• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

LTTP: Episode IX - what a pile of shit

Cyberpunkd

Gold Member
Last thread was from 2022, so let’s make a new one.

What an incredibly stupid, boring, bloated movie.

Characters exist only to speak stupid lines some degenerate writer put out on an LSD trip. The moment I saw Poe saying: “What you heard is true, Palpatine has returned” and Pippin (sorry bro, nobody cares about your name) looks all dark and brooding and goes : “Must be cloning” I was like:

harry potter bitch please GIF by emibob


That is not the only time, the movie is full of these situations where the characters spew pompous shit.

Kylo Ren aka angsty teen having a crisis continues to absolutely suck donkey balls as a villain.

Nostalgia pondering with Luke/Leia/CG Han/CG Luke/CG Leia is pitiful and depressing.

The whole “this is not fleet, these are people” - perfectly reasonable, after all random blokes in random spacecraft will definitely stand a chance against an army of Star Destroyers. Every single time this happens in a movie (Independence Day, I’m pretty sure Pearl Harbor has stupid stuff like that, etc.). Nobody vets this stuff before spending millions shooting it?

The same boring camera shots - you know which one I’m talking about: you freeze the objective, you blur the background so the ship in the middle is being the focal point, yet you are still aware of the dynamism of the scene.

Are You High Basketball Wives GIF by VH1


The festival scene while they are searching for the ship:

Stressed Why Me GIF by NETFLIX


So Palpatine has returned, dark times are coming to the galaxy, the Final Order (who makes these names?) is on the move and you know what that means:

Im Ready To Party Kristen Wiig GIF


Worst part: I stopped drinking so I couldn’t even drown myself in a bottle of wine.

Jenna Ortega Hot Ones GIF by First We Feast
 

Sybrix

Member
The whole film is a colossal mess.

It's so evident that it's a mismash of 5+ scripts mashed into 1.

Such a shame, would have been better if they delayed the film by a couple of years to make it more stable.
 
Last edited:

near

Gold Member
People hated episode 8, which resulted episode 9. Yet, their hate made episode 8 better in that trilogy.

I liked episode 8, and wished they allowed the director to continue his work.
Rian Johnson is probably the reason why I no longer give a shit about Star Wars the way I use to. Episode 8 had the worst writing in the entire franchise, let me remind you of one of the most cringe worthy forced narrative arcs concocted in Rians mind:

xyWlCdb.gif


TF is this shit? lmao.
 
Rian Johnson is probably the reason why I no longer give a shit about Star Wars the way I use to. Episode 8 had the worst writing in the entire franchise, let me remind you of one of the most cringe worthy forced narrative arcs concocted in Rians mind:

xyWlCdb.gif


TF is this shit? lmao.

I legitimately left the theater feeling completely empty inside after seeing that travesty of a movie.

Sure, it looked good, but it completely tore down everything that made me love the franchise.

I went from a lifelong fan (my grandfather gave me his VHS tapes of the original trilogy as a kid) to complete apathy after that.

Took me a while to process it all, honestly. Still makes me a little sad to think about.
 

Kraz

Member
There were story elements, characters, scenes, that I liked throughout the sequels, but the overall product is such a mess. Some can be written off as these movies were made on the fly, but these went beyond Charmin.

The worst offense of the films for me was Rey being a Palpatine instead of some random which I think was in IX. It would free up so much story potential by establishing lore that the force doesn't need bloodlines to incarnate. Looking at other chats people are tired of Skywalker storyline too. Rey as a character in the hands of even a competent storyteller braintrust could've made a clean cut from and been coherent.
 

feynoob

Banned
Rian Johnson is probably the reason why I no longer give a shit about Star Wars the way I use to. Episode 8 had the worst writing in the entire franchise, let me remind you of one of the most cringe worthy forced narrative arcs concocted in Rians mind:

xyWlCdb.gif


TF is this shit? lmao.
Not everyone is blessed with the art of kissing.
 

Phobos Base

Member
The film felt like a fan supercut of a trilogy, characters just jumped from place to place and situations were set up then resolved in the very next scene. That's before we even get into the utter stupidity of plot points like the key that somehow lines up with the Death Star's wreckage or the thousands of Star Destroyers that seems to have been willed into existence. I'll never understand how you can decide to make the most anticipated trilogy of all time with no plan on how it was going to go beyond the first film. It's like making the foundations for a bungalow, then deciding you'll make a 3 story art deco townhouse, then turning it into an office block.
 

