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[AlphaSnake]

I'm reading these at work and can't control my laughter. :lol :lol

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/rodney_dangerfield.html

RIP Rodney.

 

[Guzim]

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

:lol :lol :lol

 

[Matlock]

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

:lol

 

[Shig]

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

:lol :lol :lol

 

[AlphaSnake]

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

:lol :lol :lol Bahahahaha.

 

[sportzhead]

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

:lol :lol :lol

 

[Razoric]

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

:lol :lol