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[thomaser]

So I work in a toystore, and we recently got a shipment of various kinds of putty. You know, the slimy, gooey stuff that feels really nice to squeeze but is otherwise totally pointless. I just wanted to share two of our new putties with you all. The "Venting Ball" and the "Beetles Putty":

This is the box the Venting Ball comes in. Notice the scared guy holding the Venting Ball. What's he afraid of? It almost looks like he is listening to the Ball. Is it telling him something? The leftmost small picture echoes our questions, putting forth its own: "ANOEBA BALL!!??" Is that what the ball says to the guy? Or does it really mean "Amoeba Ball"? Who knows. I don't. But I know that you can also "THR OWIT ON THE WALL OR WINDOW!!" and "SPLASH !!" it. Oh, and "SEE!!TS RECOVERING!!" But hold on, don't thr owit yet, the small red text in the lower right tells you to remember this: "Please Don T Stretch It When Amoeba Ball is On The Wall It Will Break!!" A lesson for all of us.

This is the Beetles Putty's backside. There's not much to tell about the thing itself, other than that it's a huge beetle from whose anus you can pull an egg containing a smaller beetle encased in green goo. That is really all we need to know. But someone thought otherwise, and concocted a whole story to put on the blister-pack. Read and judge for yourself. I won't spoil anything.

If you want a Venting Ball or a Beetles Putty, don't hesitate to contact me at all. I know all the secret sources.

 

[Senior Lurker]

Kaaaak :lol .

We are the Beatle warrier. We are always band together in jungle. All your base are belong to us. All hail the Beatle warrier.

 

[Chipopo]

Reirom found work I see.

 

[thomaser]

I see the scan is just too small, and I'm bored, so I'll give you the complete text. In ALL CAPS of course, to preserve the effect:

WE ARE THE BEETLE WARRIER. WE ARE ALWAYS BAND TOGETHER IN JUNGLE. WE ARE COMPOSED BY 4 DIFFERENT FAMILIES, AND WE SERCURE OUR HOMELAND BY TURN. WE HAVE A PAIR OF CHELA, WHICH COULD BE STRONG ENOUGH TO PIERCE ENEMYS' HEARS, LET THEM TERROR-STRICKEN. WE ALSO ARE HAVING SHARPENING CLAW, COULD TIGHTLY CATCH ENEMYS' SHOULDER, AND LET THEM HARDLY TO BREATH. WE HAVE THE STEELY COVERING; ENEMY COULD NOT BE POSSILBE TO CRASH US. OUR TROOPS MOVE FORWARD LIKE A TANK MARCH, TO CRASH ANY OBSTACLE IN OUR WAY. TELL YOU A SECRET, WE HAVE A PAIR OF WINGS TO FLY SPEEDILY, 10 MILES PER MINUTES, MORE SPEEDY THAN HUMAN'S WALKING. WE HAVE A FINEST RADAR IN OUR TOP HEAD, LIKE AIRPLANE, WHICH IT WILL NOT GET LOST WHEN FLYING. HUMAN IS THE FRIEND WE LIKE MOST. WE FILL THE FULL OF SOFTER & CLEANER PUTTY IN OUR STOMACH, LET YOU PLAY. IT COULD BE STRECH, BOUNCE, AND BLOW A BUBBLE. WE ALSO BRING OUR KIDS TO PLAY WITH HUMAN'S CHILDREN. HURRY UP TO TAKE US HOME AND KEEP US.
REMEMBER PUTTY CANNOT STICK ON THE CLOTH, CARPET & PAPER. IF CARELESSLY STICK ON CLOTH CARPET, PAPER, JUST ONLY WASH IT WITH WARM WATER & VINEGAR.

NEW COLORFUL PUTTY
COLLECT ALL DESIGN WITH BEETLE BABY. AFTER PLAY, PUT THE PUTTY INTO THE JAR AND CLOSE THE LID, OR IT WILL DRIED.

 

[Pochacco]

:lol

 

[miyuru]

:lol this thread deserves some more replies!

 

[KingGondo]

:lol :lol

If you have more, by God, post it!

:lol

 

[Drozmight]

Sold!

 

[FortNinety]

Whenever I get on the subway to work in Brooklyn, there's always about five to six guys in really nice suits pushing carts and holding clip boards with order forms. Its obvious that they are sales people and I always catch them going over their plan for the day: what areas to hit, how many sales they want to get, etc. The stuff they're selling? El-cheapo calculators that look like laptops and same exact putty crap in this thread.

 

[thomaser]

We didn't even order the Beetles Putty. The distributor had mispacked, and sent that instead of a bunch of baby blankets. Oh, well. I had a look around to see if I found other engrish stuff, but didn't find much. Here are a few things, though:

Water Bomb Wars Water Dart. Looks normal enough, but what's with the speech-bubble to the low left?

Airmanship!!!

Our local football (soccer) team has made it big recently, so we sell tons of things you can use in the stadium. Like this, the "Magical Light". A vibrating, rotating, light-pattern-emitting football on a stick. Here are the precautions - try to make sense of them:

And here's another thing you can use at a football-match. A High Tone Gas Horn.

If they went through all the trouble to design such a stylish box, and then make a list of precautions, why not put "Don't put in persons' ear" there as well? The "usage"-text is nice, though. Solid Snake would probably find this useful. But would he heed the advice and not hit violently and stock a lot?