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Question for all you GAFers, serious response needed..
- Thread starter DCX
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The Shadow
Member
DCX said:
I think so, yes. In most instances of cheating, it's more of a physical desire but I think in rare cases someone can be in love with two people.
DCX
DCX
Huh? How did you get gay from that? I posted the question to aply to anyone gay/straight/mutant...i'm in a situation that poses this very question and the people i talk to have a certain opinion and i'm just trying to get a broader scope of opinion out there from my fellow GAF members...Willco said:
DCX
DCX
DCX
In this case it's not a physical thing, it's love in the sense that you can lead a very productive life with either choice although one choice makes more sense in a traditional sense ( less risks ) than the other where the payoff is huge and possible eternal happiness but yet it's not easy to make ( more risk ). Something I'm struggling to deal with.The Shadow said:
DCX
Well, the Greeks had four different words for four different types of love:
agape (spiritual love)
storge (familial love)
philia (love between friends)
eros (sexual love)
(By the way -- "Greek love" is something else entirely, and I think the translation would be "fhuta".)
Maybe you don't feel quite the same about each one, although it's still love?
agape (spiritual love)
storge (familial love)
philia (love between friends)
eros (sexual love)
(By the way -- "Greek love" is something else entirely, and I think the translation would be "fhuta".)
Maybe you don't feel quite the same about each one, although it's still love?
The Shadow
Member
DCX said:
I think it happens to people now and then. You can be in love with one person and then find yourself falling in love with someone else where your love for the first doesn't decrease simply because you've fallen for someone else.
It's a weird situation. Best to avoid them if possible.
DCX
DCX
:lol Man...the situation in a nut shell is I'm in love with a woman who is married. We were friends for a while, her marriage has never been good, actually has been very, very bad...abuse involved etc. She eventually did leave him and we starting a relationship...due to his attacks, pressures from both of us...responsiblites to her children etc...not to mention she wants all possibilities exhausted in making her marriage work....she went back...we stay in touch, she talks about her making a mistake etc...but mentally i think it's hard to let go of 10 years of your life...so she is in this dilemma where I believe she loves both of us, but is IN love with me....and not with him...it's deeper than this, but that's the Cliff Notes version...Willco said:
DCX
The Shadow
Member
DCX said:
Oh...in that case it's not the same kind of love....
My advice, women like that are trouble.
You can be soul mates but never be together. You can be just friends. And be happy like that.
To be soul mates doesn't necessarely implies to be in love or/and to have a serious relationship or whatever.
It can be just to be best friends.
Soul mates can also prefer to be alone and they will still be happy and understand each other and enjoy being together once in a while just as friends.
You must enjoy to see your sould mate happy or at least respect her choice if that's what she wants.... even if I think she is doing the wrong choice.
Maybe you will never get to live together so? It's ok, you know she is there. And you are there for her. That's what counts. Why suffer and hoping for something that may not happen? If it does cool if not, too bad. But keep in touch.
Good luck.
To be soul mates doesn't necessarely implies to be in love or/and to have a serious relationship or whatever.
It can be just to be best friends.
Soul mates can also prefer to be alone and they will still be happy and understand each other and enjoy being together once in a while just as friends.
You must enjoy to see your sould mate happy or at least respect her choice if that's what she wants.... even if I think she is doing the wrong choice.
Maybe you will never get to live together so? It's ok, you know she is there. And you are there for her. That's what counts. Why suffer and hoping for something that may not happen? If it does cool if not, too bad. But keep in touch.
Good luck.
Mermandala
Member
I know a few people that have had spouses die and fall in love again naming each as their "soulmate". Freelove hippies say they have plenty of 'em. The popularity of stories such as King Arthur/Guenevere/Lancelot agree as well. However, the probability that you get heart-broken or worse is murderously high - so says country tearjerkers. Good Luck!
DCX said:
she loves you, but her love for her family as a unit may outweigh it. Tough break guy. If you really love her, be whatever she needs you to be and always place her family first in your decisions.
Everyone's quick to criticize the woman... yet I admire her devotion to her kids. Maybe you two can find a solution, it'll take time I'm sure.
DCX
DCX
I do deserve better but that brings me to my previous question. If you found "the one", the one woman who can bring true happiness, someone you can grow old with....would you move on and settle for significantly less than that? Or would you do what you can to have the person you truly want. For example, a shitty one i might add, if you have $35 and can only buy one game this year...if you wait you can get $20 and get GTA or HALO 2 would you wait or get something to tide you over so to speak...Goreomedy said:
DCX
DCX
DCX
...well i have been this to her, and as the days go by it seems more and more that this will be what we will be for each other...*sigh* this feeling is worse than death IMO i would never wish this upon my worst enemies, what's worst? To love and lose or never loved at all....how about to love someone you can't be with...Aby said:
DCX
DCX
DCX
I really believe this with all my heart, i really don't think her decision to go back was based on him...it's was based on her kids/responsiblites. The pressure and stress didn't allow her to be herself, she couldn't be the person she really is or the mother she could be...it also caused her to miscarry our child...i do admire her, she is strong....maybe she is regrouping...i really doubt she was ready to let go...maybe someday she will be...levious said:
DCX
levious said:
You can be devoted to your kids without staying in an abusive relationship. In fact, I'd say a responsible mother would do everything in her power to change that abusive environment... even if it means booting her husband to the curb.
