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[pleaseinsertdisctwo]

There's this guy who's a friend I guess (not really). He works at a cafe I frequent. I've "known" him since like a year ago but we got on a first name basis like 5 months ago. I think around late July, my car stopped working and I had no car for about 4ish weeks. During these weeks when I'd go to this cafe and he was working, he would offer me rides home even though that was completely unnecessary (I chose to go there, after all). I do mean it btw I NEVER asked him; he would either offer, or just pass by my table and say "I'm taking you home." I would say he gave me rides home like 7(?) times. My house was only 5-6 mins away but it was still a nice gesture. I will also say that HE is the one that brought up exchanging numbers and HE added me on IG.

Anyways. On the night of the last time he dropped me off, everything seemed normal. I was waiting for him to close. He closed earlier than his coworkers so he was sitting and waiting for them.

We were just on our phones and then he randomly said "you know, you're funny looking." This was a week after I told him that I'm insecure about my face (and I only divulged this information because for like a week he kept asking me why I'm not dating, that he wants to set me up with a nice Mexican man, next day he'd say he wants to set me up with a nice Jewish man, etc.) and I want to get plastic surgery for a couple of things. So this comment hurt.

He was very combative the whole night. Then when a couple of his coworkers came towards us he was like "hey I was just calling pleaseinsertdisctwo funny looking for the past 15 minutes" and then was like "yeah we can't hang if you can't handle my dark humor." He was wording it as if it was a truth I needed to accept, and that's why it's "dark" humor.

I honestly thought I did something wrong. Otherwise why else did he randomly start acting this way?

I tried to text him about it, even though at this point it's been a while since that night. It's kind of been a back and forth of me not talking to him and him not really talking to me and I can tell that we've been passive aggressive.

I worded my text like I may have done something wrong and he was acting that way out of retaliation because I thought that that WAS the most likely scenario. I told him that I just want to understand why he was acting that way (I have yet to specify which night I was talking about, or the comments he made), and that I'm not going to attack him or ask for an apology.

He apologized and said that he is sorry if he hurt me in any way, he has "very dark humor" towards people he actually likes, and that he'll never joke that way with me again.

On that night I know for a fact that he saw that I was upset, and he kept going and going. Not once did he clarify that he didn't mean what he said. If anything he was basically saying that he's just being honest and that I need to accept the truth, like I already said.

Call me insecure, neurotic, and high maintenance, but how is randomly calling someone "funny looking," especially when they told you that they're insecure about their face because you kept pestering them about dating people, dark humor? Where is the joke? I want to accept his apology especially since I didn't ask for one but I can't. It's been over a day since his apology but I have yet to reply because I don't want to seem insane or overly angry but I think his "dark humor" excuse is BS.

Kings, please let me know. Because I've never had someone act this way with me.

 

[kanjobazooie]

Some people just lack emotional intelligence. (or whatever the fuck it's called)

Don't let his lame "joke" bother you.

 

[jufonuk]

Sounds like he wants to be more than friends with you and trying to pick you up. You haven't read his advances so he trying to neg you. So you sleep with him.

Disregard him.

 

[HoodWinked]

he sounds like a doofus that is just saying the first thing that comes into his head. and then you're over analyzing his comments as if there is actual thought to them.

you're a chick right, well men don't befriend women unless they're trying to bone them.

 

[JimmyRustler]

On that night I know for a fact that he saw that I was upset, and he kept going and going. Not once did he clarify that he didn't mean what he said. If anything he was basically saying that he's just being honest and that I need to accept the truth, like I already said.

Boy, I hate this so much and that so many people are like it. Once they see it bothers you they just keep pushing.
Best way really is to not show any reaction as most will stop once they see it doesn't bother you. It's real sad but yeah.. it is what it is.

 

[Soodanim]

I think overall your instincts are telling you to stay away, and that's probably the right thing to do. He's going to try something before long, and given how he's been so far he's not the most well adjusted person out there. He's even given you an excuse with the alleged dark humour, just quote that and part ways.

