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[teezzy]

I dont really want this to be a big "sorry for your loss" thread. I understand the sentiment but dont really need to hear it. Please dont post that, like I understand that's how people feel and are supposed to feel. Goes without saying


I feel like I'm not reacting the right way, or something, almost. My dad calls me crying and stuff but we both knew it was a long time coming. She had been in very poor condition for a while now

Everyone is telling me to take time off work, but honestly, I like the distraction.

I cant really console my dad because hes stated hed rather be alone for now and hes getting the house sprayed for bed bugs later this week anyhow... and ew fuck that lol. I ain't risking that coming to my house.

Anyone been through something similar? I kinda appreciate the distraction work is providing right now. I also dont trust my coworkers to pick up my slack. What else am I gonna do, sit here an watch the Bourne Identity on DVD or play Maximo on PS2?

Nah, I'm gonna take care of business. Make my mom proud. Idk. It's an odd feeling just knowing I'll never see her again, but she hadn't been herself in so long. Kidney disease is fucked.

Am I doing this whole bereavement thing incorrectly? I feel like I'm autistic or something.

Yeah let's make this the thread lol. Hope you all hug your mom or tell her you love her today. Pce.

 

[John Day]

Yeah, went through something similar with a very close uncle. You do you, you seem to know yourself well and how to handle it, your father too.

.

 

[CrankyJay™]

Every time I call my mom I get a guilt trip about how I don't call her.

Anyway, you're not handling anything wrong. I'm sure you have your own circumstances as to why it isn't happening but we don't need to delve into that.

 

[Deleted member 740922]

I feel like I'm not reacting the right way, or something, almost.

There's no right or wrong way. You don't have to be going round crying and bawling - and you don't have to be icy cold about it. You'll just be yourself and that's all you can do.

It's shit losing a parent (I've lost both). Mind yourself.

 

[V1LÆM]

my dad died when i was 17. it's hard but you'll be alright.

whatever you're feeling isn't wrong. people cope differently. someone could shut down completely but others might feel better by keeping busy. when my dad died i was the one to shut down but my mum never cried and always kept a brave face. she felt better if she kept going to work and just kept going as normal as possible.

 

[AV]

I felt a similar way when my dad passed, since I knew it was coming as well. I'd literally just arrived at a hotel in Cuba for a 2 week holiday when I got the call. I just didn't tell anyone I was with and enjoyed my holiday. It's not work, but what else was I gonna do, bring everyone's mood down and then tell them I was going home?

Everyone faces this stuff differently. Many like us prefer to just get on with things as we would have done otherwise. Deal with it however you feel.

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

Am I doing this whole bereavement thing incorrectly? I feel like I'm autistic or something.

I think that you are acting perfectly normal considering your situation and that this is time you aren't being autistic.

 

[teezzy]

I think that you are acting perfectly normal considering your situation and that this is time you aren't being autistic.

Finally! It's about time, ain't it?

 

[LoV]

You'll feel it later on, I think.

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

Finally! It's about time, ain't it?

 

[teezzy]

I made peace with the reality of things and made her laugh last time I saw her this Sunday. She was barely cognitive and I still got her to laugh.

I did my part and I'll always remember the good times we had. I'm not one to cry in general.

 

[Elcid]

I lost my grandma last year who was like a mother to me. I still miss her incredibly, so the closest thing I can compare. Haven’t lost my parents, thank God, my mom just had her battle with cancer earlier this year and beat it. Working through it definitely helps but you’re not invincible, if you need to take some time and let it out then do it. Otherwise, those emotions will bubble up and come out at the wrong time and place to the wrong people. Whether you’d want it or not I’d give ya a hug in real life . Sending you and your family strength during this difficult time via Goku spirit bomb style energies.

Take some Sasquatch feet to cheer you up bro.

 

[BlackOlivesMatter]

Lost my mom to cancer years ago, she was sick and suffered for so long that when she passed it was almost like a relief for my sister and I and the rest of the family. Distractions are a good thing to help greave in your own way. There is no right or wrong for this shit.

 

[RavenSan]

You're the only one who knows the right way to grieve for yourself. Don't let anyone, ever, tell you that the way you're processing it, and dealing with it is wrong, or somehow insufficient.

