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[The Shadow]

Some of you probably know that I get depressed from time to time. I've mentioned it before either when someone else posts about it or I just feel like whining about it. In any case, I've been depressive since I was a freshman in High School, I'm now 26 so that's about 14 years or so. I'm sick of it. I don't want to be miserable anymore so I decided to tell my doctor. I asked him about therapy.

He didn't refer me to anyone. He just prescribed Paxil and that was that. He asked me to call him in a week to tell him if it improved my mood. End of story right? Naw. Like an idiot I told my sister about what happened when she called this weekend. She proceeded to tell me how stupid I was for getting the prescription, told me that I should "Just get over it." and I hung up on her.

Like everything else, she told my mother everything and today she called asking if we could talk. I went over and she proceeds to scream and berate me because "You're so weak! How can you be so weak! Why can't you be normal like everyone else! I'll give you reason to take those pills. I'll show you what depression is!". Apparently she thinks that I'm going to be some druggie on the streets because of Paxil. The real irony is that I haven't even picked up the prescription yet. It's still sitting here on my desk.

So that's what happened on my weekend. I was depressed going in and now I'm damn near suicidal. Thanks Mom. Thanks Sis. You really know how to make me feel great about myself. I really can't take this anymore.

 

[RedDwarf]

I'm someone who has been on Paxil and then:

Met my wife, got married, and now have two awesome kids and a job I like. Don't let them get you down, I don't know where I'd be if a doctor hadn't prescribed the right drug for me when I needed it.

 

[AntoneM]

that "I really can't take this anymore." line kind of scares me but, anyway, did you tell your mom and sister how they made you feel? Have you told them that tens of millions of people in the US are depressed and that it often has nothing to do with the person but with a chemical imbalance? I mean, you're 26, making it on your own that's not weakness my friend.

 

[The Shadow]

that "I really can't take this anymore." line kind of scares me but, anyway, did you tell your mom and sister how they made you feel? Have you told them that tens of millions of people in the US are depressed and that it often has nothing to do with the person but with a chemical imbalance? I mean, you're 26, making it on your own that's not weakness my friend.

They know how depressed I've gotten in the past. They don't care. They really don't. I've never been able to depend on them for emotional support. Ever.

This is the real kicker. My sister is a Psychology major and she's telling me that. Thank god she decided not to be a therapist. I can't imagine how fucked up her patients would turn out.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've never really felt so lost before. But who else can I talk to? If not your family, who? I've always thought I knew what I was doing, where I was going and what direction. There was never any question. And now, I'm just confused. I really don't know what's going on anymore.

I think I'll check myself into the hospital tomorrow. I really am on the verge. I just hope a little sleep calms me down.

 

[Jotaro]

Be strong and make sure to examine every option, it's useless trying to reason them and risks only worsen things. I suggest you try to get farther and farther away from your family as much as you can, I wish I could.

 

[android]

I was on Paxil for a while there and I can tell you it's not too bad. A chemical imbalance in your brain is not something you just "get over" And as you know depression is a different state of mind than sadness. Paxil does work and after a week or two you'll probably be much clearer of thought. So ignore your family and focus on yourself first. Right now you are probably going over every word they said and that is the very nature of depression. Put it out of mind right now. Deal with it later.

 

[psycho_snake]

Im really sorry to hear about what happened with you're mom, she said some pretty awful stuff.

Usually if Im in a bad mood or really upset, I do exercise. It makes me forget about the bad things and I feel slightly happier. You should also talk to some friends about it, maybe they can help you.

Is there anything in particular that makes you feel depressed or is it something that just comes and goes?

 

[Jotaro]

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've never really felt so lost before. But who else can I talk to? If not your family, who? I've always thought I knew what I was doing, where I was going and what direction. There was never any question. And now, I'm just confused. I really don't know what's going on anymore

You have to learn on how to rely on yourself, it saved my life, it was fucking hard at first believe me (I hated myself), but when I look at how that changed my life, I begin to really love myself and think I'm not that bad.

 

[kablooey]

Dude, you don't deserve that. At all. I know it's easy for us to say "don't worry about them", but it's obviously not that simple when your family is involved.

