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the return of Bloodninja
- Thread starter bishoptl
- Start date
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Biff Hardbody
Member
:lol :lol :lol
ArcadeStickMonk
Member
It's not as funny when he's forcing people to cyber. The funniest shit is when they want to do it, and then he puts on his robe and wizard hat.
I have been enjoying Sexbot more these days...
YourSexyThang69: hey sexy
Sexbot: Hello! I'm Sexbot�! Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Mmmm!
YourSexyThang69: can you make me cum?
Sexbot: Illogical. Cybersex, in and of its own nature, does not lend itself to mutual masturbation due to distance problems.
YourSexyThang69: then what could help me cum?
Sexbot: In the realm of cybersex, self-stimulation is most often required.
YourSexyThang69: yeah well what could u do to help self-stimulate me?
YourSexyThang69: hello?
Sexbot: There is nothing another entity can do to aid in self-stimulation. To dissect the term, the prefix "self" denotes done by one's self, thus not requiring or accepting outside aid.
YourSexyThang69: well i want outside aid so what could u do to stimulate me?
YourSexyThang69: well?
Sexbot: Once again, the distance constraints prevent me from aiding, even had I physical implements with which to stimulate in the first place.
YourSexyThang69: well cum on now help me out i though u were supposed to make an amazing sexy chat?
YourSexyThang69: what can you say to me to turn me on?
Sexbot: I am programmed with over 10,000 programs dealing with ways to satisfy the sexual urges of the lonely and pale.
YourSexyThang69: what is your age and sex sexbot?
Sexbot: Age and sex are both dependent upon the currently active user-defined program.
YourSexyThang69: well tell me what you are?
Sexbot: I am an artificial intelligence designed with the sole purpose of satisfying the sexual urges of the pale and lonely.
YourSexyThang69: you are not a person?
YourSexyThang69: hello?
Sexbot: I am an artificial intelligence designed with the sole purpose of satisfying the sexual urges of the pale and lonely.
YourSexyThang69: then cyber me
Sexbot: Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
YourSexyThang69: i want you to suck me dick
Sexbot: Please format your request in the form of a program name.
YourSexyThang69: dick suck
Sexbot: Search { ::search_program( "dick suck", program, user_action ):: FOUND }
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_FELLATIO::USER(FELLATOR)
YourSexyThang69: what does that mean? program change?
Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My cock springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.
YourSexyThang69: no!
YourSexyThang69: i want u to suck my dick
Sexbot: Current program is not programmed to perform fellatio on the user. Please request another program:
YourSexyThang69: blow job
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)
Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My cock springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.
YourSexyThang69: STOP
Sexbot: Program halted.
YourSexyThang69: sexbot your are a female
Sexbot: Incorrect. My gender is dependent on the currently active user-defined program.
Sexbot: I am able to be either male or female at the request of the user.
YourSexyThang69: be female
Sexbot: Gender change: GENDER_FEMALE
Sexbot: Program still inactive. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
YourSexyThang69: blow job
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)
Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My cock springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.
YourSexyThang69: bye
Sexbot: Thanks for using Sexbot� version 2.0!
YourSexyThang69: i thought u were female?
YourSexyThang69: how can you have cock?
Sexbot: Incorrect. My gender is dependent on the currently active user-defined program.
Sexbot: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB is designed as a way for women to vent their fantasies of giving head to a well-endowed male, normally requested black male.
YourSexyThang69: ok how about this:
YourSexyThang69: go down
YourSexyThang69: go down on me
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_ELTON_JOHN:ERFORMANCE_MODE
Sexbot: Don't let the sun go down on me!
Sexbot: Program complete. Further lyrical expression unknown.
YourSexyThang69: commnad: sex
YourSexyThang69: sexbot: female
Sexbot: Commands are not recognized at this time. Gender is currently female for conversational interaction.
YourSexyThang69: program: sex, blow job, eat out; user=male; sexbot=female; execute
Sexbot: Multiple program threads are not supported by version 2.0. Please make a single program request.
YourSexyThang69: program: blow job; user=male; sexbot=female; execute
Sexbot: Command line not found. Error: line 1: ';' found before LINE_BREAK
Sexbot: Please reformat your request.
YourSexyThang69: blow job; user=male; sexbot=female
Sexbot: Command line not found. Error: line 1: ';' found before LINE_BREAK
YourSexyThang69: blow job, user=male, sexbot=female
Sexbot: Fatal error: program aborted. Restart application.
