Support NeoGAF

[Baron Aloha]

First some back story, this guy was my best friend from around age 10-15. They say that the friends that you have around that age always seem to be the best ones you'll ever have and truth be told even after our friendship deteriorated and the years have passed I still feel like he was the best friend I've ever had.

When he was 14 his parents went through a messy divorce (I mean really messy) and shortly afterwards he started using drugs. His personality completely changed in a matter of months. He became agitated, unpredictable, etc. It got to the point where I was no longer comfortable being around him. I tried to help comfort him about his parents divorce and try to convince him to stop using drugs but there is only so much that a, now 15 year old, person can do. We got into a big argument and I haven't seen him since (this was in 1994). Until last night that is.

My girlfriend and I went to a club as a show of support for another friend of mine who was DJ-ing there. As we all left the club and the four of us (me, gf, dj-friend, his gf) walked to our cars we came to an intersection and we had to cross the street. Sitting right at the corner next to another homeless person was my childhood friend. I am positive it was him. I instantly recognized the facial features, voice, hair color, and build.... and for a second there he looked at me and I could tell that he recognized me too. We didn't say anything to each other and I went on my way.

I'm really not sure how I should feel about this. A part of me really wants to help him but I know that he is not the same person that he was 10 years ago and that I would probably be opening myself up to all sorts of trouble. But he was my friend. He was a good person until his life basically fell apart. I'm really not sure what to do. I know that if our places were switched I would like someone to help me. I haven't told anyone that I know about seeing him. So I'm asking GAF for advice. What would you do?

 

[Kabuki Waq]

if he is into drugs just avoid him.

 

[sprsk]

atleast talk to him. if it were me id probably atleast do that.

 

[belgurdo]

He's probably beyond reproach, but toss him a hundred or something if you see him again

 

[HAOHMARU]

That must have been awkward.

My best advice would be just to leave it at that. You are going to open a whole can of worms that you might not want to if you try anything. I know it must be tuff, but peoples lifes take different paths. I've had friends who have died from drug o.d.

I had one of my best friends (of the same years you are talking about) get involved with drugs pretty heavily. It was when that heroin craze started hitting high schools in the mid 90's. Anyway, he o.d. a few years after we graduated high school and was clinicly dead for a couple of minutes. The paramedics brought him back to life and he went to rehab. To my knowledge, he has been clean since. Now he is working as a manager for a company's district, got married and has 2 kids. I still haven't talked to him since he started using back when we were 15...I kinda feel bad about that.

I dunno...you do what you think is best. I don't think I could muster up enough to get involved if I was in your case.

 

[gofreak]

I think you should try and at least talk to him next time you see him. It's really tough. I'm seeing a lot more homeless people around myself lately, and it's been playing more and more on my mind. How easily one could slip into homelessness..all it really takes is one catastrophic occurence in your life, and suddenly you could be facing that situation. It's getting harder just to walk by and not do anything, putting myself in their position..it's really sad, most of them seem to be aging men. It's really hard to just walk by, especially the non-drunk/abusive ones.



It kind of amazes me how they've managed to slip through the system here. I mean, we have a good welfare system...immigrants coming into the country, for example, are given accomodation for free, but yet there are still people on the streets. I don't begrudge the immigrants their accomodation, but I wonder how these people aren't taken care of. Possibly related to the fact that it's all men that I see - they don't have kids or a family to take care of etc.... mothers with kids are probably given priority. It's all very sad.

 

[marsomega]

I would talk to him at least. If there is one thing that is certain, it's that when he watched you for the first time in 10 years, it most likely tore him apart at the very moment. Seeing you only reminds him of the decision he made and the price he paid for it. Most likely right now he's sitting some where thinking back at all the painful memories you just talked about.

Don't just throw a hundred and walk a way. That would just make him feel pathetic. Just talk to him. If you decide to give him some money don't be too upfront about it. Maybe you could just buy him something to eat instead.

I lost one of them last spring to heart failure. And another one who is struggling and made mistakes. Anywho, this thread is about your friend. That story just hurts, especially thinking back to my child hood friends.

The sad part is all the homeless elderly. See a lady at my supermarket, every other time asking for some food. She is so nicee and has a great personality. But lately it's getting harder to talk to her. Especially when she tells me about her all grown up children and how she remembered them. Just grinds me up inside.

 

[evil ways]

If in a few months after his parents messy divorce he changed a lot by your account, chances are that in 10 years he has changed even more. Best friend of not, a long time has gone by, and you've kinda seen the self deterioration he has gone through, yet you don't know what kind of person he currently is or what kind of people he has associated himself with so you could be putting yourself and others in harms way.

If he had a drug addiction before, you can probably bet he still has it and will probably disregard whatever feelings of friendship he had for you in order to get something he wants, in this case maybe money for drugs etc. So I say just let it go.

 

[DarienA]

It's interesting how many people here are willing to just condemn someone to drug dependency(if that is still the case for this person). You people do realize that drug dependency is not a life that people choose right?

My suggestion is simply this... take a small amount of time to do some research to local drug treatment and or homeless shelters in your area. And if you see this person again talk to him, just to get a frame of reference for what his mental state is. You can always pass along the information that there are places to get help.

At the very least you've given that person a chance. You can't force them to go, but you've at least opened a door. Under NO circumstances should you give him money however, you should simply direct him to the local city and nonprofit resources that might be able to offer him help.

 

[Optimistic]

Darien's on the money.

if he is into drugs just avoid him.

You're a tool.

 

[Baron Aloha]

I have decided to take Darien's advice. When I have the information I will try to look for him again. He will probably stay in the same area.

I can't just turn my back on him. The time that we spent as friends and the things that we did have had a profound effect on my life and I have thought about him numerous times over the years.