I'm on Paxil right now too, and it has actually done wonders for me, in some respects. If you can try to find someone to talk to about your problems, such as a counselor of some kind, that can be even better when done in tandem with the meds. I'd strongly suggest doing that.

If nothing else though, you should be proud of yourself for seeking help in the first place; not everyone is strong enough to do that.

 

[katana]

I'm almost exclusively a gaming-age lurker, but I felt compelled to post. I've been taking Paxil for a good 5 years...what is thought to be a seratonin imbalance runs in my family. Different people have different symptoms, but my particular family happens to exhibit depressive behavior and social anxiety...others could...maybe lash out at other family members in response to their chemical imbalances...(cough) LOL.

Try paxil...if it doesn't work, tell your doctor and continue trying different drugs (hopefully in combination with some sort of therapy-posting on GA is NOT therapy!!!) You've taken a really important first step...you won't regret it. Good luck!

Katana
-Psychology major

 

[Jotaro]

posting on GA is NOT therapy

As for me, I'd say it's not true, and this is without sarcasm whatsoever.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

I can't relate to much to the depression side of things, but don't worry to much about your family, they just sound like they are being dicks. Just use your 26 year old powers and tell them to fuck off for a while. Don't speak to them for a bit you're allowed breaks from your family.

Also how active are you? Physical workouts are great when you are down.

 

[AntoneM]

yeah, exercise is great, not only will it relieve stress but it gives you a boost of endorphins and makes you feel happier. For the last few years I've kept a gym membership mainly so that I can go and blow some steam there once in a while.

 

[katana]

OK...GA forums are a "type" of therapy, but some of us "crazies" need a little more

I'll second that exercise remark...boosts everything: Mood, health, self-image etc.

 

[Leon]

You still didn't give any reason for your depression.

 

[katana]

You don't need a palpable reason for depression.

Many, if not most people, don't have a single event or situation that they can put their finger on that has brought on a depressive disorder.

 

[Iceman]

You know, some people don't know why they have depression. Often it's a physioligcal problem. Imbalance of sorts (clinical depression). Many people do respond positively to drugs such as paxil. Sometimes that's enough. But it would probably be wise to consult a psychiatrist as has been recommended to me on occassion (I attributed my depression to the wisconsin winters.. apparently it happens to quite a few people.)

 

[android]

You still didn't give any reason for your depression.

A persistant depression for no reason is usually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The brain doesn't produce the needed chemical and doesn't function properly.

 

[katana]

You know, some people don't know why they have depression. Often it's a physioligcal problem. Imbalance of sorts (clinical depression). Many people do respond positively to drugs such as paxil. Sometimes that's enough. But it would probably be wise to consult a psychiatrist as has been recommended to me on occassion (I attributed my depression to the wisconsin winters.. apparently it happens to quite a few people.)

Just to interject- I've read about about a somewhat new "light therapy" where one suffering from seasonal affect disorder (Wisconsin Winters) is exposed to an ultraviolet light for differing intervals of time. This is said to affect melatonin development which is thought to be highly correlated with one's mood.

 

[Leon]

If I offend anyone, sorry. But even though it might be scientifically true, I hate that "chemical imbalance in the brain" rationale. I truly do. Because it gives depression that 'unsolvable' vibe to it, as if it's an incurable disease that we don't understand and never will until medication is taken. And medication is now often the first option to try curing depression, which I believe is bullshit. I sympathize with anyone who is depressed, because I've gone through it (sometimes in devastating phases) just like everyone else. I've even been a 'shrink' to a few of my hardcore depressed friends. But man, it would be really hard to convince me that medication is always the best solution to it. With enough thought put into it, I'm convinced that depression can be broken down into reasons. To someone who's been depressed for over a decade, of course it might seem like "there's no reason for it". That's because depression breeds depression, and in the end, it envelops every single possible aspect of the person's life, and that's all he/she knows how to be anymore. But there are always reasons, however abstract, and if steps are taken towards making them better, it might help more in the long run.

 

[miyuru]

Yeah, people with real depression - it's not their fault.

It's not like I'd yell at a blind guy for being blind :lol

Go for the Paxil I say, at least to try it out.

 

[Iceman]

That was recommended to me by several people actually.. Never actually pulled the trigger on the purchase though.