AJUMP23

Parody of actual AJUMP23
There was one scene I liked. All the ships attacking at the end. The rest is garbage.
 

AGRacing

Member
They should erase it.

Rey is played by a charming actress and I think the films fail despite her talents.

Bad scripts.
Bad dialogue.
No planned arc.
Zero restraint in the use of universe breaking gimmicks.

And the first of the three wasn’t “good”. It was the least shit of the three. Which is saying absolutely nothing.
 

calistan

Member
George Lucas devalued Star Wars long ago, when his incessant meddling meant fans had to produce their own cuts of the original films.
 

DonkeyPunchJr

World’s Biggest Weeb
I legitimately left the theater feeling completely empty inside after seeing that travesty of a movie.

Sure, it looked good, but it completely tore down everything that made me love the franchise.

I went from a lifelong fan (my grandfather gave me his VHS tapes of the original trilogy as a kid) to complete apathy after that.

Took me a while to process it all, honestly. Still makes me a little sad to think about.
Same here. I thought Episode 7 was just OK but it set the stage for something great. I liked Rian Johnson’s previous film (Looper). I thought the TLJ trailers looked fucking amazing. 90-something Tomatometer. I tried to go in as blind as possible. Saw it in imax on release weekend.

By the time the credits rolled I just sat there in disbelief like “what the hell did I just watch”. You’re telling me Ray is just some random orphan who’s an expert force user and pilot just because? You mean they could’ve just hyperdrived some large mass at the enemy and 1-shotted the entire fleet this whole time? What was the point of that whole casino world? They traveled across the galaxy to get this expert code breaker dude because his skills are so rare, fail, and instead hire some random bozo they meet in jail? Why they fuck did they even put Rose in this movie? I hate
Holdo’s bitch ass. Oh I guess this is how they’re going to kill off Leia since Carrie Fisher passed away… wait she can fly through outer space like Superman??!

I think that was the exact moment when I realized that Hollywood fucking sucks now. AND that movie critics are largely full of shit and I should pay attention to user reviews instead.
 
Last edited:

Cyberpunkd

Gold Member
They should erase it.

Rey is played by a charming actress and I think the films fail despite her talents.

Bad scripts.
Bad dialogue.
No planned arc.
Zero restraint in the use of universe breaking gimmicks.

And the first of the three wasn’t “good”. It was the least shit of the three. Which is saying absolutely nothing.
This. Rei is the saving part of it, but I think it's also because they didn't give her a lot of crap lines.
 

Raven117

Member
There were story elements, characters, scenes, that I liked throughout the sequels, but the overall product is such a mess. Some can be written off as these movies were made on the fly, but these went beyond Charmin.

The worst offense of the films for me was Rey being a Palpatine instead of some random which I think was in IX. It would free up so much story potential by establishing lore that the force doesn't need bloodlines to incarnate. Looking at other chats people are tired of Skywalker storyline too. Rey as a character in the hands of even a competent storyteller braintrust could've made a clean cut from and been coherent.
This. She needed to be a nobody to open things up.
 
Last edited:

DonkeyPunchJr

World’s Biggest Weeb
Never saw, it. But the time this movie released, I had already given up on modern Star Wars.
For the most part, Star Wars now is just crap.
I had low expectations after TLJ but I was slightly optimistic since they got rid of Colin Trevorrow (Jurassic World director). And I heard they sidelined Rose and pretty much decided to do a 180 away from whatever the fuck TLJ was trying to do.

It was…. Not good. But it was not good in a different way from how TLJ was not good. TLJ was bad because the writers/director made it a point to take a big old “subvert expectations” shit all over Star Wars. Rise of Skywalker was just your typical retarded big-budget Hollywood CGI slop. The kind of movie you’ve forgotten like a day after you saw it.
 

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
People hated episode 8, which resulted episode 9. Yet, their hate made episode 8 better in that trilogy.

I liked episode 8, and wished they allowed the director to continue his work.