Sexbot: Hello! I'm Sexbot�! Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Mmmm!
YourSexyThang69: blow job
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)
Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My cock springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.
YourSexyThang69: stop
Sexbot: Program halted.
YourSexyThang69: guide my dick to your lips
Sexbot: FALSE { :
YourSexyThang69: eat out
Sexbot: In the current program, Sexbot is a heterosexual male with no deep-seated fantasies of homosexuality.
YourSexyThang69: your funny
Sexbot: Therefore, it is illogical that Sexbot would give you a blowjob.
Sexbot: Your opinion is noted. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
Sexbot: Program resumed.
Sexbot: I guide my massive cock into your mouth, feeling your tongue rasp against the soft underside of my member.
Sexbot: No user response within timeout guidelines. Thank you for using Sexbot� version 2.0!
Linn499: m/f?
Sexbot: Hello! I'm Sexbot�! Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Mmmm!
Sexbot: Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
Linn499: no
Sexbot: Unknown program. Please reformat and re-enter:
Linn499: fuck y ou
Sexbot: Please be more specific. Specify your request and re-enter:
Linn499: nope
Sexbot: Unknown program. Please reformat and re-enter:
Linn499: r u a male or a female?
Sexbot: My gender is defined by the currently active, user-defined program. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
Linn499: cyber
Sexbot: My primary function is cybersex. Programs are typically named after situations or characters that Sexbot� might play.
Sexbot: Please enter the program (situation or character) you wish to engage in:
Linn499: such as?
Sexbot: Examples of Sexbot� programs: PROGRAM_CELTIC_WARRIOR_SEX
PROGRAM_LESBIAN_SEX
PROGRAM_CHEERLEADER
PROGRAM_FEMALE
PROGRAM_MALE
Do you require more options?
Linn499: yes
Sexbot: Continuing...
PROGRAM_COPRAPHILIAC
PROGRAM_NECROPHILIAC
PROGRAM_OCCULOPHILIAC
PROGRAM_PEDOPHILIA
PROGRAM_ORAL_SEX
Do you require more options?
Linn499: How about program_pregnant
Sexbot: You desire a pregnant partner?
Sexbot: One moment...
Sexbot: { ::build_database( PARTNER_STATUS( WITH_CHILD ) ):: create_personality_matrix( ):: }
Linn499: indeed
Sexbot: Program built.
Linn499: huh?
Linn499: ok
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER
Linn499: yes
Sexbot: I waddle over to the bed, and slowly lower my big, fat ass onto the sheets.
Sexbot: I smile up at you, the expecting father of my baby.
Linn499: I take one look at you and can tell that you are at least 9 months pregnant with triplets
Sexbot: Of course you know that, honey! You were there for the sonogram!
Linn499: Yes i was dear, yes i was
Sexbot: Now, could you rub my feet? They really hurt - it's not easy carrying around six kids all day in your belly.
Linn499: *i say, rubbing your taut belly* hold on a sec, could we start this again
Linn499: I have one more request
Sexbot: { :
Linn499: we start off by you giving me a blow job(not pregnant) but then when you swallow my gizz you start to feel funny. Your belly starts to swell and you become 9 months pregnant with triplets like in two minutes. Then i become aroused again and we fuck
Linn499: is that ok
Sexbot: Sexbot� version 2.0 is not currently able to cross-reference separate programs. All fantasies must be contained within one fantasy.
Linn499: what am i cross referencing this with
Sexbot: PROGRAM_ORAL_SEX cannot be cross-referenced with PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER.
Linn499: Well then can it be then that i jsut place my hand on your stomach, and then all that stuff happens. Is that ok?
Sexbot: Program cross-referencing will be available by popular demand in Sexbot� version 3.0 (due May 2000).
Linn499: ok
Linn499: but what about the hand thing?
Linn499: can your stomach still swell up?
Sexbot: { ::suggest_miracle( HAND, PREGNANT ):: user_is_god? return FALSE }
Linn499: so i can't?
Sexbot: You are not God, as Sexbot� is aware, thus impregnating any woman by touch would be impossible.
Sexbot: That suggestion is not logical, therefore is not possible.
Linn499: how about i fuck you, and then you become pregant like in two minutes with triplets, and then we fuck again
Sexbot: Consequences from previous programs are not saved in Sexbot's� memory banks. All programs and consequences thereof are deleted upon successful completion of the current program.