So, she's the one woman who can bring true happiness, and yet you're miserable. Think on that. Why sacrifice any time waiting for something that probably won't happen? And who says you have to settle for less?
(if I can borrow the current catchphrase) "Dude, she's just not that into you!"
There's too much at stake to fall for the married woman. She needs to first get a divorce, and spend some time being single so she get can heal and move on. This isn't going to happen overnight, and she may end up finding someone else, but as someone else said if you continue to fall for her, you'll just be fulfilling the roles her husband doesn't, and she'll still be married to him. Nothing gets solved like that.
i honestly don't feel like rereading, but does she feel you're her soulmate as well? What's the other woman like?
i honestly don't feel like rereading, but does she feel you're her soulmate as well? What's the other woman like?
Mermandala
Member
at best you're looking at the lovelorn life of a courtisan troubadour.
worse is the more modern liquor and firearms jailtime.
she has already gone back so snip the heartstrings now or become a crazy gay "uncle".
worse is the more modern liquor and firearms jailtime.
she has already gone back so snip the heartstrings now or become a crazy gay "uncle".
DCX said:
Hey, you got to take distances and think of yourself. And be cool. Relax. You can't do anything so why keep suffering. She is there, you are there, that's what counts. Go back to your life man.
And I think that people do a real mistake when falling in love so hard. Actually, if you can't get together, I bet that there's other good reasons for it. Maybe you're just not ready. Let this feeling go a bit. Be more calm about your feelings for her and stop worrying and stressing.
I will never let this happen to me again... I mean to count so much on my soul mate. Yeah I did the mistake to fall in love so bad. Never again. Even until now, I still don't feel like I can fall in love with anyone else. So I'm alone but I feel good about it. Take it easy I tell you. Don't go crazy. Relax.
DCX
DCX
It's interesting to listen to these opinions becuase some pople will just discount it and say if you have the ability to love someone else while in love, then you don't really love the other person...becuase it's just black and white....90% of things on this earth is grey.Zaptruder said:
DCX
JoshuaJSlone
Member
-jinx- said:
If that's accurate, pedophilia and necrophilia seem very inappropriate words.
My opinion: Cut the heartstrings and let go of this one, assuming her husband is not still an abusive jerk. If they can be okay together, then you need to move on. Sure, it'll hurt for a while, but you'll get over it.
If for some reason you think that he'll keep hurting her, then perhaps it's more complicated. But even if they do split up, he'll always be the father of the kids, and will always be part of her life, unless for some reason he needs a restraining order.
You can try LJBF, but if that relationship keeps you from moving on, then perhaps you need a clean break.
It doesn't matter if _she_ can love two people. If you can't ALL THREE love each other, there's no point.
If for some reason you think that he'll keep hurting her, then perhaps it's more complicated. But even if they do split up, he'll always be the father of the kids, and will always be part of her life, unless for some reason he needs a restraining order.
You can try LJBF, but if that relationship keeps you from moving on, then perhaps you need a clean break.
It doesn't matter if _she_ can love two people. If you can't ALL THREE love each other, there's no point.
DCX said:
Well think about it this way.
If love is a function of effort and energy and all that jazz, than it's very possible for some people to devote more of their beings to loving then another person.
But on the otherhand, you can't devote all the love you can give to a single person if you try to share it two or more people.
But love is a little more complex than that. And it's definetly a little more complex than black and white.
DCX
DCX
Agreed. Well i didn't really want to get into a discussing on what was going on with me, but just a question i wondered what people thought about. Again i have no control over her end of the situation...i have to play my position and right now my position is to be her friend, her support and strength. I have to accept the fact that right NOW...she is there and that is what it is...despite what i feel from her, despite how we talk positive or not ( in regards of US ) i can't take it and run with it. I'll update this thread as things develop one way or another...thanks to eveyone for thier comments, serious and funnyZaptruder said:
Wish me luck DCX
DCX
DCX
Yeah six months...well i left her alone for a few months to let her do what she needs to do to fix her relationship or not...we didn't talk we haven't seen each other until recently...but i have been very cautious and i'm stronger now than six months ago. I delt with life without her...no contact no nothing and i didn't die, so i guess i could deal with a lifetime of it if need be. Again, i'm smarter, and more " prepared " to deal with this...she also has realized that he hasn't changed etc, etc...so i think with time things will sort themselves out, but i respect your opinion.Cyan said:
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