One size doesn't fit all. One path to that acceptance isn't the "only" way. It's gonna be a lot of days, and a lot of different feelings. The best thing to do is accept, and embrace them as they come. Be strong, or weak. Be happy, or sad. None of that really matters. Get to where you need to be for you, and know that you're doing your best to cope and deal.

 

[synchronicity]

Everyone handles loss/change differently. There is no right way. Having said that, it's best not to push down any genuine emotions that are there. That isn't good for you. (Not saying it applies to you necessarily.) Better to face the light of truth, painful or not, than to pretend it's not real or distract yourself from what *is*. Growth only comes from honesty/sincerity. Be well op.

 

[V4skunk]

I dont really want this to be a big "sorry for your loss" thread. I understand the sentiment but dont really need to hear it. Please dont post that, like I understand that's how people feel and are supposed to feel. Goes without saying


I feel like I'm not reacting the right way, or something, almost. My dad calls me crying and stuff but we both knew it was a long time coming. She had been in very poor condition for a while now

Everyone is telling me to take time off work, but honestly, I like the distraction.

I cant really console my dad because hes stated hed rather be alone for now and hes getting the house sprayed for bed bugs later this week anyhow... and ew fuck that lol. I ain't risking that coming to my house.

Anyone been through something similar? I kinda appreciate the distraction work is providing right now. I also dont trust my coworkers to pick up my slack. What else am I gonna do, sit here an watch the Bourne Identity on DVD or play Maximo on PS2?

Nah, I'm gonna take care of business. Make my mom proud. Idk. It's an odd feeling just knowing I'll never see her again, but she hadn't been herself in so long. Kidney disease is fucked.

Am I doing this whole bereavement thing incorrectly? I feel like I'm autistic or something.

Yeah let's make this the thread lol. Hope you all hug your mom or tell her you love her today. Pce.

As long as you are being honest with your self you'll be fine.

 

[TrainedRage]

So sorry. Sending you love vibes!

 

[Rentahamster]

Everyone deals with loss differently. You're acknowledging the loss, paying respects, and honoring her memory which is what's important. Crying and being sad isn't required.

Use your abilities to help out other family members who might be emotionally compromised by her death.

 

[BigBooper]

I felt the same when my grandmother died. I liked her and I miss her, but life just kinda keeps going on whether you're mourning or not. At her funeral, I felt sad because of how sad my mother felt about it, not because she'd died.

You can't help how you feel, but you can control what you do about it. Don't isolate yourself from your father, because it sounds like he's going to need you. He may need time like you said, but just be available.

 

[Kadayi]

Very sorry to hear that T. It is a shock and everyone reacts differently. It didn't really hit me that my father had died until I actually went to the undertakers and saw him there the day before the funeral. Take your time.

 

[Foamy]

You knew it was coming and that's a lot easier to deal with than a sudden death.
Absolutely nothing wrong with just wanting to stay busy and keep on keepin on.
Don't ever feel bad for that. Everyone is different.

 

[GAMETA]

That's tough, man.

No need to feel guilty or anything, just make sure your father is handling it well and help him if necessary, depending on how attached they were it can be really hard on him.

 

[HellforLeather]

There is no such thing as a set way to mourn loss. It might hit you later on like a ton of bricks or you might have just been expecting it for so long that you've already made peace with it. Just grieve or mourn the way that you feel you need to and take care of yourself OP.

 

[M1chl]

I mean if it helps than dying from my liver failure, just before receiving liver transplant was by far the best feeling I ever had...so if she did not suffer, you know, it's fine, at least for her.

 

[DESTROYA]

Yeah it sucks bad.
Lost my older brother a while back to cancer and it didn’t really hit me for a couple of days. There is no proper way on how to deal with things and everyone mourns differently. Just be there for the rest of your family and being surrounded by people that care for you really helps a lot.

