• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

TMQ...

Status
Not open for further replies.

andthebeatgoeson

Junior Member
Is not up yet but I have a few select quotes from last week:

Home Page:http://www.nfl.com/writers/easterbrook

When coach in good mood:
"You #@%$#* your #*$%@ in your "%#*!!!!!"
Jersey/A Giants.
Forecast finish: 4-12

Maybe UPS
trucks could carry ball. Are Brown!
Cleveland Tootsie Rolls.
Forecast finish: 5-11

Fictional Contract Update No. 1

In 2003, Hugh Douglas left Philadelphia and signed a "five-year, $27 million" contract with Jacksonville. This contract lasted one year and paid about $6.5 million -- heady enough -- then Douglas was cut. Now he's re-signed with Philadelphia, and likely to receive about $1 million this year, pending incentives. As noted by many readers, including Daniel Kuhn of Brockport, N.Y., this leaves Douglas holding less money over two years than he would have received had he simply stayed in Philadelphia and accepted an Eagles offer that he called insulting

Too-Real Contract Update
Because NBA and MLB rosters are smaller than NFL rosters, contracts in these sports often exceed NFL contracts even though pro football is, by a huge margin, the most successful sport financially. Thus, read it and weep when you learn that Adonal Foyle, a who-dat for the Golden State Warriors, recently signed a six-year, $40 million contract. Note that I do not put those numbers in quotes: NBA contracts are guaranteed, so the gentleman will see every penny. Foyle is a career benchwarmer, last season averaging an all-but-invisible 3.0 points per game. Yet Foyle and other barely known NBA and MLB players are likely to make more in years to come than Chad Pennington, glamour-boy quarterback for an NFL team in New York (which, for NFL purposes, is located in New Jersey), more than LaDainian Tomlinson, more than other marquee NFL stars. Read it and weep.

*sniff*

New Cognomen Announcement
Last week, TMQ noted one fan's speculation that the Eagles keep losing the NFC championship because theirs is the sole NFL logo that faces from right to left. All others face left to right or are symmetrical: Check the NFL.com home page. Does this jinx Philadelphia in some mystic way? "And maybe all the numbers of Eagles jerseys add up to a prime number being broadcast from an alien starcruiser," I snickered. Drew Rogers of Raleigh, N.C., went to the Eagles roster on the day the column was published, totaled the jersey numbers (50 and 52 were assigned twice at that point, as Philadelphia had yet to make its first big cut), and found "jersey numbers added up to 4,013, which is a prime number. Maybe it's time to start scanning the skies for that starcruiser." Here is today's Eagles roster sorted by jersey number. One wonders what numerology is buried within.

Adam Taxin then suggested TMQ should call the team the Philadelphia Nesharim. The word means eagles in Hebrew, and Hebrew faces right to left, just like the mysterious Eagles logo. The Philadelphia Nesharim -- Mr. Data, make it so!

Nesharim logo
uniquely goes right to left,
like words in Torah.
-- Adam Taxim, Ross Valley, Pa.

Probably shouldn't have posted that but it's funny.

It's 38 to
31 at the half. The
Kansas City Chiefs.
Forecast finish: 10-6

Keep trading first pick:
Formula for more first picks.
S.D. Lightning Bolts.
Forecast finish: 2-14

:lol
 

andthebeatgoeson

Junior Member
New ones up....

One thing I noticed:
Worst Play After Midnight

Now the Colts are facing third-and-8 on the Patriots' 17 with no timeouts and 49 seconds remaining at 12:07 a.m. local. To that point, they had rushed 42 times for 202 yards, exploiting the Patriots' only weakness -- run defense. Why not run here? A short run leaves Vanderjagt in position for a high-percentage field goal that forces overtime. If the run earns a first down, a spike stops the clock. Instead, the Colts lined up in shotgun formation, planning to pass.

Pause your mental TiVo here and review the first Indianapolis possession of the game. Trailing 3-0, the Colts had first-and-goal on the New England 6. What did they do? As pointed out by reader Miguel Molina of Houston, they threw incomplete on first down, then on second down threw an interception from the shotgun. Why not just run? On a night when Indianapolis rushed well -- averaging 4.8 yards a carry -- it was the Colts' failure simply to run after reaching the red zone on their first and last possessions that doomed the challenger's hopes. (Yes, Edgerrin James fumbled on a goal-line Colts' run, but fumbles are random mistakes, not tactical decisions.) Had Manning simply handed the ball off on the first and last Colts' red-zone possessions, two field goals were likely. Instead, Indianapolis failed to score both times. Now restart your mental TiVo. Manning's in the shotgun. On the right side of the Colts' line, tackle Ryan Diem is next to nervous sophomore tight end Dallas Clark. The Patriots played a soft three-man rush on the previous downs, but now five gentlemen crowd the line, looking to blitz. Two Pats are lined up directly "over" Clark, who has a reputation as someone who'd rather catch than block. Diem and Clark are gesturing like mad to each other; something is fouled up, and TMQ suspects Diem is urgently communicating that Clark must stay in and block. The ball is snapped and, rather than block, Clark runs a turn-out, as if expecting a "hot read" anti-blitz pass. Diem takes one of the two defenders coming through the hole Clark left. Willie McGinest, the other defender, roars in untouched by human hands for the sack. And set aside that the Colts' line call was so discombobulated, that although there were six blocking five -- Edgerrin James read the blitz and stayed in -- no one touched McGinest. Seeing him coming, Manning ran backward five yards and went down for a 12-yard loss. Manning committed the cardinal sin of allowing himself to be sacked out of reliable field-goal range. Ye gods. If they'd only handed off straight up the middle!