Also, carry a shotgun just in case.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Call me insecure, neurotic, and high maintenance, but how is randomly calling someone "funny looking," especially when they told you that they're insecure about their face because you kept pestering them about dating people, dark humor?

He is gay, he thinks you are as well, he is also an alpha in a relationship and he sees you as a beta. Bail, no need to take abuse disguised as a humour.

 

[Rest]

Some people think that after they get to know you they can start acting like an asshole. My experience is that the best thing to do is to drop those kinds of people from your life. Their behavior gets worse, not better.

 

[Ash Sparrow]

I dont know if OP is man or woman, the answer changes with the gender. If Op is a woman, he's pulling your pony tail. All these modern men are studying with all these masters on how to attract women, attract by insult, which builds up a need to gain the persons respect in the woman. His insults Are supposed to build attraction.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

All these modern men are studying with all these masters on how to attract women, attract by insult, which builds up a need to gain the persons respect in the woman. His insults Are supposed to build attraction.

Please tell me that's not the case. Yes, millennia of treating women right in order to smash are outdone by social media 'experts' who were never in a relationship.

 

[Jennings]

He's thinking about you constantly. It's becoming unhealthy, and his sexual frustration is beginning to present itself in mystifying ways sane people wouldn't be expected to comprehend. Somewhere inside he habors both attraction and hate for you (and himself), and he's incapable of expressing only one of these things.

Ghost him and don't look back, except to check for him following you.

 

[IlGialloMondadori]

Sounds like someone studying pickup artist losers.
Also, kind of sounds like a weird asshole - ""I'm taking you home." and then saying you're funning looking.

I wouldn't get in a car with him again, tbh, unless you actually want to date this person, but probably they're looking to bang and move on.

You could try, "You're a fuckin' loser who gives me serial killer vibes." and follow up with, "Just kidding! Just my dark humour. You can't hang with me unless you get my dark humour, Manson."

 

[Cyberpunkd]

You could try, "You're a fuckin' loser who gives me serial killer vibes." and follow up with, "Just kidding! Just my dark humour. You can't hang with me unless you get my dark humour, Manson."

This.

Also, hit the gym, go to a boxing class. Get more confident with yourself. Thank me later. I'm the king now.

 

[jufonuk]

Please tell me that's not the case. Yes, millennia of treating women right in order to smash are outdone by social media 'experts' who were never in a relationship.

No it's a thing it doesn't work but there are guys out there who think it does and if it does work. Well I'm sure the person they attract isn't the best for long term relationships

 

[Cyberpunkd]

No it's a thing it doesn't work but there are guys out there who think it does and if it does work. Well I'm sure the person they attract isn't the best for long term relationships

Reminds be of that funny Asian chubby guy lecturing on success from his Bentley on Instagram (Jay Lok something?), turns out later it's just a new spin of Kiyosaki's "success" workshops.

 

[jufonuk]

Or this weird sigma Instagram YouTube videos with pesky blinders clips and some music showing you how to be ?!?

Usually Tommy Shelby killing or insulting someone and acting like he has shell shock.

Let me find one

 

[Tams]

All sounds a bit creepy to me.

 

[mekes]

I think jufonuk nailed it.

Despite the guy saying strange and unpleasant things, you can better judge what's going on by looking at his change in behaviour from the start til now.

He was shooting his shot at the start. And in some cases it went well, because he got you 1 on 1 and earned your trust. He may have not made it obvious enough, you missed some signs etc. The change in demeanour just shows he failed in his attempts.

In most cases with guys and their behaviour towards women, keeping it simple will keep you closer to the truth. Imo.

 

[jufonuk]

I couldn't date in todays climate.

I saw an advert for hinge. (Doorframe app?)
Then the advert had text about the guy describing himself as Demi sexual?
I don't know what they means so I Looked it up.
It means something someone who isn't attracted to someone until they get to know them. Okay?!?

Please note this is a paraphrase I am not clued up on all the prefix +sexual labels but

I call that sensible and for guys not letting the little head rule the big head.