 

[Amory]

Death is a bitch and there's no right or wrong way to deal with it. Sounds like you're being productive and staying on top of your shit for now which will only help down the road if your emotions do hit hard eventually

 

[Yoshi]

Just do what you feel is best for you. When my mother died, I yelled, informed my wider family, finished my playthrough of God of War 2 (Vita) and wrote my review for the collection and went back to work the next day, because my mother died at the other end of the country and my father and sister who were there organised the immediate needs. It does not mean I wasn't profoundly sad, but just sitting at home and pittying myself doesn't help either.

 

[eot]

People process emotions different, and feel them to different degrees. It doesn't make you a better or worse person. If you're worried about it though, you're probably not going to feel the same way about it all the time, one day when you're not distracted by something it might hit you really bad, or it might not.

Either way, sorry for your loss. My parents are at the age where I worry about this myself, and I don't know how I'll react, since I'm not super close with them.

 

[teezzy]

My aunt asked me if I wanted all these personal belongings of hers to remember her by. I'm so good on that. What am I gonna do with that stuff? Just more clutter.

I'm getting the Polish eagle tattooed on me in remembrance. My mom was a Polish immigrant and was always fascinated by my tattoos. This way she'll be with me in a sense wherever I am. I prefer that.

 

[Elektro Demon]

I know you don't wanna hear it but sorry to hear that bro. Sorry for your loss.
Stay positive bro.

 

[Richard Packer]

I'd personally play Devil May Cry 3. Love that game.

 

[DJR]

My mom passed away in April, at the height of the pandemic. Wasn't able to see her, never had a chance to say a proper goodbye. It seemed surreal, still does to an extent. I too threw myself into work as a distraction, fortunately my little boy keeps me going and on my toes. Still sometimes feels like a dream, almost like it never really happened. I can't quite put my finger on it. Thoughts are with you.

 

[bender]

There is no correct or incorrect way to grieve.

 

[notseqi]

Lost a grandmother which I very much loved, I was 13, felt similar. No tears, just the feeling of 'well, she ded and not here anymore'. No close deaths since then so I'm interested how I will react on the next one.
I'm a bit of a cold one anyways, dunno.

Other sides grandfather is working on his dementia game and the grandmother will not be fairing much better it seems. Way sadder to watch that happen.

 

[Jeeves]

I went through something similar when my dad died. It was expected, so there wasn't really any shock to it, and...we didn't have a falling out or anything, but he changed in his old age in ways that kind of alienated me to him, so in a way I guess I might have felt that I already lost him before he died. So when he did die, I wasn't as grief-stricken as I expected to be, and...that never really changed. My uncle basically disowned me for not taking it hard enough, which obviously felt shitty to have him lashing out at me while I was trying to sort out my feelings about my dad. Now I just take every opportunity to let myself remember the good times I had with my dad, and the things I learned from him.

On the other hand, when my friend died in a car crash the prior year, I was totally inconsolable over it.

Grief is something that has no definitive "shape". Different people experience it differently under different circumstances. Don't beat yourself up over grieving "wrong". I think as long as you don't allow yourself to forget your mother, you're good.

 

[Stiflers Mom]

I dont really want this to be a big "sorry for your loss" thread. I understand the sentiment but dont really need to hear it. Please dont post that, like I understand that's how people feel and are supposed to feel. Goes without saying


I feel like I'm not reacting the right way, or something, almost. My dad calls me crying and stuff but we both knew it was a long time coming. She had been in very poor condition for a while now

Everyone is telling me to take time off work, but honestly, I like the distraction.

I cant really console my dad because hes stated hed rather be alone for now and hes getting the house sprayed for bed bugs later this week anyhow... and ew fuck that lol. I ain't risking that coming to my house.

Anyone been through something similar? I kinda appreciate the distraction work is providing right now. I also dont trust my coworkers to pick up my slack. What else am I gonna do, sit here an watch the Bourne Identity on DVD or play Maximo on PS2?

Nah, I'm gonna take care of business. Make my mom proud. Idk. It's an odd feeling just knowing I'll never see her again, but she hadn't been herself in so long. Kidney disease is fucked.

Am I doing this whole bereavement thing incorrectly? I feel like I'm autistic or something.

Yeah let's make this the thread lol. Hope you all hug your mom or tell her you love her today. Pce.

You are doing it completely right if this is the way you feel.

