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[Gattsu25]

This is a thread about telling your own tales, so I'll start with mine:



Hi my name is Gattsu25 and i am a poster on the neogaf forums i'm 21 years old and have a lot of fun with life yeah sometimes it's boring but when i feel tired i just think back at my older days back at the good times when life was colorful so you see it all started when the mad doctor dasp came up with this plan to really fuck around with life for everyone he wanted to RULE THE WORLD or so he said but his real ambition was to take control of the polar caps and create a global warming phenominam that would melt the ice caps and cause a giant fucking hurricane to come and mess everything up and freeze people even though that really makes no fucking sense anyway i went after him with my huge fucking sword and cut up his minions but when i reached him he tranformed into a huge fucking demon and started swinging everywhere and grabbed me by my flowing locks or burly cuffs but i resolved and cut my hair (and it's been short ever since) and started stabbing his ass but then he tried to sit on me and crush me with his fattness but i cut a bit before he landed and was able to safely hide in a small hole where a chunk of his ass was now when he stood up he looked down but couldn't find me then started to gurgle cause i DUG A HOLE TO HIS THROAT and killed him with my big sword but in his dying breath he put a curse on me so i needed to go to the west and i headed there and met up with this witch and she gave me some shavings of her underarms and told me to mix those with the tears of a unicorn but i said fuck it and ate them then i slowly tranformed into myself as i am now and damn is it fun but probably the most important oart is where i realized it wasn't a dream

 

[Gattsu25]

back when peru had an extermination and people who use guns get shredded to bits but then i show up with broadsword and completely own those fuckers eventually going down into hell itself to battle the minions of diabolos and with the sword at my side i defeat the evil lord but am eventually vanquished only to return after a time as the reincarnation of the lord of terror himself and with my army of cretonnes i eventually take over the world and am seemingly indestructible yet a large eyed triangle headed girl dressed like an elf and a giant burly fabio wanna be clad in bear skin begin to battle my armies and in the final confrontation i devastate them and when they are hanging on the last threads of life a single glowing dove lands in the battle and cries a tear of rejuvenation into their exposed bowels giving them strength to ultimately defeat me and restore peace to the world at last but at the cost of their very lives and after several years the world is back to normal but as time goes on the memory of their battle to save earth is turned to a fable and then soon forgotten giving me the strength to rise to power again

 

[Mama Smurf]

Am I in some sort of time warp?

 

[Wolfy]

You're in Yucatan, smurf.

 

[Gattsu25]

have you ever wondered what hell is like hell is a dirty sandwich under your chair one that has been neglected for months well you see once i was really hungry so i decided to go dumspter diving for the uninformed thats basically being a bum because you have no life and suck but don't swollow but on this one trip i managed to find and old clock now i took this clock back to my ... place ... and me and the teddy we set the clock up on the top of the bo--apartment and i set the clock to ring at around six o clock in the morning now somewhere during night time some petty theif stole my clock so when i woke up it was too late to grab some food from the wendys (even though i lived near a mcdonalds you'd have to be fucking insane to eat that shit) so i walked off and saw this couch that was being thrown out to i took the coushins and saw this sandwich underneath one and i was so damn hungry that i ate it right away and was really happy until later that night when i was trying to go to sleep my stomach started to really hurt so i climbed out of the box--bed bed bed!! so anyways i climbed out and noticed that i had puked all over myself but wasn't willing to let that good food go to waste to down it went again but this time i started to getr really sick and my stocmach was rumbling but not because i was hungry no it was because i was really fucking sick and i started to puke my guts out but was able to shove them back in because i didn't want to die yet so i ran to the nearest hospital and they kicked me out and i told them to go fuck themselves and they did and i jerked off to it but bloody stuff came out and i said oh shit i must really be sick so i went over to my neighbors house and broke through their window and took a shit in their toilet and damn did that stink but i'm better now so it's all good

 

[Fifty]

You've really got to learn how to use paragraphs before you expect anyone to read all of that.

 

[impirius]

I'm getting an awesome 'freestyle rap' vibe from these posts.