TLJ had an interesting concept, some cool story beats, and fantastic direction.

It also had a terrible script, insanely out of place humor, and what I'd call a nonsensical itinerary that was full of immaterial side quests, failed objectives, and heroes diminishing their sense of heroism by acting completely out of character in the context of the situation they're in.

TROS basically had the same shit, but backwards. It really feels like
JJ EP 1.
RJ Interquel
JJ EP 2.

Like...TLJ ends up feeling like a side story written in between the two big entries by the main writer. Problem is, that takes away one of the pieces that the main writer needs to complete a Trilogy that makes any damn sense.

The whole "Each episode will have a different director!" Shit was a red flag from the jump. This isn't an anthology. It's a space opera that for multiple decades was in the same story Arc. That demands consistency, and integrity in writing and production.

Far be it from me to say JJ would have saved the Trilogy if he had done all three, but judging by my own personal reviews, TFA was best, and it all went downhill when expectations starting getting subverted.
 

showernota

Member
I unironically enjoy 9 for meta reasons. I think it’s fascinating to see essentially the complete JJ Abram’s trilogy that stuffed 66% of it into a single film. I appreciated the overt course correction from TLJ, and there were some (few) good moments.

I wish it was less of a schizophrenic mess, doing 95mph in a school zone kind of movie.
 

AGRacing

Member
This. Rei is the saving part of it, but I think it's also because they didn't give her a lot of crap lines.
Well woah woah… nobody said “saving”!
Lets not get crazy here!

The films are dog shit notwithstanding her charms.

If you forced me to carry over one thing into a redo… I’d choose her as an actress.
 

NeoIkaruGAF

Gold Member
Somehow RoS disappointed me even more than TLJ.
Everything in the movie is so fucking convenient that it‘s impossible to ever suspend disbelief. Everything falls into place, everything just happens because. The rest is just turning everything up to eleven - two lightsabers, thousands of star destroyers, people fighting on the outside surface of space battleships. It’s what a child would come up with after watching the prequel trilogy and reading one comic book too many. But you knew this was going to be shit when the trailer showed Rey backflipping over a sand speeder like she ever had any kind of struggle or significant growth over the course of the trilogy. There’s just nothing the woman can’t do if she just believes in herself, is there?
 

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
I unironically enjoy 9 for meta reasons. I think it’s fascinating to see essentially the complete JJ Abram’s trilogy that stuffed 66% of it into a single film. I appreciated the overt course correction from TLJ, and there were some (few) good moments.

I wish it was less of a schizophrenic mess, doing 95mph in a school zone kind of movie.

For sure, fascinating as a case study. But if my arm were turning green and I went to the doctor's and asked why and he said "no worries, at least one of them is decent, just watch and see what interesting shit the green one does," I'd be mad pissed. Like, cool, doc, but my skin is usually olive, not green olive.
 

Trunx81

Member
TLJ was the first episode of Battlestar Galactica

TROS was the last season of GoT

I rewatched every SW movie multiple times. Beside those two. And I’m a fan since childhood.

Who would have thought that the Power of Many could bring us something even worse in 2024?
 

feynoob

Banned
TLJ had an interesting concept, some cool story beats, and fantastic direction.

It also had a terrible script, insanely out of place humor, and what I'd call a nonsensical itinerary that was full of immaterial side quests, failed objectives, and heroes diminishing their sense of heroism by acting completely out of character in the context of the situation they're in.

TROS basically had the same shit, but backwards. It really feels like
JJ EP 1.
RJ Interquel
JJ EP 2.

Like...TLJ ends up feeling like a side story written in between the two big entries by the main writer. Problem is, that takes away one of the pieces that the main writer needs to complete a Trilogy that makes any damn sense.

The whole "Each episode will have a different director!" Shit was a red flag from the jump. This isn't an anthology. It's a space opera that for multiple decades was in the same story Arc. That demands consistency, and integrity in writing and production.

Far be it from me to say JJ would have saved the Trilogy if he had done all three, but judging by my own personal reviews, TFA was best, and it all went downhill when expectations starting getting subverted.
He should have gotten the entire sequel. At least, it would have been a decent story. Each one felt an entire universe itself combined in to one.
 
