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[demon]

If I had this post one or two horus ago it probably would have been my drunk post for the week, but i guess you'll have to wait until next week for that. I dont' even know whta the fuck I'm asking. I just feel so fuckin lonely, or lacking in deep connection with other people, that it's making me sick. I spent the evening going to a movie then grabbing a bite to eat then hanging out for a little bit with this one girl I've known for a while, and while technically we are friends, our 'relationship' didn't exaclly start off in that direction, and it's been a bit weird ever since. I realyl like her, I mean she's literally the first girl I've known that I've been really interested in as a person, but the situation's so complicated, sort of involving another guy (who she told me about soon after she shot me down at my first and only attempt to make a move on her when I think she gave every signal for me to do so that night), so I'm stuck in this weird position with her. We occassionally hang out as friends, but sometimes she's kind of flirty with me, she's come onto me in the past more than I've come onto her, and I have no idea if i made a move on her if thats' what she wants. So whenever we hang out I can't just accept that we're friends and enjoy the moment, and I'm always hoping for something more. But there is that 'other guy' (i think, still), and I don't want to be "that guy", if you know what I mean. But jesus christ I like her, and I wish I could just read her fucking mind and know if she was interested in me in that way or how she'd react if i "crossed the freinds line" in any way, if ya knwo what I mean.

Anyway, so as always after we hang out, I wish more had happened, and I wish I could get close to her and open up (but don't out of fear of ruining out friendship), and I start to get depresseda bout my 'girl situation'. I'm almost 23, almost graduated from college, and am usually too embarrassed to admit how far I've gotten physically/relationship-wise witha girl in my life (which surprises people because I look good and dress welladn generally act cool/in control whatever the fuck)...

Anyways, I know a lot people think relationships are overrated, relationships shit on you, you should learn to be happy by yourself, and all sorts of cynical/jaded crap, but as someone who's grown up kind of introverted and with some social anxieties, I really do enjoy being around enjoyable people, I love being around this girl, and is it so wrong to really really wish I had a girl to get really close to and get intimate with and open up to completely and FUTA? I"m just tired of feeling lonely like this, but the situation with this girl is just too awkward and I dont' realyl have any experience with girls, and I really have no experience approaching girls and asking them out and whatnot, and the situation I'm in now- I don't know anyone around here and I find it hard to get to know anyone and make friends....I mean wtf am i uspposed to do? I'm tired of spending my life being alone like this and I really wish I had a girl I could for exampel call up and ask to come over to watch a movie and cuddle and get close to and talk and FUTA. but I feel like there are tons of girls out there and I just don't know HowTF to meet them because I have like no experience at meeting girls, and its not so much an intial rejection i fear (I think) but being found uninteresting or inadequate in some way while getting to know me, and that's a lot more personal than an initial ask-out rejection.

I dunno, I can't even remember wtf this was originally about, and i'm too tired to spell-check it. I'm just sick of being lonely, and I don't even know if getting a girl would make me happier or if I have some deeper issue that "finding someone" won't fix. But I really am sick of being alone, and i feel like I'd be happier if I had someone and were cloeser to more people. i just needed to fucking vent. BLAH LIFE SUCKS

 

[Stuggernaut]

No

EDIT : To elaborate...you worry too much.

But jesus christ I like her, and I wish I could just read her fucking mind and know if she was interested in me in that way or how she'd react if i "crossed the freinds line" in any way, if ya knwo what I mean.

Just ask her instead of driving yourself nuts...test the waters sarcastically if you want to be safe...but if it were me I'd just ask (at least about if there are other guys).

 

[Bizarro Sun Yat-sen]

You should get hardcore into biotechnology.

 

[ShyGuy]

Seriously, just talk to her.

Start off with something like "We're friends right? And we can be honest right? Well I've wanted to talk to you about something serious for a while...."

And then just tell her how you feel, and KEEP REPEATING how you don't want to ruin the friendship if she doesn't feel the same way.

That's all you can do, if you don't tell her, she won't know. Maybe she's interested but she's "traditional" and wants you to make the first move since you're the "male". You can't read her mind, and she can't read yours, so you might as well SAY IT OUT LOUD.

Good luck!

 

[Fusebox]

Just be like Kobe and don't ask just do.