For me it was enough to know that it was the winter, the cold, the overcast skies that were getting me down. I felt trapped and it was because the world around me felt so limiting.. like I was walled in.. restrained from movement, fenced in by invisible forces. Defining those forces and seeing them for what they were helped me out greatly. Know your enemy and all that.

Big move going from Sunny SoCal to horribly unpredictable and unreasonably cold Wisconsin. Wasn't mentally ready for it obviously.

 

[katana]

I've always regarded the "chemical imbalance" rationale as quite hopeful. It means that there can be (not always) a physical, treatable cause to depression. However, in most cases I think drugs should be used in conjunction with some sort of therapy (in fact I think just about EVERYONE needs somebody to talk to...feeling "good" or "bad" is quite subjective and everyone has room to feel better.
Also-medication in conjunction with therapy often allows the therapy to be much more productive. Like you said, depression can breed depression-if one could stop that cycle, underlying issues can be discussed and addressed. By definition, depression makes talking about your problems more difficult. Medication can often times lead to the discussion of problems you wouldn't have identified if you hadn't stopped the "depression cycle".

 

[fart]

They know how depressed I've gotten in the past. They don't care. They really don't. I've never been able to depend on them for emotional support. Ever.

This is the real kicker. My sister is a Psychology major and she's telling me that. Thank god she decided not to be a therapist. I can't imagine how fucked up her patients would turn out.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've never really felt so lost before. But who else can I talk to? If not your family, who? I've always thought I knew what I was doing, where I was going and what direction. There was never any question. And now, I'm just confused. I really don't know what's going on anymore.

I think I'll check myself into the hospital tomorrow. I really am on the verge. I just hope a little sleep calms me down.

tell them you're in crisis. psychiatry will have to see you pretty much immediately. if they think you're a danger to yourself or others you can be hospitalized, but i'm about 99% sure you will feel at least somewhat better if you talk to a professional (your GP did not do you a favor here by not referring you to psychiatry).

 

[Maxwell House]

There is a very interesting article in this month's Discover magazine. It talks about how adding a very high potency multivitamin-mineral supplement has helped alleviate depression, bipolar disorder, etc from many patients. Many have been able to stop taking paxil, etc because of it.

They did one study where they added supplementation to a prison and found that the rate of fights and altercations went down by 40% in one month.

I'd recommend at least giving it a try. Go buy a very high potency multivitamin and see if you get better. Also try taking an Omega-3 fatty acid supplement (also shown to really help in the same article). Both are cheap. If it is works, you won't need to go to Paxil (which is a scary drug IMO).

Also, go to the grocery store and read the article. It is the current issue that is at newstands now. It has some very convincing evidence and success stories.

 

[Diablos]

Holy crap, don't kill yourself Shadow, you're an extremely intelligent individual that has a lot to offer. Don't throw a hissy fit just because your mom is being a bitch. You're 26, who really cares what she has to say?

 

[Kabuki Waq]

Shadow: Just remember atleast you arent Diablos.


Seriously man hang in there the new rainbow 6 is just around the corner.

 

[Diablos]

Shadow: Just remember atleast you arent Diablos.

Low blow. I don't take antidepressants.

 

[Kabuki Waq]

Low blow. I don't take antidepressants.

huh i just meant it as a sly jab at you...never knew you actually are depressed.

Cmon man its time to put zwan behind you.



Shadow: You seemed like a well adjusted fellow on XBL dont let your family get you down. Do what you have to do to make yourself feel better i just hope you dont begin to depend on the drugs.

 

[Dsal]

The stuff was perscribed to you by a fully trained and licensed doctor, so it would be a bad thing to not accept the medicine. If you haven't done so already take it now.

And depression is often genetic. Maybe your mom and sister are depressed as well, don't want to admit it because they are too weak to even seek help, and are turning their anger on you to continue their cycle of denial.

 

[Minotauro]

I agree, Leon. I absolutely despise the term "chemical imbalance". It's just so generic-sounding. It's like a prepackaged diagnosis of no real substance that allows them to prescribe medication to solve it.

Also, I find people on Paxil to be irritating as hell. My aunt and two cousins both started taking it a few years ago and now they're total phonies. They're so giddy and fake happy all the time that I find it hard to be around them. I'll take true sadness over fake happiness any day of the week.