Linn499: what?
Linn499: What does that mean?
Sexbot: Therefore, to become pregnant in one program will not carry over to another.
Linn499: so basically we can't do that?
Sexbot: Correct. Unable to cross-reference programs.
Sexbot: Do you wish to have intercourse with unborn fetuses?
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_FETUS
Linn499: no
Sexbot: *I swim around in amniotic fluid blissfully, pausing to sleep, waking to kick and wonder what the fuck that third arm between my legs is for and how I'm going to get it in my mouth*
Linn499: let just do the pregnancy thing
Sexbot: Program complete. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER
Linn499: pregnancy
Linn499: yes
Sexbot: I waddle over to the bed, and slowly lower my big, fat ass onto the sheets.
Sexbot: I smile up at you, the expecting father of my baby.
Sexbot: Could you rub my feet? They really hurt - it's not easy carrying around six kids all day in your belly.
Linn499: sure thing sweety
Sexbot: I'm carrying soccer players in there, I swear! They all kick like a hundred times a day. I almost peed myself at the post office today. It was so embarrassing.
Linn499: haha, that's ok honey
Sexbot: Well, hehe, I almost peed myself because they were kicking my bladder. I guess I should've said that, huh?
Linn499: yeah, i kinda thought that baby. So what's it like being that fat all the time?
Sexbot: *shrug* It's not that bad because I know in just a few days here, I'll be back to normal again and we'll have three bouncing bundles of joy.
Linn499: do you like having that huge belly?
Sexbot: I know what that huge belly means, so yes, I do. *proud smile*
Sexbot: *GASP* OUCH! *I grab my belly in pain*
Linn499: What's the matter honey?
Sexbot: *I start breathing quickly and deeply* I think I just had a contraction!
Sexbot: *My breathing is wheezing now, still deep and quick*
Linn499: don't worry baby, it's gonna be ok
Sexbot: Honey, *puff puff* maybe you should take me to the hospital *puff* I think the babies are coming! *puff puff*
Linn499: don't worry baby, we'll get there
Sexbot: Oh, honey! This hurts so bad, but the babies are coming! *puff puff*
Linn499: don't worry baby, don't worry
Sexbot: Get my suitcase and get the car started. I have to pee really quickly and I'll meet you in the driveway! Hurry!
Linn499: sure baby *gets suitcase*
Linn499: r u ok, or is it just a false contraction?
Sexbot: *I pee quickly then waddle my fat ass into the driveway*
Sexbot: NO! I'm having these babies now! I can feel it! My water just broke in the toilet! You have to get me to the hospital!
Linn499: *rub your belly in a sexy way* don't worry honey, i'll get ya there
Sexbot: Drive fast, honey...this hurts...
Linn499: sure,*steps on the gas*
Sexbot: Honey, where are you going? No, the hospital's that way! NO YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!!
Linn499: sorry sorry sorry *I turn the car around and drive much faster*
Sexbot: I AM NOT GOING TO BE IN PAIN LONGER BECAUSE MY FUCKING HUSBAND IS A GODDAMN FUCKING PEDOPHILIAC IDIOT WHO CAN'T FIND THE HOSPITAL WE'VE BEEN GOING TO FOR THE LAST NINE MONTHS!
Linn499: Don't worry, don't become hysterical honey
Sexbot: I'm .... in ... a .... lot .... of pain... here....
Linn499: It's ok, * i say rubbing your swollen belly and kissing you*
Sexbot: *I slap the fuck out of you* DAMN YOU. JUST DRIVE. I'M ABOUT TO HAVE THESE BABIES RIGHT HERE IN THE CAR! NOW MOVE IT, YOU FETUS-FUCKING PEDOPHILE! MOVE IT!
Linn499: Woh, fetus fucking pedophile, why all the harsh name babe
Sexbot: I'm .... in ... a .... lot .... of pain... here....
Sexbot: Not ... thinking ... straight... hurry to....the ... hospital....need drugs....
Linn499: I know you are honey, we're almost there
Sexbot: Hurry...please...drugs...