 

[btrboyev]

yep..just talk to her..tell her you have a big crush on her but you don't wanna cause problems with your relationship. Or maybe you can just start going out more and meeting some friends...seriously it sounds like you have no dudes to hang with

 

[Pattergen]

No, it's not ok. You have other issues to deal with, why involve a chica that you score out of desperation. Just more drama. Work on your self confidence and mind other affairs in your life before dragging in a girl that may or may not be interested.

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

You should get hardcore into biotechnology.

priceless!



in all seriousness, it sounds like maybe she is playing games with you. it happens, unfortunately.

if one minute she's flirting and the next pushing you away when you make a move on her then she's definitely sending mixed signals. women who send mixed signals are not to be trusted.

i can relate to how you feel. i'm 25 and do not have a girlfriend. it's very rare that i meet new people. i suppose the only advice i can offer is to hang in there and stay positive. the more outgoing and confident you are = the more opportunities that will be presented to you.

oh, and if you get the chance, fhuta fiercely!

 

[RevenantKioku]

Just come clean. I did this a while back to a female friend of mine, and we're still great friends.
First I told her not to respond until I was finished. I just was very straightforward, and said exactly how I felt about her. I then added in that it didn't matter to me how she felt about me, because that would not change my feelings in the slightest, just if she did feel the same, I didn't want the opportunity to pass. She and I have not dated, but we're still close friends. A while later, she had a boyfriend, who I did not at all interfere with, and now that she's single, I still haven't gone down that route, because of how she said she feels about me. I'm cool with being friends with her, and it was relieving as hell to get that off my chest.

 

[Fresh Prince]

No, it's not ok. You have other issues to deal with, why involve a chica that you score out of desperation. Just more drama. Work on your self confidence and mind other affairs in your life before dragging in a girl that may or may not be interested.

IAWTP. To be honest I read nothing except BAH LIFE SUCKS and my mind said NO. The answer is no, get your own issues sorted then chase teh ladies. Girls will invariably get your own life more complicated. In the words of Ice Cube the Great, 'You know it's drama, but it sound real good'. Don't end up on your back..

 

[demon]

i dont' even know where to start to "deal with my own issues", i've been settled into this lifestyle and becoming numb to it for so long. i've been trying to improve my life and attitude lately, likel over the past year, and I honestly wouldn't have met this girl if it weren't for that. But if trying ot meet new people and do something I really want to do (get involved with girls) won't solve my problemns, I just don't know what will. and therein lies the motherfucking problem. maybe I wouldn't feel like this if it were 4 of 5 years earlier when I was starting off with college and had years of this kind of life (which I now feel I wasted) ahead of me, not ending it real soon.

 

[Fresh Prince]

Being serious...
What do you expect from life?

 

[demon]

Being serious...
What do you expect from life?

i don't fuckin know, really. I feel like I haven't even had a life the past several year, and most of that has revolved around not opening up and getting to know people.

 

[Dan]

I can't say I was ever this extreme or anything of that sort, but thinking that a girlfriend will kinda magically solve everything is just pretty naive. It doesn't work that way. It might seem great for a while, but in my experience it just ends up being a sort of ignorance is bliss thing. Getting a girlfriend won't solve the problems you have, it's just a little band-aid, a distraction or perhaps a smokescreen that you can hide behind. A girl isn't just going to make everything fine and dandy, certainly not at anything more than a superficial level.

 

[Pattergen]

i don't fuckin know, really. I feel like I haven't even had a life the past several year, and most of that has revolved around not opening up and getting to know people.

Well be open and get to know people. Go to a gym or something, find hobbies that you are interested in. I hate to crap out the same advise that is given time and time again, but I just hate the notion of finding a romantic relationship in order to be happier. From expierence, this kind of relationship turns into the worst situation. Depend on yourself before you depend on anyone else. Cliche, but it is true.

 

[Fresh Prince]

The simple answer I guess would be meet more people.. To be honest you put me on the spot, I really don't know.

 

[fart]

You should get hardcore into biotechnology.

WEIRD SCIENCE

 

[Bizarro Sun Yat-sen]

edit: on second thought i should have left it at that. New party line: there never was a post here.