 

[The Shadow]

Well, I'm still here and I don't think I'm going to off myself so you don't have to worry about that. For once my laziness and general apathy is a saving grace.

The funny thing is though, I don't remember feeling this bad and *not* feeling suicidal. It's just the strangest thing. Last night I was pissed and emotional but after going to work and school, I almost feel like the things my mother said gave my depression a "focus" so to speak. I feel really shitty but it's not a "blah, fuck the world" shitty, It's more of a "fuck you mom!" shitty. I hate even typing something like that about her but that's how I feel right now.

It's strange, that's all I can say. I didn't check myself into a hospital but I think I will be calling my doctor and tell him what's up(IE, threat of disowning from my mother if I take Paxil). I'd like to get therapy but I'm absolutely certain I can't afford it. Maybe there is an alternative to an SSRI but however I look at it, I need to get this fixed.

Maxwell, I actually have a sub to Discover. I'm behind a little on my reading because of school but I'll definitely flip through it and see what it has to say. Thanks for the heads-up.

 

[android]

Tell your mother that Paxil is in no way, I repeat no way, a mind altering drug. You don't even know you have taken it, aside from a little stomach churning in the beginning as your body gets used to it. And the fact that your brain begins to function as it should.

 

[Musashi Wins!]

I'd like to get therapy but I'm absolutely certain I can't afford it.

Every major city, and a few of the not so majors, has some sort of affordable resource for therapy. YMMV and you may have to wade through a little red tape here and there, but if you contact your local social services or health department they will point you in the right direction. There are many "pay as you can, what you can" resources for mental health. I know depression robs you of energy, but spend an hour making the calls.

 

[The Shadow]

Tell your mother that Paxil is in no way, I repeat no way, a mind altering drug. You don't even know you have taken it, aside from a little stomach churning in the beginning as your body gets used to it. And the fact that your brain begins to function as it should.

My mother gets all her information from shows like Dateline which purposely sensationalize everything. There really is nothing I could say or do that would convince her that Paxil is ok for me to take. She'd prefer me to be miserable and suicidal before taking Paxil and said as much when she bitched at me the other day.

Every major city, and a few of the not so majors, has some sort of affordable resource for therapy. YMMV and you may have to wade through a little red tape here and there, but if you contact your local social services or health department they will point you in the right direction. There are many "pay as you can, what you can" resources for mental health. I know depression robs you of energy, but spend an hour making the calls.

I really, really hope you're right. It's just that I have no idea where to begin my quest through red tape, if what you say is true. The only thing I can think of is to talk to my doctor and insist that I need counseling (which won't be covered on my insurance), or call the school psychology help line and see what they have to say.

It's just a bunch of psychology students that answer those phones though and it's essentially a "sympathy" call more than anything else. I doubt they can help.

 

[nitewulf]

shadow, i dont know much about clinical depression so i wont say anything about it. i'd just like to state that you're one of my favorite posters here (ever!) and i hope you get well and are able to sort everything out.

PS: personally, if taking a pill can fix some sort of a neural deficiency that causes depression (the mental exists because of the physical after all), then i see no problem with taking it. i think sometimes ppl get too hung up on the social constraints.

 

[The Interrobanger]

I'm only 20 and I've been suffering from depression for over 3 years.

The best thing I ever did was start seeing a psychiatrist for therapy and was put on anti-depressents and anti-anxiety medication.

I've never been on Paxil, but I have tried several other drugs: Effexor (didn't help me), Celexa (made me even more suicidal), Welbutrin, Remeron and Zyprexa (I'm still on all 3 of these).

I really feel terrible for those of you that don't get support from your families because I can't imagine where I'd be without mine. My family and friends have been so supportive of me, there's no doubt in my mind I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them.

It also helps that I live in Canada, so almost all my medical bills are taken care of by the government. Also, my Dad has a health plan that covers 80% of the costs of my medication.

I strongly reccommend that you try to find some someone to talk to Shadow, because it's amazing how much better you can feel getting some guidance from a psychiatrist. It may not seem like it, but there are better days ahead for you.

