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RTTP: Conan the barbarian

Cunth

Fingerlickin' Good!
I remember loving this as a kid. I probably haven't seen it in 30 years. Rewatched it today and man this movie is a slog. They could probably have fit in another 20 action scenes instead of the long talking scenes that sound like they were recorded on a cassette tape.

2/5
 
You are a pooftah and your opinion is worthless.

You dont even deserve an empty dvd case of this, the greatest movie ever made.

May your penis never work again and i pray your loved ones abandon you forcing you to move in with and begin a sexual relationship with a non passing obese trans woman.

You also probably have a small cock.
 

haxan7

Banned
He must have watched this one by mistake:

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MetalAlien

Banned
I remember loving this as a kid. I probably haven't seen it in 30 years. Rewatched it today and man this movie is a slog. They could probably have fit in another 20 action scenes instead of the long talking scenes that sound like they were recorded on a cassette tape.

2/5
The Conan movie has almost no dialog. It's all told though music.
 
I watched these both recently (arnie conan and the 2016 conan).

I don't find them too bad. Just iconic epic stories.
Will watch deathstalker to see what that's about.

Actually I like movies like this. These are better examples to set for children than some of the tripe getting made these days, wouldn't you agree?
 

Kadayi

Banned
I believe he had a massive stroke. He can barely even speak nowadays.

Damn that sucks.

I always thought Conan was a cool film. I liked the fact that they kind of aged everything up so it looked kind of weathered and worn. Plus the Oliver Stone Script was topnotch (What is Steel compared to the hand that wields it? :messenger_ok:) It's a real pity that inexplicably they opted to play the sequel for laughs as I think they had a good opportunity to make a decent franchise out of it. Hasn't aged as well as it could and the effects are a tad ropey, but still, a film that I can return to time and again in the same way I can watch something like Once upon a time in the West or The Seven Samurai. Not that directorially it's on the same level (although Milius has his moments), more that there's a certain timelessness to it thematically that resonates with me.
 
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#Phonepunk#

Banned
yeah gotta be a hard disagree from me.

recently had the pleasure of re-watching this a couple years ago in a movie theater. my first time ever seeing this in a theater. the movie holds up. one of the best fantasy movies of all time!
 

jason10mm

Gold Member
They really need to get on with King Conan before Arnie dies.

It will likely be shit but I still want it. They could adapt the whole serpent people storyline (or was that a Kull story?). Get the buff guy from AHS:1984 to be one of his sons, he has the arnie look.
 

HE1NZ

Banned
They really need to get on with King Conan before Arnie dies.

It will likely be shit but I still want it. They could adapt the whole serpent people storyline (or was that a Kull story?). Get the buff guy from AHS:1984 to be one of his sons, he has the arnie look.
Arnie probably isn't dying anytime soon, but Paul Verhoeven might. He expressed a lot of interest in this and apparently there's a script. It would be a dream.
 
I remember loving this as a kid. I probably haven't seen it in 30 years. Rewatched it today and man this movie is a slog. They could probably have fit in another 20 action scenes instead of the long talking scenes that sound like they were recorded on a cassette tape.

2/5
Remove the H from your name.
 

Dacon

Banned
I still love the original Conan movies, but I long for a proper adaptation of Robert E Howard's fantastic stories.

The original films are kind of lacking in the elements of lovecraftian horror and high fantasy.
 
Super cool symbolic analysis of the movie below. The whole thing is well worth a read. Very fascinating.


Conan’s village, unlike those in many stories of the same type, does not represent a lost paradise. It is idyllic for him, and represents a primordial time because he receives the mythological teaching there that will be the foundation for the entire course of his life. But Conan doesn’t express a desire to return there, and even in his only monologue, just before the last battle, he appears detached from the place. In the village, he receives two hierophanies that expose the main binary opposition in the film. First, there is the spiritual teaching of his father in the flesh (paradoxically talking about something that is above the flesh, is spiritual). Secondly, there is a tacit teaching of the “father” not-in-the-flesh (i.e. Thulsa Doom) about the power of flesh and steel (the abduction from his parents “tearing him” from the womb of childhood).