 

[fart]

i was talking about the movie, you know. it's funny.

also we're talking on irc about how you should do a lot of acid because lord knows you need to loosen up demon

 

[demon]

i was talking about the movie, you know. it's funny.

also we're talking on irc about how you should do a lot of acid because lord knows you need to loosen up demon

Acid, to loosen up? Nahh........ [insert picture of my bottles if liquor]

not very practical for on-the-go, though......and yea, i think i even made apost about that, and I really shouldn't try to rely on that to always been loosened up. I honestly don't know what the fuck i need. I know people've have told me I need to "find myself" or whatever thef fuck, but i've spent enough fucking alone time. i don't konw....i'm gonna take some sleeping pills and go to bed....i've been staying up too late anyhow (like 4:30-5 every night).

-edit-
on second thought, i just realized my post might have made m look like a drunk. I actually drink less than a lot of people do, I've just been drinking...more than I used to, and I tend to sometimes wind up here when I'm drunk. so it's not like i'm a big-time boozer or something.

 

[Saturnman]

How can you not meet other girls in college? I was shy and introverted too, but it's what damn near impossible not meeting girls there. You just have to hang out a bit.

 

[marsomega]

I skipped over all the responses, sorry. But demon if you would really like some helpful insight into this send me a message or something. At least in regards to this situation.

Other than that, in college, you should be able to meet more interesting girls. General thing about college is that it shows you that there are way more options (much, much better options).


As to whether some of those options are really open to you is another story..Regardless, options..

 

[Pattergen]

-edit-
on second thought, i just realized my post might have made m look like a drunk. I actually drink less than a lot of people do, I've just been drinking...more than I used to, and I tend to sometimes wind up here when I'm drunk. so it's not like i'm a big-time boozer or something.

Nothing wrong with drinkin'. Been my solution for a couple weeks now. Things get better, I hear. As long as we let them get better.

 

[Dan]

I honestly don't know what the fuck i need. I know people've have told me I need to "find myself" or whatever thef fuck, but i've spent enough fucking alone time..

Therein may be your problem. It doesn't have to be one or the other. It's not about being completely alone and independent or being completely dependent on some kind of soul mate. Balance is a very important aspect to have for all situations. Open up a little more with people, try and be accomadating and give their company a chance. You can't expect to just meet someone and *pow* have someone become the most important person in your life on whom you rely for sanity. Be realistic and appreciate the little moments of progress you can find. Wanting, needing or expecting the be-all-end-all in a really short amount of time is only going to lead to more disappointment.

 

[ChrisReid]

You need to get a hobby and get some goals. Working towards that goal or doing that hobby (as long as the hobby isn't too isolated) will bring you the happiness you need, girls and other stuff will fall into place along the way.

 

[={<SMOKE>}=]

i don't see where the guy said getting a girlfriend is going to solve all his problems... it seems to me he feels the need for companionship and i think a girlfriend is a great way to fill that need.

demon, if you feel like you want a girl in your life then get one. there's nothing wrong with you... keep your head up man.

 

[Saturnman]

He may jumping on this one girl a little quickly in light of everything he has revealed. That's why he needs to meet other people. It wouldn't hurt, he'd gain some perspective and some social skills in the process.

 

[Drensch]

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

 

[psycho_snake]

Just talk to her. Usually a girlfriend doesn't make life easier, you've gotta be really commited and you've gotta be really careful around them. If this girl is someone who you really like and you know that she's gonna make you happy, then go for it. If this girl aint right though, it doesnt matter, your in college, there is a fit girl around every corner and all you have to do is go and talk to them.

 

[Ned Flanders]

Less than 2 years ago I was not unlike yourself demon...lonely, isolated, and dismissive when it came to considering ways to change. Not to sound brash or anything, but since that time, I've completely revolutionized myself, with a better job, better attitude, better physical fitness, far more attention from the ladies, and a lot more self-confidence. I'm not some motivational speaker or some flake who read a bunch of self help books; I'm Joe Schmoe, much like yourself, who was tired of being unhappy and willing to do anything to change that.

So, firstly, put the situation with the girl aside for a minute, because I think that when you look at the greater picture that you'll realize that whatever problems the two of you have are likely a byproduct of your greater self, so to speak.