Miguel who?

Is that our Miguel?
 

Eminem

goddamit, Griese!
:lol :lol he didn't even know

my aim conversation:

AngryGodOfJebus: so how's it feel to make a tmq article?
miguel: I made it?!
miguel: OH SHIT!
miguel: YES!!!!
 

Miguel

Member
To: TMQNFL@yahoo.com
Subject: TMQ-isms. Colts vs Patriots. Texans Haiku! Go Accountants!

Tis Better to Have Rushed and Lost Than Never to Have Rushed At All

Peyton takes the Colts downfield, and they're first and goal. Play
results in an interception.

First TMQ-ism to show up this year.

TMQ-ism
Indy first to bring one up
Rush, better than not.

And now for my favorite team, the Houston Texans.

Opening statement
"Tomlinson, please don't hurt us."
say the Accountants

Great column Gregg, I've been reading your column since the early ESPN
days. I also went back and read tons of your Slate.com columns. Glad
you didn't stay away for too long last year. I look forward to your
column every tuesday at lunch time.

--
Miguel Molina, Houston, TX
xxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

:lol

Oh....unbeeebable!
 

andthebeatgoeson

Junior Member
Yeah, boy!!!

3fddd1cb38848.jpg
 

andthebeatgoeson

Junior Member
TMQ rocks...except for that whole hating Jews thing.

Retired Broadcaster Watch

Deion Sanders was all zeros on the defensive stats line -- he seemed to be avoiding contact. Check Cleveland's 46-yard touchdown pass to Quincy Morgan. Baltimore rushed three, while eight defenders were available to guard four receivers -- yet Morgan was uncovered. On the play, Sanders is standing still like a sculpture, covering no one. Let's drop the "Prime Time" business and rename him Midafternoon Soap Opera.

:p

Cheer-Babe Professionalism
The home Broncos, Eagles and Redskins all won as their cheerleaders displayed professionalism by wearing quite skimpy numbers. TMQ believes that cheerleader professionalism propitiates the football gods, causing them to bestow victory, although this did not work Monday night in Carolina where the Topcats danced and flounced in minimalist attire, and the Panthers nonetheless got steamrolled. Also it's possible that the Dolphins cheer-babes, who wear skimpy two pieces in warm weather, displayed professionalism on Saturday, and their team did not win. But the Tennessee-Miami game was apparently played at an undisclosed location with all cameras banned. It wasn't aired on TV, and TMQ never saw a clip on any highlight show or sports newscast. Can we be sure this game actually occurred? Maybe it was faked on a soundstage in Arizona.

I feel the same way about the Tenn-Miami game.

Oh Ye Mortals, Trifle Not with the Football Gods

Last season, Oklahoma was the top-rated team in college much of the year, then ran up the score against Texas A&M, winning 77-0 -- TMQ called the final result 77-00 -- in a game in which the Sooners kept passing even after they had an unassailable lead. The football gods showed their anger. From the 77-00 win on, everything went downhill for Oklahoma for the remainder of the season. The Sooners dropped their final two games in the Big 12 championship and the BCS championship. So did Oklahoma learn its lesson? On Saturday, the team ran up the score against Houston in a 63-13 win, continuing to pass in the second half, including five passes in the fourth quarter even though they were ahead 56-7 when the quarter began. Coach, were you worried about losing your 49-point fourth-quarter lead? There's a term for passing when you're ahead by 49 points in the fourth quarter, and the term is bad sportsmanship.

In contrast, as Western Illinois beat Cheyney 98-7, the Leathernecks threw only one pass in the second half. In position to break the century barrier at game's end, Western Illinois knelt on the ball. Presumably the football gods will punish Oklahoma and reward Western Illinois. Cheyney coach Lee Brown's postgame speech: "Well boys, you held them under 100."

Note: The Sooners have a classic football-factory schedule -- more home games than road games. Football-factory schools can buy their way into such arrangements, and it makes for winning records and happy alums at the home stadium, followed by collapse in bowls games played on the road.

:eek

Almost to 100.
 

Eminem

goddamit, Griese!
:lol Everytime I got to the channel that game was on while flipping through the games(sunday ticket) I immediately hit the next channel button. didn't watch even a second of it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom