There this guy in our dorm bathroom who jerk off really hard every day

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Guy

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There is this 26 years lonely, and without a doubt virgin, old man living with us on our floor (I'm in res at university). He smells and we suspect that he only takes one shower a week, which is Monday since we never see him showering any other day. Note that there is no problem with this, he can take the number of shower he wants and that the fact that he is a virgin doesn't make him a bad person, but it just describe the man accordingly.

One day I was in a middle of something really important when he started doing it really loud, I was totally shocked and didn't know what to do/say strangely. It's like those thing that happens in your life and you think back and say: Damn I should have done something instead of just sitting there like an idiot.

Almost everyone heard him, it goes like this: rubbing sound for maybe 5 seconds and then you hear the furious faping sound for a while, and then it goes back to the rubbing thing. Sometimes you can even hear him saying things in french like 'ah it's gonna be good'.

So last week, one of the guy finally decided to tell the CA here that something wrong was happening in the bathroom involving masturbation. I should say that this day we could smell a strong, offensive odor of sperm in the washroom. A guy here even put this as a joke on the wall. I don't know who.

Incidentally, the CA decided to call a floor meeting for the guys' side of the floor to talk about masturbation in the shower and making us sign a contract that she displayed on the washroom's wall. The guy even said in the meeting with his French accent: If you want to masturbate do it in your own bedroom. The fact that this guy owns a private room makes the irony even better.

But now the problem is, from my understanding, the CA didn't want to go and face the guy and have a talk with him to try to stop this, since he is scary. Instead she tried to keep it low and impersonal and wrote down those stupid contracts instead.

The problem is, because of that, everyone in the res know (we're about 150 max) now that this guy masturbate loudly in the bathroom, and now he is even more lonely and rejected. The other day we were watching the game in the lounge right, and he tried to high-five some girls after a goal, but they went away the shit scared off.

I feel like when the guy will finally understand what's going on here something bad will happen. I don't know what exactly but something should be done.
 
He was masturbating right next to you, and you didn't say anything? Even if you couldn't think to say something witty, the least you could have said was: Dude, what the fuck?
 
Well I was speechless, I just decided to leave. It's not like you want to have a discussion about it when this is happening, and back in time I thought he was just suffering and having a hard time with his intestinal problem, cause it sounded like he was hitting himself or something, it was that loud.
 
Thread Title: "There this guy in our dorm bathroom who jerk off really hard every day..."

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Guy
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(Today, 11:44 PM)
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Guy said:
I was totally shocked and didn't know what to do/say strangely. It's like those thing that happens in your life and you think back and say: Damn I should have done something instead of just sitting there like an idiot.

Like what man...offering to massage his prostrate?


Guy said:
The guy even said in the meeting with his French accent: If you want to masturbate do it in your own bedroom. The fact that this guy owns a private room makes the irony even better.


:lol This guy rules...
 
Salmonax said:
Order a code red.
itsadwight.jpg

Question : Does this code red involve beets?
 
Befriend him. Find out what websites he hangs out with, where he chats, and most importantly what his AIM/MSN. Contact him online and flirt with him like you're a chick, maybe even cyber with him (I'm serious). Then give him pics of some Myspace chick, tell him you want to have sex, then send him a random address of someone who lives 1-2 hours away from campus. Set up a meeting time.

Then see if he goes. And yes, I have witnessed this happen to someone.
 
PhoenixDark said:
Befriend him. Find out what websites he hangs out with, where he chats, and most importantly what his AIM/MSN. Contact him online and flirt with him like you're a chick, maybe even cyber with him (I'm serious). Then give him pics of some Myspace chick, tell him you want to have sex, then send him a random address of someone who lives 1-2 hours away from campus. Set up a meeting time.

Then see if he goes. And yes, I have witnessed this happen to someone.
What happens next? See if he goes, then what? Sex him up good?
 
I fail to see what the big deal is. Just let the poor guy keep slapping his salami. You guys should offset his rubbing and wacking ballads with the sweet sounds of pounding a vagina...
 
ForzaItalia said:
I fail to see what the big deal is. Just let the poor guy keep slapping his salami. You guys should offset his rubbing and wacking ballads with the sweet sounds of pounding a vagina...

Unless of course that makes him slap it harder...and now you got the awkward sounds of a 3rd person moaning in French beating his meat while trying to get it on.
 
Rorschach said:
What happens next? See if he goes, then what? Sex him up good?

I guess if you could get a chick to help...you could maybe have her call the dude as he's driving off to this unknown house lol, just to make it legit. Maybe when he gets to this house, have the chick tell him to ring the doorbell 3 times.

And record the conversations
 
People in your dorm need some balls.

HEY FREAKSHOW. STOP JERKING OFF IN THERE.
 
By not confronting him at the time, you have now ruined this poor soul's life and put your entire residence hall in danger. Congratulations.
 
seriously. if you just said "WHAT THE FUCK. stop jerking in in the room asshole" the contract and girls not wanting to be around him wouldn’t have happened.

now you just have to wait it out. best case: people forget and he stops. worse case: he shoots everyone.
 
Green Shinobi said:
By not confronting him at the time, you have now ruined this poor soul's life and put your entire residence hall in danger. Congratulations.

Yup, now they are fucked. This is the type of guy who goes postal.
 
Well it's not getting any better. Some dude here posted a movie on facebook he filmed today about this guy dancing around while clapping in his hands, bending over and stuff. it's funny. but now people are laughing at him on the internets :/
 
also. why did you have to take a shower when he does?

and regarding sperm smell. well, bathrooms have shit and piss smell. what's the difference.
 
Guy said:
Well it's not getting any better. Some dude here posted a movie he filmed today about this guy dancing around while clapping, it's funny. but now people are laughing at him on the internets :/

wow, you guys are dicks and pussies at the same time.
 
doodyball5 said:
wow, you guys are dicks and pussies at the same time.

Well I don't have anything to do with this and in fact like I stated in the first post, I'm afraid that this is going too far. This is just not my job and the person in charge here should do something.

fobtastic said:
Can you post a picture of the contract? I would love to see this one.

I could, but I'm lazy. It's worth it though, it's funny. I'll see tomorrow what I can do, my camera is out of battery anyways.
 
Just fess up dude, it was you whacking off in there and when you got caught you shifted the blame over to the resident weird guy who just happened to be there minding his own business. Now you're feeling all guilty about it, and you're trying to justify yourself by posting the story here on GAF. Sorry buddy, no matter how many times you tell this story, it's not going to make it true.
 
Guy said:
Well it's not getting any better. Some dude here posted a movie on facebook he filmed today about this guy dancing around while clapping in his hands, bending over and stuff. it's funny. but now people are laughing at him on the internets :/
You're so FUCKED

Get a shotgun or something for self defense
 
Hootie, looking at your avatar and the "movements" associated with it....I picture the French dude spanking it with the above quote that you posted...
 
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