You seem lacking in self-confidence, and self-confidence comes from a combination of self-worth and a general lack of fear of failure. If you don't like yourself, you're not likely to be confident, and a lack of confidence will likely steer you into a lifestyle that only perpetuates your self-hatred. So the first thing to do would be to find the things you like about yourself, and GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE FUCKING CREDIT. The world is filled with scum, degenerates, amoral weirdos and a lot of generally vile and negative people. You may not think you're Todd McPimpin', but you have to take into account that there are a lot worse things you could be doing with yourself, both in deed and spirit.

So you're not a bad guy, but there's certainly things you'd like to improve about yourself. Not things you HATE about yourself, but things that you need to improve. You obviously seem to think that you should be more outgoing, and that you were more confident with women (this girl in particular). These are really simple things to conquer..they may take time, and the results may not always be as expected, but you will benefit regardless.

The very first thing I can tell you to do if you want to be more outgoing and generally happy is to SMILE MORE. I know it sounds like completely dumb advice, but it is absolutely gospel. It has been proven in research that people who smile more consider themselves happier, and the social response of people who see others smiling is typically to smile themselves. Its fucking contagious, even if it's manufactured. A little more than a year ago I felt like a tool in forcing myself to smile when I wasn't happy and I felt a resentment toward those around me (a resentment born of my own insecurity). Now I smile all the fucking time because I just can't help it.

Smiling will get you a long way, but the biggest thing you may have to conquer in bettering yourself as a social creature is conquering doubt. Doubt is born of fear of consequence, and considering you rarely do something when you're riddled with doubt about it, these 'consequences' that you fear are more than likely just manufactured in your brain because you're not trying. And when you actually do try, you fail, because you're not confident. You're setting yourself up for failure. Well you have to rethink how you weigh the consequences. Trying is a GATEWAY to success, and regretfulness and second-guessing are far worse than failing at something you'd never see the benefits of without trying.

It's like (for example, don't get too hung on the topic) with the girl. If you never level with her, then guess what, you're stuck suffering as you have been. And if you talk to her and she rejects you, then at least its off your fucking chest and you don't have to sweat it any longer. Then you can begin to move on. And if you talk to her and she's receptive, then whoopty fucking do you're in like capri pants on weekends. So what do you have to lose? Are you willing to risk your continued happiness/sanity over the potential (and extremely unlikely) scenario that she may turn you down and end the friendship? Would she really be that much of a friend if she did something like that to being with? You see you have to change your mentality and stop letting fear and manufactured doubt keep you from achieving things.

Basically happiness comes from working to improve yourself, your standing in life, or your circumstances. If you take self-improvement as a hobby, something you constantly keep in mind and consider, it becomes it's own form of confidence booster. When you make those small strides toward lightening up and becoming more sociable, it will only further motivate you to chip away at your other lingering insecurities or flaws. Small succeses (one of my earliest successes was just being able to return a smile to a girl..before I didn't know how to act because I didn't like myself and was too scared to pursue women I didn't know) will drive you to bigger strides (I'm not some uber-playa, but I can now meet attractive women and not feel uncomfortable or nervous).

So before you even consider anything with this girl, focus on YOURSELF first. Because regardless of how that situation turns out, you'll always be stuck with yourself on the other side, and girl or no girl you could stand to benefit from a much needed upshift in attitude. It sounds cliche, but there are a shitload of fish in the sea, and you need to be at your best in order to give yourself the maximum opportunity of catching something. But DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT attach your self-worth to your relationship status. Because the fact is that you're somebody, whether you have someone at the moment or not. It's natural to want companionship, but if you're gonna beat yourself up every second you're not with somebody, then you're in for a lot of heartache. Thats why I say take some stock in yourself, continue to work on improving your outlook and approach to dealing with others, and good things will happen to you. I'm living proof. It may not all end up like that storybook in your mind, but once you've done a little living you realize that that storybook was mostly full of shit to begin with. Take life as it comes. Keep your fucking chin up, and SMILE, DAMMIT.

 

[kikonawa]

just quickly squize her pussy , you have a 50/50 chance for liking you

 

[Loki]

That's a great post, Ned. (<---note the smile )

 

[open_mouth_]

demon: There's something you should know... I've had feelings for you for quite some time now. I don't mean to put you in a tough spot, but I'd like it if we could someday become more than friends.

girl: wow... that's a surprise... I feel the same way

or

girl: I don't think it'd work out.