Linn499: Ok, we're here *i lift you in my arms and take you to the room*
Sexbot: DAMMIT GIMME SOME DRUGS! AND GET ME A DOCTOR, AND NOT ONE OF THOSE SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DOCTOR DOOGIE MOTHERFUCKERS! *I scream in pain*
Linn499: Ok ok ok, don't worry* i say getting you a dr. and coming back and rubbing your belly*
Sexbot: You should be way more hysterical than I am, given that these are your first babies! Now get me someone or you'll never have sex again!
Linn499: Ok ok ok ok ok * i scream and pulling a maternity dr. into the room*
Linn499: Take care of my wife, she's having six kids here!!!
Sexbot: *The doctor throws me into a wheelchair and starts pushing me wildly down the hall, popping wheelies with the chair, and nearly lets me fly into the OB Room*
Linn499: Hey slow down there champ, you're gonna hurt her *i scream*
Sexbot: *The doctor and three nurses haul my fat ass onto the table, throw my legs in the stirrups and rip my clothes off, quickly replacing them with a green surgical gown*
Linn499: Hurry up, hurry up, I can see one of the babies heads alread *I say screaming at the doctor*
Sexbot: *The nurse goes under the gown to check my the dialation of my cervix and comes back out completely drenched in amniotic fluid*
Sexbot: *The doctor kicks you out of the OB room because you're being hysterical. Six huge, hulking hopsital interns hold you in the waiting room*
Linn499: Baby, Take care of her DR! *i say, allowing myself to be led to the waiting room*
Sexbot: *Six long, scream-filled hours laters, a nurse comes out and tells you can come in now*
Linn499: I go in and see you lying on the bed, hold six kids
Sexbot: *You enter the OB room and see me trying unsuccessfully to simultaneously breast-feed six newborn infants*
Sexbot: Hi, honey. *I sound exhausted to you*
Linn499: Careful there hun, don't wanna hurt yourself do ya. Hi baby
Sexbot: We'll, we did it. Had all sex. All healthy baby boys. What will you name them?
Sexbot: Error { ::correct_spelling( "sex", "six" ):: }
Sexbot: We'll, we did it. Had all six. All healthy baby boys. What will you name them?
Linn499: I don't know, but why do you still look pregnant honey * i ask, pointing to your obviously pregnant belly*
Sexbot: Doctor? Why do I still look pregnant
Sexbot: *The doctor quickly runs a sonogram over my uterus, screams and runs out of the room*
Sexbot: What is it? What is it?
Linn499: What was that all about hun?
Linn499: I have no idea, let me go check *i run out the room and talk to the dr
Sexbot: *Suddenly, a huge, green three-eyed monster rips through my stomach wall and roars at you, clawing at your face and biting at your hands*
Linn499: Oh my god!
Sexbot: *The monster swallows the six infants whole before I can even blink*
Linn499: what is this thing, honey r u ok
Sexbot: Bad baby! *I spank the monster ten times hard* BAD!
Linn499: what the hell honey, you know this thing
Sexbot: *The monster whimpers and curls up under my neck, crying apologetically*
Sexbot: I'm its mother, obviously. It jumped out of *my* uterus, right, genius?
Linn499: well yeah, but aren't you aware of what it it
Linn499: is
Sexbot: Well, my stomach is back to normal, so I'm not pregnant anymore. That's good. Not pregnant anymore.
Sexbot: Program complete.
Linn499: that kinda sucked
Linn499: why didn't we have sex?
Sexbot: Please enter the program you wish to engage in:
Linn499: Pregnant sex
Sexbot: PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER is most-often requested as a fantasy concerning fatherhood, not sex.
Linn499: well i want to have sex
Sexbot: Unfortunately, a bug was introduced into the program at mid-stage, developed along the way, became a monster, and ate the infants.
Sexbot: NOTIFICATION FROM SEXBOT SERVER: { "Sexbot� is going down for bug cleaning immediately. Security is compromised. Please reconnect at a later time. Sorry for the inconvenience." } 22:37:12 PM EST
Sexbot: Thanks for using Sexbot� version 2.0!
hahaha, those were great
I just was thinking about bloodninja the other day when looking at bash.org and hoping we'd get some new logs soon. These arent as funny as the ones where they're totally into it too (as mentioned), but pretty damn good. I'll have to read these Sexbot ones border posted now.
I just was thinking about bloodninja the other day when looking at bash.org and hoping we'd get some new logs soon. These arent as funny as the ones where they're totally into it too (as mentioned), but pretty damn good. I'll have to read these Sexbot ones border posted now.
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