Also without being crass I call that escaping unwanted child support.

I thank you.

I am here all week or until I get cancelled. Which I hope I do not because I hate everyone equally and I can't be assed to hate so feel better that I am indifferent about everyone.

Also OP if this dude is being creepy odd etc and won't leave you alone. "No thanks I'll walk" should be sufficient enough. If he gets all screw you and rude then your answer is clear. He was trying to bone you


TLDR
OP you called us kings so you want some kingly advice?
Don't waste your time on this person.
No more text or calls they are trying to manipulate you. (What I have gathered from what you are telling us)

 

[Wildebeest]

The idea that the more intimate people become with each other, the more likely they are to learn which things can most easily hurt the other is sometimes called the "hedgehogs dilemma". When hedgehogs come together for warmth, they are more likely to hurt each other with their spines. It could be with his "joking" this man is trying to tell you that a certain level of closeness is unacceptable to him because he doesn't want to be hurt.

 

[BeardGawd]

He was probably having a bad day and took it out on you. Some people like to make others squirm.

Also he might have been trying to toughen you up.. you do seem a bit oveely sensitive. One thing I've learned is some people are just natural assholes. To be friends with them you have to have rrally tough skin.

 

[FunkMiller]

Doesn't matter what he said, only the way you react to it.

Personally, unless it was a close friend, if someone insulted me like that over something I was sensitive about, I'd ghost them as hard as possible. Life's too short for that kind of negative shit.

 

[RoboFu]

Now go back and tell him you told this story on a gaming website while pretending to stab him with a spork from the cafe... then giggle nervously.

 

[Spaceman292]

Sounds like you can't handle the bantz you funny lookin booii

Honestly I'd say that a single remark making you have a break down and writing an essay about it on an online forum is a pretty funny thing to happen. Just take a breath and try to purge these negative thoughts from your mind.

 

[Artoris]

Op he is gaslighting you

 

[ClanOfNone]

Op he is gaslighting you

Looks like it. Tearing someone down in order to lower their self-esteem and hop in the sack with them is a very old tactic. He's not being very subtle about it either.
Pursue this matter further at your own peril op. When people showcase their true colors to you, believe them.

 

[pleaseinsertdisctwo]

I just remembered some more context.


So, during the week where he kept asking me why I'm not dating, that he wants to set me up with a Mexican man, a Jewish man, etc. I told him that I'm insecure about my face, particularly my nose bc my tip bugs me. I'm 95% sure I said I want to get my nose done.

Then on the night where he said "you know, you're funny looking," when he was talking like me being "funny looking" is a fact that I just have to accept, I brought up plastic surgery.

He's like "that's a lie. Why would I want to live a lie?"

Then I was like "how's that a lie? It's not like plastic surgeons can make me into literally whatever I want; there's limits because for a lot of things they have to work with what you have. It's not like everyone who's had any plastic surgery done is a "lie.""

He responded to that with "I bet you think you were being REALLY clever just now." Like as if he was pissed that I was finding ways to say that me being "funny looking" CAN be fixed. Like wtf? "I didn't mean to hurt you in any way" my flat ass.

 

[chromhound]

Flirting gone wrong he's a red flag...

 

[EviLore]

pleaseinsertdisctwo , you don't need plastic surgery. You need to find a way to accept yourself. Going under the knife won't solve anything, and you'll keep finding things to "fix" with more surgery unless the change comes from within.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

I just remembered some more context.


So, during the week where he kept asking me why I'm not dating, that he wants to set me up with a Mexican man, a Jewish man, etc. I told him that I'm insecure about my face, particularly my nose bc my tip bugs me. I'm 95% sure I said I want to get my nose done.

Bro, sounds like you are gay. You know what's happening, guy wants to smash, and instead of asking you straight on he is playing mind games.

He is also a jerk and a douche, just ignore him and don't accept a ride home next time.

 

[*Nightwing]

He clearly is suffering from "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" syndrome.