EITHER WAY, YOU'LL KNOW HOW SHE FEELS SO YOU CAN MOVE ON FROM THERE EITHER WITH HER OR IN PURSUIT OF SOMEONE ELSE.

"There is no TRY, muthafucka, only DO or DO NOT." -Yoda

 

[Dilbert]

First of all -- Ned's post has got a lot of good advice. Read carefully. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to do your own thing, enjoy it, and EXPECT that others will find you attractive and worthy. Once you take care of your attitude, everything else falls into place.

A couple of other random thoughts:

1) Personally, I'm not a big fan of the weighty confession of feelings approach: "_____, I just wanted you to know that I find you VERY attractive and think of you as far more than a friend." It puts her on the spot, and even if she's attracted to you...it sets the wrong mood! When someone turns you on, you don't TALK about it -- you ACT on it! When and if you decide to push your boundaries with this girl...I recommend that you lean over and kiss her, and not discuss whether kissing would be appropriate.

2) I agree with the earlier post about keeping on your guard about girls who send mixed signals. Some of them are up to no good, and you'd be well-advised to go study Ladder Theory. On the other hand, I get the impression that YOU have been sending this girl mixed signals as well -- you like her, but can't pull the trigger. Is there any possibility that her mixed signals are a result of your own confusion/hesitation?

3) The great paradox of dating: Wanting a girlfriend prevents you from finding one. You have to NOT look to find one. (Seriously.)

 

[demon]

Thanks for the post fellas. Your post was kind of inspiration as well, Ned. I'll try to take that advice, although to some extent, at least lately, I already have been. I've just spent so long feeling lonely that any advise that involves "just do your own thang!" makes me groan, even if deep down I know it's true.

On the other hand, I get the impression that YOU have been sending this girl mixed signals as well -- you like her, but can't pull the trigger. Is there any possibility that her mixed signals are a result of your own confusion/hesitation?

I am sure that is part of it. She's provided opportunities in the past, flirted kind of heavily (usually out of no where) on occassion, and even asked me at one point "if I like her", and I never really reciprocated because of 1. the "other guy" (who I don't even know if he's still an "other guy"), 2. my own apprehensiveness and inhibitions, and 3. because as much as I really like her, am really attracted to her and really think she's a cool person, I know that she's got a few issues of her own and probably wouldn't make great relationship material (other people I've talked to about this situation have told me the same thing).

 

[demon]

Well I'm drunk agaain, althoguht i't's not some lonely drunkeness shit, I sorta got drunk with some people, so it's not like I gotg drunk alone.....which is sad and pathetic.

Anyway, one thing I've always kinda wondered, something that isn't that signficant in the grand scheme of things but something I"ve always wondered about. A few weeks after we met, she invited me over to her place, we got closed, cuddled, carassed eachaother's hand's/arms and whatnot, and she asked me about my relationships past. So at the end of the night when she droppped me off, I went in for the kiss and she shot me down with teh head-turn rejection. We havne't even spoken of it since and acted as thought it never happened, and we've been friends since and she's still kind of flirted with me since and made one or two sexually suggestive comments etc etc. Considering hte whole kiss rejection situation and the fact that she's prety much ignored it since, what wouild you say that says about the way she thinks of me and our 'relationship'? I mean I imagine there wouldb esome situations between a guyh and girl "friends" where the guy goes in for a move and she shoots him and and that kindof spoils and ruins the whole relationship/friendsship, but that's not what happened between us. Is that normal? GOD, what I woulnd't give to read girls' minds.

 

[Greekboy]

I find guys and girls cannot be friends unless the girl is 300 pounds or the guy is gay.

 

[demon]

I find guys and girls cannot be friends unless the girl is 300 pounds or the guy is gay.

Eh, in highschool I was kinda 'buddes' with this one girl in school who wasn't ugly at all, but I just wan'st attracted to, and I found her to be a really cool person, and we had a pretty damn platonic relationship. Altough we weren't the best of friensd or anything. It's certainly not impossible. But I do not feel the same way with this girl.