 

[Gattsu25]

I remember a long time ago when i was in elementary school this one teacher wanted to teach me how to use proper grammar and to use paragraphs but i remember just sleeping in her class until this one day when i was outside at lunch these kids walked up to me and we went on a journey through the woods behind the school this one kid named paul was the first to die so we all started running when the goblin caught up with us and grabbed samuel by the neck and started taking chunks out of him and we all stood there and laughed because sam was a class act dick and we where happy to see him go but then the goblin turned to me and everyone was like oh shit so they all jumped infront of me but the goblin was smart and it just killed them all then i started running because it was close by and the school kids eyes where all missing from their heads to i was writing on the board that the teacher was stupid and she was like young man i'm going to teach you a lesson and she was really pretty so yeah we did that stuff but i was too young to know what was going on but then 9 days later she had a kid and that kid looked just like me only he was a different color and his face didn't have any of my features and his hair was different and everything else so then i had to pay child support but because i was only a kid they sent me off to some other country where i had to work out in the fields all day long making nike sneakers but after doing that till i was yesterday was really funny because i was playing halo and i was winning but then ronald mcdonald walked in so we all started beating the shit out of him and watching the blood ooze out of his ears made me laugh and remnember those days of my youth

 

[cvxfreak]

It's official - the necessity of periods and question marks and concise sentence structure is a GODDAMN MYTH.

 

[Gattsu25]

i'm sure we've all had our fears of flying but when i was a kid it was a bit worse now i'm not talking about anything silly like a gremlin eating the wings of the plane and dooming everyone in it to a death thats torture knowing that your doomed to death because one of the wings is ripped off and the plane is flying straight into a mountain no i'm talking about a weak fear about flight that you might never get back on the ground and the plane will stay up there forever like i said it was a silly fear but a fear nontheless and this one flight when i was going to trinidad (where my mom's from) this one fat guy got on the plane also but he was really heavy and had to take two seats but i'm not so sure if i was afraid of him or of the brown crusts on his underwear that was visible or of the dried tomato sauce that was on his face or even on the beady eyes that were sunken into his head no i was more afraid of the huge fucking plasma cannon that he had for a right arm i'm telling you this guy was fat and when he walked his fat bubbled and shook around where his arm met the cannon and it was sorta mesmerizing but my mom told me not to stare at the fatass and i was like okay and then the plane took off and the guy looked at me with his mechanical eye and was like I'M GONNA EAT YOU, BOY and i was like oh noes so i ran into the bathroom and he started following me and i started running and his bulbous body was shaking the whole plane so i ran into the bathroom and this guy went to sit on me but i quickly ducked underneath him and ran through the small gap between his two porky legs and then he started chasing me again so i ran to the emergency exit and took the katana that was there to break the glass and did and then took the katana with me and jumped on the plane wing and then this fat guy BURST THROUGH THE FUCKING PLANE WALL and i had to jump to dodge him and he started chasing me up there so i jumped and planted my feet on the large mound of fat behind his head and jumped onto the top of the plane and started running circles around the guy while he was shooking his plasma cannon at me and i started slicing him up and then when i finally killed him a river of wet blubber poured out of his wounds and i started running along the top of the plane till i reached the tail and as i was about to jump off i was like oh shit i forgot my family so i ran in the plane and everyone was like hey gattsu25 you gotta help us the plane is gonna crash and i was like get the eff out my way and started cutting those fuckers' heads off until i finally found my family and i grabbed them and started running back to the outside of the plane when these stupid people grabbed my clothes and where like now we finally have the power to save ourselves and i got really pissed so i cut their hands off and ran outside and used my umbrella to safely land my family in the city of Port of Spain (which isn't even in spain but don't ask me about that) and then we had fun but we had to fly back but that's a tale for another day

 

[Willco]

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up please god shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.

 

[Wolfy]

Yea, what the hell is going on. Did you get fired or something?

 

[RiZ III]

I think he just killed his wife/girlfriend and is bout to kill himself.