This was the guy who introduced me to Street Fighter II for goodness sake. I can't tell you how many friendships I made while playing that game, some of which I still have to this day (like my dj friend). I even met my first girlfriend playing SFII. It seems like such a small thing, but I can't help but think about how different my life would be today if I had never met him. Its funny to think of how one little thing like that can lead to a chain reaction of events. Its really no different than how his parent's divorce affected him.

I think that I owe it to him to try and help him and that is what I am going to do.

 

[demon]

If he was your fucking best friend as a kid, then try to help him.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

Darien's on the money.



You're a tool.

STFU i just meant if he is hardcore into drugs than it is best to avoid him. In 10 years alot of things change he might be a danger.

"You people do realize that drug dependency is not a life that people choose right?"

i will never understand why people inject themselves with heroin or snort cocaine? your saying they dont have a choice?

 

[GDGF]

i will never understand why people inject themselves with heroin or snort cocaine? your saying they dont have a choice?

Not after awhile, no. Hell, you get on heroin for long enough and you become seriously ill without it. Sad thing.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

yea but why would they start in the first place. Are ppl still ignorant to the effects?

It pisses me off when i see people hopped up on extacy(sp?) and various other drugs proud of the fact that they are not under control. As if somehow its a good thing. I dont feel any pity. I managed to have an active social life and went through some problems without relying on drugs as have many other. There is absolutely no excuse for starting drugs IMO. If you buckle under peer pressure than its your fault.

 

[MrPing1000]

Not after awhile, no. Hell, you get on heroin for long enough and you become seriously ill without it. Sad thing.

like my internet addiction

 

[GDGF]

People do different things for different reasons. For example, i've got a good friend that was shot up (not sure if that's the correct term, but...) buy some dumbass friends of his while he was sleeping because they thought it would be funny. He ended up being hooked on the stuff for several years after (until he OD'd and almost died)

Unfortunately, it's way too easy to condemn a man who's shoes you've never walked in.

 

[Rlan]

Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm in the same situation in about 10 years

A best friend of mine during Primary School has considerably dwindled since 1 1/2 years ago. Heavy marujuana use, became disgruntled, agitated, constant hot/cold mood swings, distanced himself from the group of friends, horrible drunk, threatened to kill one of my friends with a knife in his hand because he hid his booze once he had enough.

He quit school half way through year 12, quit work at a shopping centre, got rid of the dream of being a policeman like his father, and now works mowing the lawns and picking grapes.

He's recently sold his amp and has 'loaned' his guitar to Cash Converters until he gets the money, which he won't, which is basically his only decent possesion left. All the money he earns goes straight to pot.

Despite that he used to be my best friend, I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. I tried to help him, honestly, but once he left school [After his parents were really trying to get their marriage back together, and even got a new puppy the day before], and ran away from home for a few days, I honestly just gave up.

One of my friends recently got the idea of inviting him to a 'party', which would get him into a room where we would get him to confront his problems, but I'm not sure if it'll work, make him even worse, or if I actually want to have anything to do with him. He's just so far gone now.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

People do different things for different reasons. For example, i've got a good friend that was shot up (not sure if that's the correct term, but...) buy some dumbass friends of his while he was sleeping because they thought it would be funny. He ended up being hooked on the stuff for several years after (until he OD'd and almost died)

Unfortunately, it's way too easy to condemn a man who's shoes you've never walked in.

That is a different situation but if you inject it into yourself....... what the fuck are you thinking?

 

[GDGF]

Yeah, it's an extreme situation, but the point was it's not good to judge when you dont know the full circumstance of the matter. Also, some people are weaker than others in certain regards. Some people are pushed over the edge easier. Some people just make stupid decisions. They're still people, and if they're people you like they should be helped.

 

[Neo_ZX]

I would help him as much as I could while staying on the outside. Don't get too involved or you'll get sucked into things you might not want to be involved in. Basically I'd say give him information on how to help himself. It would be his choice to get help or remain helpless.

 

[way more]

Damn, I didn't know people here were so fucking cold. Where are all the compassionate religious types saying to help your fellow man?

I have no clue what you should do. If you want to help you should get the advice of a drug treatment counsler, like Darien A said. They will know how to proceed. If you don't do anything you'll probably fell worse and regret for not even trying. If its drugs maybe showing that you still care is enough for him to realize he has something to live for.

 

[Mejilan]

My dad's habits almost destroyed our family of 5. If we could recover from all that, WITH him intact, then that means that people can be saved, and are worth saving.

I can understand, how, in shock, you may have left without speaking with him. But in your shoes, I'd proabably tentatively reach out. He might actually BE seeking salvation. Or not.

But you won't know until you try.

And for the record, I don't believe people can be saved unless they honestly want to, deep inside. But again, I think it's worth finding out.

But it would be tough, and I would understand it if you felt you weren't strong enough. I can't think of many people who honestly would, of their own volition. (It's different when it's your own family, of course.)

 

[Hitokage]

At the very least, you should stop swimming in assumptions(as should many in this thread) and see how he actually is. Only then can you really decide whether to help or how you might go about it.

 

[yoshifumi]

even if you don't want to get too close to him because of his various problems, it still wouldn't hurt to reach out to him and see how he's doing

 

[DarienA]

I'm again surprised that people don't understand how drug dependency works.... it's not that you enjoy sticking a needle in your arm.... drug dependency screws up your brains ability to function. Right/Wrong? Gone. Your body now feels that it HAS to have this drug in it to function. That thought overwhelms and drowns out all other thoughts, emotions, etc. Even with that being said there are those who want to be helped... but they are no longer really in control of themselves...everything they do is to satisfy that need, that hunger...but alot of these people can be helped.

I see it every day.

 

[fart]

how much do you care about him? work from there.

remember his life is not your responsibility