I wish you all the best, feel free to catch me on AIM at any time (SpiffyBiff11) if you want to talk.

 

[The Shadow]

Thanks for the kind words nitewulf, everyone else too.

I'm feeling a little better now, mainly because this whole ordeal kind of lit a fire under my ass. I was already going to take the Paxil but I think I'll put the extra effort to get some real therapy too.

 

[andthebeatgoeson]

If I offend anyone, sorry. But even though it might be scientifically true, I hate that "chemical imbalance in the brain" rationale. I truly do. Because it gives depression that 'unsolvable' vibe to it, as if it's an incurable disease that we don't understand and never will until medication is taken. And medication is now often the first option to try curing depression, which I believe is bullshit. I sympathize with anyone who is depressed, because I've gone through it (sometimes in devastating phases) just like everyone else. I've even been a 'shrink' to a few of my hardcore depressed friends. But man, it would be really hard to convince me that medication is always the best solution to it. With enough thought put into it, I'm convinced that depression can be broken down into reasons. To someone who's been depressed for over a decade, of course it might seem like "there's no reason for it". That's because depression breeds depression, and in the end, it envelops every single possible aspect of the person's life, and that's all he/she knows how to be anymore. But there are always reasons, however abstract, and if steps are taken towards making them better, it might help more in the long run.

You use the word rationale like it's voodoo. It's the truth. Antidepressents are select serotonin reuptake inhibitors or monamine oxidase inhibitors. To correct a 'chemical' imbalance. Another way for saying neurotransmitters but that doesn't fly to well in the doctor's office or in commercials. They have been proven to work and the term 'chemical imbalance' is a lot better then calling people crazy. There is a huge mental block in this country in equating disease of the mind with disease of any other organ, say the heart. For too long, we ridicule and isolate and intimidate people into denying a disease. Mental disorders are not apparitions, ghosts, invisible friends or whatever. They are real life problems that, at times, can be helped with medication. When you can't change parts of your life, sometimes drugs may help. Depression is not entirely caused by environmental aspects.


Either way, to shadow:

First thing I thought of from your post was your family. I hope things look up for you. And you are right, you do need someone to talk to. And one would wish our families would be right behind you for support. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I have a lady friend who has family difficulties: her parents talk down to her, berate her, limit her activities at the age of 26 (she lives at home). All around dicks. But she still get's upset about it, puts her in a funk and she still values their opinion. I just want to scream at her: Fuck them and the boat they came in on. Her parents are shit and she doesn't need them. They are just a name. People say family is the closest bond. Yeah, in most situations. But in others, you should see that they are pulling you down. I'm not saying dump the family and move away. Nor would that solve your depression. But one fight at a time: you need someone else to be your 'family'. Someone else to confide in, or cry to. Someone else's opinion to value.

And if your mom or sister can't be that person: fuck em. Either way, it sounds a lot easier coming out my mouth. I hope you don't get too down. Besides, who will pick up the mantle of greatest avatar series (I nominate lil asian baby)?

 

[Piecake]

That was recommended to me by several people actually.. Never actually pulled the trigger on the purchase though.

For me it was enough to know that it was the winter, the cold, the overcast skies that were getting me down. I felt trapped and it was because the world around me felt so limiting.. like I was walled in.. restrained from movement, fenced in by invisible forces. Defining those forces and seeing them for what they were helped me out greatly. Know your enemy and all that.

Big move going from Sunny SoCal to horribly unpredictable and unreasonably cold Wisconsin. Wasn't mentally ready for it obviously.

When i was going to school at Madison, the winters got me depressed as well. It must be the overcast skies because im from MN. It was just so dreary, bleh.

 

[rs7k]

I'm someone who has been on Paxil and then:

Met my wife, got married, and now have two awesome kids and a job I like. Don't let them get you down, I don't know where I'd be if a doctor hadn't prescribed the right drug for me when I needed it.

What were you like before Paxil? I had tried to do some research to find out what would be good for me, since I had some severe depression and anxiety (mainly social anxiety) issues in the past. Most of these issues have subsided since I cut down on my drug use, but there's still a lot of stuff bothering me. I'd like to be the same individual I was before the depression hit me four years ago. 2000 was the worst year of my life, but things are a lot better now.