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[Lemurnator]

The Official Self Love Thread

Ever get caught doing yourself? What happened?

Is masturbation a sin?

Also, during the holidays, do you feel more guilt then usual when you love yourself?

 

[carpal]

You know, whether this gets locked or merged or whatever, the last question posed I think is a good one. And yes, I do feel more guilt on the holidays. What's up with that.

 

[somnific]

hell no, i don't feel guilty! i feel more better, because i get to do it more often!

 

[Wolfy]

dad walked in once

 

[Deleted member 1235]

 

[firex]

Masturbating while in a rage is pretty fun!

 

[BobbyRobby]

Anyone ever tell a priest you masturbated? I'm not even lying. This conversation happened between me and a priest during confession.

Priest: Hello

Me: Hello, Father. Should I, uh, tell you my sins now.

Priest: sure

Me: Uh, I lied to my parents, I was mean to my brother, I was mean to my parents, I acted on impure thoughts.

Priest: You had relations with a girl?

Me: No, I masturbated.

Priest: That is a grave sin. You cannot let it become a habit. You realize that this hurts your relationship with God. How often do you do this?

Me: I do it pretty often.

Priest: Once a month?

Me: More often.

Priest: every week?

Me: very often.

Priest: every other day?

Me: Very often.

Then he just sighed, like he was disappointed in me, and asked me to say the Act of Contrition. I swear this is completely true. It happened in the Vatican too, on some religious retreat my dad sent me on. I guess either the priests there are alot more serious about that kind of thing there, or he was just really wierd. If only he knew I masturbated in the plane on the way there.

 

[Ferrio]

If only he knew I masturbated in the plane on the way there.

So, would that make him in the mile high club or not?

 

[bjork]

Never been caught.

They say it's a sin to waste the seed on the rock or something.

During the holidays I just make sure to drink the egg nog BEFORE I go to it, and not the other way around.

 

[Jill Sandwich]

Tossing one off on Christmas Day was a guilt trip the FIRST time...

 

[GDGF]

You know what's really crazy? Drunken masturbation. You should give it a shot!

 

[Willco]

Nobody feels wrong posting in a thread about masturbation started by a 13-year-old girl? Because I sure as hell do.

 

[Ferrio]

13 year old girl?

Bullshit, look at that punctuation, spelling and grammar.

 

[xsarien]

dad walked in once

Just now?

 

[revivalist]

The only time I ever felt guilty about masturbating was when I was in my first relationship with a girl in highschool. I felt that the job was up to her to satsify my needs... but after a week of blue balls, I caved in. I had to. That bitch wasn't that type of crazy sex-feening woman I needed. I know better now.

 

[Comfort_Eagle]

Everyone loves masturbation!

 

[BuddyC]

13 year old girl?

Bullshit, look at that punctuation, spelling and grammar.

I know. It's amazing, and yet, Willco is correct. By the way, didn't you start a similar thread on the old GAF Lemurs?

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Nobody feels wrong posting in a thread about masturbation started by a 13-year-old girl? Because I sure as hell do.

I DO

And the other 2 threads have also been soiled. MODS MMMOOOOOODDDDDDDSSSSSSS.

 

[Willco]

Someone is going to jail for posting in here! But who will it be?

 

[Cauliflower of Love]

If only he knew I masturbated in the plane on the way there.

Roofles Galore. Yeah, I'm guessing you did it at the dinner table too, resulting in this trip to the retreat.

Get a hold of yourself man! No, wait....

 

[revivalist]

Someone is going to jail for posting in here! But who will it be?

Bruce and Michael will show us who.

 

[Mugen]

I masturbated in the plane. Eat it.

 

[Fifty]

Hasn't she asked this exact question before?

 

[Willco]

MASTURBATING SNAKES ON A PLANE

 

[Mugen]

Alright Federman, it's not funny anymore.

 

[Willco]

Alright Federman, it's not funny anymore.

I had to try something to derail the thread. Anything! I don't want you all to go to jail! Who will read my Spider-Man 2 posts in jail!?!

 

[Dead]

Alright Federman, it's not funny anymore.

it stopped being funny after the first page of that thread....

 

[BobbyRobby]

I masturbated while looking at this one hot girl who was on the retreat with me. I could see her bra-strap. Everyone was sleeping.

I regret nothing.

 

[Mugen]

I masturbated while looking at this one hot girl who was on the retreat with me. I could see her bra-strap. Everyone was sleeping.

