Toots
Gold Member
Every time I post here I end up deleting my post because it feels so pathetic. This time I promise not to do it.
Since im a member of this beautiful forum, and even before when i was lurking its depths, i read guys talking about their gamefly queues, the size and girth of it. It seems a lot of dudes here are packing quite the anaconda, and im pretty happy for them. But im not. As a matter of fact, i don't even have one game in mine. So of course im always thinking about my gamefly queue compared to others.
Nights are very hard for me, the only thing I want is to sleep right away to have hours of peace before I wake up, but today I feel like posting here to try and get out of my system these feelings I’m bottling up. I’m 69 and well I guess you all know why I’m here. One of the things I miss the most is the innocence I had when I was a kid. I remember telling my parents things like “I can’t wait to finish college, and then get a job so i can buy a lot of games to play with my friends”. As I was growing up, I used to talk to my mom things like “how do you think my future console would look like? What about my games? Will they be stand alone, dlcs or both?” God, I really miss those times, but of course when you are a kid you are so innocent, and that’s the beauty of it.
When my brother and I were in high school my parents gave us the common video gaming talk, they described it as this beautiful act that you share with another person, so we should take it seriously. Honestly, I was excited but at the same time scared. I told myself that everything would be fine, and it was. I met my first gamer friend, both segafags, at least my first time was awesome and they and I learned together. Although, maybe since they were a virgin gamer they didn’t have much to compare that’s why they liked playing with me, I don’t know. College sucked for me, freshman year I realized that madden multiplayer sessions were a no for me since that year I had my first two bad experiences. Then, I tried to follow every advice I could find, get to know the gamer more before gaming, build an emotional connection, all those things. Don’t get me wrong, those things work and are awesome because I’m also a guy who doesn’t like gaming too early in the process of knowing a gamer. The thing is in my case, it didn’t work. As years passed, I was encountering more bad gaming experiences.
Not all gamers were mean, but damn, just by looking at their faces after putting the controller in my hands, it was soul crushing how their mood changed, and it hurt like hell. I don’t blame them, I don’t even like myself when I look at myself gaming in the mirror, I even need to play switch with the lights off. I’m just glad that my brother doesn’t have to go through this, he and my dad are above gaming average, so yeah, the dice wasn’t in my favor when I was brought to this world. You know what hurts more? Not having anyone to talk about this irl. Sometimes I want to cry my eyes out, but I can’t. I know that for my mom and dad this is not an issue, maybe because their consoles were different, and I won’t bother my brother with this. The only person I would trust with this would be my best friend, but he is about to propose to his girl on stage at EVO and I won’t mess that, I can’t just go and tell him “hey bro I just want to tell you that I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd due to my bad experiences when trying to play TEKKEN online.” Yes, I have gone to some therapists and game therapists as well, I really think they don’t understand how much this hurts, they really tried to help, but they give me the same advice I hear. I gave them time, but we didn’t click. Unfortunately, I can't keep looking for more therapists because I don’t have a lot of money to spare.
I hope all of you with ginormous gamefly queues know how lucky you are and enjoy them to the fullest.
Thank you all for reading.
TL ; DR : r/smallgameflyqueueproblems
Since im a member of this beautiful forum, and even before when i was lurking its depths, i read guys talking about their gamefly queues, the size and girth of it. It seems a lot of dudes here are packing quite the anaconda, and im pretty happy for them. But im not. As a matter of fact, i don't even have one game in mine. So of course im always thinking about my gamefly queue compared to others.
Nights are very hard for me, the only thing I want is to sleep right away to have hours of peace before I wake up, but today I feel like posting here to try and get out of my system these feelings I’m bottling up. I’m 69 and well I guess you all know why I’m here. One of the things I miss the most is the innocence I had when I was a kid. I remember telling my parents things like “I can’t wait to finish college, and then get a job so i can buy a lot of games to play with my friends”. As I was growing up, I used to talk to my mom things like “how do you think my future console would look like? What about my games? Will they be stand alone, dlcs or both?” God, I really miss those times, but of course when you are a kid you are so innocent, and that’s the beauty of it.
When my brother and I were in high school my parents gave us the common video gaming talk, they described it as this beautiful act that you share with another person, so we should take it seriously. Honestly, I was excited but at the same time scared. I told myself that everything would be fine, and it was. I met my first gamer friend, both segafags, at least my first time was awesome and they and I learned together. Although, maybe since they were a virgin gamer they didn’t have much to compare that’s why they liked playing with me, I don’t know. College sucked for me, freshman year I realized that madden multiplayer sessions were a no for me since that year I had my first two bad experiences. Then, I tried to follow every advice I could find, get to know the gamer more before gaming, build an emotional connection, all those things. Don’t get me wrong, those things work and are awesome because I’m also a guy who doesn’t like gaming too early in the process of knowing a gamer. The thing is in my case, it didn’t work. As years passed, I was encountering more bad gaming experiences.
Not all gamers were mean, but damn, just by looking at their faces after putting the controller in my hands, it was soul crushing how their mood changed, and it hurt like hell. I don’t blame them, I don’t even like myself when I look at myself gaming in the mirror, I even need to play switch with the lights off. I’m just glad that my brother doesn’t have to go through this, he and my dad are above gaming average, so yeah, the dice wasn’t in my favor when I was brought to this world. You know what hurts more? Not having anyone to talk about this irl. Sometimes I want to cry my eyes out, but I can’t. I know that for my mom and dad this is not an issue, maybe because their consoles were different, and I won’t bother my brother with this. The only person I would trust with this would be my best friend, but he is about to propose to his girl on stage at EVO and I won’t mess that, I can’t just go and tell him “hey bro I just want to tell you that I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd due to my bad experiences when trying to play TEKKEN online.” Yes, I have gone to some therapists and game therapists as well, I really think they don’t understand how much this hurts, they really tried to help, but they give me the same advice I hear. I gave them time, but we didn’t click. Unfortunately, I can't keep looking for more therapists because I don’t have a lot of money to spare.
I hope all of you with ginormous gamefly queues know how lucky you are and enjoy them to the fullest.
Thank you all for reading.
TL ; DR : r/smallgameflyqueueproblems
Let's hope this thread ends better than the last one i made