It's a cry for help… except he's crying like an auto tune banshee that no one wants to listen to.

I just remembered some more context.


So, during the week where he kept asking me why I'm not dating, that he wants to set me up with a Mexican man, a Jewish man, etc. I told him that I'm insecure about my face, particularly my nose bc my tip bugs me. I'm 95% sure I said I want to get my nose done.

Then on the night where he said "you know, you're funny looking," when he was talking like me being "funny looking" is a fact that I just have to accept, I brought up plastic surgery.

He's like "that's a lie. Why would I want to live a lie?"

Then I was like "how's that a lie? It's not like plastic surgeons can make me into literally whatever I want; there's limits because for a lot of things they have to work with what you have. It's not like everyone who's had any plastic surgery done is a "lie.""

He responded to that with "I bet you think you were being REALLY clever just now." Like as if he was pissed that I was finding ways to say that me being "funny looking" CAN be fixed. Like wtf? "I didn't mean to hurt you in any way" my flat ass.

All of this is evidence you are trying to rationalize logically, and he is just trying to win his objective of being an asshole instigating more insecurities and picking on you by pulling made up shit out of his ass. (Note: none of his objectives that we can discern from his actions, like being pissed you were using rational logic to offer solutions, are being factual/truth finding.)


Trust me, I took psychology as an elective in college 30 years ago and aced it despite my own insanity

…. Also he wants to fuck you bad…. Like really bad but has no game and can't seal the deal if his life depended on it. Classic try to break your ego down so that you feel like you don't deserve better than a total small dick energy shitwad that treat everyone like shit and hides behind his "dark humor"

 

[Lasha]

Tell him you to fuck off. Wait until you no longer want or are receiving free rides to do the same to do the same if you value the free transportation.

 

[ChorizoPicozo]

The way you wrote the first paragraph is suggesting to me that you know what some of us are thinking.

But I dunno. Just be aware that some relationships can really fuck you up.

 

[jufonuk]

pleaseinsertdisctwo , you don't need plastic surgery. You need to find a way to accept yourself. Going under the knife won't solve anything, and you'll keep finding things to "fix" with more surgery unless the change comes from within.

OP you ever see dirty dancing ?
The lead actress was on her way to being big but got plastic surgery. On her nose then suddenly not so famous anymore.

What she thought was holding her back was actually making her stand out

 

[AJUMP23]

Sounds like he wants to date you but doesn't know how to say that.

Post picture so we can determine as a collective the degree as to how "funny" you look. <- this is a joke, you are great and let no people on the internet determine your value.

 

[Punished Miku]

Red flag alert. Guy is a few cells shy of turning into an incel.

• Flirting with you repeatedly. Rides. Number exchange. Asking why you aren't dating. Clear interested in you.
• Talking about setting you up with other men. Why?
• Starts putting you down, which kinda tells me he slightly hates women or is just an asshole, or is starting to secrete incel energy because you two haven't hooked up yet.

 

[WhamBamThankYouMaam]

There's this guy who's a friend I guess (not really). He works at a cafe I frequent. I've "known" him since like a year ago but we got on a first name basis like 5 months ago. I think around late July, my car stopped working and I had no car for about 4ish weeks. During these weeks when I'd go to this cafe and he was working, he would offer me rides home even though that was completely unnecessary (I chose to go there, after all). I do mean it btw I NEVER asked him; he would either offer, or just pass by my table and say "I'm taking you home." I would say he gave me rides home like 7(?) times. My house was only 5-6 mins away but it was still a nice gesture. I will also say that HE is the one that brought up exchanging numbers and HE added me on IG.

Anyways. On the night of the last time he dropped me off, everything seemed normal. I was waiting for him to close. He closed earlier than his coworkers so he was sitting and waiting for them.

We were just on our phones and then he randomly said "you know, you're funny looking." This was a week after I told him that I'm insecure about my face (and I only divulged this information because for like a week he kept asking me why I'm not dating, that he wants to set me up with a nice Mexican man, next day he'd say he wants to set me up with a nice Jewish man, etc.) and I want to get plastic surgery for a couple of things. So this comment hurt.