Note that the spiritual teaching he receives from his father is transmitted at the top of a mountain, itself a strong symbol in the Indo-European world of sacredness and hierophany. The mountain is also representative of a form of sacredness within the film: during theological discussions between Subotai and Conan, the latter associates it with Crom, his god. Additionally, the mountain is noteworthy because it appears at the beginning of the film (an initial teaching) and at the very end (a final teaching) when Conan returns to the Mountain of Power to kill Thulsa Doom. The mountain is therefore an inherently hierophanic symbol (because it is the matrix of one teaching, then another) and an axis mundi (because the film organizes the beginning and the end around it).
Conan is exposed to various trials that form sub-programs of his initiatory quest. They exist to qualify him as being a hero, as “standing out”: such as when he retrieves the Atlantantean sword or when he rescues the daughter of King Osric. These serve to train him, but also to show elements of his final transformation. For example, the time of slavery which gives him his wheel-amulet (representing his slavery to the dharmic law) and which he will only get rid of at the very end when he is liberated from everything (even the circle of life and death, but also his relation to Valeria, i.e. love). His first passage through the matrix (womb of the earth, i.e. the cave) gives him the sword which symbolizes the discipline of steel. His passage through the Tower in opposition to the serpent. His death and resurrection which condemns Valeria; and so on. All these symbolic deaths and symbolic resurrections follow one another in a cascade and eventually lead to the final rite of passage which acts as a post-liminal element that actualizes him as a “superman”. The entire film transforms itself: from a myth told to Conan by his father, to a myth actualized by Conan himself. At the very least, the film comes to do what it says and says what it does within the film.

The entire film serves to show Conan’s transformation. The transformation is that from a Conan who is subjected to the will of everything (to the gods, to the quests of others, to his putative parents of flesh and spirit, to his status as a slave, to Doom) to a Conan liberated from everything (even gods, that he invects, and false cults whose leader he executes). He “creates himself”. In Conan’s monologue before the final battle, he calls out Crom, calmly and serenely, reminding him that all is vanity and that no one will remember the work they are about to accomplish: he only wants one thing, revenge. Conan will have to go through the matrix three times, and then one death and resurrection to reach the end state revealed to him as he approaches Doom to kill him.
We have seen that the film establishes Conan as a traditional hero, even linking him to mythological figures like Siegfried. Milius constructs his film in order to exhibit not only an entertaining work, but a true sketch of a myth, deeply rooted in Nietzschean, Indo-European, and Zen philosophy. The story tells us how a man came to realize a rite of passage, subdivided into initiatory adventures. This rite of passage, as we have seen, contains a caveat, however: Conan does not return to order and structure so as to be a “civilizing model”. Rather, he lives his anti- or counter-structure to the end and shatters the structure of Doom’s other followers, flesh followers, and false promises. He exposes to them the harsh reality of the abyss of existence. He does not guide them, he is not a typical heroic model: however, he remains a model because he embodies a way of going beyond the surrounding nihilism; “The Secret of Steel”. Milius demonstrates this to us in the oppositions between Conan and subhumanity as well as with the structures of initiation rituals nested within each other.
 
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AJUMP23

Parody of actual AJUMP23
I bet you would hate Rocky as well. Movie doesn't have all the jump cuts and music video narrative to keep your attention you souless husk of filth. Go watch some garbage made by McG.


^joke

But how can you not like Conan?
 

Gifmaker

Member
I read the other day how someone claimed that Austin Powers isn't funny, and I thought it was the worst possible take until I found this thread.
 

KrakenIPA

Member
I read the other day how someone claimed that Austin Powers isn't funny, and I thought it was the worst possible take until I found this thread.
Truth spoken true. OP is off his tits. 20 years ago when I saw Conan cuts his chains with the greatsword that he had found and then kills the wolves that were hunting him the whole time, I cut my own chains and hunted my own wolves.

Please read all of Robert E. Howard's works!

Thanks Arnold, for an amazing performance! Never topped in my book!
 
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I actually ordered a collection of Robert E. Howard's tales this morning, never read the original Conan books before now. Time to fix that!
 
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