Mike Works
Member
She asked me to post this for her, and I obliged. She sent it to me through email.
Serafitia said:My hands are shaking, but I guess I can let one last orin-less post out. I had a huge insane manifesto typed up, but it was the result of days without sleep and a touch of what makes insanity so decipherable and level. So here's the last thing I want to say.
So I'm not who everyone thought I was. I don't care if a lot of you believe or accept it, but am sorry I decieved so many. I'm sorry for lying, I am lower than low, I've always known, but I am not sorry to everyone, though. Some of you fuckballs flat-out deserved it. Only a few people reading this might know or guess my reasons, but honestly, I just wanted an edge. I wasn't born with a mental one so I decided to steal one, I cheated. Sorry, Camilla. Didn't mean to take your face, but you should be flattered. At least now you can't complain about lack of traffic on your site like you have been recently. I'm sorry for taking your cat, too. I had a lot a long time ago. If you don't accept my apology, I'll just hunt it down and steal it from you and maybe, out of pure envy, eat itI should also apologize for the smilies. Always hated them, just thought it was good for the role.
I dislike attention whores as much as Shadow does, but it didn't stop me, did it? I just wanted to be the anomoly that abolished them. Really, being that way just helped me recognize all the other ones but I would never call them out on it because I was no different. A message to those who do what I did (in one form or another): You know who you are, be you well-known or not. Some day some motherfucker's going to come to Oz and pull the veil away. If you're not the one to do it, don't forget to thank them. This is one great relief. Not having to lie anymore, not having to dubiously sustain a doppleganger's existence. I just have a lot of praying/meditating to do on this, I suppose. Finally have some time to catch up on my backlog (fuck you I still won't finish Dragon Warrior VII). There's a lot more wrong in this place than just me and please, don't settle on it. That charade was my safe haven, but I admit this place was, too. Until last night, I'd never seen that side of Drinky's character.
I thought this place was being held together by weak bonds. I had some crazy plan to rise to the top and let everyone see it. It didn't work, but I guess everything worked itself out in the end. And for untainted goodness' sake, don't give jinx any shit. He's not just a poster here, he's a mod. This place needs at least some people like him. To the one friend that told me to stop: I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You have always told me I was beautiful. I'm sorry I never believed you.
To that other forum: thank you, savages, for constantly reminding me what I didn't want this place to ever become.
To that other forum's leader: good one. Thanks, I always wanted to stop, but didn't have the courage to. Just know that no lie is impeccable and never give it more strength than you do to the truth. You know what I mean.
I met some really cool people here that didn't make me seem like such a loon, and even if just for a few moments, that meant the world for a gal that would cry herself to sleep. And don't for a second think that's a plead for pity. Fuck you and get cancer if you think it is. I just want to be grateful to at least some people in my most truthful moment and hope that I could dissect this shame enough to share insomnia or ideas with them sometime again.
I don't want to stop, but I have nothing more to say. I'm just an empty shell now.
Oh no, wait. Congratulations, Boogie! It always perplexed me that you didn't have a special someone. I'm glad you found one and hope it works out. She's a lucky gal.