He was very combative the whole night. Then when a couple of his coworkers came towards us he was like "hey I was just calling pleaseinsertdisctwo funny looking for the past 15 minutes" and then was like "yeah we can't hang if you can't handle my dark humor." He was wording it as if it was a truth I needed to accept, and that's why it's "dark" humor.

I honestly thought I did something wrong. Otherwise why else did he randomly start acting this way?

I tried to text him about it, even though at this point it's been a while since that night. It's kind of been a back and forth of me not talking to him and him not really talking to me and I can tell that we've been passive aggressive.

I worded my text like I may have done something wrong and he was acting that way out of retaliation because I thought that that WAS the most likely scenario. I told him that I just want to understand why he was acting that way (I have yet to specify which night I was talking about, or the comments he made), and that I'm not going to attack him or ask for an apology.

He apologized and said that he is sorry if he hurt me in any way, he has "very dark humor" towards people he actually likes, and that he'll never joke that way with me again.

On that night I know for a fact that he saw that I was upset, and he kept going and going. Not once did he clarify that he didn't mean what he said. If anything he was basically saying that he's just being honest and that I need to accept the truth, like I already said.

Call me insecure, neurotic, and high maintenance, but how is randomly calling someone "funny looking," especially when they told you that they're insecure about their face because you kept pestering them about dating people, dark humor? Where is the joke? I want to accept his apology especially since I didn't ask for one but I can't. It's been over a day since his apology but I have yet to reply because I don't want to seem insane or overly angry but I think his "dark humor" excuse is BS.

Kings, please let me know. Because I've never had someone act this way with me.

You are describong a person with a personality disorder. I would dare to be that you are "normal looking" (whatever the hell that is), and that this is his twisted way of hitting on you. He wants you to say "no I don't want those, I want you".

Stay the hell away from this person.

 

[Sleepwalker]

Guy wanted to smash and failed, now hes being a jerk. thats it. Hes acting like a teenager.

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

The idea that the more intimate people become with each other, the more likely they are to learn which things can most easily hurt the other is sometimes called the "hedgehogs dilemma". When hedgehogs come together for warmth, they are more likely to hurt each other with their spines.

You also saw the Neo Genesis Evangelion series... It's just that they said it once in an episode.

 

[Days like these...]

It doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, gay, straight stay far away from this guy. Just cut him off completely stop going to that cafe unless you want to fuck him but you're "relationship" with him will be toxic as fuck. You've been warned.

 

[E-Cat]

He's a beta male simp who's insecure about himself and is commenting on your looks in order to feel better about himself.

 

[AJUMP23]

She called us KINGS.....so I already feel better.

 

[TrueLegend]

You both could use some help. You clearly stretched this thing and you yourself had said you are insecure about something. If you dont like the guy and dont want to date him at any cost just avoid him and that would be end. Regardless of how he is acting being with him or not being with him is your decision. People aren't gonna mold to your liking. If things are not working just hang out with ppl you like. You both sound like big red altert to me. Be compassionate and let go.

 

[synchronicity]

Preying on clearly stated insecurities in any form of human connection is proper abuse. Don't allow others to treat you in this manner, no matter the context.

 

[Morrie’s wig shop]

Sounds like he wants to be more than friends with you and trying to pick you up. You haven't read his advances so he trying to neg you. So you sleep with him.

Disregard him.

Classic Glen Quagmire tactic.
Definitely a backhanded compliment.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

She called us KINGS.....so I already feel better.

 

[AJUMP23]

Alphas don't have to say it.

 

[Stinkbug]

My take is that he's just weird. It's "dark" just in the sense that it's mean. It's only "humor" in that's it's funny to him. I also do not like being talked to that way.

 

[jufonuk]

 

[tommolb]

• Talking about setting you up with other men. Why?

It's a tactic for finding out what type of person (looks, personality etc) someone goes for. The man in question was fishing to find out if he was OP's type.