I regret nothing.

Masturbating while looking at hte bra strap.... ahhh those were the days. Now, a cleavage doesn't even excite me anymore.

 

[Lemurnator]

13 year old girl?

Bullshit, look at that punctuation, spelling and grammar.

BC: I started some similar threads on a few different forums, including Old-GAF.

I can remember about three times this question was asked on GAF by several different people.

 

[revivalist]

Are you really 13?

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

You know what's really crazy? Drunken masturbation. You should give it a shot!

That's some newbie crap right there.

It's really no different aside from. . .

*fap*
*fap*
*fap*
*fap*
*fap*

"Ahhh fuck I gotta piss again!" >:|

*fap*
*fap*
*fap*
*fap*
*fap*
*fap*

"ARGGGHH!! *runs to the bathroom*"

I'll see your drunken wanking style and raise you!

Try:

The next time you rub one out.

(Hopefully that isn't a red X)

It's more or less Ben-Gay ointment.

Please note, I will not be held responsible for rookies burning off their genitals, or severe skin irritation. As with all wanking, and personal hygeine products, I suggest applying a small dab to a test area first.

I can also suggest hair care rubber bands, heavy duty nylon string, and master locks. The combination kind.

 

[Spiritreaver]

I humped my grandparent's love seat completely nude once not long after I discovered how to pleasure myself. They're were gone to go grovery shopping and no one else was home so I just went at it.

As far as watching others... meh, only done it when a young construction guy was working on a house across from us without his shirt. Damn hot I must say.

EDIT: Also, am I the only guy who doesn't use fast strokes? I usually keep things going slowly, rather than just fapfapfapfapfap. I've never seen another guy do that though.

 

[Mugen]

Yes, lemurs put your pic on a MASTURBATION THREAD. YOU HO.

 

[tedtropy]

So, would that make him in the mile high club or not?

Technically I think it would make just his hand a member...

 

[Matlock]

Believe it or not
George isn't at home
please leave a message at the beep
I must be out
or I'd pick up the phone
Where could I beeeee?
Believe it or not
I'm not home....!

 

[beerbelly]

Impressive spelling/grammer/vocab (I've read some of your posts in the past). I have a 13 year old cousin who's dumb as a brick.

 

[demon]

One time, in 8th grade, I masturbated in math class. I was in the back of the room, with no one to the sides of or behind me, and I set my folder so that it hung over the front of my desk. I then stuck my hand in my pants and commenced the most daring jerk of all time.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Also, am I the only guy who doesn't use fast strokes?

Depends on the circumstances.

If it's a pre-work affair, it must be speedy. Typically I wait until after work so I can take the average 20-30 minutes.

There's no point in rushing it if it's something you are enjoying.

 

[GDGF]

Here's a funny story.

A couple of years ago (well, about seven) I was doing some ESL work at my university, and we decided to take our group of japanese students to ATL to see the city and the sights. We get to the hotel, and after drinking a little bit, they decide that they want to see some good old american porn on pay per view. As the night progresses, two of the students Ryosuke and Tomoya, start ragging on each other about the size of their pornography collections back at home. One of the students involved, Tomoya, kept getting up during the porn movie to go in the bathroom to 'take a leak' The following is what was said (and it was said in english) after he returned from one of his numerous bathroom breaks.

Tomoya: Ryo, you have a very large pornography collection. You are porno master.

Ryosuke, Haha.

(various other people in the room start laughing)

Tomoya: Haha you are porno master!

Ryosuke: You are mastur bation!

Tomoya: I am not masturbation!

(and the room erupts in laughter)

 

[Lemurnator]

The thread is not about me and my age.

The thread is about how guilty you should feel when you get your fap on during days that are considered holy.

 

[Willco]

The thread is not about me and my age.

Actually, it is. You're an immature 13-year-old minor who happens to be female! Someone call the FBI, MI6, INTERPOL or what have you! Quick!

The thread is about how guilty you should feel when you get your fap on during days that are considered holy.

All-Star Tuesday is a Holy Day now? Not at the rate the N.L. is playing, bay-bee.

 

[BuddyC]

The thread is not about me and my age.

The thread is about how guilty you should feel when you get your fap on during days that are considered holy.

Oh how I wish to derail the thread with this statement. Alas.

 

[Willco]

Oh how I wish to derail the thread with this statement. Alas.

 

[revivalist]

Wow. 13 Years old. That is young.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

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