looking. All these people, dozens of them, standing around and not speaking! It drives me simply mad.

 

[Javaman]

It doesn't matter who I'm talking to, I always look at the person's lips.

Another thing I have a problem with is the subway. If I don't have an active thought process going (or a DS!) I get so nervous and awkward about where I should be looking. All these people, dozens of them, standing around and not speaking! It drives me simply mad.

Crap, I have that same problem. Whenever I'm sitting around with a group of people and noone is talking I don't know where to look. I get worked up about it for some stupid reason.

 

[rollingstart]

It doesn't matter who I'm talking to, I always look at the person's lips.

Another thing I have a problem with is the subway. If I don't have an active thought process going (or a DS!) I get so nervous and awkward about where I should be looking. All these people, dozens of them, standing around and not speaking! It drives me simply mad.

yeah, if im waiting around for something in a room with others, I usually am on my phone playing Tetris of Lumines (I have like 20 hours clocked in for Tetris I bet), if im not I usually look up or down even if that makes me look crazy.