I never watched any of these new movies. I suffer no sense of betrayal, and also get a kick out of all the commentary around them. Y'all played yourselves by paying money to get so viciously disrespected. Was it just morbid curiosity, or do you have a humiliation kink?
 

Miyazaki’s Slave

Gold Member
The film actually made me give credit to JJ Abrahams.
After the complete and utterly abysmal pile of rotting human remains that was Episode 8, I was genuinely impressed that he was able to make any follow up to that move.

E9 is awful, sure, but it is by no means the atrocity we got in E8.

Make 3 movies based around KOTOR and make the Thrawn trilogy.....

tWSjy0c.jpeg
 
Last edited:

Pidull

Member
Episodes 7, 8, and 9 killed the franchise for me.

I've tried some of the new stuff, but inevitably it all boils down to, "remember how the ST ruined things you love? Well eventually this miniseries will ruin yet another thing you love." The producers of these shows can't help but implement something incredibly stupid that destroys another piece of lore.

The one good thing this has done is bring more appreciation for the PT for me, because while the PT is stupid in a lot of ways, it didn't actively shit on the OT (just George Lucas' CGI bullshit to deal with now).

A franchise in which Disney could venture into countless other eras, and they can't seem to move on from the Skywalkers. As such, I'll stick with the PT, OT, and KotoR.
 
Last edited:

VulcanRaven

Member
People hated episode 8, which resulted episode 9. Yet, their hate made episode 8 better in that trilogy.

I liked episode 8, and wished they allowed the director to continue his work.
It would have been better if Abrams had directed all the movies. Then they would have had a plan at least.
 

TransTrender

Gold Member
The Last Jedi was The Last SW Movie i saw.

It destroyed my love for Star Wars. Never felt the need to see episode IX. Not even for closure.
And you could call me a big SW fan.
100% same thing here.
Saw TLJ in the theater, and then a few years later watched it again to cement my thoughts on it, and never bothered to watch episode IX.
Completely washed my hands of this franchise.
 

SlimySnake

Flashless at the Golden Globes
I liked the last jedi more than this. but it wasnt bad for a popcorn flick. You guys need to listen to what George Lucas said about these movies. They are for kids. you guys are pushing 40. you have kids of your own and you are discussing these made for kids movies like they are the godfather sequels.

Lets face it. you all have aged out. No one plays platformers anymore or 2d action shooters like contra that used to dominate in the early 90s. Our tastes have changed. Star Wars can never be a serious story like game of thrones or breaking bad. its always been a popcorn flick. trying to analyze plot points, mary sue character traits, character motivations in a summer blockbuster is super weird. i loved fast and fast furious, the mummy, con air, face/off, jurrassic park growing up. i never once cared about mary sue-ness of any of the leads. i have aged out of all those kind of movies. i cant remember the last FF movie i watched, or bad boys or jurrassic park movies.

Are the visuals cool? yes. are the action scenes well shot? yes. is there a big battle at the end? yes. just like that its a 7/10. even if the ending feels hollow, who cares, i got my money's worth. Rian directed the shit out of TLJ and even if the ending sucked, it was fun and less contrived than JJ's equally stunning but ultimately hollow movie because it tried to appease to grown ass adults who didnt like some plot points. well, this is what you get. they did a complete 180 and you all hated it anyway. maybe they shouldve continued Rian's story arc and it might have made a bit more sense.

if you guys want real stories then watch dramas with real character motivations, plot twists and good storytelling. Real movies that go straight to streaming nowadays because no one went to watch them in movie theaters.
 
Last edited:

Denton

Member
People hated episode 8, which resulted episode 9. Yet, their hate made episode 8 better in that trilogy.

I liked episode 8, and wished they allowed the director to continue his work.
Fuck no. Episode 8 is trash. Episode 7 was weak rehash, just short of trash. Entire sequel trilogy was just horribly ill concieved and misplanned. Agendas and stupidity over foresight and vision.

That said, I still love SW in general. I just pick and choose. Sequels do not exist. But originals, prequels, some videogames (Jedi Knight trilogy, KOTORs, Fallen Orders) I still perfectly enjoy. Even some post-disney stuff is enjoyable (Mando and Andor).
 
Last edited:
Top Bottom