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[bishoptl]

as always, a few classics:

You can't call it a "booty call." No self-respecting guy would ever use a phrase like that. Back in the day, I always used the phrase "stop-by" because it was intentionally ambiguous. Guys like ambiguous. It makes us feel comfortable. "Booty call" sounds like something Arsenio Hall would say to Magic Johnson in the late-'80s, followed by them both collapsing on an oversized sofa in hysterics.

Q: The Sports Guy seems to say alot of things about quarterback Tom Brady, but one that keeps being omitted is that Tom Brady is extremely good-looking and one of the hottest football players I have ever seen!!!! That should be counted, too, when evaluating a quarterback!

-- Amber, San Antonio

SG: I'm telling you, if Tom Brady played for any team other than the Pats, I would be praying every night for him to get into one of those accidents like the one that happened to Seal.

 

[Dilbert]

Yeah, saw that column earlier today. My favorite:

Q: Is there a female equivalent to the phrase "sausage-fest"? It would be inserted into sentences like: "I would never join an all-female gym. Sure, I wouldn't have to deal with guys ogling me all the time, but it would be a total [blank]." Is there a catchy phrase for this situation that I am unaware of?

--Sara Regan, Tempe, Ariz.

SG: Great question. I even sent this one out to my friends. Out of the top 100 possible answers, 100 of them couldn't be printed. In fact, nine of them would have redefined comedy as we know it. But since this Web site is owned by the Disney corporation ... well ... you know. I could come up with some generic ones, but they would end up being about as funny as one of Tammy Pescatelli's "I'm Sicilian" routines on "Last Comic Standing."

So here's what I'm hoping: People will e-mail back and forth about this, saying to each other, "Did you read Simmons' column today? What do you think the nine phrases were?" Invariably, the readers come up with nine or 10 on their own, one of them spreads, and eventually, the female equivalent of "sausage-fest" emerges in a grass-roots sort of way. Hey, I can dream.