When my mom died 23 years ago, I felt just empty.
I remember people being almost angry at me for not crying, but with a long going disease you usually did all the crying in the times before. And plenty of that.

Just do how you feel like, mate.

 

[MrS]

Sorry to hear that Teezzy. Stay strong brother

 

[Romulus]

Lost my mom at 15. She was very young and very active up until then. Former college athlete, intelligent and considerate person.

Anyway, for me, at that age. I didnt know how to process her death, nor was I able to say goodbye in any meaningful way. I feel bad because I never knew her as an adult. I was eleven when she lost her speech so there was no communication.

The worst part was how it affected her parents. Just the most awful, gut wrenching experience to see the life sucked from my grandparents during the process, they were completely powerless. They both aged about 15 years in that 4-5 years.

"Its a tragedy. She was too young." Heard that a couple hundred times up until about 15 years ago. I guess people just dont know what to say and they think they're helping.

 

[Astral Dog]

Im sorry TeezzyD, don't feel bad about needing a little time to recover a bit, my dad passed away this April, very suddendly but i was glad it was quick as he hated hospitals and he didn't suffer much, you never get over this but you can find a little peace that God wants all of us resting one day. It was whats supposed to happen no way around it, remember the happy days and joy she brought to everybody's life, and continue enjoying yours.

 

[Prison Mike]

Everyone grieves in a different ways brother the fact you said ur gonna get on with buisness to make her proud shows your on the right road

Stay strong brother

 

[poodaddy]

I get what you're saying brother, I feel like I was the same way when my uncle died. I adored him, but it took a while for the grief to hit. It was random too, I was in the shower and it occurred to me I'd never get to ask Uncle Paul what he thought about this band again, (in his 80's, he was still super open minded to new music and I loved showing him new bands and stuff), and I just broke down hard. Don't know if that'll happen to you or not, but sometimes the realization of the grief hits at weird, unexpected times.

For what it's worth OP, my mother's been in bad health for a long time too, and I always wonder when I'm gonna get that call. On some weird level, I sometimes wonder if there will be some sick part of me that's relieved when I don't have to worry about it anymore, but I know its messed up to think of it like that.

At least she's not in pain anymore brother.

 

[bronk]

Sorry for your loss bro. You seem like a really good dude and I'm sure your mom is proud. Do what works best fkr you and grieve in your own way.

Death is weird. When my grandpa passed whom i was insanely close to. I didnt feel much then like two years later it hit me. Then I was super devastated but yea

 

[GamingKaiju]

Yo sorry OP you do what you think is right whilst grieving, everyone grieves differently.

Sending good vibes

 

[Kiwicha]

Lamento mucho tu pérdida brother, mis más sinceras condolencias.

 

[bad guy]

Nah, I'm gonna take care of business. Make my mom proud.

Yes! That's the only way to handle this.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

Sorry to hear, man.

 

[edbrat]

There's no right way to react, everyone handles it in their own way and what's best is slightly different for each individual so you should behave however feels best for you. I've known people who wanted to get back in the saddle straight off and others who had to do their own thing for a while, and they're all fine. One thing I'd add from personal experience is grief evolves, how you feel now might change and there might be periods where you wonder how you haven't thought of your mother for so long, and times when her memory pops out of nowhere and hits you like a freight train, and they're all fine, all the best internet stranger.

 

[Dirk Benedict]

Smoke a huge joint and play Zelda 2. Don't come out of your room till you beat it.

 

[Ultra Violento]

It's terrible regardless but you feel a lot more when you're by the side of the person you lost every single day before their passing.
Personal experience, me and my mom were taking care of my bedridden father since 2017 until his passing april this year.

 

[DKehoe]

Sorry for your loss. I went through something similar at the start of this year when my Dad passed away.

Everyone copes with grief differently so do what you feel is right for you but maybe consider having some time off work. Like you I thought I didn't need much and that the distraction of work would help. But my work strongly encouraged me to take more time and I'm glad they did. Doing random bullshit around the house does feel strange when something so big has happened. But it lets you the freedom to do whatever you need to in the moment and that time away from the regular schedule to process things. But as I said, do what feels right for you.